Letho

[Letho]

New Paradigm: Heart Resonant Running

I've decided I don't want to spend my time here in Cambodia.

I'll be running all the way to Thailand and having as much gratitude for the energies I learn from along the way from the Cambodian spirit.

One important note however, is the evolution of "Heart Resonant Running" and with respect to being swept away by that current then, journaling as well. 

I'm holding myself back now by not pushing myself to the next level in this respect and allowing hidden consciousness short-cuts to live out in this space and others.

This new paradigm stems following my learnings from Heartmath.com and all of my abstractions self-engineered from there that I'm yet to fully contextualise into a final gestalt for the simple fact that I haven't achieved the level of bioelectrical agency I should have reached already had I put in more training. Bioelectrical agency is a term I coined over a year ago now that Iy'll explain at a later date when and if I decide to introduce all of the theory I've created following my advancements already reached and those that I'm lagging behind on.

It's important for me to make this leap, and I believe I"m now ready for it. "Heart-Resonant running" now gives me an extra tiny improvement feedback loop that'll slowly increase in size the more I advance in my training that'll both improve my training goals for running and for bioelectrical agency. 

This also follows from realising in my photo on the previous page that I don't want to energetically positively reinforce states of being that are not as high as possible up the scale of say previous terminology shared, "axis of integration". I may be growing my AMCC (anterior-medial-cingulate-cortex ---- again, as spoken about on the previous page ), however at what cost when it's not done in conjunction with other energetic loops? Just as some may be thinking with respect to the military, it may just activate those aspects of me that are more on the aggressive and domineering side, to the point where once I've cemented that energetic equilibrium, now it becomes self-justifying and I'm unable to imagine myself experiencing anything better, it's culturally maladaptive for where I need to move forward universally. 

Short simplified version: Only running on an interconnected feeling, stopping and starting relative to achieved said feeling. Prioritising technique and sophistication over force, the latter which relies on now outdated neuropsychological cultural connections regarding what defines my existential relationship to life.

Even if it'll take a little while longer before it fully kicks in, soon enough it'll allow me to run longer, harder, deeper, stronger while at the same time enhancing rather than potentially decreasing progress I've made in other areas of bioelectrical development.

[Letho]

Yeah just made another friend in Cambodia 🇰🇭.

Food, drink, quiet chat. 
 

So far all as previously synthesized on the previous page at the bottom. 
 

Meaning, hearts of gold here with humble subdued nature with a strong practical solidarity built into their energy.

Friend has introduced me to Angkor Wat as one of the places I should visit. 
 

 

Perhaps a meditation retreat before Thailand in Angkor? I may as well run straight there, it’s almost along the way towards the end. 

I’ll make sure I keep a completely open mind moving forward all the way to the end of Cambodia, allowing detours as they organically surface from now on!

To bring greater credibility to the mirror I added on the previous page by the way, he has President Biden as his Facebook profile picture and believes that USA 🇺🇸 is the greatest country in the world. Like I said, to put another way, contextually they’re completely boxed in here so because of this, they can’t see the worlds cultural forest through the trees.
 

There wouldn’t be any point in discussing the truth or falsehood of that of course, it’s important to be truly patient with where people are when your traveling. That’s what I’ve realised, contextually speaking, rather than trying to bring them to where I am. It opens up a new dimension of learning for me in this respect.

 

To just learn to keep your consciousness as expanded as possible so you can take in absolutely everything energetically rather than just informationally, thereby allowing yourself to reach higher both intellectual and emotional paradigms rather than just one or the other 🌍 .

[Letho]

Here he is!

And after an even longer chat, apparently all of my intuitions are absolutely correct. I couldn’t skate on The Biden Ice though, I try to be as genuinely respectful as possible. It’s an incredible experience hyper-aligning with other consciousnesses when there’s the openness there, it’s a thing my consciousness can go to levels with I only comprehend enough to appreciate the experience of, I have a lot of development ahead of me to truly understand the deeper psychic nature to it. It’s why I’m doing this challenge as well, there’s levels I’m already on with my consciousness that I’m not even ready for, it’s kind of like being thrown into a difficult level of a video game regarding all of the experiences that I have without any guidance on how to handle them, so these challenges I’ll now continually push myself through will be a healthy compensatory mechanism and it’s important to understand that all psyches as a matter of maintaining stability, must have variations of compensation, it’s a balancing act, the idea of “compensation” has been misused like so many other term in our culture that in the west we’re not even necessarily very primitive instead it’s more infantilism we suffer from, something which isn’t helped by my good Cambodian friends grandiose perception of the USA and its presidency, however at the same time, the need for this compensatory belief in a country of in his view ‘true democracy’ is vital for furthering his own self understanding, love of his own people, appraisal of the superego in the context of how he guides his families values. Pivotal. Life is a journey of slowly removing illusions or maintaining them where it’s healthy to do so, you don’t just go around swinging a baseball bat on peoples beliefs. It’s an intricate network of philosophical esteem that guides every individuals livelihood, whether or not it truly aligns with reality, is not as important as whether it brings a being happiness. We must guide our King Arthur sword of truth with as much wisdom as it ought to take in order to pull it out of its stone. 

They all want to take photos haha, I usually never take photos that’s probably why I was a bit nervous in yesterdays photo, I said we should do a fist pump as a symbolic gesture towards a strong 💪 inner voice jiving with sentiments shared again, in the last post of the previous page.

 

[Letho]

And for AMCC development concerning the first post of this page (go to previous page to see the virtue of AMCC), you don’t have to do something crazy like run to Thailand, you just need to do something hard. And ‘hard’ is relative, it doesn’t need to be physical. It’s psychological first and foremost, even if the difficulty is irrational, the fact that it’s difficult and you overcoming it will be enough to develop it. Rationalism will enhance your awareness, by combining them both, you’ll be able to solely focus on things that are to your actualization.
 

For example in my ‘heart stuff’ to dumb it down, remember it’s combined with the wim hof method and by the way, I breath through my nose (my Cypriot nose is big enough right 🤣) not mouth (yea it takes longer this way but long term pays off, I also only breath through my nose while running as well), I can practice for hours and because I sometimes hate it and because it is genuinely difficult at times, when though I’m laying down with my eyes closed concentrating on the relationship between my energy, awareness, heart and the capacity of my agency to generate energy in particular ways from the heart, that’s still growing my AMCC.

So that passion that you have you want to be great in, whether it’s writing, painting, singing, meditating, cooking, it’s actually better for you to struggle with it rather than have it feel easy for you all the time. “Effortless passion” is an outdated myth that actually holds people back from truly maxing out their potential on said passion. Passion is great, however it only helps your potential if you’re pushing it to the edge where things like the AMCC are able to be leveraged to take you places far beyond what you believed you were capable of. 
 

Perspective Shift.

Whether it’s accurate or not doesn’t matter. Get going!

#AMCC described previously, again, seat of will power in many ways.

[Letho]

 

Why I no longer care about my running challenge

when it isn't a reflection of  

'Heart Resonant Running'

 

(as I began in the first post of this page of this journal)

 

 

 

I also to a degree, don't even 'care' about life. But let that statement be contextualised by the following so I'm not misinterpreted.

 

Yep... We've reached one of those *Point of No Return* bridges.

It's been that consciousness echo that in part, as I've previously expressed, has been that 'fear' of the extra dimensions of consciousness that I've experienced and can access to preliminary degrees but have obtained from, now... its kind of like having the keys to the first non man-made zoo, having all the protection you need and still being too afraid to accept the adventure that await your open consciousness exploration... biographically it becomes a non-sequitur, its just something that now makes sense in the context of my grater life ambitions and what my next step into the unknown is not only going to be but arguably in many ways, for many years now, has meant to be. And for all of us I believe that choice matrix exists, deep down we know the doors we've been avoiding walking through that we just damn well need to and shouldn't mess around with it. For me that's now.  

 

 

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Here is the original talk (above excerpt). I haven't even listened to a quarter of it. It's a good coincidence that I only just stumbled across it in the last hour given my first post of this page of the journal. It tells me I've been right all along, I just haven't had enough life experience to know how to pair the trust of my intuition with the right knowledge, until now over these past two to three years especially. 

 

 

 

And these two are genuine dudes but I can't endorse them as I don't know them well enough, just saying what's capped off my own final conclusions regarding this phase of my transitional growth. 

 

 

Anyhow now without a doubt looking forward to arriving in Thailand in a now Heart-Fueled Blaze of Glory aye!

 

Heart is simplistically but foundational stated concerning bioelectrical agency. There's other areas, however the heart is first and primary. 

 

Rock out!

 

 

 

[Letho]

 

[Letho]

 

[Letho]

The Spider Hammock

You get everything under the sun crawling on you while you're locked inside the comfort a Cambodian hammock.

Somehow, this beautiful spider decided that my arm was the perfect spot to nestle his next generation of progeny. Albeit humbled by the privilege of being selected, I helped 'to shore' moments later.

We live in an enchanting universe of trillions of forms of consciousnesses including variations of ourselves therein that we're yet to explore, openness to consciousness equals the slow opening of a flower like rays of sun slowly piercing it and with the right seasonal balance, the slow unveiling of your evolution of consciousness to the sea of them beneath and above the ocean.

As for the 'spots' you see on my arm, that's a natural side effect of sweat and the tropical heat from all the running, its called 'heat rash', its on my feet and back, very itchy at times. All of the blisters are way worse though on my feet haha even though its the first time I've experienced 'heat rash' so it really caught me off guard when I saw all the spots on my back, getting through it all good heh! .

At first you may just think, 'its just a spider' but sink more deeply into the subtlety of its life expression and the life that it is engineering into creation following its millions of years of evolution; it's incredible. 

 

 

[Letho]

Its about time I got some new running shoes don’t you think? Struggling to continue to wrap them up as a form of outer protection as you can see now.

 

 

Well, 4 beers later, food and good conversation… I got lucky. Especially given I could never even find a shoe place on the way.

 

Meet my new sandles… Except, let’s just say that tonight running on those 4 beers was the most difficult run I’ve had to date and not because of the beer. I had a massive lesson in learning to control my amygdala. Just imagine running 20km in pitch black darkness almost where in that distance you’re passing over 200 dogs that are the security for the outer premises with zero restrictions imposed on their ability to roam freely around the neighborhood and with only one care in the word, guarding their territory and chasing you at your convenience. I had to do it though, three vehicles stopped asking me if I wanted a lift and each time I gently refused. I now realise how important it is for me to train my amygdala for the military after tonight’s experiences. I could have been eaten alive on more than one occasion. I had to learn to engage an intelligence I rarely used, at one point I had to use a truck that was coming up behind me as a way to move past about 8 dogs. Sometimes you have to do stupid things to figure out how to do them intelligently, and sometimes they’re the areas of life where you learn the most lessons, if you’re capable of learning. It’s now 5am, haven’t slept but now off to. It feels good knowing I did something was than 5% would have the balls to, and that of those 5% I’m of a smaller percent that was only using it as an opportunity to strategically train the regulation of brain regions I.e. amygdala and general nervous system, I.e. heart rate.

My hands are numb for some reason (its  blistering warm here) and a bit swollen. Will see how that pans out over the next few days.

All I really wanted to do though was just enjoy the night sky as it was so beautiful, the constant dog barking and the need for vigilance just completely spoiled what was otherwise a starlit wonder that I’ve seen nothing that compares to for a long time.

Part of me just really wants to get to Thailand and do less socializing along the way, however I know that’s my disgust sensitivity that I’m high in which is one of the unconscious heuristics I have which biases me in my decision making sometimes. The people here are great, the lower standards of cleanliness is something I’m not as used to though. 

[Letho]

 

Going Deeper & Deeper

And god is of course our deepest metaphysical.

 

Lots of scary moments last night, but it’s just reality now. It’s a day/night to day/night living that I still haven’t quite yet accepted. Drab most of the day, not unusual in light of difficult sleep, unliking the level I of appreciation I had for the full day yesterday. Drab slightly below neutralisation is normal, but there’s still an expectation of gratitude I need to monitor I’m meeting for the experiences I have with the same measurement of understanding how my being responds to all experiences. 

Running lessons and broader life lesson note: Awareness is primary, where the focus of awareness is placed primary to awareness. You run with your attention mostly on your nervous system, not your legs or arms, they should already be finding perfect rhythm and balance based on previously learned alignments. Can be applied analogously to the rest of life. 

More broadly, awareness inverts internal experiences and shows that they’re meant to be grown and matured not just simply lived, something which capitalism and political agendas of all countries seek to hide from the individual so that the self-questioning of those internal experiences is less likely to lead in putting more faith and trust in awareness over the feeling of the experience; balance in the context of what to trust is of course where our faith and believe should be, balance in our hearts (timeless intuition), guts (character of action, some may say out of the three the character of the soul’s action) and brain (temporal discernment), together they learn to better and better speak and unify to this increasingly better balance; together they form the mind with the rest of our uniting spirit and or that spirit which unites us to experience sentience and a life form within it, and thus together, our ideal is to form a balanced mind continuously riding its peak in deepening its relationship to its potential, surfing higher and higher up the hierarchy of awareness. 

Together, the more we mature the more we forge a mind of “timeless temporal action” [Reminder: timeless - heart, temporal - brain, souls action - gut ]. I need to reach a point, where my heart, brain and gut at the very least, are so unified that any action I can imagine my being doing, my nervous system has an equal and opposite reaction in its attempt to try and emulate that imagination. This is something I am now starting to achieve with my running, a playground for testing the depth of this while the body is under stress, the spectrum I’ve experienced from this adventured of which I’ve only partially shared here. It’s still… early days here and I have a lot of progress to make, however that is a key insight for anyone looking to deepen their understanding on this subject. However not only must we get the body to respond to the mind and its imagination with respect to where our souls wish to take it, a deeper aspect of “Mind Biological Self Regulation”, or just self-regulation, is just as important, pointing to generally speaking however with the post just previous being an obvious example of this. 

‘Cultural Authority’ in its typical traditional sense doesn’t want hierarchies based around this kind of hierarchy because then the comparison between people becomes a matter of comparing levels of awareness rather than levels of political power, that’s the natural outcome of how the hierarchy of values reboot themselves in the nervous system and practicing something as simple as running to train the nervous system can teach someone this. Higher mind, IS our higher status, that’s the point where we need to reach. A higher status that corresponds with our learning to treat the individual and the collective with a healthy correspondence of deserved dignity outside the parameters of sociopolitical/related status, the thing that’s ruined our society, and instead… purely and simply, with higher awareness, no more nor no less is required of us to do a rightful act.

My hearts a bit less resonant today; normal for the experiences that have transpired in the last 48 hours, systems still integrating. It’s going to take me, perhaps even a week or more to start experiencing what I want from the heart internally on a reliable basis when I’m running. It’s a balance patience I just have to meet reality with. It’s possible I can get where I want to, what is more likely though is a deeper deterministic causality of course that I just can’t simply break, even though I will try, I will just have to wait until my level of training catches up with my expectations of what “Heart Resonant Running” truly means.

I’m still running from the heart as a starting position, its just not quite where I want to be yet even though last nights experiences really tested me there.

Every breath, deeper gratitude. Every breath, deeper appreciation. Every breath, deeper love. Lord my maker, I pray to you to help me see enough that my being can adapt itself to reach my desire here. I give you permission to break any wall that separates me from you. Whatever you ask of me of my deepest, let that shine brightest, let me be your humble servant to that of the highest love and awareness. And just before I post this comment, in my gut, so in my stomach, I feel trapped energy within me that I feel is breaking open a bit. We'll find out what that means later I guess, and as for the numbness and swelling in my hands I mentioned this morning at 5am before bed, I'm guessing that's just related to the heat rash (Miliaria), its gone down and the same with the heat rash, yeah had that in the hands as well. 

Just want to end though with a prayer for the Cambodian people, praying they find the change they need for their own deepest spiritual transformation individually and collectively. The whole world needs it hey.

[Letho]

Brief confession for accountability, staying in nice hotel tonight.

Some may not be aware, but yes, I’ve been doing this homeless to prepare myself for the military and or what is deeper, complete the full cycle of growth for this stage of my spiritual journey. 

Spending the night to recuperate and re-boot.

It’s my first dive into the classism here, I won’t have enough time to theorize to a level greater than like how my subconscious mind picked up on all I disclosed the other day which has proven itself correct in all of my fluid conversings with people here so far.

Me wanting to go straight to Thailand as opposed to learning more about Cambodia is me just not being mature enough when it comes to being able to handle the pulse of the consciousness in this area of the world, that’s literally all it is right now, there’s layers of integration there that I don’t know how to fully reduce my blindness on yet, as it’s not just theoretical or a leap of ‘Will’. Unconscious patterns that need reseeding, remapping and renetworking in ways my conscious mind only has limited intelligence over, even though I’m constantly working to advance said intelligence. I’m flooded with consciousness here in Cambodia that’s difficult to handle all at once and at this depth. Experiencing and understanding this enables me to re-contextualise similar past experiences to a deeper level.

#Love for the Cambodian 🇰🇭 people. 

[Letho]

 

 

It’s time for a little parody! Things are getting a little too serious in my space now eh?

 

 

 

Behold the Aussie Armed Forces: glorified eco-friendly musclemen (or should I say women+++) and part-time international tutors. When they’re not showing foreign soldiers how to hold a rifle, they're hauling first aid kits to disaster zones like some kind of militant Uber Eats for Cyclones and Wildfires TM. Why aim for world peace when you can hand out sandbags and military drills ? A PhD in waitressing with guns, because nothing says 'national defense' like training someone else’s army and planting trees 🌲  for the camera. Australian tax dollars at work… protecting Australia from the relentless threat of weather and propping up a few collapsing islands. And hey, need a lift? They've got a helicopter. Vaccine shortage? They’ll drop syringes with all the grace of a low-altitude pinata. Oh, and now they’re offering foreign applicants a chance to jump in on the fun. All in the name of ‘national security’. Forget fighting for freedom and national heritage; we're here to deliver bottled water to warzones and Band-Aids to hurricanes and want to recruit anyone with a passport and a sense of direction to get the job done right, that is, rightfully becoming a country that’s now the glorified airport for international politics. Enlightened global philosophy? Nah, we’ve got helicopters for that. Service with a smile, while the world spins on its axis of short-term gains ! ADF: World-Class CrossFit Coaches for Foreign Armies & Global Disaster Relief Concierge. When not delivering sandbags or teaching pushups, we’re strategizing the next tea party with NATO.

 

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

Title - ADF completes training of thousands of Afghan National Army officers

https://www.minister.defence.gov.au/media-releases/2020-10-13/adf-completes-training-thousands-afghan-national-army-officers

 

Title - Citizenship fast-track: Australian Defence Force opens ranks to foreign nationals

https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/citizenship-fast-track-australian-defence-force-opens-ranks-to-foreign-nationals/rgjnmmasu#:~:text=Permanent residents from all other,people out of other countries.

 

Title - Cooperation is key for disaster relief

https://www.defence.gov.au/news-events/news/2024-09-19/cooperation-key-disaster-relief

 

 

[Letho]

50 minutes ago, Letho said:

 

 

It’s time for a little parody! Things are getting a little too serious in my space now eh?

 

 

 

Behold the Aussie Armed Forces: glorified eco-friendly musclemen (or should I say women+++) and part-time international tutors. When they’re not showing foreign soldiers how to hold a rifle, they're hauling first aid kits to disaster zones like some kind of militant Uber Eats for Cyclones and Wildfires TM. Why aim for world peace when you can hand out sandbags and military drills ? A PhD in waitressing with guns, because nothing says 'national defense' like training someone else’s army and planting trees 🌲  for the camera. Australian tax dollars at work… protecting Australia from the relentless threat of weather and propping up a few collapsing islands. And hey, need a lift? They've got a helicopter. Vaccine shortage? They’ll drop syringes with all the grace of a low-altitude pinata. Oh, and now they’re offering foreign applicants a chance to jump in on the fun. All in the name of ‘national security’. Forget fighting for freedom and national heritage; we're here to deliver bottled water to warzones and Band-Aids to hurricanes and want to recruit anyone with a passport and a sense of direction to get the job done right, that is, rightfully becoming a country that’s now the glorified airport for international politics. Enlightened global philosophy? Nah, we’ve got helicopters for that. Service with a smile, while the world spins on its axis of short-term gains ! ADF: World-Class CrossFit Coaches for Foreign Armies & Global Disaster Relief Concierge. When not delivering sandbags or teaching pushups, we’re strategizing the next tea party with NATO.

 

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

Title - ADF completes training of thousands of Afghan National Army officers

https://www.minister.defence.gov.au/media-releases/2020-10-13/adf-completes-training-thousands-afghan-national-army-officers

 

Title - Citizenship fast-track: Australian Defence Force opens ranks to foreign nationals

https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/citizenship-fast-track-australian-defence-force-opens-ranks-to-foreign-nationals/rgjnmmasu#:~:text=Permanent residents from all other,people out of other countries.

 

Title - Cooperation is key for disaster relief

https://www.defence.gov.au/news-events/news/2024-09-19/cooperation-key-disaster-relief

 

 

 

 

 

So I replied to them… With The Above Parody… Naturally.

 

As below:

 

 

 

 

[Letho]

 

TLDR regarding the above for me.

When you’re in the ‘thick’ of it which I am now, ran 20km or so from the hotel so far, you just want to taste what’s higher so you can carry the rest of your consciousness in this case my body, higher. Even though it’s humorous, it just feels less than my highest humor, and I can only measure that it’s less because all that passes is all that’s only going to inspire me to a higher standard towards my goal. 

But guess what that is. Have a guess what inspires me to get to my next checkpoint 50km from here at night (again)? 

Partying. That’s literally it. Haha.

But it’s not just any partying, it’s Heavenly Partying.

Imagine the kind of parties they have in Heaven, they’d be the most badass parties you could ever imagine right? As if you could question that.

So when I get to my destination, I’ll just be looking forward to partying my party. That’s right, when I go out, I’m not trying to jive with the outer party, it’s where I’m literally using the vibratory energy of the environment symbiotic with raising my own consciousnesses and the consciousnesses I’m fortunate enough to have a positive impact on. So what motivates me is pushing myself so that I experience and create the highest of heavenly highs when I’m there, much more happy with my accomplishment than if I took another day to get where I want to go.

Cambodians are so great, reminding myself in this moment to deepen my gratitude, appreciation and thankfulness in my growth forward. 

Tomorrow night is going to be a fever of testing my consciousness rhythm, melodic harmonising, temporal driving and synchronizing hyper-states. 

Pushing myself to the max to experience my max when I’m there. If my drive there is my breath in, my night of heavenly parting is my breath out into a beautiful slumber 😍.

Thank you God for blessing me with this moment to express myself, take in this breath and give me a chance to learn from my breath our so I can hone the wisdom that teaches me to absorb the life around me to a higher level and in return, be a student and teacher of the higher. Blessed are the heroic of the light ❤️.

[Letho]

 

Some good news and bad news.

starting with the bad:

So I’m in a really bad mood.

Cambodians have been so great. 

I had this guy though it was so strange, I kept on saying “no, please move on. I am very grateful for your friendliness but I must conserve my energy.” Over and over and over again, to the point where his friend just literally got off the back of this guys bike and walked off into the night never to be seen again where this guy, I kid you not, just went on and on via Google translator with me trying to converse and he wouldn’t respect my boundaries in any way shape or form. Moreover what made it worse was that it was his idea to use Google translator after I had already made myself clear and his friend made it clear what I said to him as well and he didn’t know how to use it properly. So I would share a long message, it would translate and then he’d press a button that erased the message and I’d have to start all over again. It was a big mistake on my part though and I was very unskillful with respect to enforcing my boundaries. I should have used the minimal of words, with maximum kindness and appropriate body language to demonstrate boundaries. However I was naive to think that he’d just get me, respect what I needed and then move on as that’s what I was used to. Well, at one point I got a little mad as he was by now taking up more than 30 minutes of my time, totally oblivious, totally ignorant almost as if he was pretending to not understand me in light of his friends behavior. To the point where I actually got suspicious of the dynamic, open to the possibility that his friend had gone to hide and his role was to coax me in which subconsciously perhaps made me want to express some level of anger to show that I wasn’t just a blind pushover. But no that didn’t even work really, it still went on for another 15 minutes when I just wanted to get on with my run. In the end I left one last long message to him where still afterwards in spite of having the full translation he still felt more then content to continue to violate what I had requested. I feel like maybe he had some kind of weird issues, I don’t need to speculate into obvious or not so obvious territories there, the whole thing was just so bizarre.

Anyhow to make matters worse, as soon as he left my bag broke. However not before I had already found rope along the way by coincidence only 15 minutes before I arrived at this destination in which it took place, yeah big coincidence.

As a whole I’m very disappointed in myself regards this social dilemma, I don’t actually much care about the bag I anticipated that of course. I didn’t execute my boundaries intelligently enough and I allowed it to take up far too much of my time while leading to exactly what I told him I didn’t want, in this case, not only as stated to him a misallocation of my energy but to make matters worse I ended up feeling guilty for my behavior even though he was clearly in the wrong, analysing my own behavior for the next few hours trying to energetically cleanse myself from the situation now having it drain even more from me after he just got to be a happy go lucky go home and enjoy his sweet dreams while I was stuck with the guilt towards him and the regret of my own behavior that I’m now only concerned with learning from.

So I’ve only ran 23 Km, I’m thinking about hitting the hay. Who knows what’ll happen, however I needed to disclose this situation honestly. It’s a situation I need to reflect more on and as much as possible just have higher level compassion for everything there while learning with as much intelligence what would have been the wisest decision which I already know. I should have pre-emptively decided against being open to conversation unless I initiated it during this particular night so I could focus on my goal. Instead, I allowed my empathy to get the better of me which then backfired in more than one way because  the part of me that also had a “gotta get this shit done” mentality, got frustrated, which then made my empathic side reflect the guilt followed by the former leading to the regret.

The positive I want to take away from the situation is that at least it gave me a chance to see where I still need to grow in this area so that in a similar situation in the future I will be much more effective as I was with the dogs tonight where already, my amygdala has begun to change the way its affected focusing with much more adaptive responses. Undoubtedly this added to the frustration still, however I was still much better than my first experience there.

Because I am so frustrated though, I don’t want to run on this energy and instead focus down on meditation, to align my nervous system in all the ways previously shared in learning to master. 

God obviously put this obstacle in front of this challenge for me to help me remember the broader picture here:

(1) hey I fucking ran 23 km that’s badass and I don’t know anyone not even David Goggins that started out doing that when it’s been so long since they’ve done any proper exercise

(2) as the trickster he is, to show me that as grateful, thankful, compassionate and appreciative as I want to be, I’m not quite there yet in being able to achieve the nervous system self regulation that I want, and setting that obstacle in front of me is to give me that feedback from reality

(3) to show me what I truly want through  the guilt and regret but that as much as there’s positive “add 1” there in the personal growth sense, at the same time it’s to show me that my personal boundaries are just as important and that I’m still have some learning to go in terms of employing them to the higher level of sophistication that I’m meant to be reaching.

Ending with the good:

Always remember that our prioritization of learning and how to learn aka with me mastering the feedback loops of my nervous system to give awareness the highest space for agency as one example is always pivotal, especially our pseudo short lived elation that is weak by comparison to the deeper meaning,  life satisfaction and maturity that comes from a life of reflection with a genuine change and improvement in our actions. It’s what emboldens those short lived “pseudo reward loops” with the value hierarchy that gives them the high esteem that turns them from pseudo to a guaranteed net positive for our perception and graduation in our way of experiencing and creating in the universe. 

Lastly, I just received a message in the last hour or so after a few weeks of absence from a Vietnamese gal that gave me a blowjob in the park in Ho Chi Minh City. I was very thankful and still am, I won’t be able to see her though obviously. She was so nurturing towards me, I was sick at the time and she was trying to nurse me back to health. She says she’s very happy with everything in the sense that she wants to see me. 
 

Anyhow, best wishes. 

I’m going to take a couple to few days away from the forum to reflect on my experiences here more deeply so I can integrate the lessons more, I’m so grateful that my brain learns as fast as it does, I’ve gotta show it more love I feel, that’ll be part of the simple solution here as well that’ll ease said frustrations including accepting where it’s limitations are at this present stage of my development.

 

 

 

[Letho]

 

 

I wrote the following on two hours of sleep just now, an echo of the solution screaming from my subconscious based on learning I guess it gave itself on the fly based on patterns its picked up over the last week and a bit. 

In short, its brought great resolution to my adventure challenge even though that I now need to apply the described dynamics to specific life situations now including both my running and all of my obstacles that we all know about along the achievement of that path haha. 

There's layers of patterns I still need to abstract further on top of this writing, i.e. boundaries between self and other still need to be differentiated further and in that, the balance between self-originated ego versus the socially reinforced ego, including too the brief overlaps mentioned concerning the historical context of self versus other relative to cultural progressions which was rather sloppily introduced including relations to animals and related analogies there that could have been more deeply integrated with the writing, however its a considerable foundation for me to work with that'll be a complement to how my psyche continues to evolve through this challenge and beyond.

Anyhow, may it feed your own creativity.

 

Best Light.

 

 

Title: The frustration of the ego: paradox and instability versus its opposites.

Who am I not, who am I to be, am I to be, am I actualising that which is me and that which is right versus avoiding that which is wrong? And when these realities find their environmental feedback, how are they resolved and by what confusion versus fluidity in understanding versus learning in between and in their balance, are the questions resolved by the unconscious further still? 

Solution versus the ambiguity of the unknown that still must be acted upon, is the invariable terrain where the muscle that supports this decision network is what resolves this paradox of the ego’s instability via stability functions of either chaotic or more orderly value. The latter concerning becoming of more orderly value contributing to the beings “Reality Esteem” (aka one’s confidence to act in reality and usually matches with one’s competence) which is to me a more accurate term compared to “self-esteem” where behaviours are either of potentialisation or actualisation. potentialisation being the reflection of behaviours that bring safety to present “Reality Esteem” whereas actualisation (calculated risk) is potentialisation (stable risk) into the unknown that usually accompanies some kind of calculated risk. The former however doing its opposite, something which can co-occur, where instead decisions are uncalculated and risky but not evaluated as a part of a truth value where they may even be considered risks (incompetence), or they are however the esteem is not accurate and therefore they act irrationally.

It is because of their co-occurrence where the frustration often exists as well given the ego is attempting to find its resolve, experiences incongruence however cannot resolve this because its own inaccurate esteem or inaccurate competence in a certain area has not been brought to light and placed under the light of understanding. It is understanding that shapes accurate competence and therefore resolves the ego’s feeling of self-incongruence, however it is action met with success that best resolves the ego’s sense of competence towards self-congruence in that area. In the pairing of both, the ego experiences a sense of excellence in this area of reality and thus where the experience of becoming a teacher, student and master are the culmination of the ego finding resolve in the related experiences. 

These new adventures surrounding this deep challenge have allowed me to highlight areas of the ego within the self that have previously eluded me but have needed light shed upon them. The measurement of social connection weighed against achieving a sense of accomplishment for self-individuality versus hidden leverage for social affiliation has been of notable frustration for me in ways I have not noticed before. As a part of the ego’s “Reality Esteem”, in light of our psyche evolutionarily finding balance via social affiliation there is often the replacement of self-evaluation for the evaluation of others, whether that critique is good or bad, and it is often a measurement of an aspect of our maturity to the level we can both make it our own critique and one that is accurate while self-fulfilling. Writing now, I understand within myself that I am yet to reach a sense of mastery in this area of my psyche but that if I do contextualise this categorisation with the breadth of understanding why I haven’t achieved this yet and combine it with the breath of actions that preserve its future development, “Ego-congruence” will be a replacement for “Reality-esteem” until proper “Reality-esteem” is achieved in this area. By taking a focused approach to this particular area, I can withstand the pressure of holding a greater degree of subtlety in the patience I have for its actualisation, allowing me to then spot and avoid previously hidden “chaotic values” because in ways I ways unconscious of I believed them to provide me with “Reality-Esteem” however in actuality, it was just “False Ego-Congruence” as a way of managing hidden “Ego-incongruence” and the frustration that surfaces within this. Something like this can result as a simple consequence of unknowingly following social conditioning that’s usually a combination of three kinds that one has unconsciously adapted to (1) social feedback (positive/negative)(2) environmental feedback (skewed/precise) (3) role model emulation (known/unknown). The ratio (i.e. positive/negative, skewed/precise, known/unknown) of their outcomes is the precise intersection of understanding where the balance of false versus accurate ego incongruence vs congruence in the context of stable vs unstable “Reality Esteem” are going to be understood, we will call this category for this writing a positive or negative ego-triad.

From a self-aware point of view, understanding these factors provides the working memory by which the self can move in the balance between providing resolution versus moderation for the ego. The former is where strategic action can be initiated as a grounded solution for the ego in providing it with positive ego-congruence that gives it the tertiary to higher foundation for establishing genuine “Reality-Esteem” for the related area and for its general contributive benefit to one’s overall level here. The latter becomes the space of where the self, especially that which is primary to awareness, will need to continually feedback loop on the known versus unknown spaces of consciousness around this problematic area until a stable potentialisation versus actualisation space is generated, where if not, this is where unstable functions become unconsciously employed where one becomes on the side of a negative ego-triad, shifting more to a chaotic-value metric, who’s value matrix of orderly versus chaotic is going to be a mechanism that engineers the general unhappiness versus unhappiness of a being. In this case then, “Reality Esteem” where there is a combination of alignment and judgement on the metrics of competence and esteem in the context of chaotic versus orderly values structures that contribute to or take away from actualisation (calculated risk) and potentialisation (stable risk) and therefore create a more/less chaotic/orderly, is a “Happiness and Sanity Calculator” simultaneously. For the more an ego is frustrated and is unable to find resolve, the more unhappiness and insanity will invariably result, however the more solutions to problems which mirror the paired stability of competence and esteem, naturally more balanced happiness and sanity will result. ‘Balance’ here being the key operative word in both separating and uniting “Reality” and “Esteem”, for we have the joining and separation of “Self” in “Esteem” and “Other” in “Reality”, something which is done at varying levels of consciousness thresholds and bandwidths, for example, a typical ape, dolphin or orca whale has the same divide between “Reality” and “Esteem” to resolve, however it is only in their balance relative to those thresholds and bandwidths that have any weight on happiness and sanity, if for example, their bandwidths outweigh their thresholds of consciousness potential, this will for example be met with the outcome of completing the evolutionary heuristic that leads to a subsequent decrease in happiness and sanity to the extent the self in the ego does not have the ability to find at the very least, ego-congruence if not “reality-esteem” and to the extent the related sentience is not impeded by a negative-ego-triad for the leading to “false-ego-congruence”. False-ego-congruence, where its opposite “Truth” is meant to be the building block for “Reality-Esteem”, is like a mouse continually trying the same strategy towards removing cheese from a trap but instead of its success it instead continually receives an electrical shock as a failed form of punishment to deter the behaviour. Unfortunately, we see this markedly play-out in our social dynamics within western society in multiple unhealthy ways (1) where we create psychological illusions to mask failure for people “tomorrow is another day you can try again and everything will be alright” rather than getting to the root of the issue (2) create ego schisms where we install implicit punishments for when we do not perform socially well irrespective as to whether this has any benefit to how we actually respond to reality, thereby leveraging our desire for social connection, affiliations of which we’re evolutionarily designed to have as it aided our survival as only those affiliations that stayed genuinely aided said survival (3) positively reinforce unhealthy escapes via similar to number two, ego closure from dependencies that are demographically supported, “It’s cool to where a ‘G’ chain to look cool. One, two and three along with more that could be mentioned there combined with a negative-ego-triad are of course in large part where most of our issues in the balance between human psychology and human society have become, largely imbalanced, and where we’ve reached such a point of delusion that it becomes too ‘uncool’ to be identifying these psychological traps for the regression of our collective ego into the “Naive-Realism” of false-ego-congruence via the collective support of individuality that equals said ‘G’ chain where anyone with this chain has the implicit authority to manipulate reality to serve the illusion, aka take a Donald Trump and politics for example. “Naive-Realism” is effectively what both modern society and materialism has become simultaneously, built on a foundation of false-ego-congruence that supports instead a narcissistic philosophy predicated on the illusion of “Reality-Esteem” rather than its actuality. The ‘G’ chain is symbolic of both false-ego-congruence, that is, the ego’s attempts to find stability via delusion, an escape from reality aka the opposite of “Reality-Esteem”, and how it is socially supported to do so because it overlaps with a materialistic paradigm, giving the illusion of evolutionary value when in reality, it leads to the degeneration of evolutionary value and especially where it is a part of a hierarchical societal structure based on a materialistic class system, the fundamental core diagrammatic overlap with both unhappiness and insanity in a given society, which in todays modern times, mostly represents western society, with certain constrained outgrowths in the east, in particular China, however to a much lesser extent Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam where these countries find a more even divide in uniting the individual with the tribe/collective, even though they’re indirectly affected. 

In coming full circle, in todays modern times the ego needs to go through a metamorphic process by which it slowly shifts from a state of partial to entranced “Naive Realism” that serves as the basis of false-ego-congruence to replace the confidence for the achievement and something that is reflective of genuine “Reality Esteem” to a self-awareness that generates the genuine stated “Ego-congruence”, the stated foundation for our goal in resolving the paradoxes and instabilities of the ego’s relationship to the environment. Where further, the divide between those two words of “self-awareness” is inclusive of “Other” in “awareness”. “Other” to ensure the self in “self-awareness” moves naturally into understanding its place in its environment and in doing so, is able to move seamlessly from existential position, i.e. as started with “who am I not, who am I to be” etc to a state of existential direction to finding stability in this temporal picture to the point of achieving existential momentum until said temporal closure is met with the environmental success that stabilises the ego with higher “Reality-esteem”. So remove the mousetrap, sit back and observe the self and become the self in observation. Understand the layers of behaviour in the context of resolving the described “happiness-sanity metric” via the balance of the intersecting truth versus falsehood in how the self establishes its next movement from “Reality Esteem” adjacent to either a positive or negative ego-triad, find and ride the wave of understandings that meet you with orderly reality values versus chaotic ones and live in the space of actualisation and potential rather than frustration and the resulting ego’s regression. 

[Letho]

 

 

I love these two they’re such an amazing couple.

It’s the perfect reflection of connection that I want to achieve when I’ve settled down with the right woman and we’re both ready to begin a family together in unity, for our unique dynamic. 

For now, it’s just my “Heavenly Partying” enjoying life and then when we cross paths we cross paths and I can instead prioritise monogamy, and she doesn't necessarily have to be an extravert. I'm connected with gals from a few different countries now and I don't even abide by 'extravert' or 'introvert' for me its more about energy types, and I can align with many different dynamics, it really just depends on our life directions lining up and what we want in the building of our family. For me awareness is the most important relationship quality, anything can grow when there's awareness so when two awarenesses line up, magic is just bound to happen. That's what happens every time as that's what awareness is meant to do, the less ego aware someone is for example, well we don't need an encyclopaedic report on that right. But yeah, you can't discount what's possible to the point where awareness is a 1 + 1 = 2 situation, the calculator is always going to calculate it as additive to multiplicative to squared never divisional or subtractive, its a no brainer, you can make so many combinations work to such incredible levels where there's awareness. 

Otherwise so many incorrect conclusions follow from “Partying” due to cultural connotations heh. For me I’ve begun building a philosophy as I shared briefly above three posts ago now concerning transcendental partying where it is primarily focused on raising and growing consciousness in genuinely proven sophisticated ways. And not necessarily with psychedelics, although I plan to, I’ve never had any. 

 

 

 

 

 

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

 

Concerning previously noted frustration, honestly, deep down to be perfectly blunt I think I’m just so pissed off underneath because I knew I wasn’t going to make my above “Heavenly Party” now three posts ago haha. And that's following the encounter I described I had, which I’ve now deeply learned from and I’m sweet about it now.

 

It makes perfect sense that I would have this backlash when you’re aware that I’m using that to stimulate my motivation to run and ascend to a higher level. You have an RAS flip from the point you realise that you’ve wasted time and now you start questioning absolutely everything around you that could have contributed to the resolve haha. 

 

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Their latest performance.

 

Mei-lan Maurits & Ali Pervez Mehdi

~ Live At The Gorton Monastery, Manchester, UK

~ 30th August 2024

 

 

 

[Letho]

1 hour ago, Letho said:

 

 

I love these two they’re such an amazing couple.

It’s the perfect reflection of connection that I want to achieve when I’ve settled down with the right woman and we’re both ready to begin a family together in unity, for our unique dynamic. 

For now, it’s just my “Heavenly Partying” enjoying life and then when we cross paths we cross paths and I can instead prioritise monogamy, and she doesn't necessarily have to be an extravert. I'm connected with gals from a few different countries now and I don't even abide by 'extravert' or 'introvert' for me its more about energy types, and I can align with many different dynamics, it really just depends on our life directions lining up and what we want in the building of our family. For me awareness is the most important relationship quality, anything can grow when there's awareness so when two awarenesses line up, magic is just bound to happen. That's what happens every time as that's what awareness is meant to do, the less ego aware someone is for example, well we don't need an encyclopaedic report on that right. But yeah, you can't discount what's possible to the point where awareness is a 1 + 1 = 2 situation, the calculator is always going to calculate it as additive to multiplicative to squared never divisional or subtractive, its a no brainer, you can make so many combinations work to such incredible levels where there's awareness. 

Otherwise so many incorrect conclusions follow from “Partying” due to cultural connotations heh. For me I’ve begun building a philosophy as I shared briefly above three posts ago now concerning transcendental partying where it is primarily focused on raising and growing consciousness in genuinely proven sophisticated ways. And not necessarily with psychedelics, although I plan to, I’ve never had any. 

 

 

 

 

 

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

 

Concerning previously noted frustration, honestly, deep down to be perfectly blunt I think I’m just so pissed off underneath because I knew I wasn’t going to make my above “Heavenly Party” now three posts ago haha. And that's following the encounter I described I had, which I’ve now deeply learned from and I’m sweet about it now.

 

It makes perfect sense that I would have this backlash when you’re aware that I’m using that to stimulate my motivation to run and ascend to a higher level. You have an RAS flip from the point you realise that you’ve wasted time and now you start questioning absolutely everything around you that could have contributed to the resolve haha. 

 

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Their latest performance.

 

Mei-lan Maurits & Ali Pervez Mehdi

~ Live At The Gorton Monastery, Manchester, UK

~ 30th August 2024

 

 

 

 

And Ali Pervez Mehdi is an amazing unrecognised talent, I really recommend checking out his YouTube channel and just aligning to the depth of truth in his tone. He connects beautifully and is now someone I admire enough to even emulate in some ways with respect to my own singing. I totally get that it may not be something you're familiar with, however if you can be open and aware enough to connect to the deeper depth of your own layers, you'll be able to connect to his and resonate with his personal truth he's trying to convey.

Well done Ali, beautiful Mei-Lan. 
https://www.youtube.com/@alipervezmehdi

The two of them together are as reflected in the previous post beautiful role models for what a true monogamous relationship is meant to look like in my opinion. Awareness, love, vulnerability, connection, trust, intelligence; it's clear there's a unity there they both consciously decide to making work. The two are also parents and I have no doubt they're both great in their own sophisticated unique ways of expressing parenthood, something I look forward to being able to honour in the future myself in my own way, already for example mapping out the human psyche to such an extent I have the educational path already laid out for my kids. Formulating a higher environment for their development which at a bare minimum for example would either include raising them external to western society or within an agreed context that allowed them to prosper outside cultural norms in light of the maturation that our 'cultural economy' is way behind on. I'm open to nearly any country for raising kids, however Cyprus has sentimental value for me in light of being the origins of my Greek heritage (and Irish, 23 and me even says I may have Ashkenazi Jewish, and to a very non-insignificant amount however I'll hold my breath on that before it can be verified ha!). I'm a high oxytocin, high protection, high territorial, high sentimental gene carrier heh so yal can probably intuit that if I'm as good as I am with some of the theoretical stuff I focus on here, you can imagine the level of awareness and pride I'd take when it comes to my children.

 

 

 

[Letho]

 

So I’m at the hospital right now… No biggie, I’ll be alright, just a minor hiccup… Let’s jump to it though.

 

[😎😎See brief YT video at the end of this post showing my battle scars while at the local hospital 😎😎]

The other guys hand eye coordination while riding his motorbike towards me while I was tracking down the road, not so great. 

It was a worthwhile experience, a few millimeters to the left and I would have lost my eyesight, among other possibilities of course.

Not losing focus.

If I can’t run I can still train my AMCC (see previous pages) via meditation, as that’s where I need to focus anyway to truly take my running progress to the next level. 

I’m not sure how long my left leg is going to be out, good news on the x-rays but there’s no way I can’t walk on it right now, it looks like an NFL football 🏈 injected itself into the opposite side of where my calf muscles are. 

I’ve already started learning from the experience, it was good to see how my sympathetic nervous system and the rest of my body and awareness reacted to the situation moments pre-hit all the way to when the doctors were sizing up the final stitches around my eye.

It was interesting, as soon as I felt the blow I automatically sensed my being just sizing up everything that happened, determining what it’s next move was going to be. The driver was barely scraped and yet I was the one helping him up off the ground while bleeding profusely. He was in shock, my body went into practical action mode. My brain had already informed my conscious mind that it had released pain numbers and was going to be introducing that punishment hours after the event so that I could act intelligently now, even though I was a bit surprised by the lack of pain and the ease by which I got up given I was just hit by a motorbike clocking in at least 50km an hour.

Theres no point asking me how I casually withstood that. Zero. It’s strange.

I just simply dusted myself off, made sure he was alright, ensured he was safe with others then just continued tracking onwards until I hit the hospital. I’m grateful that in my genetic lineage we have a survival mode built in as a fail safe for crisis situations so we’re able to act swiftly, effectively and practically. My father, brothers and I could have a bone sticking out of our arm while we’re holstering someone else to safety with the other. I don’t know what it is. It’s weird. But it’s got another side to it I don’t like that I believe is related. When it’s nondiscriminantly activated as is what’s meant to happen in a survival situation, it’s a real threat to those our biology deems a threat. Good for the military, but only when you’re following instructions, and that’s not me as yal know. Per se, there’s some grey areas to that. As per my meditation assignment for project meta-ascendence (not transcendence anymore as I don’t like the name), we want me to achieve a higher level of bioelectrical agency where I’m entirely driven by love. I have a kind of beastly aggression that I worry about sometimes. I have never hurt anyone before outside of protecting another or setting a boundary, though it lives within me and I must mature it to a much higher level. I can get easily manipulated by that energy that comes with it, the ego can leverage it to its own gains in ways that work counter to my long term spiritual goals that I must bring a higher truth to. For whatever strength and power any aspect of my psychology feels it can gain from this aspect of myself, I must teach it that it can go to even higher levels via love alone and a deeper connection with our souls essence. I must now begin to use this time to dominantly assert with hours and hours of training every day while my body recuperates to hone my nervous system to my desired level of bioelectrical agency, awareness must dominate every cell of my being so every cell can communicate with every other cell from and to the highest.

 

How can we turn every moment as a moment to be more grateful, thankful and appreciative of the one that came, the one that is and the one that’s coming? That’s all I am trying to learn here, it’s just another sign for me to dive even deeper, to show me that I’m not trying hard enough. A big thank you to the docs for their warm hospitality and the rest of the staff here at the hospital, they’re all lovely people and I’m sorry they had to feel the smoke of the beast I mentioned above a little bit. There’s a deep love there they have and that I will covet in my moments of reparation as I stay the night for observation in the hospital.

 

 

 

 

 

[Letho]

1 hour ago, Letho said:

 

So I’m at the hospital right now… No biggie, I’ll be alright, just a minor hiccup… Let’s jump to it though.

 

[😎😎See brief YT video at the end of this post showing my battle scars while at the local hospital 😎😎]

The other guys hand eye coordination while riding his motorbike towards me while I was tracking down the road, not so great. 

It was a worthwhile experience, a few millimeters to the left and I would have lost my eyesight, among other possibilities of course.

Not losing focus.

If I can’t run I can still train my AMCC (see previous pages) via meditation, as that’s where I need to focus anyway to truly take my running progress to the next level. 

I’m not sure how long my left leg is going to be out, good news on the x-rays but there’s no way I can’t walk on it right now, it looks like an NFL football 🏈 injected itself into the opposite side of where my calf muscles are. 

I’ve already started learning from the experience, it was good to see how my sympathetic nervous system and the rest of my body and awareness reacted to the situation moments pre-hit all the way to when the doctors were sizing up the final stitches around my eye.

It was interesting, as soon as I felt the blow I automatically sensed my being just sizing up everything that happened, determining what it’s next move was going to be. The driver was barely scraped and yet I was the one helping him up off the ground while bleeding profusely. He was in shock, my body went into practical action mode. My brain had already informed my conscious mind that it had released pain numbers and was going to be introducing that punishment hours after the event so that I could act intelligently now, even though I was a bit surprised by the lack of pain and the ease by which I got up given I was just hit by a motorbike clocking in at least 50km an hour.

Theres no point asking me how I casually withstood that. Zero. It’s strange.

I just simply dusted myself off, made sure he was alright, ensured he was safe with others then just continued tracking onwards until I hit the hospital. I’m grateful that in my genetic lineage we have a survival mode built in as a fail safe for crisis situations so we’re able to act swiftly, effectively and practically. My father, brothers and I could have a bone sticking out of our arm while we’re holstering someone else to safety with the other. I don’t know what it is. It’s weird. But it’s got another side to it I don’t like that I believe is related. When it’s nondiscriminantly activated as is what’s meant to happen in a survival situation, it’s a real threat to those our biology deems a threat. Good for the military, but only when you’re following instructions, and that’s not me as yal know. Per se, there’s some grey areas to that. As per my meditation assignment for project meta-ascendence (not transcendence anymore as I don’t like the name), we want me to achieve a higher level of bioelectrical agency where I’m entirely driven by love. I have a kind of beastly aggression that I worry about sometimes. I have never hurt anyone before outside of protecting another or setting a boundary, though it lives within me and I must mature it to a much higher level. I can get easily manipulated by that energy that comes with it, the ego can leverage it to its own gains in ways that work counter to my long term spiritual goals that I must bring a higher truth to. For whatever strength and power any aspect of my psychology feels it can gain from this aspect of myself, I must teach it that it can go to even higher levels via love alone and a deeper connection with our souls essence. I must now begin to use this time to dominantly assert with hours and hours of training every day while my body recuperates to hone my nervous system to my desired level of bioelectrical agency, awareness must dominate every cell of my being so every cell can communicate with every other cell from and to the highest.

 

How can we turn every moment as a moment to be more grateful, thankful and appreciative of the one that came, the one that is and the one that’s coming? That’s all I am trying to learn here, it’s just another sign for me to dive even deeper, to show me that I’m not trying hard enough. A big thank you to the docs for their warm hospitality and the rest of the staff here at the hospital, they’re all lovely people and I’m sorry they had to feel the smoke of the beast I mentioned above a little bit. There’s a deep love there they have and that I will covet in my moments of reparation as I stay the night for observation in the hospital.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I ended up deleting my earlier post to the ADF marketing ad on Facebook that was a follow up to the parody shared here.

I’m honestly a bit disappointed in my behavior and if I never made that post this wouldn’t have happened even though I’m lucky enough to say that this has been an extremely valuable lesson for me to learn from where I’m glad that I had for the reasons shared in the previous post.

It’s behaviour I wouldn’t want my future children to exhibit unless under certain conditions which I don’t in this case fall under. Humor is humor granted, then there’s contextual delivery and for me at this time of my life my mind should have been preoccupied with other things as per my above recent declaration following the event that’s just transpired with the motorbike accident.

I won’t of course delete the post here because it’s a log of my behavior and therefore a continual feedback loop in translating experience to wisdom to greater intelligence, however uniquely and creatively we sometimes need to be open minded to finding that.

Otherwise another shout-out to Mei-lan Maurits & Ali Pervez Mehdi that I mentioned above, I’d prefer they take the spotlight over my injury noted in the previous post. Beautiful music to listen to and inspire towards being able to emulate in my own way ❤️😎.

As always, Best Light.