Please, HELP! Have strong fever and my mom is crazy with disabled dad

[manuel bon]

Yesterday I came back home to my family from a trip to Spain, with 39° C of fever. My mom is not nice at all right now, I know she's stressed because of taking care of my father with a brain injury, but she's really crazy. Every day she screams at him on how pathetic, handicapped etc. he is. If my brother (18) and I (23) say something she goes crazy and hurts also us. In general I can take it and kinda stay calm, try to help her, etc. but right now with the fever I don't know what to do. I'm helpless. Also, here in Italy is so warm, I can't fucking breathe. Pls help me, give me some advice, or just text me so I get distracted. She's screaming like crazy right now, I'm in bed in pain... Thank you 

[manuel bon]

I understand she is suffering. She's a poor woman, I'm sorry for her. Her life was my dad, and his life was my mom. They were one. And now she's her nurse, fisioterapist, speech therapist.... Everything. She works for and with him 24/7 LITERALLY and doing everything to make him come back to normal. 

But since she's no energy, she's angry and sad, then she takes it all out on my dad and on us. My brother and I help her as much as we can but we're both occupied with school and university. 

[Schizophonia]

@manuel bon

Was one of your grandparents a tyrant with your mother ? It's possible she has recycled some feeling into a persona, in other words a strategy to win power in this case by being feared or pitied.

If you submit, if you keep the status quo while she does this, her persona will just continue to exist even if she apologizes after her outbursts, because her system will see that it works.
I'm not saying that you necessarily have to lose your temper with her and leave her on the side of the highway haha, but don't hesitate to walk away, call her less on the phone and that kind of thing.
What will happen is that she will have an ego crisis and maybe ruminate on the energies that made up her persona ("ahhh I'm being abandoned again, they are angry with me after everything I've done and endured! blahblahblah") and in the face of the energetic failure her personality will have to evolve naturally towards something more conciliatory, less stressed.

Also, you should also ask yourself why your mother gets angry with your father and you like that.
Even if it's repressed, she allows herself this because you allow yourself to be dependent on her.
The despair you have here is the price to pay for having put yourself in a situation where you do not have the energetic legitimacy to put her in her place.
This situation also allows you to keep your father's personas and yours.
Ultimately it is still your fear of being responsible.

Edited August 30 by Schizophonia

[manuel bon]

9 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

I'm not saying that you necessarily have to lose your temper with her and leave her on the side of the highway haha, but don't hesitate to walk away, call her less on the phone and that kind of thing.

How can I do that when I'm way from her? She needs someone to talk to, and I want to be there for her. These fights happen only when I am in the same house. But about 8 months a year I'm in another country studying.

 

9 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Also, you should also ask yourself why your mother gets angry with your father and you like that.
Even if it's repressed, she allows herself this because you allow yourself to be dependent on her.

I don't think she's repressing. She's expressing her emotions of anger, pain, fear, through destruction. And then she apologizes cause she know it's not right.

I'm sorry for her, she doesn't deserve to be in such pain. But I also don't deserve to be treated like that. And I told her many times, and she understands. She apologizes, and says: "You know I'm like that".

[Leo Gura]

You should take some medication to reduce fever. Search online for names of fever reducing medications. This will help you feel better to deal with your mom.

Edited August 30 by Leo Gura

[manuel bon]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You should take some medication to reduce fever. Search online for names of fever reducing medications.

I was taking 1g of paracetamol, which helped with fever but not headaches and other pain. Then I took 400mg of ibuprofen, 1g of vitamin C and a cold shower. That helped a lot. 

[Salvijus]

3 minutes ago, manuel bon said:

and a cold shower

Bruh 

[shree]

Hi @manuel bon, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and I truly hope things improve for you.

 

Having a disabled person in your household can be extremely exhausting for everyone involved, especially for the primary caregiver.

 

It’s even harder when the primary caregiver doesn't recieve some kind of support.

 

I'm also sorry that you kids have to experience this. it’s not an easy situation to live through.

 

Try to push through this challenging time. When things stabilize, it might be necessary to talk with your mom about her condition, if she needs to get some help, and if she needs someone to talk to.

 

Living in such an environment is unhealthy, and if she continues to handle everything alone 24/7, I’m worried that things might worsen over time.

Edited August 31 by shree

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9yeIKMy12Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vhrTErrZD8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtChcxeaukQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne9DL27eyEo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HkRoeshhCg

 

[manuel bon]

21 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Bruh 

What

[manuel bon]

5 hours ago, Raze said:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9yeIKMy12Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vhrTErrZD8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtChcxeaukQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne9DL27eyEo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HkRoeshhCg

 

Thank you for the great videos!

 

12 hours ago, shree said:

Hi @manuel bon, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and I truly hope things improve for you.

 

Having a disabled person in your household can be extremely exhausting for everyone involved, especially for the primary caregiver.

 

It’s even harder when the primary caregiver doesn't recieve some kind of support.

 

I'm also sorry that you kids have to experience this. it’s not an easy situation to live through.

 

Try to push through this challenging time. When things stabilize, it might be necessary to talk with your mom about her condition, if she needs to get some help, and if she needs someone to talk to.

 

Living in such an environment is unhealthy, and if she continues to handle everything alone 24/7, I’m worried that things might worsen over time.

Yeah I am afraid for my mother. She's putting all of her energy into this. She's strong, but also has health issues. Due to some surgeries that fucked her up, she can't go to the toilet, so she never eats. I really don't know how she can even stand, yet she's always doing crazy things with my dad. 

She's a great woman. She loves her family, so much that she doesn't take care of herself. I try to help her, but the things that's she wants to do are too much. She doesn't give time to herself to take a breath, and those times that she does, her mind is unstoppably running and she's fully paranoid, sad, anxious, etc... 

[shree]

2 hours ago, manuel bon said:

 

Yeah I am afraid for my mother. She's putting all of her energy into this. She's strong, but also has health issues. Due to some surgeries that fucked her up, she can't go to the toilet, so she never eats. I really don't know how she can even stand, yet she's always doing crazy things with my dad. 

She's a great woman. She loves her family, so much that she doesn't take care of herself. I try to help her, but the things that's she wants to do are too much. She doesn't give time to herself to take a breath, and those times that she does, her mind is unstoppably running and she's fully paranoid, sad, anxious, etc... 

I get it. Try sitting down with her for a serious conversation, like I mentioned before, when the time is right.

[manuel bon]

35 minutes ago, shree said:

I get it. Try sitting down with her for a serious conversation, like I mentioned before, when the time is right.

Yeah I did it already some times... But I will do it again more times. Thank you for the help❤️