Random thoughts

[Schizophonia]

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

What do you mean by having way too much ego ?

 

I can't stand the idea of dying from a confession of weakness, i almost prefer to be tortured or have a very serious illness. 

It made me feel like I had wasted everything, wasted so much time and suffered so much for nothing, and that is not tolerable in my belief system.

Edited January 8 by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I can't stand the idea of dying from a confession of weakness, i almost prefer to be tortured or have a very serious illness. 

It made me feel like I had wasted everything, wasted so much time and suffered so much for nothing, and that is not tolerable in my belief system.

That is a very strong mindset then. Are you really serious though that you’d prefer being tortured? I’d much rather die than that I know for sure.

 

[Schizophonia]

21 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

That is a very strong mindset then. Are you really serious though that you’d prefer being tortured? I’d much rather die than that I know for sure.

 

I'd probably rather get castrated, have my eyes gouged out, have my ears cut off or something than commit suicide.

It would be a terrible disappointment, the ultimate humiliation.

Once again in my software.

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

I'd probably rather get castrated, have my eyes gouged out, have my ears cut off or something than commit suicide.

It would be a terrible disappointment, the ultimate humiliation.

Once again in my software.

Do you see that kind of mindset as a positive thing? I posted the topic in the mental health sub forum btw

[Schizophonia]

9 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Do you see that kind of mindset as a positive thing? I posted the topic in the mental health sub forum btw

It's generally positive, i have a strong attachment to life and by extension (I think it's related) a lot of energy, I live life intensely.

The negative point is that i tend to be conflictual, megalomaniacal, diehard, workaholic etc. Insomnia did not start by chance lol.

I could become a dictator if i let myself go to my shadow, stuff like that. But then yes, never anything morbid.

Edited January 8 by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

It's generally positive, i have a strong attachment to life and by extension (I think it's related) a lot of energy, I live life intensely.

That sounds amazing 

2 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

The negative point is that i tend to be conflictual, megalomaniacal, diehard, workaholic etc. Insomnia did not start by chance lol.

I could become a dictator if i let myself go to my shadow, stuff like that. But then yes, never anything morbid.

You seem calm when we met

[Schizophonia]

15 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

That sounds amazing 

Yep.

Drinks a can of coconut red bull and go back to making sex jokes for jestermaxx his otter on SSRI and neuroleptic at the same time.*

Go philosophize half the night about how crystallizing the maya through attention inhibits the creative process.*

Because it's not funny if it's too easy.

Quote

You seem calm when we met

I was tired and i didn't really feel like i was welcome to "push" too much apart from some pretty crappy pinches lol.

I can be very tactile and humorous with women, to a lesser extent with men, and have a lot of mental discourse but i don't care about talking most of the time, it doesn't come across like that.

And obviously when I talk about being conflictual etc it is not to the extent of being non-functional.

 

 

Edited January 8 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

32 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

 I posted the topic in the mental health sub forum btw

Eheh.

Indeed

[Salvijus]

12 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

You seem calm when we met

He was trying to be cool, haha. 

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, Salvijus said:

He was trying to be cool, haha. 

 

[Sugarcoat]

13 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Because it's not funny if it's too easy.

Nothing is funny about it being hard 

13 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

I was tired and i didn't really feel like i was welcome to "push" too much apart from some pretty crappy pinches lol.

I can be very tactile and humorous with women, to a lesser extent with men, and have a lot of mental discourse but i don't care about talking most of the time, it doesn't come across like that.

And obviously when I talk about being conflictual etc it is not to the extent of being non-functional.

 

 

Ok I see

[Schizophonia]

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Nothing is funny about it being hard 

Ok I see

There is no pleasure in ease, it is the quest that makes something interesting.

Not just in relationships but in life in general: The harder, the longer, the bigger, the more intense, the better it is. 

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

There is no pleasure in ease, it is the quest that makes something interesting.

Not just in relationships but in life in general: The harder, the longer, the bigger, the more intense, the better it is. 

I don’t feel like that for my situation. I think about suicide all the time. I don’t wanna live like this. I feel so weak

[Schizophonia]

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I don’t feel like that for my situation. I think about suicide all the time. I don’t wanna live like this. I feel so weak

I meant in an "intended" context.

I promise it will get better.

I lack experience but there are non-dual thinkers like Martin Ball who do consultations.

[Sugarcoat]

30 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I meant in an "intended" context.

I promise it will get better.

I lack experience but there are non-dual thinkers like Martin Ball who do consultations.

Thanks 

[Sugarcoat]

56:

I don’t understand how people have so much to say. Usually my mind is quite empty and I try to think of a reply but I can’t come up with anything of particular substance so I just let it be. I feel I barely have access to my own brain

[Sugarcoat]

57:

Mods looking at my profile makes me think I did something wrong😹

[Princess Arabia]

52 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

57:

Mods looking at my profile makes me think I did something wrong😹

Keep in mind that your name could be accidentally hit. Happens all the time.

[Sugarcoat]

9 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Keep in mind that your name could be accidentally hit. Happens all the time.

Oh that’s true didn’t think of it. I have myself accidentally clicked on people. Funny you read my journal btw, I feel quite anonymous as I write here it’s like I feel like 2 people read it but rest don’t but maybe more look at it sometimes doesn’t matter just a thought 

[Sugarcoat]

21 minutes ago, Candle said:

Me too. When I hide a lot of posts, mods do so. (Hidden posts are visible to mods, so I edit them and hide. ) 

Omg I didn’t know .So you edit them to change the content? That’s a great idea thanks for sharing your secret 

23 minutes ago, Candle said:

I'll read each one of ur posts. 

I hope it's okay me writing in ur journal. 

Good luck finding my posts among all the replies😹 Only read if you find interesting

Yea ofc this is a free space for anyone the normal rules don’t apply here (jk I can’t decide that)🙈