Leo what is your perspective on developing a growth mindset ?

[Rishabh R]

Like everytime I fail , is it beneficial for me to see failure as opportunity. As I have seen that it is very important as it determines wether I will bounce back or stay stuck. I have found it true in my direct experience. Just wanting to hear a perspective from you so that my verification will be more stronger which is although verified in my experience.

[Leo Gura]

14 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

is it beneficial for me to see failure as opportunity.

Yes, of course. But you gotta analyze and comprehend why you failed, to learn the lesson and fine-tune your ways.

I reframe my failures all the time, such that I don't even hold them as failures but necessary steps in the actualization process.

Edited August 29 by Leo Gura

[mmKay]

[UpperMaster]

@mmKay I'm still in the middle its so not cool dawg

[mmKay]

Art Of Beating Yourself Up -- Be Very Self Critical But ONLY For What's Within Your Ultimate Control ( Owen Cook legacy video blog )

Since you haven't defined any specific domain or details, I'll throw this perspective in from the PUA community.

Transcription : 

Hey, what's up? It's Owen from Real Social Dynamics. I'm shooting into Las Vegas right now, going to the Real Social Dynamics World Summit, just reflecting on the past year, thinking of all the glory that's happened. It's been an amazing year, and I'm psyched to get back there and show everybody the skills that I've built over the past year. It's going to be fun. But anyway, what I actually wanted to talk to you about today was the topic of judgment and basically not worrying what other people think of you, but worrying significantly of what you think of yourself.


I've watched people beat themselves up in the pickup community for years and years. That could be after a single approach, that could be after a whole night, or that could be really even just their progress in general. They'll beat themselves up. Newbies tend to do it when they have this big self-image of how cool they would be if they ever did do an approach. They finally decide to work up the nerve to approach a girl or maybe approach a whole bunch of girls throughout an entire night. It doesn't go the way they expected, and that little gestalt of self-image things in their head that was, I'm like this, and I'm this type of person, I'm this type of person. It doesn't get lived up to. It destroys them. It floors them. They go home with their head spun out. They want to cry. Super pathetic. Then I've also seen it with advanced guys who come to a place like Vegas here. They think they're going to f*ck five girls in a week. They think they're going to f*ck two girls in a night. It doesn't happen. Maybe a guy gets a dry spell of two weeks.


The guy's just losing his mind. His entire sense of self is in question. He's beating himself up, down on himself, hard himself. I look at that and I tell you, ridiculous. I never beat myself up based on outcomes. I will only beat myself up based on the processes that I take. All right, so let me give you an example. Take an NBA player. Say Kobe Bryant. Big fan of Kobe Bryant myself. I live in Los Angeles. He'll go out sometimes and have an amazing shooting night. This guy will just catch fire, sink every single shot that he takes, or at least almost all of them, destroy the other team single-handedly, carve them up, and he's a champ. He remembers that he wants to be that guy. But on some nights he goes out, he might only score four points. He might shoot a really low percentage. You ask yourself, why? What's the difference? Why can't a guy who can go tear up another team one night not go out and just shoot the ball in in a basket on another night? What's the issue? Well, it could be a lot of different things. It could be something in his emotions.


It could be his personal level of momentum with basketball. It could be a physical thing. It could be his Yin-Yang energy, and he hasn't rest himself enough to have that explosive output It's having trouble getting in the moment. It could be psychological. It's a lot of different things that can go on. Ultimately, you have a strong degree of control, but never a full degree of control over these sorts of things. In the same way with game, one thing that I've always known is that I'm going to have some amazing nights where I make out with half the girls in the club, and they're all chasing me, and I have different girls who are wanting to come home with me or different girls that do come home with me in a given night. I go take home one girl and go back to the club and bring home another one. Then I'm going to have nights where it's just humiliating. The type of nights where if that sh*t was videotaped, probably RSD wouldn't exist anymore because you'd go: That's the guy??? It'd be that bad. There's obviously a range and there's the low-end and the high-end and everything in between.


I don't identify myself as being that guy that's always on the high-end. I don't identify myself as the guy who's always on the low end, I realized that I'm the guy that does all of it, and that's fine. Sometimes when I come home from that really bad night, friends of mine will say, Damn, dude, that was brutal. How can you be happy with a night like that? I'm just going home and I'm like, It was fucking fun. That was fucking cool. Like, dude, we got destroyed tonight. And I'm like, nah, I like it actually. I'm proud of myself. I stuck in there. I hammered out to the bitter end. I did all the processes that I know work. I have these great processes that I've talked about in my other videos. I know they work. I know that over a long period of time, it's going to get me the best result possible. So I'm proud of myself. I always go home very, very proud of myself when I do that. And people are shocked sometimes when that happens. Meanwhile, other times, I might go out and mess around some super fine girl or even pull a girl home, and I'll go home feeling a little bit down on myself.

And that's because I didn't follow the processes that I know work. So I'm very, very process-focused. I'm not so much outcome-focused. And the reason why that is, because I've seen this over the years teaching Boot camp, where, say it's the For the last half hour of a program, a student might say to me, " What should we focus on for the rest of the night?"  And I'll say, Well, what are your goals? He'll say, I want to get a make-out. I say, Dude, you can't control for sure whether or not you get a make-out. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of highs and lows if you that. What you could control is that you're going to try to kiss every girl. What you could control is that you're going to try to venue change every girl. What you could control is that you'll have a positive attitude towards the entire thing. You'll take a lot of action, make yourself laugh. These are things that you can control, but you cannot ultimately control if you make out with a girl or not because it's a human being. A girl is not a golf ball. A girl is not just this inanimate object that you can just keep hitting and hitting and hitting.

There's tons of different girls. They're human beings, so you can't have ultimate control over anyone except yourself. I generally find that the pleasure for me is in taking action, and the results, I know they're going to come when they come, so I don't get stressed about it. But on the flip side, I do like to beat myself up sometimes. Here's examples. If I go out and I didn't follow my processes, I I need to beat myself up. But also, there's processes within the game itself, in the section itself that I'll follow, but also outside of it. Things like meditation, going to the gym, eating clean, staying on top of my work life, things like that. I know that these are external processes, and if I don't follow them and I did poorly, I need to beat myself up. Beating yourself up is an opportunity to be introspective. It's a protection mechanism and it's completely healthy. The way that most guys beat themselves up because their self-image has been affronted or they haven't got laid three to five times in a week or things like that is ridiculous. It's stupid. Primarily, the best word you could use for it is childish.

Very, very unrealistic. But to never beat yourself up is equally bad because when you never, ever beat yourself up, the problem there is that your life can go off the rails. I have a lot of good friends who never, ever beat themselves up. I mean, they never beat themselves up. You want to learn how to not beat yourself up? Ask these guys. When their finances slowly dwindle down or their sex life gets messed up or their life in general gets messed up, they get fat, whatever it is, they never seem to beat themselves up. Why? I don't know. They don't really care. But then what always happens is that in the end, they become little cry babies about it. Often, that's friends of mine coming and crying to me that things didn't go the way they expected because they didn't follow the processes. Meanwhile, me, like Like a religion, like a religion, I fall the f*cking processes. And inevitably, when the evolutionary pressure comes off of me a little bit and I lose a bit of focus, maybe because I'm doing a bit too well, I'll see that that's happening and I'll beat myself up.

I will literally even spend a full day, maybe a day and a half, just brow beating myself saying, Dude, look at what you miss here. Look at what you miss there. What are you doing? Is this how you want to live your life? Is this what's going to let you live your dreams? Or is this going to make your life turn to a piece of shit? And I take that time and pause, and I realize that That's a part of life. Beating yourself up is a chance to refocus as a part of life. It's a chance to take your RAS, reticular activation system, and hone in on what you're doing wrong. Stop and really think about all the different things that you would change about your life, and use that negative emotion of beating yourself up as leverage to keep focusing on it. Once that happens, the negative emotions dissipate. They go away. You can see me when I go out and I start approaching, I never judge myself. I'm really good with that. I can start approaching girls, blowing me out. I'm going in half ass or whatever because it's early in the night, I'm half out of it or maybe too logical from a full day at work.

It goes really bad and people are like, Really? This is how you start your night? That's tough. I go, No, dude, I'm loving how I'm starting my night. I'm not judging myself. I'm not beating myself up. But again, on the flip side, when I'm not following those processes, I feel that I have violated almost like the laws of the universe. I have violated my reason for being alive, which is the processes that I have developed and I've cultivated, that I believe in, that I love. I haven't I'm all of those, and I say, Look, purpose of life is to take joy in the action. I'm not taking joy in the action. I'm not taking the action I need to be taking. I'm all just wishing I could get the result without enjoying the action itself. I've lost sight of that. I need to come back to center. I need to come back, and I need to take the fact that I Keep myself up as a reminder to get refocused, get back on track, and fucking crush. All right? And that is what I love to do. I love to crush. So basically, what I'd leave you with is, don't judge yourself.

It goes really bad and people are like, Really? This is how you start your night? That's tough. I go, No, dude, I'm loving how I'm starting my night. I'm not judging myself. I'm not beating myself up. But again, on the flip side, when I'm not following those processes, I feel that I have violated almost like the laws of the universe. I have violated my reason for being alive, which is the processes that I have developed and I've cultivated, that I believe in, that I love. I haven't I'm all of those, and I say, Look, purpose of life is to take joy in the action. I'm not taking joy in the action. I'm not taking the action I need to be taking. I'm all just wishing I could get the result without enjoying the action itself. I've lost sight of that. I need to come back to center. I need to come back, and I need to take the fact that I Keep myself up as a reminder to get refocused, get back on track, and fucking crush. All right? And that is what I love to do. I love to crush.

So basically, what I'd leave you with is, don't judge yourself, Don't beat yourself up. Don't worry about results other than as a general indication of maybe things that you would change. But really follow the processes and enjoy the process and love the process and realize it's going to come when it's going to come. Dude, you're on a sailboat. You just got to turn the rudder, keep yourself moving in the right direction with your processes. You don't need to be this little motor and getting all mad when it doesn't happen. Enjoy life. Life is to be enjoyed. Life is a beautiful thing. Love the action. Enjoy taking the action. The results are going to come. They're going to reward you. Have faith in that. Full faith. Faith in the process. Faith the results will come at the time they're ready to come. You're going to love it.

Edited August 29 by mmKay

[mmKay]

16 minutes ago, UpperMaster said:

@mmKay I'm still in the middle its so not cool dawg

If you don't learn the lessons and don't develop or build whatever you have to , that line never ends and it only gets more twisted

Most people will never untwist and reach the smooth line

[Rishabh R]

@Leo Gura how many of them resulted in success and bouncing back like out of 10 ?