Journey to Self Actualisation

[UpperMaster]

Everything I hear is hear-say. I will from now on confirm for myself through experience. 

[UpperMaster]

Contemplating if I should continue believing in god

Edited January 1 by UpperMaster

[UpperMaster]

I am understanding the importance of not blindly following Leo so much more now. Not only is Leo not always right, but whenever he talks about a certain subject he talks about it in a specific context which may not match yours. I'm not saying this casually. This is not a trivial observation. Once you realize this, you also realize that have to do this work on your own. No two ways about it. There's no other option. Because only you know your context fully, and only you know where you stand. Mentors and advice help, but in the end, you're the only one to do this work. 

I noticed this by seeing Leo change opinions about things, and also give advice he usually wouldn't give when addressing someone with a specific context. 
 

More importantly, I realized that living your life via only Leo's advice and no self thinking will almost always fail. There will be missing pieces to your puzzle that's different for everyone. And also Leo could be wrong. You have to think these things through.

[UpperMaster]

I studied for my math test for two weeks straight. Yesterday I wrote it and I failed for sure. I'm kind of numb to failure. I dislike it, but like damn. 

 

I hope I succeed more this year man. I won't quit but I hope it pays off. I hope contemplating so much pays off, I hope watching all these videos pay off, I hope all my actions pay off. I've been in self improvement for a while. I hope it pays off.

[UpperMaster]

One thing I will take Leo's word for is his advice on tackling any challenge in life. You don't need to know "how to do something", just that you have the desire to do it. The passion and the ambition will help you uncover how.

 

[UpperMaster]

Lot of things have happened since the last journal entry.

 

I had an insightful meeting with therapist

I tried concerta 

 

I realise that some of my “ambition” or need to prove others wrong is actually source of great pain for me. It hasn’t even helped me be any more productive. It’s just hate that I feel. I feel like it’s a source of great immaturity.

This underlying desire to become better than people, prove people wrong is very strong and is the main reason I am in self-development.

 

lookint back it hasn’t even led me to more progress, I just hate more, feel horrible.

 

This is the first time I’m considering tackling this desire. It’s the reason I’m in self development, but I suspect it’s also one of my biggest constraints in actually developing.

 

Edit: I feel that feeling right now. It's very very strong. I can see why I keep it there, it's so overpowering. I am not sure I can get rid of it I will be honest.

 

edit 2: If I was focused I would capitalize on this feeling

 

Edited Sunday at 04:13 PM by UpperMaster

[UpperMaster]

Today my father asked me "What have you learned in the last year"? In a semi-sarcastic tone, implying that I am wasting my life. 

I thought about it for a second.

I've gained the most life experience in the last year. I experienced so much failure, I've taken the most steps to progress in life, I messed up relationships and learned so much from them. I've learned more about psychology and philosophy, I've asked so many questions in this forum trying to learn. 

I quickly realized that it was so much. 

I replied I learned a lot, I gained a lot of experience learned more philosophy. 

My father basically gave a reaction ackined to "oh so you didn't do anything but bullshit".

I didn't feel as bad as I thought I would. Usually I would feel really bad because there would be some truth to it. Like when my mother points out my faults and failures, I would feel bad, because deep down I am currently not doing as good as I want to. 

However, my father's reaction just made me kinda upset not because he pointed out some truth. but because he has no idea what I do on a daily bases. he doesn't even know who I am neither is he interested in anything I am passionate about. He is a business man, he doesn't give a fuck about philosophy. 

 

I speak to a lot of people, I really hope the work I am doing here pays off. I don't see many people doing it, I pray it will all work good, I am really taking time here.

 

Completely separate issue: 

My mother has also kept using statements that insinuate that I am shallow and manipulative in some way. She keeps doing that. Now I am really thinking on whether or not I have some bad behaviors. I will reflect on that in the soon. 

 

Another separate issue:

I want to understand trump, maga moement and fascism more because some of my friends are involved in that. I got some info I will do research soon.

 

 

[UpperMaster]

Super important lesson I learned from Leo's "How to Avoid Getting Scammed, Cheated, Exploited Conned" video.

 

 

He talks about the trap of Cynicism or being overly Cautious. 

He explains how despite there being many scams and conns, being overly cautious will prevent you from taking action and getting results.

Taking action leads to you interacting with the world and getting back feedback. This feedback is essential, it will allow you to orient yourself to getting better results. 

 

Examples:

Pickup: Pickup community is very grifty and scammy. But quickly dismissing everything in pickup and accepting that the only way to have sex with a hot girl is through having a good jawline and consequently deciding to do absolutely nothing is a mistake. 

Spirituality: Theres a lot of bs in new age spirituality. Doesn't mean realizing in god is impossible. 

Business: There's a lot go shitty business advice. Doesn't mean all business advice is bad.

 

He explains how a lot of time diamonds can be found floating on shit.

 

Cynicism will lead to you not taking any action, sitting around on the couch and criticizing anything. 

 

Sometimes taking action and getting scammed is better than taking no action at all. 

 

EMBRACE THE TRICKERY OF REALITY