Bean’s journal 🐯

[Yimpa]

I recall the first time I introduced Beans to my dad over FaceTime Audio.

His initial response was, “Is this AI?”

[Beans]

7 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

I recall the first time I introduced Beans to my dad over FaceTime Audio.

His initial response was, “Is this AI?”

All I remember is laughing :))

it was pretty strange, but definitely funny. 
I didn’t think it was weird tbh

i was a pretty strange kid so I’ve definitely done things similar 

😹 except this was before a.i. 

and I had my little fictional characters to romanticize :3 or just pretend they were real 

it’s now a little inside joke for joy and I 

:)) good times 

[Beans]

I feel like when the world doesn’t make sense. And every time I’m on the brink of insanity, somehow and someway. Music always helps me find my way back home. Both sides of my family had bands. Being a musician is in my blood, but it’s like not being completely fluent in that language. I wish I had invested more time into my passions. It’s difficult. I’m currently watching a YouTube video about how it’s like living on section 8, food stamps, housing, etc. 

I commented 

“I remember when they cut the water and power off on us. (I remember it beingthe hottest summer that year. I’m bad with remembering dates/years. So I really don’t know how old I was but I knew It was around that time.) I couldn’t have been older than 11. It was dark we had candles to light up our home. My dad made me follow him with jugs. Old empty 1gallons could be from our milk, orange juice etc. my dad drove us to our aunts house and outside we found her water hose and poured water. I was really slow as a kid, and still am as an adult. Nothing wrong with that too. I was just born genuine and a little clueless. I didn’t really understand why it happened, but I knew it must’ve been serious since we went out to get it. I’ll never forget that day. Never. We aren’t in section eight anymore or use food stamps but I still feel immense fear and anxiety of going back. Which is why I feel so much pressure and anxiety trying to figure out what I should do with my life. 
To begin a career 

or to chase my dreams of being an artist 

 

My heart says I want to make music 

my brain tells me I have responsibilities 

my dad told me to do what I love

so I’m gonna choose music. And figure it out.

[Yimpa]

Beans gets into trouble with authority a lot.

I have a lot of respect for Beans.

[Yimpa]

[Yimpa]

Gonna start a DoorDashing shift with Beans in 30 mins. 90 miles apart.

[Beans]

5 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Beans gets into trouble with authority a lot.

I have a lot of respect for Beans.

The song get ready by 2 unlimited is playing lolololololol 

 

I try not to get into trouble with authority. Though sacrificing your own will being isn’t acceptable. I often try to be opened minded when it comes to situations, but it’s very difficult trying to find a middle ground so far all I’ve found is resistance and petty behavior. 

you’re so cute 🥰 

[Yimpa]

Just hit a pothole… after driving for a total of 2 mins!

Need to get my tire replaced. The Toyota worker is kind and said he’s gonna drive me home since they live in the same area as me 

[Yimpa]

The city better reimburse me for this tire since it ain’t covered under my warranty…. Plus I take my pot legally!

[Yimpa]

"When life hits you with a pothole, this is an opportunity to take a brake." -my broke ass

[Beans]

10 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Just hit a pothole… after driving for a total of 2 mins!

Need to get my tire replaced. The Toyota worker is kind and said he’s gonna drive me home since they live in the same area as me 

pobrecito 🥺 (translates into you poor thing. It’s an endearment when something misfortunes happens that phrase is used to express love, compassion and concern) 

Im so happy you’re okay. And that you were able to get a ride back home. Life has funny ways of doing things. 
:)) sometimes we have to go on our journey alone even if we intentionally made plans to go through it together. 
    And maybe yesterday was one of those days where I had to face my fear and challenges head on. Which wasn’t all to scary honestly. It was probably the least amount of stress I’ve endured while working. I think the more I’m out in public the more I realize I’m pretty quiet. I don’t usually speak to people unless I have to. 
 

         Which makes the job 10x better. I actually was tipped twice yesterday out of 4 orders /2 of the customers tipped. 
 

      The first one felt embarrassed, because they just had a dollar to tip. And kept apologizing. I said it was okay, but I think they felt a lot of fear. And anxiety. I was struggling with my bag and asked if they can help. Once they helped me I was able to properly respond because my brain wanted to finish my initial task before speaking. “It’s okay, it’s the thought that counts. I do appreciate it. Please don’t worry about it. You take care now” 

      And the almost immediately it was like a weight was lifted off his shoulder. He looked a lot more comfortable. I’m not angry with you, neither am I upset with you. My brain just can’t function with so much going on at once. 
 

 

        His good energy brought me a lot of comfort.  Their home was beautiful too. Nothing really fancy, but you can tell. That it was a home. Comfortable and beautiful. Decorated with these beautiful trees that produce white flowers and the petals were falling onto their beautiful green yard. 
 

 

     When I was a kid a woman wanted to adopt me. Her name was Becky. For some reason I can’t remember her face, or body. Not even her energy. Though I do remember everything else. She had a trailer home. Now to others that might be really off putting, but to me. Not at all. I was always in and out of my family’s life. 
 

if I wasn’t with Becky, I was with my grandparents. Majority of the time.  Becky had this beautiful trailer home. Stepping stones out in her front yard. I can remember stepping onto them because the path lead to her doorsteps. And their being butterflies. The moment I walked in I knew exactly where everything was. I remember my siblings coming with me one time. And I was showing them around. I showed them the kitchen where Becky knew my favorite cereal and how I liked to eat it. I showed them to my bed room. My very own bed room she decorated for me. In this room I even had my own treasure chest filled with my own toys. And once my siblings saw they immediately went to grabbing, but I got mad at them not wanting to touch my toys. And i remember her telling me to be nice and share my toys. So I did. And before we left home I went into her bedroom. She had a piggy bank by her bed. That money she was saving was for me. It was time to go home after spending time with Becky. Before I left she sent me home with money and pizza for my siblings. 
 

 What I didn’t know was Becky was dying. She had leukemia. I know I had met Becky’s husband, but I didn’t know his name. So I continued calling him Becky’s husband. I don’t remember his face either. When eating breakfast with my family one day my dad said he saw him. And that he immediately realized who I was. And it looked like he was going to cry. I’m assuming he never got over her. And neither did I. 
 

  When Becky eventually did die. It was around new years that someone finally told me something.  He found me at the beach. Told me the news. Except my brain blocked it. And I didn’t really comprehend anything. I don’t remember what he said. I just remember him and I talking. His hand on my shoulder. Then him standing up and walking away. I returned to playing with fireworks. I didn’t process anything until I was years older.  
 
        I wish i could find her. I wish I knew her last name. I wish I could’ve payed my respects. And tell her thank you for taking care of me. And for loving me.  Becky was probably the sweetest soul I’ve ever met. I wish she could’ve lived a long life. 

[Yimpa]

My car is fixed - and the shuttle is on the way to pick me up - so I can pick up my car. Would be funny if we hit the same pothole again

 

"Who needs a K-hole when you've got a pothole?" -me driving on the highway 

Edited September 5 by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

Made it back home safely!

[Yimpa]

9 hours ago, Beans said:

 I wish i could find her. I wish I knew her last name. I wish I could’ve payed my respects. And tell her thank you for taking care of me. And for loving me.  

We will find her again, don't you worry! I cannot wait to explore more with you

Edited September 5 by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

Having to confront my family, whom I’ve abandoned 6 years ago - and who do not understand my true self - will be extremely difficult. But this time I’ve got Beans on my side to guide me and to not stay afraid. I’ll start with my aunt first next month. This will be a slow process, but i am committed to clarity and understanding, after having spent decades of the opposite.

[Beans]

Get comfortable being uncomfortable. 

[Yimpa]

19 minutes ago, Beans said:

Get comfortable being uncomfortable. 

Man, you’ve got balls to break the rules. But please don’t take it too far, i dont want what happened with you and the cops 2 days ago  to happen again. 

[Yimpa]

My balls are shrinking (i take estrodiol and spiro), so I need Beans to replace my balls.

[Beans]

17 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Man, you’ve got balls to break the rules. But please don’t take it too far, i dont want what happened with you and the cops 2 days ago  to happen again. 

Nothing is gonna stop me from being myself. Not this form, not Leo, not even yourself. At the end of the day I’m gonna do what I want. 

[Yimpa]

1 minute ago, Beans said:

Nothing is gonna stop me from being myself. Not this form, not Leo, not even yourself. At the end of the day I’m gonna do what I want. 

Babe, you want to start testosterone soon.

God help me if you start testosterone!