Bean’s journal 🐯

[Yimpa]

All of my recent setbacks have been setting me UP for success!!

[Yimpa]

Thank you @Beans for cooking for me while I am debilitated the whole day. What would I do without you?

The possibilities are endless. Even in your absence you are present. You were never separate from me. This is paradoxical, yes. Of course, it couldn’t be any other way. Aha!

Edited Thursday at 02:37 AM by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

I just took a leap of faith and did something completely unplanned.

Lers see what’s happens.

[Yimpa]

Plot twist:

I’ve never taken psychedelics 

[Yimpa]

My mom finally stood up to me and said straight to my face, “You are acting too emotional.”

Thank you! That’s what I’ve been trying to get out of you all these years, just raw honesty!

My sister also called me abusive.

YES!!! This is what I need to hear!

Edited Thursday at 05:00 PM by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

 

[Yimpa]

The receptionist at the doctor’s office is also suffering with a nasty cough today.

And she is still working! If she can work while still dealing with sickness, I can too.

Sat, 5/3 is my next ketamine trip. I am looking forward to unraveling my mind even further 

I am learning to trust myself and those closest to me.

Of course, it’s all WE doing the work!

Edited Thursday at 06:20 PM by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

We are not romantic partners.

We are Crazy Coconuts 

[Yimpa]

I have decided to end the relationship. I can no longer stand the abuse going on here. I’m tired of the games and it’s exhausting me. It literally feels like dying and I just mask that I’m cool with it.

It was a mistake to trying to save you, I need to save myself.

[Beans]

I've responded via tiktok video 

linktree highlighted in signature quote 

[Yimpa]

I have severely underestimated how deeply selfishness is entangled into the human experience. The corruption runs deeper than I could have possibly imagined. No amount of l facades can conceal it, like pressure building in a sealed vessel.

I’ve been masterfully conditioned to deny this devilry. Not taking it seriously enough.  Distracting myself with endless pleasures, social games, and moral justifications. I was leading myself the wrong way this entire time.

Now I find myself bearing the full weight of this madness. I can no longer run away from my demons. I am at my very last health point. There is no where to hide. Do I turn the systems off and never play again, or is there a solution that’s been here all along and I’m too blind to see it? This is far from simple.

[Yimpa]

I spoke with the domestic abuse hotline earliest. I opened up about neurodiverse people tend to be taken advantage of, rather than to be understood with openness and curiosity. She then opened up to me about having a son with autism. 

The amount of patience and kindness needed to raise them is insurmountable. And trying to conform them to be normal makes the situation 100x worse. But here we are, pretending that this issue will go away by pretending that it doesn’t exist. 

Now that I reflect on it, I was that child who was abused by society and culture. And I am the abuser who is lashing out at a system that has clearly failed me.

[Yimpa]

I’m sorry for being a terrible partner. I’m sorry for abusing you. And for ignoring your pain. I was so selfish and cruel. I only cared about myself and thought I was above you.

I wish this part of myself would end. It’s so painful it’s tearing me apart from the inside. I don’t know what else to say for now, but I love you.💕 

[Beans]

@Yimpa Dawg just snap out of it. You sound like a maniac 

joy typed this themselves, but I found it funny so I don’t mind it 

Edited 18 hours ago by Beans

[Yimpa]

What is Joy?

[Yimpa]

Mom *confused and panicked*:

Let’s just focus on love. LOVE LOVE LOVE! I don’t know how we are gonna do it, but all we need to do is LOVE. 

Goodbye!

[Beans]

It feels really good to see Penny and my family. 
I hope your ketamine therapy goes good. 
I hope you’re okay. 

Edited 15 hours ago by Beans

[Beans]

Thanks for trying to take care of me.

i hope this isn’t the end of our friendship

I really care about you and want to see you again

Edited 14 hours ago by Beans

[Beans]

Please get home safe 

[Beans]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTjrLQsUo/
 

😿❤️‼️ 

I cant help but love and care about you