Bean’s journal 🐯

[Beans]

it really broke my heart hearing you calling me stupid. 
in those moments I see doc. 

Edited April 12 by Beans

[Yimpa]

I am sorry.

[Beans]

It’s not funny

I suffered a lot today and the first thing you do is laugh at me

youre not sorry don’t apologize me if it’s just some bullshit words you’re gonna say 

[Yimpa]

Relief - Finally expressing something difficult often brings a physical release of tension that manifests as laughter

Recognition - The moment of clarity when you see a pattern clearly can sometimes trigger laughter as a natural response to insight

Emotional processing - For many autistic people, laughter can be part of processing complex or intense emotions that don't have more direct expressions

Nervous system response - Sometimes laughter is simply how an autistic nervous system processes emotional intensity or significant moments

Joy in authenticity - There can be genuine joy in moments of opening up and being honest, even about difficult topics

A natural response to discomfort - Acknowledging something challenging about ourselves can create a complex emotional state where laughter emerges naturally

[Beans]

Today was terrible and I am exhausted 

[Yimpa]

  On 4/12/2025 at 1:52 AM, Yimpa said:

 

[Princess Arabia]

  On 4/12/2025 at 9:07 PM, Yimpa said:

@Princess Arabia ^ juss curious do you find the above video hilarious or offensive 

What's so offensive about that. It's not hilarious either it's just a video about a Gothic vacationing in Jamaica. It's cool.

[Beans]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIPliAyMfxZ/?igsh=Y21yMXdtMjZ0ZXZp

 

[Yimpa]

During my first ventures into serious psychedelic work, I noted this revelation amid a profound experience:

  Quote

Hired a new CEO for my brain.

Such a deceptively simple statement, yet it carries immense truth. The metaphor proves apt, though incomplete. The installation of new leadership doesn't instantly transform an organization's destructive culture. Rather, this new executive assumes the mantle with clear vision and determination to address the dysfunction.

This internal CEO possesses extraordinary perception—able to identify self-deception carefully hidden within the neural corp. The process of confronting these entrenched corruptions are existentially threatening, striking at the very foundation of the constructed self. Yet this courageous examination, however uncomfortable, represents the essential pathway toward genuine healing.

The restructuring of consciousness doesn't happen once and it's over. No, it requires sustained determination, compassion, and commitment to integrity as the new leadership works systematically through layers of accumulated distortion. The psychedelic experience doesn't merely solve problems—it illuminates the machinery that created them, offering a revolutionary perspective from which true transformation not only becomes possible, but also inevitable.

[Yimpa]

Today’s Wordle Solution:

 

LAUGH

[Yimpa]

 

Note to future self: will wear these socks while delivering food to customers

Edited April 13 by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

Awakening Tattoos:
 

[Beans]

Pardon the mess 

<.< Joy and I made up 

and so now I’m reorganizing, however I do find it extremely irritating having to do so. 
 

it’s not the first time I’ve done this, but trust it’s the last time. After joy and I spoke once we’re in a calmer state. I told Joy I was no longer excusing this kind of behavior. And that if it gets this extreme again I’m 100% ending the relationship and not looking back. I was 99% certain on ending it yesterday, but we spoke. Talked about it, I set my boundaries very clearly. And now we will be discussing this in couple’s therapy. For those who don’t know. I come from an extremely abusive household. So I don’t really have any boundaries/very weak boundaries. Throughout this relationship the only reason I’ve learned boundaries was because joys consistent persuasion to begin therapy. And ultimately because of that I’ve learned what I was okay with 

and what I wasn’t okay with. Before I use to be very flimsy in my boundaries and today I am not. You can have your judgements about me and my relationship all you want, but at the end of the day I’m a grown adult who can decide for themselves what they want in their life and what I don’t want in my personal life. 
I mean it when I say I love joy, and it’s true we do have quite a lot of difficulty in our relationship. Though I don’t think I’ve ever really grown this much with anyone. I obviously cherish this relationship I have with joy. And the thought of it ending did hurt, but at the same time it is difficult. Fighting constantly with ocd. That’s not a dig to joy, that’s not to say I think they’re evil. It’s just my truth. And sometimes when the expense of your own will being is to great, sometimes unfortunately you must part ways. And I was very much feeling that yesterday. 
im not really sure what will happen next though regardless of joy and I being in a romantic partnership or not they will always be a very special person in my life. Joy will always have a best friend in me. 

[Yimpa]

[Yimpa]

7 years ago, when I had absolutely no idea what the hell was going on, I said, “No matter how lost or hopeless I feel, I have to remind myself that it's going to be okay...and it's okay to be different.

Now I say:

All differences are Good. LOVE ALL DUALITIES AS GOOD!

[Yimpa]

5:51 

Edited April 14 by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

  On 4/13/2025 at 1:57 AM, Beans said:

 

[Yimpa]

  On 4/12/2025 at 9:34 PM, Yimpa said:

Sitting at that table with the other person I used to be in love with, this is what set off a war.

Oh boy.... Two nights later, Beans finds out that their ex-lover who they still think about just got married.

We opened up a can of worms and our couple’s therapist is gonna have a field day!

Edited April 14 by Yimpa

[Beans]

Losing someone very close to you. Is extremely hard regardless of if it’s a present relationship or previous ones. I heard a very close friend of mine who I’m no longer on speaking terms with got married yesterday. And it quite literally broke me, because I lost my best friend within that relationship. And seeing her in a wedding dress when as children we discussed that at our wedding we’d be each other’s maid of honor. It broke my heart.  Regardless though I just want her to be happy. She was my best friend for 16 years. And I’ll always want the best for her. 

[Beans]

Also after shopping a ladybug landed on joy! 
super cute!

Ladybugs are widely recognized as symbols of good luck, good fortune, and positive change. They are also associated with love, happiness, and protection.