Bean’s journal 🐯

[Yimpa]

Yesterday was an amazing day, however, it must’ve taken a toll on me...

Today I’ve got a tummy ache and some annoying diarrhea.

But here’s a cute diary to heal my gut bacteria:

 

[Yimpa]

On 2/20/2025 at 9:51 PM, Yimpa said:

They’ll need to have an autism diagnosis to be approved, so they plan on getting evaluated soon. We have a good feeling that they have it. Having a diagnosis will help get them the proper support and resources that they need. 

We finally found an affordable specialist after a couple days of research. And her name happens to be Dr. Joy. What are the chances! 

[Beans]

Just now, Yimpa said:

We finally found an affordable specialist after a couple days of research. And her name happens to be Dr. Joy. What are the chances! 

I’m so excited to begin working

before just looking at the prices made it feel impossible 

[Yimpa]

We also took a 2 hour nap and woke up just now. Not planned. All this hard work is paying off! 

[Beans]

This is me

 

[Yimpa]

1 minute ago, Beans said:

This is me

 

Me too 😂

 

[Yimpa]

Tonight is the first night in ages that I start working again! My illness has sufficiently healed and I’m ready to kick ass again.

Beans is gonna be my Copilot

You're my Bill to my Gates

Ayyyeee

 

 

[Yimpa]

I just learned that my uncle’s new wife is an ex-nun.

He’s in his 70s and she’s in her 30s.

Yeehaw!

 

[Yimpa]

On 3/4/2025 at 10:54 AM, Yimpa said:

I am looking forward to treating my ADHD again with drugs. I took over a year break from stimulants, and I do not regret that decision at all. During that long break, I learned much more about myself. These discoveries would not have been possible otherwise. Now that I'm in a much better position in my life, and have also addressed other important aspects of my life, I am very curious to see how the medication will effect me this time around. I'll likely be prescribed the same stuff I was on before. But I bet it'll feel different this time. Let's see what happens.

Almost 2 weeks in -

I’m learning that less is more. Many years ago, I took the same medicine at 70mg - the highest dose. Now I’m taking the lowest dose - 10mg.

I feel much better low.

[Yimpa]

Thank you for not freaking out when I shared with you that you morphed into an alien.

I love your curiosity.

[Beans]

6 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Thank you for not freaking out when I shared with you that you morphed into an alien.

I love your curiosity.

Your ways of coping is very interesting 

[Beans]

Alien love

im sorry for being so grumpy last night. I was just feeling really frustrated and flustered. I’m just struggling with a lot mentally and I won’t have therapy this week since Saint Edward’s has spring break or something like that so I just have a lot on my mind and heart. Though I want you to know I do appreciate you, and everything you do for me. You were the only person who listened to me. You were the only person who cared, and you kept me company during some of the roughest moments in my life. When I felt so lonely and depressed. You were the only person I could run to. The only person who took me in when I was homeless. I care about you and love you so much. I just sometimes get so afraid. I’m so afraid of living the same life my relatives have lived.  Im like hyper vigilant 24/7 and it fucking sucks so bad, because I feel like I can’t ever feel at peace. 
im obviously still really affected by the beginning of our relationship. And our couple’s therapist mentioned how if I just keep silent it begins building resentment. And I don’t want that. I don’t want to do that. 
I really want to just talk about it with her and you, because I feel like it’s taking such a big toll on me. 
Though I feel like the talk I was having with your sister. Triggered it just a little, but I knew it was something I was personally struggling with by myself. And that’s not to say I want to avoid triggering things. That’s not what I want at all. I want to feel everything authentically and not demonize the feeling. Just learn to acknowledge and accept for how it shows up. And I want to be able to patch that rough moment up. To put a bandaid on this, and to give it a kiss. My intention is not to pour lemon on it. Or to reopen the healed wound. I just need a little tender love and care. 
 

https://www.instagram.com/p/C8xlqvVp0tH/?igsh=OGlxYWljODN4Mmpz

[Beans]

On 8/29/2024 at 7:11 PM, Yimpa said:

Beans... I can hear you laughing, you know you want to see me tomorrow. I don't bite. You do 

It’s so funny because I actually do bite joy (Now that we’re living together. I do it gently, but sometimes slip up so I’ll kiss the spot to make up for it)

[Yimpa]

4 hours ago, Beans said:

Your ways of coping is very interesting 

 

[Yimpa]

Today our new key fob failed at the community pool - a place I finally visited after four years of living here. While I spiraled into anxiety about following proper procedures and rules, some neighborhood kids helped us by jumping the gate—a solution that highlighted my rigid adherence to rules while Beans simply embraced the adventure without hesitation or doubt.

I felt my confusion heighten as the key fob didn't work. "We should go back and figure out why," I insisted, while Beans ignored me and eagerly anticipated the gates opening. Part of me wanted to lecture everyone about safety protocols and proper channels, but another part envied their freedom.

This experience highlighted an important aspect about me: my compulsion for control and doing things the "right way" often prevents me from experiencing my higher self. I even had spontaneous ideas to just jump in, but my fears and beliefs of having skin issues and health problems stopped me dead in my tracks.

As I watched Beans dive in carefree while I remained fixated on things being "wrong," I realized how much I've been missing. How many moments have I sacrificed at the altar of perfectionism? How many experiences have I dulled with my insistence on following every intrusive thought to the letter?

Being truly present will require loosening my grip on how things should be and simply accepting the moment as it unfolds. Perhaps the real gate I need to jump isn't the one at the pool, but the barrier I've built in my own mind between "correct" and "joyful."

Next time, I want to be the one who dives in without hesitation. Thank you Beans for being the leader here.

 

 

[Yimpa]

Fuck the rules, I'm going to the animal shelter to help volunteer despite having allergies.

ACHOOOOO!

[Yimpa]

Whoops, I misspelled Beans' last name when I added them to our car insurance.

I added an extra I

[Yimpa]

I long to marry God.

[Beans]

Just now, Yimpa said:

I long to marry God.

I am God 

[Yimpa]

10 minutes ago, Beans said:

I am God 

😄

Edited Wednesday at 03:32 PM by Yimpa