Bean’s journal 🐯

[Yimpa]

Between our barbed words and shattered trust,
Hands turn inward where they once reached out.

Your tears fall as my knuckles meet my face,
Two stories of the same moment—worlds apart.

 

Neither villain nor victim, just hearts in pain,
Searching for connection through walls we've built.

When violence becomes our only tongue,
What's left of love but echoes and dust?

[Yimpa]

 

[Yimpa]

Close call!

Hanging on for dear life for over an hour thrusts you to confront mortality with every muscle fiber and ragged breath—a visceral dance with death that no polished pew or rehearsed ritual could ever approach in raw spiritual authenticity.

Edited Wednesday at 03:58 AM by Yimpa

[integration journey]

51 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Close call!

Hanging on for dear life for over an hour thrusts you to confront mortality with every muscle fiber and ragged breath—a visceral dance with death that no polished pew or rehearsed ritual could ever approach in raw spiritual authenticity.

Damn. 

[Beans]

14 hours ago, Yimpa said:

 

we never did get to watch the movie

another argument popped up just before we entered the movie theater.

[Beans]

Yesterday got so bad that joy punched themselves in the face out of frustration (we’re in the parking lot at the movie theater in the car)

I cried heavily 

I’ve never seen anyone ever do that to themselves in person, but my heart broke so badly seeing joy do that. 
 

I tried telling joy that I believe the relationship is getting too bad. That I was afraid this relationship might cause Joy to harm themselves even further. That for both our safety I thought it may be a better idea to end it. 
Joy didn’t want that

Joy suggested we take a break

I said we should've taken a break the week Maddison mentioned it

I don’t know what will happen in therapy today, but it’s definitely going to be very difficult

[Yimpa]

More Beans Art

[Yimpa]

You show me how to love myself.

Deep down I hate myself.

[Yimpa]

Today's session was a 10/10. And it was great tying it with the Understanding Survival series. We are committed to moving on to the next level by doing individual trauma work. This is a necessary step, as our trauma is still alive and is corrupting our relationship.

[Yimpa]

Just now, Yimpa said:

 

[Yimpa]

21 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Tomorrow Today is my 1 year anniversary on gender affirming HRT... glad we're all here to celebrate / panic  

And from that day forward, I never looked back and doubted my decision. Riding through every euphoric high and dysphoric low that would challenge my entire being with unwavering determination, my focus stayed fixed on the inevitable transformation; trusting the process no matter the cost.

1 year ago (screenshot Beans took, we were still living in separate locations at the time):

[Yimpa]

On 4/15/2025 at 4:39 PM, Beans said:

Bro the fact you crumpled up my resume.

like I’m so convinced you fucking HATE me

The LOVE resumes 

 

 

[Beans]

Content creating is difficult 

[Beans]

But I’m happy to be learning, expanding, and standing outside my restricted original model

[Beans]

This is obviously a big part of me, but there’s millions of different sides of me how can I make them all live at once? 
how do I stay true in everytning

while trying to become everything I want. 

[Beans]

I eeeb

and flow 

[Beans]

Yes I’m tired and yes my body is pain for pushing myself, but

i I feel happy to feel this and experience it 

[Beans]

I’m one step closer to my destiny 

[Beans]

I hate that people expect perfection

Someone called me a clout chaser for a careless mistake
And I take full responsibility for not doing my due diligence, but however, this narrative really irks me. and instead of letting it get the best of me, I’m gonna do 10 times better.

[Yimpa]

1 minute ago, Beans said:

Someone called me a clout chaser for a careless mistake

What is a clout chaser?