Bean’s journal 🐯

[Yimpa]

Most treatment that's actually worked for me long-term has been unconventional and disapproved by most "experts."

Vyvanse at kid dosages (standard doses just made me high). HRT for gender-affirming care. Medical cannabis. Ketamine.

Everything else? A joke. Little progress. Keeping me stuck.

Don't be afraid to jump outside the box and *toss out the baby and the bathwater*. That's where the magical healing happens.

Plot twist: the "standard of care" is just Latin for "we're not sure either, but this paperwork looks impressive."

*dont actually do that part, I’m kid*

Edited Friday at 05:09 PM by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

4 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Being trans is absolutely wrong, which is what makes is Good.

I said this, and they thought I said Bad. 

And that’s why opposites attract!

[Yimpa]

Consciousness is Infinite Transformation

[Yimpa]

On 4/3/2025 at 0:51 PM, Yimpa said:

$611??? I'M NOT CRAZY!!! 

Turns out it was only $411. 

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, UnbornTao said:

I'm going to copy that into my journal.

Just saw a billboard for the Texas Reptile Expo!!

https://texasreptiles.com/

Edited Friday at 10:39 PM by Yimpa

[Beans]

I plan on doing my first marathon 

joy is thinking about joining me

i’ve been pushing myself to hit the three mile mark

almost there, but I still need to continue building my endurance. Though I’m happy to say that I was able to hit the two mile mark. 
I’ve always had a terrible relationship with running

until I was inspired by a content creator overseas who shared their story about their own hardships. And one of their favorite hobbies was to run. So one day I was like “maybe I should try it out”

and I did. It use to be so much more difficult in the past. 
I couldn’t run a mile without feeling so much strain on my body 

context I was an asthmatic and very overweight child. I didn’t know how to cope on my own, and my parents weren’t very involved in my life. So I pretty much raised myself. However, when I was with my grandparents it was a very different story. I was very active, I would climb trees, run outside, look for insects, etc. 

though when I reintroduced running into my life

at the end of my workout I realized “hey this isn’t too half bad. And I feel really good right now”

I knew my dad had a love for running, but any time I tried joining him he never allowed me too. 
The same when I would see him box

i would express my interest in it and ask to join only to be immediately shot down. 
 

it was very painful. All i wanted was to bond with my dad. 
he was always extremely hard on me because in his mind I was “too sensitive/ or too weak” 

any chance he got he would antagonize me until I began crying 

he would always tell me that “you’ll never make it in the world being the way you are”

and for a really long time I believed him, but the more I tried to suffocate that part of me. The more depressed and suicidal I became. 
 

when I finally had enough and was convinced on ending my life. 
neither did my mother or father cry for me.

i didn’t care who would miss me

i didn’t care if my sisters would

I didn’t  care if my parents would

i didn't care if my best friend would

I told my nana (grandmother) 

what I had done while calling her I explained the situation 

and she immediately broke into tears. 
 

it really wasn’t until that moment 

that my depression and anxiety bubble popped. It shattered my heart hearing someone whom I love and cherish so much to cry for me like that. 
 

In that very moment I asked myself “what on earth am I doing? How could I hurt the woman who raised me, who loves me so dearly? How could I have forgotten?”

I was so buried in grief, depression, anxiety. That I had completely forgotten how much my grandma loves me.

from that moment on

i swore to never do anything like that again. And I kept my promise. And I plan on keeping it. 
 

slowly but surely I’m finding myself once more. 
in innocent ways such as running which was something I did enjoy doing as a kid

climbing 

swimming

singing

Reading

running

im finding things that brings me happiness again

and im beyond grateful for it. 
beyond grateful for the amazing impact everyone has on my life

[Yimpa]

@Beans 

[Yimpa]

17 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

25 minutes ago, integral said:

Stop assuming you understand this subject without experiencing it.