Bean’s journal 🐯

[Beans]

Even myself when push comes to shove I have a bad habit of running away from it out of the deep rooted fear 

I feel. Especially in situations where I feel I have no power. 
 

domestic abuse is difficult to leave. And often times very dangerous, because you’re extremely vulnerable. 
 

my situation as an example

Even though legally I’m an adult 

im still very young and very naive 

I have a bad habit of believing everything I’m told at face value, because I wasn’t born being taught others can and often times have alternative motives. 
 

even in school I could never tell the difference between someone intentionally being mean, or just trying to be my friend.  
 

and even till this day I struggle truly understanding, but I’m learning each day. And I try to have compassion for myself since my deck of cards in life isn’t exactly perfect.

 

My hope for my sister is that she tries. 
and grows confidence in her choices. 
I’ll take a tiny step forward to her independence 

especially from our abusive and toxic parents. 
she will always have my support no matter what she does.

 

[Yimpa]

I am full of assumptions and thirst to see them clearly.

[Yimpa]

Life not going your way? Embrace being blindsided. It’s not a punishment; it’s a miracle. There is a meta lesson to be discovered by facing paradox and contradictions. 

[Yimpa]

Being a sinner is good.

[Beans]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DCoR3lPS3Ez/?igsh=MWduanJ1ZmsxOXZ2dA==
 

Joyful wisdom:

*dog noises*

buga buga

waga gaga 

[Beans]

I love the Toyota snack guy

 

[Yimpa]

2 minutes ago, Beans said:

I love the Toyota snack guy

Me too. He was super kind and friendly.

Everyone here is a snack. We stared at a man’s ass for 10 seconds straight. His red pants were so HOT

[Beans]

7 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Me too. He was super kind and friendly.

Everyone here is a snack. We stared at a man’s ass for 10 seconds straight. His red pants were so HOT

:3 I don’t agree everyone is a snack, but I did find those red pants to be fun 

[Beans]

Joy and I ate some hotdogs 

normally I hate hotdogs

this experience wasn’t bad at all. Honestly the hotdogs were very good. And they had a lot of snacks and goodies for us to munch on. :3 needless to say

beans was very pleased

[Beans]

Joy has now put on smooth jazz for us to relax to 

beans is very pleased

[Yimpa]

Eating a bag of McDonald’s after having watched The Founder

[Yimpa]

My favorite effing number. Can’t be unseen :

 

 

37 + 2 eyeballs = CR-39

 

 

 

[Beans]

President Biden and vice president Kamala Harris have elected 61 black judges 

39 of the 61 

are black women. 
Donald trump may be elected as president, but trust and believe that these 61 judges elected were nominated to protect our rights and democracy. 
 

My flowers to them, because sometimes you must fight in silence.

[Yimpa]

I discovered that my eye doctor is a Christian. While that news is somewhat unsurprising, this is an opportunity for me to expose myself to a perspective that I am uncomfortable with. And to not just see him as that.

As soon as we label a person as something/anything (e.g. white, Black, gay, illegal, woman, foreigner), we immediately have all these assumptions and fear the worst in these people. I am watching my biases like a space hawk. And not taking things personally when they misgender me or don’t treat me the way I expect them to, because I understand that my life experiences likely don’t compute with theirs. That doesn’t mean that they’re intentionally trying to hurt me.

In fact, my need for others to treat me “perfectly” or “just right” is what I find troubling - as I assume that there’s only one right perspective - mine. I really don’t want to push my own agenda onto others if it makes them feel separated from me. It’s not my job to step over their boundaries. I have my own circle of people who understand me in my weird, alien ways anyway. And my eye doctor doesn’t need to know whether or not I have a penis, female breasts, or a a monkey tail.

Boundaries…. Yeah, there are times to set them, but I want to ensure that I’m not setting them in a dictoral manner. Going back to my earlier example, I would find that correcting people about what gender they should call me (e.g. say “they” instead of “he”) is just silly games. I ultimately don’t want to see a damn difference between a he, she, they, it, Black, Asian, Alien, lizard, etc.. These are just human constructions and labels, after all, and they are not permanent representations of ourselves.

The difference between Jesus and Buddha is an ego thing that we get so hung up on. Nail intended.

 

Edited November 24 by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

https://bobsandlolo.com/music-lyrics/poo-poo-lyrics/
 

 

[Yimpa]

The journal subforum has officially reached 100,000 total posts! Great job fellow Actualizers!

I am going to celebrate in a formal, respectful and etiquette manner. Let me learn from this fine, gay gentleman 

He interrupts at 4:00 even though that is wrong 

Edited November 24 by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

I am committed to stop using the N word in a mocking way. Its NOT funny.

I am not changing my ways simply from a moralistic standpoint or to get social approval. This is coming from a genuine desire to heal past traumas. 

Edited November 24 by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

Love is the greatest pair of ducks.

[Beans]

2 hours ago, Yimpa said:

I am committed to stop using the N word in a mocking way. Its NOT funny.

Breaking internalized racism is difficult but I’m proud of you. In my past I was the same, it’s up to us as the new adults of the generation to do better. 

[Beans]

1 minute ago, Yimpa said:

Love is the greatest pair of ducks.

🦆❤️ stinkabutt