Bean’s journal 🐯

[Yimpa]

I am going to ask my dermatologist if it’s a good idea to start Dupixent now. My eczema has gotten so crippling to the point that it’s impossible to get a good night’s sleep. My entire body is itchy and affects not only nighttime, but my entire day. I am constantly scratching myself.

Taking this medication will be my first time, and I am afraid of needles, but it is worth a shot. Plus, Beans and my sister (who is a nurse) will help inject me.

 

[Yimpa]

 

[Yimpa]

I am not above disability. In fact, I love learning what disability is. Feeling intense pain directly and facing tribulations has humbled me and made me more compassionate towards my fellow human beings. 

[Yimpa]

Discovered this sign while grocery shopping with Beans today:

 

[Beans]

Contemplate on deez nuts 

[Yimpa]

My primary doctor highly approves of me starting Dupixent. Time to tame this inflammatory disease. 

[Yimpa]

Today after intense scratching, my face started to bleed intensely, especially around my eyes. I sent a picture to my doctor an hour ago, and what do you know? I got a call from them just now; they are concerned for me, so they moved my appointment from next week to tomorrow.

Thank you Beans for helping me advocate. I usually have trouble doing this and keep silent when things get rough. You are teaching me to stand up for myself. 

[Beans]

YAYYY ADVOCACY ‼️💞‼️💞

[Yimpa]

“I don’t really care about Leo.” -Beans

[Yimpa]

Just saw this Oura Ring ad whilst reading a depression news article:

Damn, this circle is a beaut!

 

Edited October 17 by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

Dermatologist appointment went great and we have a solid treatment plan in place.

Unfortunately, on the drive back home, Beans and I got into a nasty argument. We are conflicted. Our relationship clearly has abuse going on in it. I don’t think we can continue to be with each other anymore.

[Beans]

1 hour ago, Yimpa said:

Dermatologist appointment went great and we have a solid treatment plan in place.

Unfortunately, on the drive back home, Beans and I got into a nasty argument. We are conflicted. Our relationship clearly has abuse going on in it. I don’t think we can continue to be with each other anymore.

I want to figure things out, because I do love you. I do care about you, but this is hard on me too. 
I don’t want our relationship to end, because I enjoy being around you and being with you. You’ve always been here for me while I’m going through some of the worse things I could be going through in my life.  It’s just hard joy. I can only imagine how it is to live internally with ocd, but it’s also difficult trying to navigate that, with your eczema 
 

and I wish it was simpler, I wish things weren’t this difficult. OCD sucks, miss communications suck, these arguments suck. It hurts hearing you calling me a bitch, it hurts when we argue and you tell me to leave, it sucks being forced to be open about my gender identity, it sucks being worried about what I could potentially say that’ll cause a big argument. Which is why I say it felt that I have to walk on egg shells. And I really am sorry for being so pushy. You know even when your dermatologist set your appointment a week from now a HUGE part of me wanted to continue to push you for a sooner date, because of how much you are suffering from eczema. 
I know you want to feel what you’re feeling authentically and fully, but I can’t help but want to jump up when I see you bleeding, or going through a bad episode.  I’m so proud of you for getting onto depiction, but for me watching you going through this. It’s like a nightmare. I want it to end, because I know what it feels like. I know how heavy that constant pain is. And I am sorry for putting more salt into the food. Especially with you being concerned and completely not comfortable with that.  I really didn’t understand just how heavy salt impacts us or how it could potentially influenced eczema.  When it comes to cooking my grandmother never really paid attention to that and so naturally neither do I. The only time I ever paid attention to it was in high school in the prime of my eating disorder, but even then when I tried the fideo and the pasta wasn’t the ready and taste wasn’t what expected to be I felt anxiety. And immediately just acted in a way to “fix” it. And I am sorry. I genuinely wasn’t thinking. I really often times just have a bad habit of going into autopilot.

 

[Beans]

I can’t force you to stay 

so I won’t, but I’m going to miss you. 
And I’m sorry for things not working out. 
and I hope you find happiness. 
https://music.apple.com/us/album/two-birds/317333978?i=317333996

Edited October 17 by Beans

[Beans]

https://music.apple.com/us/album/watermelon/1626311587?i=1626311588

[Yimpa]

It ain’t over till it’s over.

[Yimpa]

 

[Yimpa]

Currently in line to VOTE. This is the first time I am voting in-person. Lots of excited people here

[Princess Arabia]

On 10/17/2024 at 10:54 PM, Yimpa said:

 

Jonathon is like a walking noticeable vibration of the Absolute. That energetic form is just different. It's all vibration, but he is vibrating visibly and it's amazing to watch. He's only deformed on the human level, but he is perfection on the Absolute level.

[Yimpa]

@Princess Arabia ❤️

[Yimpa]

Insurance company delaying my lifesaving medication claiming that I didn’t try other drugs first, despite my healthcare team determining that I need this medication urgently.

Insurance companies making medical decisions should be a crime. Corruption at its finest.