Bean’s journal 🐯

[Beans]

1 minute ago, Yimpa said:

Babe, you want to start testosterone soon.

God help me if you start testosterone!

amen. 🙏 

[Beans]

1 hour ago, Yimpa said:

Babe, you want to start testosterone soon.

God help me if you start testosterone!

Amen 🙏 

[Yimpa]

People have bullied and harassed throughout my entire life just because I was born different - strangers and close ones alike - hence why I’ve become accustomed to mocking others using comedy to cope with that trauma.

You don’t want to know want I did to those close to me in private.

Edited September 6 by Yimpa

[Beans]

2 hours ago, Yimpa said:

People have bullied and harassed throughout my entire life just because I was born different - strangers and close ones alike - hence why I’ve become accustomed to mocking others using comedy to cope with that trauma.

You don’t want to know want I did to those close to me in private.

You were a child. You need to learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made while blinded by ignorance, rage and deep sorrow.

If the abused don’t unlearn abuse 

then you become the abuser.

I’ve harmed my twin sister once. 
and watching her cry broke my heart. 

Years later she would come to do the same thing to myself

i know it’s something we both regret 

something we can’t really speak about 

no one is proud of who we were in the past. 
neither am I saying I was born a saint

[Beans]

2 hours ago, Yimpa said:

People have bullied and harassed throughout my entire life just because I was born different - strangers and close ones alike - hence why I’ve become accustomed to mocking others using comedy to cope with that trauma.

You don’t want to know want I did to those close to me in private.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_CjIFwigJz/?igsh=emt0bTVpZHg2b25y
 
 

[Yimpa]

This cycle of abuse needs to seriously stop. And I am the only one who can end it.

[Yimpa]

[Yimpa]

We officially start couples therapy next week.

The serious work begins.

[Beans]

I am excited for our couple’s therapy. I have been enjoying our new talks. Especially when it’s a fruitful discussion about things we are struggling with. Shout out to your mom for the help and support. <3 

[Beans]

I can’t help but cry when I look back at our memories together. And I’m not crying out of pain, but just in awe of love. I don’t think I could’ve ever predicted my life to have shaped the way it has. And I don’t think I could’ve ever predicted meeting you. And so it makes me cry thinking about how much love I’ve received while looking back on our memories together. And it has nothing to do with the events, but everything to do with the experience of going through it with you. And they’ve been really beautiful experiences. Even the difficult ones. And the not so perfect ones. It feels so comforting knowing I have someone to go through the mess of my life with. And to do the same for you is an honor and privilege that I hold very dearly. 
so yes I cry when I think about how much I love you. 
thanks for being my partner 

[Yimpa]

[Yimpa]

Today marks our 4th attempt at living with each other.

We will not give up… We will march forward despite the immense obstacles along our path!

[Yimpa]

Just visited a pop-up art gallery featuring nude bodies and hippies everywhere. 

Now we are taking our introverted asses to a club where all the university students let loose.

LFG!

[Beans]

On 10/4/2024 at 5:22 PM, Yimpa said:

Today marks our 4th attempt at living with each other.

We will not give up… We will march forward despite the immense obstacles along our path!

It’s such a complicated journey 

It’s so difficult and confusing

i wish I could do things differently in some form so that way I can keep Penny 

and all I can think of is “if I was able to finish college I’d be able to find a stable income and be able to provide for myself and Penny”

And it sucks, because i feel torn between wanting to leave my abusive home and then struggling because if I do. Ultimately that means I lose her. And at the same time I don’t want her to have this life. It’s been difficult for herself too.  I’ve had Penny since high school. And she’s been my rock. More than just a dog. She is my best friend. The only thing is I couldn’t even receive any sort of funding because of my situation at home. It wasn’t until I finally left that I was able to receive financial aid. 
 

Even while at the shelter I felt so guilty and heartbroken for her to be stuck in a kennel. I can’t stand the thought of her being stuck in an adoption center stuck in one.  And the thought comes into my mind is what if she’s stuck there for a really long time? And develops worse separation anxiety. I wish I could make painless choices, but I’m beginning to realize that’s almost impossible.  I want to find a better solution if it’s possible. I want her to have a good life, better than before.
I’m hoping therapy can give me clarity on the right decision and direction for both Penny whom I care about deeply. And myself. 

Edited October 6 by Beans

[Yimpa]

Powwow healing Drumdance
 

 

[Yimpa]

Eating Mexican fideo that Beans and I cooked. It’s my first time (and Beans’ millionth). 1 in a million

[Yimpa]

 

[Yimpa]

Living with severe eczema is like my country (body) being mercilessly bombed against its own will. The attacks are only a temporary fix to a systemic issue. 

[Yimpa]

Learning attentively from this person who has detransitioned. I’m watching my biases, assumptions, and judgements as I read her/their experiences. This person is only 21, yet is a wealth of wisdom and experience on this matter. And I love how they have no regrets with their decision to detransition & even reframe it as a second transition.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/oXWHX9Lh90

I am only 6 months into HRT and have much to learn. I initially had blinders on and would exclusively read reports from those who have “successfully” transitioned while avoiding those who have detransioned. I guess you could say I was detransphobic and saw them as deluded and failures for not sticking with it while giving a bad image to the trans community. I was wrong.

[Beans]

17 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Learning attentively from this person who has detransitioned. I’m watching my biases, assumptions, and judgements as I read her/their experiences. This person is only 21, yet is a wealth of wisdom and experience on this matter. And I love how they have no regrets with their decision to detransition & even reframe it as a second transition.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/oXWHX9Lh90

I am only 6 months into HRT and have much to learn. I initially had blinders on and would exclusively read reports from those who have “successfully” transitioned while avoiding those who have detransioned. I guess you could say I was detransphobic and saw them as deluded and failures for not sticking with it while giving a bad image to the trans community. I was wrong.

I think it’s better when we practice mindfulness and removing judgment from our minds. 
my personal life was filled with judgments didn’t matter what I did I was never “perfect” enough to keep people satisfied or happy. We all need to accept our journeys and learn to accept when we need to recalculate no matter how hard or embarrassing it may be. 
no one is a failure for continuing to try for better