How Do I Cause the Least Amount of Pain Whilst Ending a Mixed Friendship?

[Oso]

Just last night I broke off a friendship which I deemed was no longer healthy for me anymore. However, I was a light to my friend in question and she is having a really hard time accepting my decision. I explained my reasons why I felt it needed to end it before ending it but she cannot seem to accept my POV. If anything, my POV is the worst case scenario for her, even though I feel it is the best.

I just feel terrible about the pain I'm causing for her and for myself, having to cut this off and all. I want to respond to what she'd said and try to offer her clarity and understanding, but I already said I was ceasing contact with her and I don't want to go against my word. It is simply the pain I feel for causing her pain that makes me want to do something to ease the burden I have left on her life. 

I could not be the friend she needed nor did I want to. I made sure of this and spoke clearly about it. I could not continue dragging the relationship on in hopes for one day that I wouldn't feel burdened. I could not do that to her any longer so I had to break it off. This is my first time doing this to anyone and it's terribly hard and scary and I do not know what I should do now. 

I feel this situation is likely quite relative to both of our positions and is bound with misunderstanding. What should I do? Can I do? If anything...

-

TLDR: I ended a friendship I felt was unhealthy for me. My friend is struggling to accept this decision. I've explained my reasons and said I'm ceasing contact, but I feel guilty about the pain I've caused. I want to offer more clarity but don't want to go back on my word. This is my first time ending a friendship so abruptly like this, and I'm unsure how to handle the aftermath. Should I do anything more or maintain the no-contact decision?

[Sugarcoat]

I’ve done the same and it never feels nice. I just tried to make sure I was really clear and transparent, and then I finished the contact with the person. Think through what you have said, if you have said enough, been completely transparent. If yes then no need to explain further, if you feel some big pieces are missing in your explanation then yes maybe contact again. But only if something really is missing not simply because you feel bad. If it felt like the right decision for you it is.

[Keryo Koffa]

Such communication gaps are always strange, having to speak what should be intuitive.

We project feelings onto each other and construct what may not even be there.

One would assume close friends would understand each other's motives.

Oftentimes it's a deep reliance on someone as a source of comfort.

And that's the role you filled with her, impersonal for you.

And so you needed to leave to expand your life.

And she just hasn't prepared for that.

It's quite tragic but inevitable.

She has to process that.

Give it some time.

And don't guilt

yourself.

over

it.

 

[Atb210201]

Maybe just be clear and truthful to her as much as possible 

And forget about her for one sec

Be clear and truthful to yourself as much as possible

About why you decided to end it

Edited August 26, 2024 by Atb210201

[Princess Arabia]

This is how I do it. At first it wasn't done intentionally but as I started to see how magical the Universe is, this never ceases to amaze me. Maybe with a close friend, it might take a little more tact but what I do is, in my mind, will them away. Just start saying to yourself you don't want them in your life anymore. Not even, just don't pay attention to them. Don't focus your thoughts on them but at the same time don't judge them or speak ill of them. 

I remember not too long ago on the forum there was a nuisance new member. They had an avatar with jesus smoking a cigarette. Another member requested for them to be banned because of it and felt they were mocking Jesus and it was disrespectful. They didn't get banned right away and the thread became hot with this jesus member throwing insults. I said, nothing needs to be done, just keep them talking. 10mins later he was banned. Sometimes people eliminate themselves or the Universe eliminate people from your life without you lifting a finger. You can will people away with your thoughts and intention.

I have done it many times to the point there's no one left....just kidding, but seriously, it works. 

Edited August 26, 2024 by Princess Arabia

[Keryo Koffa]

3 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Unmanifest them by shifting your frequency, don't judge though, just dissolve their existence in your mind. 

We used to have a forum member who had a funny Jesus picture, causing lots of Beef.
Nothing needed to be done, the situation resolved itself

@Princess Arabia Oh yeah, I remember that one, it was hilarious!

This also reminds me of another post where a guy can't get over his Ex

Trying to get her back, when she clearly moved on, it's the flip side of this

The point is: It's your life and others will latch onto you, but you're not their babysitter
You gotta live your life to the fullest, be independent and clear your way
There is no space to look after every person in the world

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Keryo Koffa said:

@Princess Arabia Oh yeah, I remember that one, it was hilarious!

This also reminds me of another post where a guy can't get over his Ex

Trying to get her back, when she clearly moved on, it's the flip side of this

The point is: It's your life and others will latch onto you, but you're not their babysitter
You gotta live your life to the fullest, be independent and clear your way
There is no space to look after every person in the world

Yeah, some want to eliminate and some want to get back. Getting back is usually harder but nothing is impossible so it's doable.

The jesus cigarette guy (you remember that thread), oh my I saw that ban coming. I even said it, just keep him talking, he'll eliminate himself, and sure enough. 

[Keryo Koffa]

2 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

It's the Convergence-Divergence Polarity of Attraction and I predicted the fall of Jesus,

You sure did! usually, I'd worry about getting off-topic, but these topics are perfect examplications of the inherent problem.

I guess it's just like Chemistry, some elements like being together, others are unstable, others need the right conditions.

And yet others enjoy solitude and yet others have really great combination partners but need to actually find them first.

[manuel bon]

5 hours ago, Oso said:

Just last night I broke off a friendship which I deemed was no longer healthy for me anymore. However, I was a light to my friend in question and she is having a really hard time accepting my decision. I explained my reasons why I felt it needed to end it before ending it but she cannot seem to accept my POV. If anything, my POV is the worst case scenario for her, even though I feel it is the best.

I just feel terrible about the pain I'm causing for her and for myself, having to cut this off and all. I want to respond to what she'd said and try to offer her clarity and understanding, but I already said I was ceasing contact with her and I don't want to go against my word. It is simply the pain I feel for causing her pain that makes me want to do something to ease the burden I have left on her life. 

I could not be the friend she needed nor did I want to. I made sure of this and spoke clearly about it. I could not continue dragging the relationship on in hopes for one day that I wouldn't feel burdened. I could not do that to her any longer so I had to break it off. This is my first time doing this to anyone and it's terribly hard and scary and I do not know what I should do now. 

I feel this situation is likely quite relative to both of our positions and is bound with misunderstanding. What should I do? Can I do? If anything...

-

TLDR: I ended a friendship I felt was unhealthy for me. My friend is struggling to accept this decision. I've explained my reasons and said I'm ceasing contact, but I feel guilty about the pain I've caused. I want to offer more clarity but don't want to go back on my word. This is my first time ending a friendship so abruptly like this, and I'm unsure how to handle the aftermath. Should I do anything more or maintain the no-contact decision?

I will tell you this: there's no way for people not to get hurt in this situation. But how can you hurt as little as possible? The only way is: to tell your truth. No bullshit about the universe or other mumbojumbo stuff.

Write them a letter with honesty, telling your truth. Use nice and loving words. Make them understand that you don't hate them, they will always stay in your heart, but still, your ways need to separate.