Went into delirium from meditation

[LambdaDelta]

Just had this bizzare experience of accidentally inducing deliriant effects through meditation, completely sober. I don't meditate often nor use a particular technique, this time it was a simple combination of relaxation, breathing and awareness to the best of my ability. Prior state of mind wasn't any different than usual and I didn't set any intentions, but perhaps it manifested subconsciously as I have an interest in experiencing such states.

This first taste was really spooky though, totally different from your regular hallucinations, paranoia, and even psychosis, which I have a decent amount of experience of through psychedelics and other substances. It's too realistic, the only vague indication I got that it was going in that direction was an intense ear ringing at the beginning, similar to high doses of dissociatives, but soon after there was no telling what's real or not. Saw things on the ceiling (like a snake crawling through a vent above me, yet I have no vent anywhere near), heard all manner of noises, talked to family members (I'm alone), even appeared in a different room, one I used to live in years ago, which didn't even seem strange, but the door was off the hinges and when I went to open it, there was someone behind with a malicious vibe, which startled me, I fell back and snapped out of it.

At this point I'm very comfortable with nightmares, being killed in them and whatnot, thanks to the aforementioned psychedelic experiences. It's not so nice in the moment, but later always recontextualized into an interesting event, with something to learn from. This will too, but it's still a totally different beast from all the prior ones, I was totally taken aback by how utterly the mind's capacity to tell reality from fantasy fell apart. Not in a "I experienced unity with everything and it was the most real thing ever" kind of way, nor like dissos deconstruct all your cognitive filters. Even when you're having a bad trip, as long as you remember you took something that eases things a lot. But if you don't, that's when trouble can happen. In this case I took nothing, so the reaction was a surprise. There were horror elements to it, curious how you basically never hear of positive delirium experiences, like visiting rainbowland with fun talking animals or something. I guess because having an accurate perception of reality (by human standards) is foundational to survival, so at the first sign of that destabilizing the mind spirals into fear, negativity, and such.

Anyhoo, just wanted to document this before I forget the details. Peace out.

Edited August 24, 2024 by LambdaDelta