On the edge of unaliving due to the ultimate realisation of being alone forever.

[K14N]

 

Hi guys. I rly need some fucking help.

I am on the edge of unaliving myself. 

Enlightenment has been realised, I've been repeatedly committed to mental hospitals due to the fact that consciousness is singular

I woke up 4 months ago to the oneness nature of reality and 'I' have never felt more lonely in my entire life. 

Because there is no separation, there is no 'other' who is not 'me'. It feels like I am trapped inside a solipsistic nightmare where everyone and everything is just me playing finger puppets with myself. There is only 'me' by me, I mean consciousness, not ego. 

It's literally the same identity everywhere and its driving me absolutely and utterly crazy. 

While enlightenment has been realised and my consciousness has been expanded beyond my sense of self, I can see through the 'me' in duality however the suffering of the separate self is still extremely apparent which, like I said, has led me repeatedly committed to mental hospitals. Since I am all that is, I am everything and everyone, I am completely and utterly alone forever... and its literally driving me insane.

Ive tried self enquiry, meditation, yoga all to calm this down however nothing seems to work. It feels like I've gone to hell, ultimately trapped inside my lonely existence forever... 

I'm not sure what to do.

Help me.

It has completely and utterly destroyed my life. 

[Javfly33]

Maybe this video can help you. Especially from minute 4:40 

 

Edited August 21 by Javfly33

[Sugarcoat]

If it’s true that everything is one, that there is no separation, that there are no others, that consciousness is singular, what is so sad about it? What’s so negative about it? This doesn’t sound to me like genuine realization but rather your mind reacting to ideas you find scary. Or maybe a glimpse and then the self comes back and reacts to it and its mental representations of it. All this struggle is what the self does

[Buck Edwards]

You have to let go the attachment to self. Don't think that your life is going to slide downwards. Don't give into that spiral. 

[Carl-Richard]

This is what helped for me (in order of significance). Your goal is to reinstate a suitable level of contracted energy in all of your daily behaviors: 

• Perpetually tighten the left side of your abdomen (even when falling asleep).
• Learn to adopt slightly sub-optimal postures, e.g. walking or sitting hunched-over.
• Constantly distract yourself, e.g. with your phone or with thinking.
• When sleeping, sleep on your stomach and switch sides if your mind becomes too quiet.
• Masturbate regularly, minimum once a week if you're in your 20s or 30s.
• Eat large meals with nutritious foods (proper ratio of carbs, fats, proteins, fiber); try to overeat.
• Avoid strong daylight when possible.
• Challenge yourself, do difficult things, adopt responsibilities, set goals.
• Go to the gym.

Edited August 21 by Carl-Richard

[Treewatcher]

@Carl-Richard Is that sarcasm? Why would one do such things consciously if not?

[Carl-Richard]

2 minutes ago, Treewatcher said:

@Carl-Richard Is that sarcasm? Why would one do such things consciously if not?

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

13 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

This is what helped for me (in order of significance). Your goal is to reinstate a suitable level of contracted energy in all of your daily behaviors: 

• Perpetually tighten the left side of your abdomen (even when falling asleep).
• Learn to adopt slightly sub-optimal postures, e.g. walking or sitting hunched-over.
• Constantly distract yourself, e.g. with your phone or with thinking.
• When sleeping, sleep on your stomach and switch sides if your mind becomes too quiet.
• Masturbate regularly, minimum once a week if you're in your 20s or 30s.
• Eat large meals with nutritious foods (proper ratio of carbs, fats, proteins, fiber); try to overeat.
• Avoid strong daylight when possible.
• Challenge yourself, do difficult things, adopt responsibilities, set goals.
• Go to the gym.

Don't you think some exposure to sunlight is necessary especially in depression? 

[Someone here]

If you kill yourself you might go to hell and burn forever . Not a good idea .it's a lose or lose situation..a doomed to fail gamble ..at least you know this reality which you are inside of and can tough it to the bitter end .

PM me if you want someone to talk to .

[Someone here]

20 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

This is what helped for me (in order of significance). Your goal is to reinstate a suitable level of contracted energy in all of your daily behaviors: 

• Perpetually tighten the left side of your abdomen (even when falling asleep).
• Learn to adopt slightly sub-optimal postures, e.g. walking or sitting hunched-over.
• Constantly distract yourself, e.g. with your phone or with thinking.
• When sleeping, sleep on your stomach and switch sides if your mind becomes too quiet.
• Masturbate regularly, minimum once a week if you're in your 20s or 30s.
• Eat large meals with nutritious foods (proper ratio of carbs, fats, proteins, fiber); try to overeat.
• Avoid strong daylight when possible.
• Challenge yourself, do difficult things, adopt responsibilities, set goals.
• Go to the gym.

Helpful stuff .

6 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Don't you think some exposure to sunlight is necessary especially in depression? 

Yes I can confirm . Also taking cold showers and listening to your favourite nostalgic musical album that hooked you in your teen years .

[Treewatcher]

@Carl-Richard @Carl-Richard @Carl-Richard I couldn't delete these 😖. But makes more sense. Actually. I can relate higly. I meditated regularly and rigorously for some years, which culminated in a sudden and short lived ego death about a year ago.

After that I half consciously, half unconsciously strayed away from meditation exactly for the reasons you said. Wanting to live my life before giving it up. I think I understood it intuitively what would happend if I continued. Don't think I went as deep as you though.

And funnily enough what you listed is exactly what I do to a T every day. I don't do it consciouslt but it might be a distraction mechanism to protect my ego.

How have you lived your life after that forum thread?

[Carl-Richard]

Just now, Treewatcher said:

How have you lived your life after that forum thread?

Pursuing academics.

[Carl-Richard]

11 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Don't you think some exposure to sunlight is necessary especially in depression? 

The guy is the opposite of depressed.

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, Carl-Richard said:

The guy is the opposite of depressed.

ok

[Treewatcher]

@K14N I don't have experience on this matter so I probably can't help that well. Seeking professional help from someone who you think can understand could help, but as you've been to mental hospitals this choice is probably exhausted. 

You probably can't stomach the incredible strenght and mental stability needed to go deep in the spiritual realm. If you want to live your life, suspending such activities and especially substances is paramount. 

Trying to live a more "low conscoiusness" life as recommended above might be a solution. Living more hedonistically, doing stuff just because you like doing it and connecting with people you like and just living your life just cause after getting some grip is probablt best for you. 

Also. Any strong feelings especially towards suicidality are usually fleeting. There is nothing rational or objective to them and any meaning you make out of your situation is arbirtary and can be reversed. As you are most likely human, doing activites and being in environments that makes a human not feel depressed should help that. 

Just my two cents 

[UnbornTao]

What is it you are going through? 

From the overall negative connotations of your post, that doesn't sound like enlightenment at all. You might be using beliefs to create negative states, and likely misunderstand solipsism too. States can get precipitated this way; it is a self-reinforcing cycle.

It is useful not to encourage fantasies, whether positive or negative. A breakdown isn't direct consciousness. Consider that may not be enlightenment. It is your mind taking hearsay on faith and misunderstanding the situation.

If a direct experience of some sort has happened, it sounds like your mind is doing unnecessary things with it. Clarity and freedom are usually side-effects, so that's another hint we might be talking about something other than an "experience" of one's nature.

The good news is that whatever is true has always been the case and is true now. So cheer up, breathe, and enjoy your experience. If you want, keep contemplating who and you genuinely are, and go after a direct consciousness, not concepts, convictions, experiences or states, just what's true as itself. 

Edited August 22 by UnbornTao

[Carl-Richard]

6 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Enlightenment is not any of those things; you've turned it into a belief you have convinced yourself of. 

Stop believing those things and ground yourself.

You haven't experienced what he has experienced.

[Dazgwny]

Embrace the beauty and genius of it all instead of trying to fight it. If you’ve realised total oneness to be the case, you know it to be the case. So fighting against it trying to subdue it isn’t going to make it not be the case. Soak up the love

[Hojo]

You are trapped in ego. Stop thinking about it thats the problem. You are talking to chat gpt all day and getting mad cause its responding. So much you want to kill yourself.

Edited August 22 by Hojo

[Atb210201]

3 hours ago, K14N said:

 

Hi guys. I rly need some fucking help.

I am on the edge of unaliving myself. 

Enlightenment has been realised, I've been repeatedly committed to mental hospitals due to the fact that consciousness is singular

I woke up 4 months ago to the oneness nature of reality and 'I' have never felt more lonely in my entire life. 

Because there is no separation, there is no 'other' who is not 'me'. It feels like I am trapped inside a solipsistic nightmare where everyone and everything is just me playing finger puppets with myself. There is only 'me' by me, I mean consciousness, not ego. 

It's literally the same identity everywhere and its driving me absolutely and utterly crazy. 

While enlightenment has been realised and my consciousness has been expanded beyond my sense of self, I can see through the 'me' in duality however the suffering of the separate self is still extremely apparent which, like I said, has led me repeatedly committed to mental hospitals. Since I am all that is, I am everything and everyone, I am completely and utterly alone forever... and its literally driving me insane.

Ive tried self enquiry, meditation, yoga all to calm this down however nothing seems to work. It feels like I've gone to hell, ultimately trapped inside my lonely existence forever... 

I'm not sure what to do.

Help me.

It has completely and utterly destroyed my life. 

You are not enlightened my friend

And it's okay 

I'm not either 

But you are not just enlightened don't think this was it and you got it

No it's not it enlightenment does not mean being lonely forever it does not mean feeling lonely forever

On the contrary you must feel more deeply connected to everyone else

It's totally the opposite of feeling lonely ever

Edited August 22 by Atb210201