Is there a way to get my ex back?

[AION]

I want to be liked who I’m. But girls don’t like me while I hate some parts of myself. But who the f fully loves them? I see guys who are full of bull pulling girls. And I don’t get it. They treat these girls like a flesh light. My issue is not having no self love. 

In my observation most women want to be with a guy with personal or collective power. That is the only thing they respond to. All that self love and shit is bullshit. We all know what can of guys they reward. 

And mind you I do get girls. I’m not an incel. I just get girls with low self esteem usually. Or girls who adore me because I go below my own league. 

Edited August 21 by AION

[NoSelfSelf]

1 minute ago, AION said:

I want to be liked who I’m. But girls don’t like me while I hate some parts of myself. But who the f fully loves them? I see guys who are full of bull pulling girls. And I don’t get it. They treat these girls like a flesh light. My issue is not having no self love. 

You just said i wont be liked for who i am in translation that means:i dont like myself.Second thing you judge other guys so they are rent free in your mind.You totally have no self love what you talking about.

[Lyubov]

I would focus on working on yourself and getting really strong and stable within yourself. There are lots of unfairnesses and injustices in dating / relationships and to make it all the more confusing someone you love one day can no longer love you or accept you or want something else like more money over you. I think what’s important here is returning to yourself and doing the best for you. You mention IT, focus on that if it’s what brings you joy and wellbeing. Don’t focus on something that has ended. Why do you love this girl and need her back? What does she fulfill for you? These are the important questions to answer. I know this situation and it’s always tricky but I think returning to your breathe and really moving your focus onto yourself and your true value of appreciating yourself is the way forward, and better yet ask yourself if you believe you will find someone better. I believed for a long time I wouldn’t find someone better or I was letting my ex down by giving up on the relationship. 

[AION]

My ex didn't have low esteem though. And she was not below my league. She fell for my romance for her. In first instance she didn’t like me. Only when I opened up and showed my capacity to love she returned the love I gave her. That is why I’m obsessed with her. 

[Keryo Koffa]

3 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

idk what you insinuating with the manipulation thing. You can't transform anything by feel good its brutal harsh and serious...

@NoSelfSelf I keep hearing about psychopathy, be it meta or post-irony and weakness due to a lack of manipulation skill and

I'm probably too alien for these threads, but building intricate social personas and alpha lifestyles ultimately solely to pursue pussy and create elaborate pull & push chase-psychology models and the whole pickup thing just to buy into a conceptual romance/relationship game, is something I have never found any value in.

Self-transformation? Definitely. Find a compatible match? Sure

But being addicted to telegraphed repetitive romance/sex/relationship attitudes reflected everywhere, that create elaborate "frameworks" to "master" an "impersonal" attitudinal charade? People seem to feel entitled to and shape their lives around it, that sounds pathetic to me. Especially, since everything that is truly being sought is the kind of internal validation that you can give yourself without using others as a proxy.

[NoSelfSelf]

1 minute ago, Keryo Koffa said:

@NoSelfSelf I keep hearing about psychopathy, be it meta or post-irony and weakness due to a lack of manipulation skill and

I'm probably too alien for these threads, but building intricate social personas and alpha lifestyles ultimately solely to pursue pussy and create elaborate pull & push chase-psychology models and the whole pickup thing just to buy into a conceptual romance/relationship game, is something I have never found any value in.

Self-transformation? Definitely. Find a compatible match? Sure

But being addicted to telegraphed repetitive romance/sex/relationship attitudes reflected everywhere, that create elaborate "frameworks" to "master" an "impersonal" attitudinal charade? People seem to feel entitled to and shape their lives around it, that sounds pathetic to me. Especially, since everything that is truly being sought is the kind of internal validation that you can give yourself without using others as a proxy.

I never said anything about chasing pussy you talking to the wrong guy 

[Lyubov]

1 minute ago, AION said:

My ex didn't have low esteem though. And she was not below my league. She fell for my romance for her. In first instance she didn’t like me. Only when I opened up and showed my capacity to love she returned the love I gave her. That is why I’m obsessed with her. 

So you are looking outside yourself for approval and appreciation and love in order to be valuable. There is where your problem lies. And I know this can be tricky because we all have a deep appreciation for relationships and love in them. It can seem so special in the moment and it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and the complexity of life where we are in the flow of everything that is changing. I think this is simple but it’s why it’s hard for so many people to play including me. We have to stop looking for value in other people and really work on connecting to our own, then from there I believe better relationships will come along, however even then those will change. I think what’s not said enough is that relationships always change just like us and they are not permanent, they change for all sorts of reasons we don’t wish to always recognize or see when they are usually becoming apparent. I think the way forward is letting this girl go and believing there’s someone better out there for you for another chapter. 

[AION]

6 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

I would focus on working on yourself and getting really strong and stable within yourself. There are lots of unfairnesses and injustices in dating / relationships and to make it all the more confusing someone you love one day can no longer love you or accept you or want something else like more money over you. I think what’s important here is returning to yourself and doing the best for you. You mention IT, focus on that if it’s what brings you joy and wellbeing. Don’t focus on something that has ended. Why do you love this girl and need her back? What does she fulfill for you? These are the important questions to answer. I know this situation and it’s always tricky but I think returning to your breathe and really moving your focus onto yourself and your true value of appreciating yourself is the way forward, and better yet ask yourself if you believe you will find someone better. I believed for a long time I wouldn’t find someone better or I was letting my ex down by giving up on the relationship. 

She loved me for who I was. I felt like being one in flesh and spirit with her. And I thought it would be forever. But then she realized I was traumatized, lazy and I had my issues like everybody else. She compared me to her ex who had his stuff together. She was open about why she left me: I wouldn’t be able to provide for her offspring if she hypothetically got pregnant today. 

[Keryo Koffa]

3 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

The ability where you can be all great and warm and then in the next moment completely cold like they never existed.

2 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Become a psychopath 😂 If you involve yourself too much, you will suffer a zero game.

24 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

idk what you insinuate with manipulation.

You can't transform anything by feeling good, it's brutal harsh, and serious...

@NoSelfSelf The previous replies made me think you would lean in that direction. Oh well, no contradiction then!

I agree with all your comments about Self-Mastery & oneself becoming the "end all be all"

With all that said, I think I'll outsource these threads to your consciousness at this point ∠(^ー^)

Edited August 21 by Keryo Koffa

[Lyubov]

Just now, AION said:

She loved me for who I was. I felt like being one in flesh and spirit with her. And I thought it would be forever. But then she realized I was traumatized, lazy and I had my issues like everybody else. She compared me to her ex who had his stuff together. She was open about why she left me: I wouldn’t be able to provide for her offspring if she hypothetically got pregnant today. 

Well I don’t think she really loved you for who you are. Because you mention in your second sentence all the issues why she didn’t want to be in this relationship with you. And this is normal since most relationships with people aren’t exactly selfless endeavors. We have preferences and partialities. I think this is where both you and I have to grow. We look for acceptance from another person but the truth is only we are able to 100% accept ourselves. She didn’t fully accept you and that’s fine, she is her own person with her own needs and she has to think about herself. After all I don’t think a romantic relationship should be a charity. There seems to be some element to it where both people are on the same path and honoring their own preferences. So in your case it sounds like there was some incompatibility issues with money. That’s fine because there will be someone better out there who may not look at it this way, or you may change more and fine someone who checks even more of your boxes. I think the most important thing f is widening your perspective and realizing this person didn’t give you value,  even though all those love moments are special it was just an experience and a reflection of the love within you. You still have it and by focusing on yourself and being honest you will connect to it better. 

[NoSelfSelf]

13 minutes ago, Keryo Koffa said:

@NoSelfSelf The previous replies made me think you would lean in that direction. Oh well, no contradiction then!

I agree with all your comments about Self-Mastery & oneself becoming the "end all be all"

With all that said, I think I'll outsource these threads to your consciousness at this point ∠(^ー^)

All im saying is for ones benefit im not saying anything where you manipulate or do anything bad to a woman.

[JosephKnecht]

50 minutes ago, AION said:

She loved me for who I was. I felt like being one in flesh and spirit with her. And I thought it would be forever. But then she realized I was traumatized, lazy and I had my issues like everybody else. She compared me to her ex who had his stuff together. She was open about why she left me: I wouldn’t be able to provide for her offspring if she hypothetically got pregnant today. 

You sound too needy. If you truly want her back, don't need her. 

 

[Keryo Koffa]

@JosephKnecht Catch 22! If he doesn't need her, there's no problem

or — worse even, they get into a cycle of don't need the other that reflects like a fractal lol

[museumoftrees]

Leo's ultimate advice is to use this as an opportunity for growth. His video on what to do after being broken up with is top-tier advice and you should listen to it.

Don't be overly philosophical and spiritual about this issue. If you became too needy and dependent on a girl you probably obliterated her attraction for you. Chances are, it's too late with this person even if you change. You have to work on yourself and meet new people.

Here's a few suggestions for action steps for you : learning about male-female attraction, healing an insecure attachment if you have one (look up attachment styles), becoming more fit, learning or honing on your life purpose, working on your relationship skills, working on your finances, finding new ways to meet people, etc.

Here's Leo's video. I strongly recommend it :

 

Edited August 21 by museumoftrees

[AION]

4 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

@JosephKnecht Catch 22! If he doesn't need her, there's no problem

or — worse even, they get into a cycle of don't need the other that reflects like a fractal lol

The thing is I hate myself for ruining it and being so needy. 
 

The neediness comes from my inner child and she could have healed it. Instead she chose to dump me for showing my inner child to her. 
 

Women tell you to open up and once you do they dump you when they see you have an inner boy with needs. I don’t believe every person who is in a relationship is 100 % healthy. She should have accepted my inner child and not be a selfish bitch about it. Now I’m alone licking my wounds. 

2 hours ago, museumoftrees said:

Leo's ultimate advice is to use this as an opportunity for growth. His video on what to do after being broken up with is top-tier advice and you should listen to it.

Don't be overly philosophical and spiritual about this issue. If you became too needy and dependent on a girl you probably obliterated her attraction for you. Chances are, it's too late with this person even if you change. You have to work on yourself and meet new people.

Here's a few suggestions for action steps for you : learning about male-female attraction, healing an insecure attachment if you have one (look up attachment styles), becoming more fit, learning or honing on your life purpose, working on your relationship skills, working on your finances, finding new ways to meet people, etc.

Here's Leo's video. I strongly recommend it :

 

Thanks. I will do those things but it would have been better if she was on my side helping with my issues. I’m starting to hate on women to be honest. I think it comes from my bad relationship with my mother. Women only caused my headache. Perhaps I should go monk mode for couple of years. But if I do that I will miss out on the fun and emotional development. I’m so confused right now. 

[AION]

6 hours ago, Lyubov said:

Well I don’t think she really loved you for who you are. Because you mention in your second sentence all the issues why she didn’t want to be in this relationship with you. And this is normal since most relationships with people aren’t exactly selfless endeavors. We have preferences and partialities. I think this is where both you and I have to grow. We look for acceptance from another person but the truth is only we are able to 100% accept ourselves. She didn’t fully accept you and that’s fine, she is her own person with her own needs and she has to think about herself. After all I don’t think a romantic relationship should be a charity. There seems to be some element to it where both people are on the same path and honoring their own preferences. So in your case it sounds like there was some incompatibility issues with money. That’s fine because there will be someone better out there who may not look at it this way, or you may change more and fine someone who checks even more of your boxes. I think the most important thing f is widening your perspective and realizing this person didn’t give you value,  even though all those love moments are special it was just an experience and a reflection of the love within you. You still have it and by focusing on yourself and being honest you will connect to it better. 

She sold me out because her mother didn’t approve of me. And I guess she didn’t fully accept me in extension. I’m so angry right now. 

[Princess Arabia]

6 hours ago, AION said:

Women tell you to open up and once you do they dump you when they see you have an inner boy with needs. I don’t believe every person who is in a relationship is 100 % healthy. She should have accepted my inner child and not be a selfish bitch about it. Now I’m alone licking my wounds. 

 

6 hours ago, AION said:

Thanks. I will do those things but it would have been better if she was on my side helping with my issues. I’m starting to hate on women to be honest. I think it comes from my bad relationship with my mother. Women only caused my headache. Perhaps I should go monk mode for couple of years. But if I do that I will miss out on the fun and emotional development. I’m so confused right now. 

Reading through the thread and before I saw these comments, I could tell this was the case. She's probably not the problem, you are. Calling her a selfish bitch and how you're hating on women. No self-respecting female would want to be with a man with these kinds of mindset and inner talk. She started to see the real you. It's not about you having no money because you didn't have it to begin with and she chose you. 

Now your bitterness, which has nothing to do with her, is starting to come through; and women will tell you anything to break up with you. The whole thread you said nothing about loving her for her but for what she could do for you as in helping you to heal your wounds. Then you called her a selfish bitch for putting herself first. That's your feelings of selfishness you're projecting.

These kinds of threads are useless to give advice to for lack of knowing the full story and what is not being revealed; but from reading all your comments, I can tell it's you who need to put in the work and you only want her back because you feel you fucked up and it didn't do anything for your already low self-esteem, and you want to use her to help to build it back up. There's no love there and women can sense this shit a mile away. 

Edited August 22 by Princess Arabia

[AION]

@Princess Arabia maybe it is not either / or? I do want her back because I love her and I want her back for myself. 
 

I don’t think men should become altruistic angels for women with no selfish needs. I’m in a bad place and instead of being with me she dumped me. This happens a lot and I think that is why there are so many disgruntled men. Men should become aware of this and not trust women so quickly. 
 

The whole problem is that women can change their position so easily because of their fluctuating emotions. It is nothing women can do about it. It is just in their nature. I never had problems with men in this regard. My hate is just temporary because I got hurt. It a human reaction to being abused by them. I know it is not personal. It is just how they are.  
 

If she was in a bad place because of her childhood my first instinct would be to help her. Not dump her. That is the difference. And that is true love. 

Edited August 22 by AION

[AION]

@Princess Arabia But I agree on that I should let go of anger and resentment. I have therapy for the last 3-4 years and it doesn’t help. Therapy is so overrated. It only scratches the surface and it doesn’t go below the surface. 

[Princess Arabia]

9 minutes ago, AION said:

@Princess Arabia But I agree on that I should let go of anger and resentment. I have therapy for the last 3-4 years and it doesn’t help. Therapy is so overrated. It only scratches the surface and it doesn’t go below the surface. 

You'll be fine. The fact that you didn't lash out at me for coming down on you so hard says a lot. You didn't try to defend yourself but you owned up to it. If I may say, and this is just my take on it, and that is you seem to prefer to rely on outside sources to "cure/fix" you. First of all, there's nothing inherently wrong with you but the conditioning you have been succumbed to and the thoughts you're believing to be true. That's it. Once you get that you'll see you don't really need therapy, unless it's something severe and even then it's usually the case as I mentioned. I'm not a therapist so that's just my humble opinion and based off of what I've become aware of.

You're battling your own thoughts. Sounds woo woo, but just investigate this for yourself and you'll find this to be true. Whenever those thoughts come up just ignore them and allow them to float on by without giving them life or energy. Whenever youre feeling down, see what thought is behind that and say to yourself, "what am I doing right now, sitting on the couch (or whatever you're physically doing)" and rest in that space. Keep doing that and doing that and doing that and doing that and you'll see how your mood changes. Not only that, things will start to line up for you in a way that it wouldn't if you were in resistance. Allow for the thoughts to come and go without judging them. Don't project your own insecurities unto the world and the world will not show you circumstances to feel insecure about.