Attachment to women. What is behind it ?

[Salvijus]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

You can’t not become attached in some way. The human ego works in such a way that it forms attachments 

The secret is to pretend to be cool and detached 😎

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Salvijus said:

The secret is to pretend to be cool and detached 😎

You mean like “fake it til you make it”

[Salvijus]

4 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

You mean like “fake it til you make it”

Nah more like, "if it looks like you're detached, it's good enough"

Edited August 21 by Salvijus

[Sugarcoat]

7 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Nah more like, "if it looks like you're detached, it's good enough"

Some women might not be able to see through it so it could work hypothetically if the goal is attracting women . The same guy I could see through as insecure next thing I see is some woman is into him lol each to their own 

Edited August 21 by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

"Oh that's cute, he talks about oxytocin, he should like cuddles, it's must be cool too be in his slightly muscular harms btw  👉👈"

 

Actually in Valentin's head :

 

"Yeahhhhhh, it has given me want to drop with my dudes, pfizer qualidad my nigga " 

 

Goes to stock up on his favorite tor/onion market.

 

 

Bruh 

[Salvijus]

20 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Some women might not be able to see through it so it could work hypothetically if the goal is attracting women . The same guy I could see through as insecure next thing I see is some woman is into him lol each to their own 

People see what they want to see. Maybe we all have our fantasies to fulfill. 

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Salvijus said:

People see what they want to see. Maybe we all have our fantasies to fulfill. 

Ofc 

[Schizophonia]

22 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Bruh 

I was jocking ofc.

The last time i've dropped an opiates i've vomited 6 times in some hours. 

Never again.

Edited August 21 by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Schizophonia said:

The last time i've drop an opiates i've vomited 6 time in some hours. 

Never again.

Damn

Edited August 21 by Sugarcoat

[Salvijus]

That's why acting goes a long way in the world of fantasies. 

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

That's why acting goes a long way in the world of fantasies. 

The idea is simply to change persona. And this is played out at the energetic level, not in matter/space-time.

[Salvijus]

8 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

The idea is simply to change persona. And this is played out at the energetic level, not in matter/space-time.

I don’t know what's happening anymore. I thought i was being confusing, but this is next level

Edited August 21 by Salvijus

[BlueOak]

On 21/08/2024 at 1:23 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

@Schizophonia It means that love is already taken, you dont get in love so you cant get attached ,when you already anchored to yourself.

Love yourself yes. The concept of yourself you have in your head, your physical body, the actions you take. But also the girl on your phone, because that's also you, and that's why you are in a relationship. Assuming that is what we are discussing, not a casual hookup. 

If you are secure in your attachment to a person, then you are comfortable with them or without, it doesn't take you away from yourself or produce an unhealthy result, it does the opposite. That's what secure or stable means, that's a big chunk of what a healthy relationship is. 

You are describing an avoidant attachment style. I sympathize as I am. in part, an avoidant also. The video I posted will probably reflect you directly, and I suggest at least a viewing of the initial interactions. Here is more data.

Avoidant: https://therapist.com/relationships/attachment-theory-styles/avoidant-attachment/
Secure: https://www.simplypsychology.org/secure-attachment.html

If we want to go more meta, non dual etc. Love cannot be taken. You are love. You are always anchored to yourself.

Edited August 22 by BlueOak

[NoSelfSelf]

@BlueOak Ill answer you in detail but tell me how does attachment looks like to a woman like what are you attaching to? Tell me like im 5 😆

[Moutushi]

On 8/20/2024 at 8:57 PM, Emerald said:

There could be attachment issues here.

But it could also just be a reflection of being under-resourced regarding your connection needs. 

And you start to feel more attached because you're wanting connection... but seeing the only outlet as just one person... because you don't have as many close and intimate connections as you need.

This could potentially be remedied by creating a more robust social circle.

@Emerald It's refreshing to read your take on that. Personally, creating a more robust social circle has been incredibly difficult for me, given that I become selectively social, the more I progress and grow on this path. It's like the pool of possible connections that I can meet is becoming narrower and narrower with time. 

Edited August 24 by Moutushi

[Salvijus]

@Moutushi Damn, Mike Tyson is even commenting on the forum. 

[Moutushi]

36 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

@Moutushi Damn, Mike Tyson is even commenting on the forum. 

Lol, I met him randomly one day, while he was filming some kind of movie, and he agreed to take a photo 

[BlueOak]

On 23/08/2024 at 5:28 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

@BlueOak Ill answer you in detail but tell me how does attachment looks like to a woman like what are you attaching to? Tell me like im 5 😆

I could quote you healthy secure attachment first. Because this is the ideal, not my personal life:

1) https://www.verywellmind.com/secure-attachment-signs-benefits-and-how-to-cultivate-it-8628802
2) https://positivepsychology.com/secure-attachment-style/
etc.

Your question is a bit unclear. I'm not a woman so I can't answer for a woman.
I think you mean what does attachment look like when I attach to a relationship? You are attaching to the relationship primarily; this is a key distinction I think you are personally missing, and that may help. 

I'm somewhat secure in my relationships, but I had a narcissistic parent and one who was codependent, so I got avoidant and anxious traits in there that slowly healed as I did. So my own relationships will only be of so much help as an example.

I am supportive of my partner/woman. I consider their needs and my own, trying to help them where I can. I haven't reached the stage of considering their needs as my own needs as Teal Swan would say but I'm working on it. They would ideally be doing the same. I like to say a ride-or-die partner, that's got your back and you've got theirs no matter what. I can be happy with them, or on my own. I tend to feel in a healthy relationship, my life is enriched by having them there, in an unhealthy one it's the opposite. So ideally I look forward to the time with them, as I do my own time to relax. That's the attachment part in a nutshell, it's not required; it's just a better quality of life

The avoidant part of me likes to completely break with people (and jobs, education, projects or anything), so I have space, which is why I am not currently dating. I made a promise not to hurt anyone again by repeating this pattern. I have somewhat healed this, but its still there. The anxious part of me, in my youth, liked to people please and feared negative emotions because, as a kid I used to get shouted at and beaten for them (ditto the avoidance patterns to hide). But I'm mid 40s now and not anxious about anything but keeping peace at work, because I've related (linked) survival to jobs and income.

I don't know if that analysis helps you.

Edited August 25 by BlueOak

[eos_nyxia]

@Javfly33 Do you not also find that an obsession with avoiding attachment is at least equally neurotic and misery-inducing as the attachment itself?

I mean, yea. You feel like you're saving yourself... for a while. But then what?

 

Say you want to get off this particular hamster wheel forever and that it is technically possible... I can assure you that there are no halfway measures here.

[NoSelfSelf]

46 minutes ago, BlueOak said:

I could quote you healthy secure attachment first. Because this is the ideal, not my personal life:

1) https://www.verywellmind.com/secure-attachment-signs-benefits-and-how-to-cultivate-it-8628802
2) https://positivepsychology.com/secure-attachment-style/
etc.

Your question is a bit unclear. I'm not a woman so I can't answer for a woman.
I think you mean what does attachment look like when I attach to a relationship? You are attaching to the relationship primarily; this is a key distinction I think you are personally missing, and that may help. 

I'm somewhat secure in my relationships, but I had a narcissistic parent and one who was codependent, so I got avoidant and anxious traits in there that slowly healed as I did. So my own relationships will only be of so much help as an example.

I am supportive of my partner/woman. I consider their needs and my own, trying to help them where I can. I haven't reached the stage of considering their needs as my own needs as Teal Swan would say but I'm working on it. They would ideally be doing the same. I like to say a ride-or-die partner, that's got your back and you've got theirs no matter what. I can be happy with them, or on my own. I tend to feel in a healthy relationship, my life is enriched by having them there, in an unhealthy one it's the opposite. So ideally I look forward to the time with them, as I do my own time to relax. That's the attachment part in a nutshell, it's not required; it's just a better quality of life

The avoidant part of me likes to completely break with people (and jobs, education, projects or anything), so I have space, which is why I am not currently dating. I made a promise not to hurt anyone again by repeating this pattern. I have somewhat healed this, but its still there. The anxious part of me, in my youth, liked to people please and feared negative emotions because, as a kid I used to get shouted at and beaten for them (ditto the avoidance patterns to hide). But I'm mid 40s now and not anxious about anything but keeping peace at work, because I've related (linked) survival to jobs and income.

I don't know if that analysis helps you.

Ill digest this another time,i had/have similar experience with avoidance ...now i see the problem i meant attaching to a woman(what are you attaching to)not attaching as a woman...