How to know if you're a narcissist

[StaraX]

Since the beginning of this year, I've had meetings with my psychiatrist about my mental health problems because I suspected I might have narcissism or a related personality disorder. My psychiatrist said I don't have NPD; she diagnosed me with OCD. The reason why I thought I might have NPD is because of the following reasons:

- Everyday fantasizing about being famous and successful and through that revenge my enemies in the future

- When not getting enough attention (for example at parties or events), I really get very frustrated and bitter

- I have a huge desire to become famous; if I don't achieve fame, I'd rather not live.

- I'm becoming very paranoid when I achieve success: I almost always think other people are getting jealous of my achievements and are therefore planning to harm me. This was one of the reasons why I was diagnosed with OCD.

- When it comes to goal setting, a lot of time my approach is the following "it doesn't matter how to get your goals. The only thing that matters is to achieve them".

- I wish I were better at manipulating people, and I constantly read books about how to do it.

- I get very jealous when people I know achieve success, and I often plan to sabotage their progress in my mind.

These are the traits that come to mind right now. However, in everyday life, I show empathy toward people, and I genuinely empathize with those who are less fortunate. For example, when my girlfriend told me about being sexually abused in the past, I cried several times for that alone. But when it comes to people who have great lives or have been lucky, I feel no empathy toward them. I also have now problems of maintaining healthy relationships with my family, girlfriend and my closest friends. So, what do you guys think? What is the root cause of my issues?

 

[Ulax]

@StaraX CPTSD could be something to consider.

Here is a vid that could help:

 

[Buck Edwards]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It's clear you're experiencing significant internal conflict and challenges in your relationships. While it's important to respect your psychiatrist's diagnosis, it's also valuable to explore your concerns further.Your description of your thoughts and feelings aligns with certain aspects of both narcissism and OCD. The desire for fame, fear of failure, and intense emotions are common in both conditions. However, it's essential to remember that self-diagnosis can be misleading.

Based on the information you gave I detect certain things - 

Low self-esteem.Despite the outward appearance of confidence, you might have underlying insecurities that drive the need for validation and success.

You seem to have a fear of failure. The intense focus on success and the fear of sabotage might stem from a deep-rooted fear of failure.

 Experiencing intense emotions like jealousy and frustration can be challenging to manage. But you'll need to work on this particular aspect. While you can empathize with certain people, your difficulty empathizing with others might indicate a deeper issue.

I'd say continue therapy Your psychiatrist's diagnosis of OCD is a starting point, but it's crucial to continue exploring your concerns. Consider journaling or mindfulness to better understand your thoughts and emotions.Work on improving your relationships with your girlfriend, family, and friends.Maybe  seeking a second opinion from a different mental health professional might help too. 

It's important to remember that therapy is a journey, and progress takes time. Your willingness to explore these issues is a positive step though. 

If you have significant trauma, you might need work in that area. 

[BlueOak]

This woman is the best I've seen on this issue. You can search on that channel for more narcissism related videos:

 

 

[Atb210201]

Basically if you only think about yourself aka you are selfish then you could say you are a narcissist

But the fact that you even wrote about it here and want to know if you're one or not shows that you think about others and don't want to be a narcissist so you are not one to begin with

A narcissist never even starts to question if he or she is a narcissist or not

[Salvijus]

It's probably wise to never assume that you're not. There's a little bit of everything in everyone. 

[ICURBlessings]

On 8/20/2024 at 2:07 PM, Atb210201 said:

Basically if you only think about yourself aka you are selfish then you could say you are a narcissist

But the fact that you even wrote about it here and want to know if you're one or not shows that you think about others and don't want to be a narcissist so you are not one to begin with

A narcissist never even starts to question if he or she is a narcissist or not

Atb210201 Makes a very good point here.

You can look at Narcissism as a stage of evolution or a phase representing a special kind of processing to prepare for the next stage.

Labels in Psychiatry are a topic on their own. Mental Pathologies Labels are generalizations that rarely fits well anyway.

Narcissism in itself as part of a personality can be not pathological. But when it is pathological it is seriously problematic. Like Atb210201 said a fundamental trait of pathologic Narcissism is to project all issues and problems onto others and never, ever consider one could be the source of the problem or issue. I grew up with an extreme Narcissistic parent and I know the traits very well.

Obviously you feel valorized when you are the center of attention in a group of people - and that is rather normal. Craving it is a sign that there is something else going on. But it is not necessarily all 'negative'. Maybe you are born to be some kind of leader, but need to build some confidence. As being a leader is not about being liked by everyone at all time.

Anyway you are working on it, and no matter what issue you have - we all have issues - and we all need to understand our true value does not depend on anything - it is intrinsic to the soul. All souls are deeply and profoundly Loved by the Source. And that Love means your value is untouchable by anything in this world. However this fact we all have to work to uncover it.

[puporing]

@StaraX First of all.. you might already know this but NPD or narcissism is on a spectrum, and is highly correlated with one's spiritual growth/development. But a psychologist or psychiatrist most likely doesn't know that and following what they were taught in school. Or you know.. they could also be more narcissistic than their patient and cannot truly see what's going on and thus in no position to "diagnose" the healthier patient.

I recommend starting to distinguish your desire for genuine love (which may include things like attention and doing well in life), vs trying to get this at the expense of people around you. Where it starts to fall into an unconscious place is usually, the person has a lack of self awareness or shame about causing harm while trying to get what they want, they focus on that so much that there's not much "giving back" in their life. 

Some of what you're saying is related to lack of wisdom or foresight rather than strictly "narcissism":

On 19/08/2024 at 2:14 PM, StaraX said:

fantasizing about being famous and successful and through that revenge my enemies in the future

Explore the possibility that this will not actually bring you happiness. However depending on what you were dealing with.. there's a difference between attempting to speak your truth and make something right, vs lashing out.

On 19/08/2024 at 2:14 PM, StaraX said:

I have a huge desire to become famous; if I don't achieve fame, I'd rather not live.

What is it you think you will get from just becoming famous that you cannot without it? Is it based in truth or is it based on a shaky foundation that you are currently assuming is solid? Do you feel like people who mostly care about your outward fame are ones that truly love or care about you?

On 19/08/2024 at 2:14 PM, StaraX said:

getting jealous of my achievements and are therefore planning to harm me.

On 19/08/2024 at 2:14 PM, StaraX said:

I get very jealous when people I know achieve success, and I often plan to sabotage their progress in my mind.

Those two are related. It's not untrue there are people who will try to sabatoge you in this world simply due to jealousy or "competitiveness" or similar reasons, so it's okay if you can accurately perceive this, but becomes unhealthy when it becomes a projection (which one it is requires more awareness and life experience). 

On 19/08/2024 at 2:14 PM, StaraX said:

When it comes to goal setting, a lot of time my approach is the following "it doesn't matter how to get your goals. The only thing that matters is to achieve them".

If you are more conscious of why you set those goals in the first place and they are reasonable healthy goals, then you also wouldn't have to doubt the "actions" it takes to get there as much and have trust in yourself the ability to assess/reassess everything as you go forward.

On 19/08/2024 at 2:14 PM, StaraX said:

I wish I were better at manipulating people, and I constantly read books about how to do it.

This one is really the main one you should be leery of because of how it could hurt people. And if you want to be a highly conscious being you would not want this in your life at all.

Edited September 3 by puporing

[puporing]

On 2024-08-19 at 2:14 PM, StaraX said:

For example, when my girlfriend told me about being sexually abused in the past, I cried several times for that alone.

I also meant to comment on this.. you clearly have some empathy and also some amount of self-awareness. The really far gone ones generally have superficial empathy and tries to gaslight or ignore the people with their problems, and they almost never shed a tear either no matter what they are hearing..

And yes to your credit that you are willing to share about things openly also demonstrate a higher level of self awareness.

Edited September 4 by puporing

[Hojo]

Even if you are its not your fault its a specific coding of the human mind and God loves it.

Narcissist = traumatized.

Edited September 4 by Hojo