Need perspective. Leave relationship for freedom or stay for potential

[Cepzeu]

I've been very 50/50 on this issue for weeks. It's to the point where it is preoccupying my mind most of the day and affecting my work.

In brief, I'm in a long term relationship with someone who I could see myself marrying and having a family with. It started when she visited my town a year ago and we have seen each other frequently since. Over the last year it's been less frequent, about once a month.

We are both in careers with no clear location guarantee. We both could be moved around the country.

I'm approaching 30 soon.

The question is whether I break up with her to have full freedom of dating and ease of moving around or whether I stay with her due to the potential for a family with her.

I love her and don't want to hurt her. But also I do have options and could date easily, it would just be hard to find someone like her.

I feel a bit of resentment towards her, she benefits from the relationship more than me, and I am already moving jobs to be closer to her.

The complicating factor is that there is another woman who is interested in me. A relationship with her wouldn't work but I could have a fun time with her. I could also enjoy doing careless "youth stuff". My career meant that I gave up a lot of my early and mid 20, minimal partying/travel/savings, but now I could experience that without commiting to a partner just yet.

I feel like my main reasons for staying are that I do love her and I don't want to hurt her by leaving her, but if I was honest I would rather have fun and freedom. She has expressed she wouldn't want me sleeping with other people and would not stay in a relationship with me if I did.

There is a lot to add but I appreciate it would make for a very long post.

Has anyone had experience with being in a relationship with someone who is a quality person and wife material but wanting to end things to experience more fun and variety in life?

@Leo Gura I remember you saying in ome of your videos that you've had many relationships but just ended up feeling like none of the women were good enough for you.

I imagine I would have this feeling recurring even if I dated other people.

Can elaborate on things in more detail if needed.

 

[Cepzeu]

My dissonance comes from cognitively appreciating the value of a long term relationship and the black hole of hedonism with the animalistic desire towards hedonism in this area of life. I feel like if I pick the more cognitively developed path of nurturing the relationship and sacrificing for it, I would have a heavy resentment on missing out on the hedonism I could have.

Some of my best memories are of spontaneous nights out where things just went wild. I feel bored in stability. I appreciate that I am chasing dopamine.

[Buck Edwards]

This is a complex situation with no easy answers. It's understandable that you're feeling torn between commitment and freedom, between love and desire for exploration.

Your feelings of resentment towards your partner, coupled with the attraction to another woman, are adding to the complexity. It's clear that this decision is significantly impacting your mental health and work.Your career uncertainty and the potential for relocation are significant factors in your decision.You're approaching 30, a time when many people are making significant life choices. So consider that too.You value your partner and see potential for a future with her, but there's a growing desire for more freedom and experience. This is a sign of a tumultuous stage in the relationship. There's a fear of missing out on experiences if you commit to a long-term relationship now.

I'd suggest honest communication with your partner.Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings. It's important to be respectful and considerate, but also clear about your needs and desires. See how they respond to it. Take some time for yourself to reflect on your values, priorities, and what you truly want out of life.Consider alternative arrangements, such as a temporary break or an open relationship, if they align with your values and your partner's.What are your partner's feelings about your career uncertainty and potential relocations.

Your specific concerns about the relationship, beyond the desire for freedom.The nature of your connection with the other woman and how it impacts your feelings for your partner.

The most important thing is to make a decision that aligns with your values and brings you long-term happiness and fulfillment.

[Atb210201]

You know what is best rewarding and most fullfiling in life?

Having some meaningful goal and tolerating every obstacle in the way of that dream

Because in the end it's about the most meaningful thing you can do in your life for yourself

So now ask yourself

What is most meaningful to you?