Advice on my situation

[CARDOZZO]

Predatory behavior at its best.

He was playing nice/helping yourself while you was injured and then started making imaginary contracts imposing non-agreement requirements.

[Sandhu]

let's address your situation:

Your friend's help was significant: Your friend provided crucial assistance during a severe medical emergency and your recovery period. This kind of support is invaluable and deserves genuine gratitude.

The request for free housing is unusual: While it's normal to feel indebted after receiving such help, your friend's request for three years of free housing is not a typical or standard expectation. Generally, acts of kindness and support among friends are not considered transactional.

Financial implications: You mention that you don't have sufficient funds to rent an apartment alone, while your friend does. This creates an imbalanced situation where you might be put under financial strain to accommodate his request.

Duration of the request: Three years is a significant period and could have long-term impacts on your living situation and finances.

Consent and comfort: Living with someone should be a mutual decision based on compatibility and shared desires, not obligation.

Given these points, here are some suggestions on how to handle this situation:

Open communication: Have an honest conversation with your friend about your feelings and financial situation. Express gratitude for their help but also your concerns about the current arrangement.

Explore alternatives: Discuss other ways you might show your appreciation that don't involve such a long-term financial commitment. This could include helping them in other ways or agreeing to a shorter period of shared living.

Set boundaries: If you're not comfortable with the arrangement, it's okay to say no. True friendship should be able to withstand honest communication and boundary-setting.

Seek mediation: If you're having trouble communicating effectively, consider involving a neutral third party, like a mutual friend or a professional mediator, to help navigate the conversation.

Legal consultation: If needed, consider consulting with a legal professional about your rights and obligations in this situation, especially if there's any formal agreement in place.

Remember, while gratitude is important, it's also crucial to maintain your own well-being and financial stability. A true friend should understand this and be open to finding a solution that works for both parties.

-Claude AI

[Spiritedness]

@sda Doesn't sound good. Ask him this, "So you took care of me only to ask for something in exchange afterwards?". 3 years is a lot, he's demanding too much and the fact that he brought up your accident to make you feel guilty if you DON'T ACCEPT what he asks of you...unacceptable.

[Thought Art]

If I helped a friend I’d n it ask for that in return that’s what friends are

[Ulax]

@sda Wtf?! Tell this dude to go fuck himself. 

Look up 'covert contracts'. Its a thing toxic people do. You act like you are doing something for someone for free, and then later on you use it to pressure them into doing something for you.

Cut this guy out your life

Edited August 23 by Ulax

[sda]

On 2024/8/19 at 7:35 PM, Starlight321 said:

I think the others have brought up good points. Can you help me understand the mindset. Is it common in the chinese culture to compensate help with money or something in exchange or ask for such amounts of money?

In Chine, the system works as give and receive. If someone does any work for me then they expect to recieve something in return 

 

 

[Evelyna]

6 hours ago, sda said:

In Chine, the system works as give and receive. If someone does any work for me then they expect to recieve something in return 

 

 

I am assuming it is a tradition rather than binding agreement.

1. You could write an agreement in which you can offer him something for looking after you but not 3years in rent free living, that’s unreasonable. Get him to sign once you agree on terms, if he refuses at least you have a proof you tried to be reasonable, you could probably get some legal advice on this. 
2. If he doesn’t accept the offer Move out to a smaller place elsewhere and cut your ties , or start advertising for a flat mate and ask him to move out. Maybe you can’t afford the place by yourself but you could find another tenant to replace the needed rent gap. 

[CARDOZZO]

Ok, you live in China.

Now I get it.

8 hours ago, sda said:

In Chine, the system works as give and receive. If someone does any work for me then they expect to recieve something in return 

 

 

 

[Ramanujan]

redflag

he is a   manipulator

pay back the money he spend on you  and cut him out