Move with her after 4 months? The one?

[Uncover]

Hi, 

I'm a 28 years old guy and she is a 27 years old girl. We are from Romania. We've met around 4 months ago and we spend our time together, usually the evenings, after work. She comes over and sleeps at my place. Sometimes I go to her place and sleep there too. She recently rented a studio apartment (if that's the eng. term) and she lives alone; I'm currently living with another guy in a rented apartment for over 6 years now. I've been single. Things have been going well, we enjoy the time spent together, we make plans for the future. Some say that things have been going too fast for us. 

Now, the complicated part is that I'm not 100% that she is the one. I mean, how does on even know that? Even though, I believe that it's more than that, it's more about taking the decision, and assuming responsibility for the relationship, going forward with maturity even through rash times. 

We asked priests, they all said "absolutely no". Why? Well, she is married. Well, it's been more than 2 years since they broke up, but they didn't break the divorce because she is of Moldavian nationality and she has to leave Romania if they break the divorce papers. Other than that, they don't keep in touch and she said that there's no going back. She obtained the Romanian citizenship certificate and has a few more steps to take till she will be a Romanian citizen. The birth certificate, the Romanian ID. We were thinking that maybe it's better to wait until she is divorced on paper too, then move in together. It's easier for us if we move together, don't pay two rents, don't need to drive to/from her. 

Btw, the priests also said that the relationship will break if we have sex before marriage. We had since a month ago. I don't feel anything different yet. Well, last night she said that she feels insecure because I'm insecure. That I need to be more confident, more grounded in my decisions. I mean, how do I do that? Things aren't certain, and I like to be sure of something before taking action, especially if it's something important. She also said to stop seeking advice, to keep things private, that "a private life is a happy life". Because people don't know the whole story and ruing things. And here I am.

Thanks in advance! 

[manuel bon]

On 8/18/2024 at 9:45 AM, Uncover said:

Hi, 

I'm a 28 years old guy and she is a 27 years old girl. We are from Romania. We've met around 4 months ago and we spend our time together, usually the evenings, after work. She comes over and sleeps at my place. Sometimes I go to her place and sleep there too. She recently rented a studio apartment (if that's the eng. term) and she lives alone; I'm currently living with another guy in a rented apartment for over 6 years now. I've been single. Things have been going well, we enjoy the time spent together, we make plans for the future. Some say that things have been going too fast for us. 

Now, the complicated part is that I'm not 100% that she is the one. I mean, how does on even know that? Even though, I believe that it's more than that, it's more about taking the decision, and assuming responsibility for the relationship, going forward with maturity even through rash times. 

We asked priests, they all said "absolutely no". Why? Well, she is married. Well, it's been more than 2 years since they broke up, but they didn't break the divorce because she is of Moldavian nationality and she has to leave Romania if they break the divorce papers. Other than that, they don't keep in touch and she said that there's no going back. She obtained the Romanian citizenship certificate and has a few more steps to take till she will be a Romanian citizen. The birth certificate, the Romanian ID. We were thinking that maybe it's better to wait until she is divorced on paper too, then move in together. It's easier for us if we move together, don't pay two rents, don't need to drive to/from her. 

Btw, the priests also said that the relationship will break if we have sex before marriage. We had since a month ago. I don't feel anything different yet. Well, last night she said that she feels insecure because I'm insecure. That I need to be more confident, more grounded in my decisions. I mean, how do I do that? Things aren't certain, and I like to be sure of something before taking action, especially if it's something important. She also said to stop seeking advice, to keep things private, that "a private life is a happy life". Because people don't know the whole story and ruing things. And here I am.

Thanks in advance! 

Your girlfriend is right, people don't know your whole story, so it's never good to flow other people's ideas. But what you should do is just listen to ideas, and then make one on your own, see what works best for you.

I don't know if you're religious or not, but I'm not, and in my opinion what the priests told you is wrong, and not okay. You are free to do whatever you want, and sex won't break your relationship (unless under specific situations, but not specifically because of sex itself).

Last thing: imo there is no such thing as "the one". You choose with whom you can't to live your life, and to be in a committed relationship means work, nothing is easy. So go for it, if you feel you can do it. 

And if things go wrong in the future, that's also fine. Life is unpredictable and impermanent, and sometimes we get hurt bad. But that is the path of our life, so you will always learn and grow from what happens and what you do. And follow your heart ❤️