cold approach lowers self esteem

[simp]

so i was looking at another topic here named cold approach therapy, and i was thinking that not only is it not theraputic but probably will damage your self esteem. l know about 10 guys who do cold approaches, and none of them ever get dates. they get nothing but rejection. l cant imagine this being theraputic. if you feel better as a result of getting rejected by females you're interested in, then there's something wrong with you. most of the guys i know just became scared of females, and avoided talking to females entirely. theres a guy i know who wont even say hi to females anymore let alone cold approach them, and l think this has alot to do with getting rejected in previous cold approaches. he took some pick up artist classes, read some books, and did cold approach for a few months, then just stopped. i know another guy who did over 40k approaches. said he got some phone numbers, but no one called him back. he spends most of his time feeling sorry for himself. 

[Princess Arabia]

8 hours ago, simp said:

. i know another guy who did over 40k approaches.

Lol. Maybe he became too robotic. If a guy that did 39,999 approaches and then approached me and i was the 40,000, he would have "self-rejected" himself before I even had the chance. In his mind, he would be preparing for the 40,001 one. Like an addict thinking about their next hit while currently engaging in the addiction.

[Javfly33]

Self esteem is a construct of the ego. Cold approach done in a methodical way gets you results.

But the ego will manipulate everything to make you belief you are not good enough. If It has to consciously create rejection It Will do. 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IqVDvnDEJU

https://www.girlschase.com/article/you-cant-beat-fear-rejection-more-rejections

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUH2XzXFZMs

 

Edited August 15, 2024 by Raze

[Tenebroso]

59 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Self esteem is a construct of the ego. Cold approach done in a methodical way gets you results.

But the ego will manipulate everything to make you belief you are not good enough. If It has to consciously create rejection It Will do. 

Interesting point. So how do you close the negative feedback loop? How do you get your ego to work for you?

[CARDOZZO]

11 hours ago, simp said:

i know another guy who did over 40k approaches. said he got some phone numbers, but no one called him back. he spends most of his time feeling sorry for himself. 

This guy is a complete liar or he doesn't know a concept called do something different.

Even if doing something different is going to the gym, dressing, talking, relating to people on a completely new way.

[Hugo Oliveira]

Yes, it can fuck your self-esteem. It is the same with pick-up workshops.
Approaching is just one aspect of the whole thing. You have to be strategic in understanding what is necessary for you in each phase of the journey.

Eventually, you may end up trying cold approach and dealing with the ups and downs of it. But trying to force your way by just approaching more and more is foolish. Take a break and have a deeper look at what is going on. 

[Javfly33]

7 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

Interesting point. So how do you close the negative feedback loop? How do you get your ego to work for you?

First one need to stop looking at women like they are trophies to win.

The ego is based on a guaranteed lack of value.

First thing is to surrender all the ego desires, and Focus on oneself. From that place every approach that you do Will never hurt anything in you. 

[CARDOZZO]

11 minutes ago, Hugo Oliveira said:

Yes, it can fuck your self-esteem. It is the same with pick-up workshops.
Approaching is just one aspect of the whole thing. You have to be strategic in understanding what is necessary for you in each phase of the journey.

Eventually, you may end up trying cold approach and dealing with the ups and downs of it. But trying to force your way by just approaching more and more is foolish. Take a break and have a deeper look at what is going on. 

Are you doing pickup in Brazil?  

Which city do you live?

[Hugo Oliveira]

22 minutes ago, CARDOZZO said:

Are you doing pickup in Brazil?  

Which city do you live?

I'm living in Rio! I'm not involved in pickup at the moment, but we can talk about it.

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

First thing is to surrender all the ego desires, and Focus on oneself. From that place every approach that you do Will never hurt anything in you. 

To me, this sounds like attachment. Attachment to never getting hurt. Seems like a detachment from something (women), to an attachment to something else (the ego). This is not surrendering all desires but a desire to protect the ego. Just from my perspective.

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Tenebroso said:

Interesting point. So how do you close the negative feedback loop? How do you get your ego to work for you?

By silencing those inner critics. All those limiting beliefs. Forget about those preconceived notions you've had about women and their behavior. All of it. They aren't true; they are stories. Pretend you are just starting out afresh and have no beliefs about women. Clean slate. Whatever happens, don't judge it or take it personal. Be empty inside and allow for what is coming your way and if the thoughts you're having doesn't align with your goal, don't react to them; only the ones that feel good and will serve you for what you're looking to accomplish. The main thing is to not react to what doesn't go your way or you'll be sending out a signal for more of that to be in your experience and other circumstances that align with that frequency.

[Ulax]

12 hours ago, simp said:

so i was looking at another topic here named cold approach therapy, and i was thinking that not only is it not theraputic but probably will damage your self esteem. l know about 10 guys who do cold approaches, and none of them ever get dates. they get nothing but rejection. l cant imagine this being theraputic. if you feel better as a result of getting rejected by females you're interested in, then there's something wrong with you. most of the guys i know just became scared of females, and avoided talking to females entirely. theres a guy i know who wont even say hi to females anymore let alone cold approach them, and l think this has alot to do with getting rejected in previous cold approaches. he took some pick up artist classes, read some books, and did cold approach for a few months, then just stopped. i know another guy who did over 40k approaches. said he got some phone numbers, but no one called him back. he spends most of his time feeling sorry for himself. 

On one hand, you have to engage in deliberate practice to get good at it imo. Things like field reporting. A lot of guys don't do that. So lack of results can be due to that.

On the other hand, I think a lot of dudes can just get retraumatised from it too. Hence the lowered self esteem and less results. Happened to me for sure. Really fucked me up for awhile actually. And the pua community isn't too understanding when it comes to that sort of thing lol. Particularly if you're a hardcase newb in the community..

Deep meditation and depth psychotherapy is a needed thing for a lot of guys in the community. I agree with Leo that most guys get involved in pua as a sort of neurotic overreaction to negative experiences in their lives, ie were bullied at school.

Edited August 15, 2024 by Ulax

[Leo Gura]

There are many ways to do pickup wrongly.

Why are you learning from guys who don't get results?

[Ulax]

2 hours ago, Raze said:

https://www.girlschase.com/article/you-cant-beat-fear-rejection-more-rejections

 

Damn. Just read this, and loved this article. 

[Majed]

@simp it is literally impossible to do 40 k approaches let alone 40k approaches and getting 0 results lmao

[simp]

5 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Lol. Maybe he became too robotic. If a guy that did 39,999 approaches and then approached me and i was the 40,000, he would have "self-rejected" himself before I even had the chance. In his mind, he would be preparing for the 40,001 one. Like an addict thinking about their next hit while currently engaging in the addiction.

he starts all his approaches with "youre beautiful", and then proceeds to say other things. he will also say other strange things like, do you have a needle, theres a hole in my shirt

[simp]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

There are many ways to do pickup wrongly.

Why are you learning from guys who don't get results?

i look at the mistakes he makes so that i dont make the same. also l study what he does that is pushing people away

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, simp said:

strange things like, do you have a needle, theres a hole in my shirt

I'd say, sure let me sew it for you along with the hole in your mouth. Lol

[simp]

1 hour ago, Ulax said:

On one hand, you have to engage in deliberate practice to get good at it imo. Things like field reporting. A lot of guys don't do that. So lack of results can be due to that.

On the other hand, I think a lot of dudes can just get retraumatised from it too. Hence the lowered self esteem and less results. Happened to me for sure. Really fucked me up for awhile actually. And the pua community isn't too understanding when it comes to that sort of thing lol. Particularly if you're a hardcase newb in the community..

Deep meditation and depth psychotherapy is a needed thing for a lot of guys in the community. I agree with Leo that most guys get involved in pua as a sort of neurotic overreaction to negative experiences in their lives, ie were bullied at school.

yes, as a matter of fact. this guy was bullied, and still is bullied. he was also in special ed, and is autistic. l think alot of people bully him now because he attracts females because theyre attractive, regardless of age. since he's in his mid 30s, and is approaching 15 yr olds, many random people in the community have turned against him. l also think thats an important thing to consider when looking at cold approaches. alot of random people from the community love to spread rumors, and get involved to turn against you and label you as a creep. even when you see 30 yr olds approach 20 yr olds you still have plenty of people in the community who are ready to spread rumors that youre a creep and that youre harasing females. and then there is never a shortage of people in the community who are more than willing to join in on the bash the creep movement. lm neither for or against this but l have seen many people just love that witch hunt