What is 'neediness'?

[mr_engineer]

I can't find the post where Leo told me to 'not be needy'. It was something along the lines of me saying 'I shouldn't put up with disrespectful treatment from women' and Leo was like 'the fact that you need women to treat you with respect is you being needy. Have fun, no matter what gets thrown at you'. If someone can find that thread, it would be much appreciated. 

What is 'neediness', though? 

Edited August 14 by mr_engineer

[LifeEnjoyer]

what is neediness? good question. idk tbh

this vid may have the answer. i really enjoyed it and got a lot out of it, you may too

[mr_engineer]

Is 'neediness' a real thing or is it another shaming-tactic dating-coaches came up with to shame people into buying their products?! 

[Consept]

It's basically when you need someone or something external to yourself fulfil your needs. You're not good as you are, this makes you outcome dependent, meaning you can't just flow in an interaction 

[Schizophonia]

"Beating around the bush"

[AION]

Neediness is worship of fake idols. You should only worship god. Not a hot 18 something year old with that good good. 

[Keryo Koffa]

Here's some equally valid alternatives!

 

Edited August 14 by Keryo Koffa

[Buck Edwards]

I think girls get turned off by neediness. 

[Raze]

https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-neediness-and-why-do-guys-get-needy-over-girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SdiL9XFKkU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5wlZxLN4UQ

[mr_engineer]

11 hours ago, Consept said:

It's basically when you need someone or something external to yourself fulfil your needs. You're not good as you are, this makes you outcome dependent, meaning you can't just flow in an interaction 

Having needs from something/someone external does not necessarily mean that 'you're not good as you are', right?! 

For example, if you need food to survive, does this mean that you're not good as you are? 

[Consept]

46 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Having needs from something/someone external does not necessarily mean that 'you're not good as you are', right?! 

For example, if you need food to survive, does this mean that you're not good as you are? 

In the dating and relationship context, if you are not good as you are ie happy being single and what's stopping you is needing something from someone ie a relationship, sex etc. Then you will be needy because you 'need' that thing to be ok. Then when going into potential relationships the stakes are higher for you because you're not OK by yourself. You may need a relationship or feel like you do but if you act in a needy way it will not be as attractive. 

The food example doesnt really fit the context. 

 

[Anton Chigurh]

Neediness is just relying on other people and being dependent on other people for your life satisfaction /fulfillment. Don't do this with girls or people in general. Neediness = selfishness, weakness, dependency which girls and other people will hate, especially girls hate it. 

You wanna be a strong, confident, self entertaining and self amusing person who doesn't rely on other dumb humans for your life enjoyment. Meaning you can just enjoy yourself and enjoy your life without needing any other girl or person to validate you. Everyone else is optional, other people are optional and you don't need them to enjoy your life. And then becoming this way naturally makes you very attractive with girls and people in general. 

[mr_engineer]

8 minutes ago, Consept said:

In the dating and relationship context, if you are not good as you are ie happy being single and what's stopping you is needing something from someone ie a relationship, sex etc. Then you will be needy because you 'need' that thing to be ok. Then when going into potential relationships the stakes are higher for you because you're not OK by yourself. You may need a relationship or feel like you do but if you act in a needy way it will not be as attractive. 

The food example doesnt really fit the context. 

 

Why would you even date if you're happy being single?! 

It's one of the biggest internal contradictions in this rhetoric. 

Edited August 14 by mr_engineer

[Consept]

2 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Why would you even date if you're happy being single?! 

It's one of the biggest internal contradictions in this rhetoric. 

It is a beautiful paradox 

[mr_engineer]

Just now, Consept said:

It is a beautiful paradox 

No, it's a contradiction. Aka, BS. 

When you make 'neediness' or 'the desire for a relationship' a problem, this fills your mind with conflicts. Is dating a good thing? Is it not a good thing? Is it a sign of 'neediness', which is 'bad'?! 

When you just accept that you want a relationship and you have the balls to tell people that 'these are my needs in a relationship' and 'this is how my life would improve if I entered a relationship', things are just made easier, don't you think?! 

[mr_engineer]

5 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

I think girls get turned off by neediness. 

Dating-coaches love to invent new problems to solve. It's one of the oldest business-tactics. And now we have ordinary people spouting their propaganda like this. 

[Consept]

11 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

No, it's a contradiction. Aka, BS. 

When you make 'neediness' or 'the desire for a relationship' a problem, this fills your mind with conflicts. Is dating a good thing? Is it not a good thing? Is it a sign of 'neediness', which is 'bad'?! 

When you just accept that you want a relationship and you have the balls to tell people that 'these are my needs in a relationship' and 'this is how my life would improve if I entered a relationship', things are just made easier, don't you think?! 

Let me know how it works for you, genuinely 

[mr_engineer]

Just now, Consept said:

Let me know how it works for you, genuinely 

Saying 'having emotional needs is bad' has really, really not worked for me. 

It doesn't even make logical sense. 

I'm still waiting for you to explain the logic. 

[Consept]

3 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Saying 'having emotional needs is bad' has really, really not worked for me. 

It doesn't even make logical sense. 

I'm still waiting for you to explain the logic. 

I didn't say it was bad I said its not as attractive. I'm not sure it's logical so I can't explain  sorry 

[mr_engineer]

2 minutes ago, Consept said:

I didn't say it was bad I said its not as attractive. I'm not sure it's logical so I can't explain  sorry 

And yet here you are, spouting it as a scientific fact. It's a dogma that's held by the entire online dating-world and it has totally destroyed dating. It's making people less and less straightforward with each other about what they want. 

There is a special place in hell for people who propagate this lie.