Does anyone here look for problems to solve?

[BlueOak]

I've noticed most of my life that I am looking for problems to solve, and it's a chronic state. 

Sometimes people love it because you are being useful to them or helping them out, but I've been working with a guy that's aware enough to tell me, you're always solving a problem, and that's something I've considered before in relationships, and such with women but never work.

I don't engage much with life if I am not solving a problem of some kind. It's an odd dynamic currently, he keeps telling me to work less hard and relax, but all my life I've had people who want me flat out all day working, and that's when I feel like I have a job, or feel like I am living life or in a relationship. It's not that I can't or don't just switch off and relax, outside of work I am somewhat lazy I feel, but I don't feel like there is much to the day when I do.

Edited August 13 by BlueOak

[ICURBlessings]

Certainly you are gaining a sense of self-worth as a problem-solver. In the bigger picture Natural-Evolution is process that can be observed as of "problem-solving". And our personal human lives are an extension of that process.

As a note you mention issues with relationships... a common issue is when someone wants to vent and complain and therefore needs someone to listen to them. I*f as a listener you respond with a strategy to solve their issue - they feel like you don't get it that they just wanted to vent or talk about their problems without engaging a solution. I am not sure if that is what you were alluding to!?

[LifeEnjoyer]

20 minutes ago, BlueOak said:

I've noticed most of my life that I am looking for problems to solve, and it's a chronic state. 

Sometimes people love it because you are being useful to them or helping them out, but I've been working with a guy that's aware enough to tell me, you're always solving a problem, and that's something I've considered before in relationships, and such with women but never work.

I don't engage much with life if I am not solving a problem of some kind. It's an odd dynamic currently, he keeps telling me to work less hard and relax, but all my life I've had people who want me flat out all day working, and that's when I feel like I have a job, or feel like I am living life or in a relationship. It's not that I can't or don't just switch off and relax, outside of work I am somewhat lazy I feel, but I don't feel like there is much to the day when I do.

I've noticed the same crap, and I was able to let go of some of the more petty issues daily, which is nice.

Two of my "friends" recently blocked me for seemingly no reason.

I was upset at first. "Why would they do this to me?"

Then it was like, OK, well, I'm blocked, so there's not much to do besides forgive them and let that sh*t go.

[BlueOak]

6 minutes ago, ICURBlessings said:

3 minutes ago, ICURBlessings said:

As a note you mention issues with relationships... a common issue is when someone wants to vent and complain and therefore needs someone to listen to them. I*f as a listener you respond with a strategy to solve their issue - they feel like you don't get it that they just wanted to vent or talk about their problems without engaging a solution. I am not sure if that is what you were alluding to!?

Thanks for the reply. I don't have a problem with that, I can give them some help and extract myself from a conversation easily enough. 

I used to have a problem fixing people's problems and then losing interest, and attracting people who liked the fact I was supporting them in that way, but that's resolved now.
 

6 minutes ago, ICURBlessings said:

4 minutes ago, ICURBlessings said:

Certainly you are gaining a sense of self-worth as a problem-solver. In the bigger picture Natural-Evolution is process that can be observed as of "problem-solving". And our personal human lives are an extension of that process.

I used to feel that but I think I've gone too far with it. A part of me feels I am creating these problems to solve. Keeping this practical, this comes out in me looking for things to fix at work, I've had bosses that loved that I was proactive, but it becomes a problem when the rest of life feels less engaging as a result.
 

Just now, LifeEnjoyer said:

I've noticed the same crap, and I was able to let go of some of the more petty issues daily, which is nice.

Two of my "friends" recently blocked me for seemingly no reason.

I was upset at first. "Why would they do this to me?"

Then it was like, OK, well, I'm blocked, so there's not much to do besides forgive them and let that sh*t go.

Yeah we lose and change friends as we go through life and change ourselves.

I agree I need to let some things go myself and not try and fix them so much. Its a healthier way to live.

[Lyubov]

does it disturb your harmony and flow with life? if so I invite you to consider and ask yourself why you are doing this. It's actually a sort of big picture problem where the human part of life wants to stay in the known and familiar, disrupting the natural flow and wellbeing. Whereas the spiritual side, that which is greater, revels in the unknown and unfolding. I myself am working on striking a harmony between the two. Why do you choose to look for problems? 

Edited August 13 by Lyubov

[LifeEnjoyer]

43 minutes ago, BlueOak said:

Yeah we lose and change friends as we go through life and change ourselves.

I agree I need to let some things go myself and not try and fix them so much. Its a healthier way to live.

Yep, funnily enough, last night I was with a friend, and we stopped by the highway just to look at the cars when it hit me. People come and go, just as cars on the highway do. Though simple, the analogy was spot-on and made me laugh.

[BlueOak]

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

does it disturb your harmony and flow with life? if so I invite you to consider and ask yourself why you are doing this. It's actually a sort of big picture problem where the human part of life wants to stay in the known and familiar, disrupting the natural flow and wellbeing. Whereas the spiritual side, that which is greater, revels in the unknown and unfolding. I myself am working on striking a harmony between the two. Why do you choose to look for problems? 

I don't have much of a flow with life. For me, that's a state I would experience sporadically when on a task. I have problems that come up and I solve them. When I don't have anything to do I have two choices usually, solve something or relax. 

As to why, that's my frame for life. When I am not doing that, I am wasting time or relaxing. This thread is another problem-solving thread, so it's even here . Specifically at work, I feel that's what work is about, solving problems, finding solutions, and assisting people.

Examples:

I exercise to solve the problem of my weight, possibly dating again, get my strength up, and keep me healthy through middle age.
I work to pay my bills, start a business up again, maybe socialize and feed myself etc.
When I have some spare money again I'll socialize to make friends, form connections, be there for someone etc, have some creative expression outside of work.
I come on here to have meaningful conversations, see different points of view, raise my awareness and grow, help people out, and be helped sometimes.

It's all either this is the problem or need etc, so this is what I do. OR I am choosing to relax right now. When I go through topics here, I skim for either questions or things I think I could help with and have some knowledge about.

I like a mystery and miss the times when I thought they surrounded me, but I think I've solved most of them of consequence, and if not, I know they will come to me throughout my life (like this one).

 

Edited August 13 by BlueOak

[Princess Arabia]

It's a program. Schooling didn't help. Always a problem to solve; especially Math class. Also not being able to be in the present.

[Hojo]

I feel like i have this problem too. Always being micro managed and watched and hounded at jobs, failures at those jobs and beating myself up for those failures has turned me into someone when at work I am constantly doing something I cant stand around. I now have a job that part of a union and we have strict things timed out and when we are done we are done and you are allowed to just hang out or be slow no one pushes me to work harder or faster. Then when I am standing there it feels awkward. I think what can be solved is work slower, walk slower , your mind will move slower you will become more relaxed, and socialize more if that is applicable. If you are moving at a 7 slow to a 5 or a 4. Use your imagination more when working. Practice thought sensation emotion meditation while working.

Edited August 13 by Hojo

[CARDOZZO]

Solve specific hard problems and you will get rich  

[Lyubov]

6 hours ago, BlueOak said:

I don't have much of a flow with life. For me, that's a state I would experience sporadically when on a task. I have problems that come up and I solve them. When I don't have anything to do I have two choices usually, solve something or relax. 

As to why, that's my frame for life. When I am not doing that, I am wasting time or relaxing. This thread is another problem-solving thread, so it's even here . Specifically at work, I feel that's what work is about, solving problems, finding solutions, and assisting people.

Examples:

I exercise to solve the problem of my weight, possibly dating again, get my strength up, and keep me healthy through middle age.
I work to pay my bills, start a business up again, maybe socialize and feed myself etc.
When I have some spare money again I'll socialize to make friends, form connections, be there for someone etc, have some creative expression outside of work.
I come on here to have meaningful conversations, see different points of view, raise my awareness and grow, help people out, and be helped sometimes.

It's all either this is the problem or need etc, so this is what I do. OR I am choosing to relax right now. When I go through topics here, I skim for either questions or things I think I could help with and have some knowledge about.

I like a mystery and miss the times when I thought they surrounded me, but I think I've solved most of them of consequence, and if not, I know they will come to me throughout my life (like this one).

 

interesting, well this itself doesn't sound like a problem for you  sounds like you enjoy it or it's your way of creating meaning and adding structure to your life. I have a different way of framing my day to day but it just comes down to our belief system and what is authentic and unique to us. You may have a unique gift in this, many problem solvers invent really cool things and innovate industries. 

[Applegarden8]

Yes, I strongly believe you can solve some of your basic problems like eating, fitness and even spiritual satisfaction and fulfillment on some of your deepest desires. There is a big difference in the quality of life than to live my life as is. Which is not terrible, but if the possibility is there, why not use it.

[UnbornTao]

Contrast that life approach (problem solving) to creating what you want.

Take a look at Robert Fritz's work.

[BlueOak]

I appreciate the similar life experiences shared and the solutions offered, gratitude to all of you