Shrooms Experience 8.10.24

[Spiritual Warrior]

It's finally time to journal about my shrooms experience from Saturday. 

It was me, my girlfriend, my friend, and his girlfriend. We blend the shrooms in a blender with some fruit and take it with us. Our destination,: a beach. We take the shrooms when we are about an hour away. I immediately start to feel a nice buzz, I feel happy. 

We finally get to the destination and we find a spot and we all put our stuff down. The first thing I remember doing was eating a clementine. 

I look out to the water and it looks nothing short of magnificent. I felt like I was Poseidon, the king of water. I wanted to get down there and touch it, but this wasn't an ordinary beach, there was no sand, just a bunch of rocks and cliffs. I kept thinking to myself I have to get to the water, I have to get to the water.

It felt as though there were only two paths that we could take, the dirt path to the right or the path to the water. I felt that I had to get the water, I kept saying it over and over again. The water was salvation, it was infinite beauty, infinite love, but it was also death. I wanted to swim in that magnificent ocean. 

At first, we would get closer and closer to the water but I kept saying that I was too scared. It felt to me at the time that the water was infinite beauty, I felt that if I could just get there I would experience something other worldly, I felt that I would experience God or enlightenment, but I was terrified of it. I also felt like the group of people that I was with already knew that the ocean was infinite love and that I was the only one that had never experienced it. It felt like they kept trying to guide me closer and closer to it.

Eventually, I summon up the courage and I try to walk over to the rocks so that I can jump into the water, but I end up cutting my toe and shin. The girls grew worried about my safety so they brought me back to the grassy area. We then decide to take the dirt path instead of going into the water. 

The scariest part of this trip was that I felt like I didn't know anything at all, I knew nothing. I didn't know who these people were that I was with, I didn't even know my girlfriend. I would look at her, and I would feel comfort and see a beautiful free spirited human, but I didn't know her name and I didn't know how she got here. I didn't know that I even had a life outside of this experience right now. I didn't know my own name, I didn't know what my job was, or who my family was. I was a blank slate. 

We leave our stuff in the grass and we started to walk down the dirt path, where we are going I have no idea. I was BY FAR the least competent individual in the group, I had no idea what was going on and I don't remember this but I kept stopped as we were walking and would just stand there. My girlfriend would come back, grab me and bring me back to the group. She was my guardian angel.

We continue to walk and eventually, the girls say that they need to go to the bathroom. I remember I wanted to help them, I wanted to be the man that solved their problem but I literally was not capable. The girls find a spot to go pee and me and the other guy are on our own for a little bit. I miss my girlfriend as soon as she leaves. I remember saying dude we need to pee, how are we going to pee? We could have peed anywhere, but I literally could not comprehend how to pee, I felt helpless. I remember looking at my buddy not as my buddy but as a character, that's who he felt like to me, a very lovable character that reminded me of a father bear. 

I don't remember what happened next, but we left shortly after this because the girls thought that I shouldn't be in public. To summarize, I cut myself up on the rocks, I kept saying I wanted to jump off of the cliff into the water, and apparently I tried to pull my girlfriends bikini top off (which I do not remember at all). We were there for no longer than an hour. 

Now we're back in the car heading back home and things continue to get weird. Every time I close my eyes I could see infinite patterns going in an endless loop, like a kaleidoscope. I didn't enjoy this so I would try to keep my eyes open. 

I remember having the epiphany that I was on an endless ride and that I could never get off, that is all that life is, an endless amusement park ride. It was terrifying. Nothing could give me peace. My girlfriend helped, every time I looked at her I would feel comfort and warmth, but when I looked away from her I was back in the nightmare. It felt like I was in an endless loop and I couldn't get out of it no matter what I tried. I just wanted it to end. 

Eventually, some rock and roll music came on and I started grabbing my girlfriends face, I would put my fingers in her mouth as if I was hooking her with my finger. The music made me roll, as if I was morphing and I had to do something with my fingers. I wasn't hurting her but I was treating her roughly as if we were having sex. 

I start to say some pretty outlandish things such as "I got that dawg in me," and "you got a fatty though," I remember feeling like I was everything, and my mind couldn't focus on one thing at a time, it was all over the place. 

At times, I was enjoying myself, saying funny things and having outbursts of genuine laughter, other times I felt like I was in an endless nightmare and I just wanted to get off of the ride. 

We are almost home, and things start to get even more eventful. I decide that I want to jump into the black GPS screen that is in the front of my friend's car. I unbuckle my seat belt and try to literally jump into it. My girlfriend pulls me back and buckles me in. I then decide that I want to get out of the car. The car is not moving, I opened the door and again, my girlfriend pulls me back in.

I then tell my girlfriend that I can't do this anymore, I pull her in and start balling my eyes out.

After the crying subsides, I ask her if she wants to fuck, she says "no thank you" I then say "Id fuck her," and pointed to my friend's girlfriend.

Next, I pull open my waistband and I am literally about to take my dick out. My girlfriend looks at me with disbelief and stops me from doing it.

I put my dick back in my pants and then I start to piss myself. It felt like such an amazing release. I saw absolutely nothing wrong with this at the time, I was aware that I was peeing, but I felt like anything and everything did not matter. 

We finally get back to the house and as soon as I step out of the car, I am flattened by reality. I realize that my clothes are soaked by my own piss, I have one sandal on and my toe is bleeding. I look at the other individuals get out of the car and for the first time since the trip started, I saw them for who they were, I knew there names and everything about them.

I felt like I got hit by a brick. I wasn't in pain, but the magnitude of what I just did came crashing down onto me. I say bye to my friend and walk over to the passenger seat of my gfs car. 

She drives us home with her hand on my knee and I stare blank face straight ahead the whole time. She asked me if I'm okay and I say no, I'm in absolute shock as to what just occurred. 

We get back to the house, I shower and she starts to fill me in on everything that happened. 

What a fucking trip, I am taking a long break from psychedelics, I'm just not sure if this path is right for me. I literally could have killed myself.

I learned a valuable lesson from this trip, number one psychedelics are no joke. If I had been alone, I may have seriously hurt myself. Number two, if you are going to trip, make sure that your life is in order; I ran out of data on my phone, I just totaled my car and it's in the shop, my life was in shambles and I think that contributed to my messy trip. 

Edited August 13, 2024 by Spiritual Warrior