Kundalini naga panchami

Buck Edwards · August 20

I think I suffered dehydration. But I was able to sleep better yesterday since I drank a lot of water.

Buck Edwards · August 21

Natural energy in the body needs to be high. To achieve my goals.

Buck Edwards · August 21

I had a rape dream again and it was terrible. It was this complex phenomenon of rape and sex that had me confused and mesmerised all at once. He came over me and penetrated me from the back. Meanwhile I screamed and did not understand what was happening. The penetration felt sudden and uneasy. In that moment of confusion I felt like saying no and tell him to get off me. At the same time another thought clashed with this thought that "isn't this how sex is. He will do this. Just be calm and take it." in the dream he was also my friend. My colleague. I feel betrayed. He would flirt with me often. And took this as an opportunity of consent and took pleasure in it. Although I felt discomfort I felt like I should orgasm just to please him and not go against him. But that's just so wrong. Because he is my friend and he should have known better what I want and not capitalized on our friendship.

Buck Edwards · August 21

I like to make up some concepts which I then use in my visualization practice.

One concept that came up this morning was using a magic chemical since I deal with alchemy.

A magic chemical that instantly promotes calm.

I will call this chemical akemhyvoid.

I want this chemical to look like water and be organic with some herbs and vitamins infused in it.

I tried googling and came across a brand called Sunsweet selling herbal water. Not only are the bottles beautiful and perfect for what I had in mind but they also had these nice labels for each bottle like focusing and energizing

This is how they look. This is an awesome find for me

I would love to order these.

Buck Edwards · August 21

I woke up super early today. I want to include a set of spiritual practices in my life. Let's see how it works out.

Buck Edwards · August 24

Meditation and mindfulness
Yoga and spirituality
The concept of karma
The meaning of life
Different religious perspectives

Buck Edwards · August 24

Key elements of a spiritual perspective -

Connection to a higher power or universal energy.

A sense of purpose and meaning.

Inner peace and tranquility.

Compassion and empathy.

Gratitude and appreciation.

Buck Edwards · August 24

Sri Ramakant Maharaj.

Buck Edwards · August 24

It's like I'm talking to a family member. There's no point in giving examples to me because I'm not gonna follow them. I always did the best that I could do. And this is how my life will always be.

Buck Edwards · August 26

Today is August 26. It's Krishna Janmashtami and I had a great day.

Buck Edwards · August 30

Today I felt sensitive to my emotions. I just don't know where things are leading me. I just feel over the edge. Against the wall. I always feel like my family is punishing me. Why this facade? Why do I have to pretend to be happy when deep down I'm really not happy.

Buck Edwards · August 30

What can fix things? What can make things better? Sometimes I feel like I don't belong to this world. I don't want to speak to anyone. I want to keep to myself. I want to love the people I want to love. I don't want to be forced to love people who I don't want to love.

Buck Edwards · August 30

Animal videos are a relief.

Buck Edwards · August 31

I love lipsticks.

The colors I generally prefer -

Brown

Red

Deep reds

Raspberry

Berry

Burgundy

Vampish

Wine

Plum

Reddish wine

Deep pink

Mauves

Coral peaches

Buck Edwards · August 31

In my dream I was playing a musical instrument.

Buck Edwards · September 2

Premodernism was based in religious fundamentalism.