Acting distant in relationship

[kamill]

Hi everyone,

I need some advice. In all my relationships, I tend to act distant and feel like the girl isn't good enough for me. As a result, I don't treat her right, and eventually, the relationship falls apart because the girls get fed up with my behavior. I struggle with sharing my emotions and being open with them. Any tips on how to overcome this and build a healthier relationship would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[Princess Arabia]

You feel like you're not good enough for them; that's why you struggle to open up. Fear of being judged. If it was the other way around, you would have no problems opening up. 

You're not mentally ready for a relationship, so you sabotage it by your behavior. See her as your equal and not beneath you and that will balance that part of it. You see her as beneath you but you don't believe it, so you struggle with it. Don't see her as above you, because then you'll resent her. 

Sounds like you've been conditioned and don't know how to recondition. Love yourself more and that love will shine through unto her.

I bet you've been listening to those pill ideologies and now you're starting to see the side effects. Cut that out. (If that's the case). You care, or you wouldn't be here asking for advice. Hard to say more without more information. 

These are just my opinions; so take it for what it's worth. I could be wrong.

Edited August 7 by Princess Arabia

[kamill]

Today, my girlfriend and I talked at McDonald's, and for the first time, I cried in front of her. She encouraged me to share the struggles of my daily life and open up about my feelings. I'm not used to this; in all my relationships after my first one, I've avoided being vulnerable. In my first relationship, I was needy, and the girl broke up with me because of it. After that, I got heavily into pickup culture and started treating girls like sex objects.

But now, I want to break out of this pattern. I genuinely want to love my girlfriend and express my love to her, but I find it difficult. I previously followed Julien's "The Pimp" course, but I don’t listen to Andrew Tate or anything similar.

She told me she feel iam not actracted to her

 

Edited August 7 by kamill

[NoSelfSelf]

7 hours ago, kamill said:

Today, my girlfriend and I talked at McDonald's, and for the first time, I cried in front of her. She encouraged me to share the struggles of my daily life and open up about my feelings. I'm not used to this; in all my relationships after my first one, I've avoided being vulnerable. In my first relationship, I was needy, and the girl broke up with me because of it. After that, I got heavily into pickup culture and started treating girls like sex objects.

But now, I want to break out of this pattern. I genuinely want to love my girlfriend and express my love to her, but I find it difficult. I previously followed Julien's "The Pimp" course, but I don’t listen to Andrew Tate or anything similar.

She told me she feel iam not actracted to her

 

You cant love something if you dont love yourself.

[meta_male]

8 hours ago, kamill said:

I'm not used to this; in all my relationships after my first one, I've avoided being vulnerable. In my first relationship, I was needy, and the girl broke up with me because of it.

Being needy isn't the same as letting your guard down. The difference is whether you expect something in return or not.

 

[kamill]

@NoSelfSelf I dont think I dont love myself but could be a deeper issue.

Even if I conteplate I dont think iam not good enough. 

idk

[Keryo Koffa]

14 hours ago, kamill said:

I tend to act distant and eventually, the relationship falls apart

13 hours ago, kamill said:

I opened up. I was needy and spiteful before, but now I seek to express love. She is concerned about my reciprocation

2 hours ago, kamill said:

I don't think it's a self-worth issue

If you don't allow yourself to be honest, you eventually reach a state of "what's the point"

You've grown a lot. I have faith, that you'll continue to improve your situation and relationships.

Humans are complex, you might fear discovering incompatibilities that put a strain on the relationship.

Edited August 8 by Keryo Koffa

[NoSelfSelf]

@kamill You are not sure,so you dont love yourself.

[kamill]

@NoSelfSelf I don't think whether I love myself or not is the issue. The problem lies somewhere else. 

[Javfly33]

17 hours ago, kamill said:

, I've avoided being vulnerable. In my first relationship, I was needy, and the girl broke up with me because of it. After that, I got heavily into pickup culture and started treating girls like sex objects.

 

Not this not that 

Neither of those attitudes are wise.

 

[UnbornTao]

I suspect that everyone faces similar challenges in interpersonal relationships. This is a good opportunity for you to question what this behavior is really about. 

Could it be an attempt to avoid getting hurt? Perhaps it’s rooted in an aversion to vulnerability? I'm painting with broad strokes here.

A good question to ask oneself is: What do I assume is true of myself such that I get to show up as this person, in this particular way?

Contemplate the assumptions that might lie behind the motivating factor. Keep contemplating what this pattern is about and why it occurs.

Edited August 8 by UnbornTao

[Princess Arabia]

7 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

If you don't allow yourself to be honest, you eventually reach a state of "what's the point"

You've grown a lot. I have faith, that you'll continue to improve your situation and relationships.

Humans are complex, you might fear discovering incompatibilities that put a strain on the relationship.

 

6 hours ago, kamill said:

@NoSelfSelf I don't think whether I love myself or not is the issue. The problem lies somewhere else.

@Keryo KoffaSee this response. Already knows what the problem is. Another one to add to the list. Let's make a game of this. Let's point out every time someone that asks for advice that indirectly gives their own answers, and not looking for solutions but to keep the problem alive. This thread is a perfect example. I know what the problem is too, I'm part of the problem. Hehe

Edited August 8 by Princess Arabia

[kamill]

@UnbornTao thanks i will do that

[NoSelfSelf]

 

 

This song showcase the inner conflict of the kamill imo..

[Spiritual Warrior]

On 8/7/2024 at 6:36 PM, kamill said:

Today, my girlfriend and I talked at McDonald's, and for the first time, I cried in front of her.  

I've cried three times in front my girl. She loves the openness and vulnerability.

[DianaFr]

On 08/08/2024 at 0:56 AM, kamill said:

Hi everyone,

I need some advice. In all my relationships, I tend to act distant and feel like the girl isn't good enough for me. As a result, I don't treat her right, and eventually, the relationship falls apart because the girls get fed up with my behavior. I struggle with sharing my emotions and being open with them. Any tips on how to overcome this and build a healthier relationship would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Would you say you need distance, like, having your space is a genuine need of yours, or you crave closeness and intimacy deep down, just don't know how to achieve that?