Let's settle the 'nice guy' debate once and for all.

[mr_engineer]

Let's settle the nice guy debate once and for all.

In a capitalistic society, the reason people behave nicely with each other, is because they want to have a good relationship with that person, for their own selfish reasons. Not out of the goodness of their hearts, not 'out of love'. You will behave very nicely with a famous person and you will ignore a homeless person on the street (sucks for the homeless person, but it's true).

Let's apply this logic to the dating-situation. If a man behaves nicely with a woman because he values that relationship for his own selfish reasons, what is wrong with that? Does this make the niceness an 'act'? It is conditional, for sure. But why is that so bad?

An argument goes that 'a real nice person would not ignore the homeless person, they would help the homeless person'. Fine. But, if I value the relationship with the famous person more than the relationship with the homeless person, I'm going to be nicer to the famous person! 

[Leo Gura]

What "nice guy" means is a guy who is too afraid to be himself around a girl because he is grossly inexperienced with women.

Edited August 5 by Leo Gura

[mr_engineer]

11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

What "nice guy" means is a guy who is too afraid to be himself around a girl because he is grossly inexperienced with women.

Your first impulse response, which was 'a "nice guy" is someone who is too afraid to be real with a girl because he worships her' made sense to me. 

In this response, though, I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'being himself'. In fact, if you tell them to 'be themselves', they're going to say 'I am being myself! I am being nice to her because I value this relationship'. 

[Applegarden8]

22 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

What "nice guy" means is a guy who is too afraid to be himself around a girl because he is grossly inexperienced with women.

No, it's not just that. It's a guy who doesn't or doesn't know how to escallate I think. Not that he is just too afraid to be himself. Hello, I am a nice guy, but I have learned to be polarizing and I can be charismatic, I am still a nice guy. Not that I see much wrong in it but I am, logically speaking.

Edited August 5 by Applegarden8

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, Applegarden8 said:

It's a guy who doesn't or doesn't know how to escallate I think.

Read again what I wrote.

"Grossly inexperienced with women"!

Quote

Not that he is just too afraid to be himself.

If you don't escalate it IS because you are too afraid of rejection and also you are disconnected from your own sexual desire for her.

If you listened to your sexual desire you would escalate rather than doubt yourself.

Edited August 5 by Leo Gura

[Applegarden8]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Read again what I wrote.

"Grossly inexperienced with women"!

If you don't escalate it IS because you are too afraid of rejection and also you are disconnected from your own sexual desire for her.

If you listened to your sexual desire you would escalate rather than doubt yourself.

Well, ok, you are right. In my case I was not afraid of rejection. But I am very disconnected from my sexual desire for and connection with women. I have it and when I see a woman I will tell you, but, yes, I need to do some emotional or shadow work to desire a woman and escallate with her. I have a big problem there if I wanted a partner. It just doesn't register in my mind that I have to kiss her. It doesn't. Idk wether I was repressed as a man too much or something, or I meditated too much, but the impulse is not there.

I am very disconnected from people and I am not authentic with most people. But this is why I am good at what I am, paradoxically.

Edited August 5 by Applegarden8

[Davino]

27 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you don't escalate it IS because you are too afraid of rejection and also you are disconnected from your own sexual desire for her.

If you listened to your sexual desire you would escalate rather than doubt yourself.

What if I have the desire but I shouldn't act upon it?

How can I manage contradictory desires like, wanting a life long wife with fucking a hot girl that I met tonight?

[mr_engineer]

@Leo Gura What does 'be yourself' mean, when said to nice guys? 

[Leo Gura]

23 minutes ago, Davino said:

What if I have the desire but I shouldn't act upon it?

This is where training and growing some balls comes in.

The reason women get horny for guys is because they crave leadership. When you fail to lead you make her vagina dry. Nothing is more pathetic than a man who cannot claim his vagina.

Quote

How can I manage contradictory desires like, wanting a life long wife with fucking a hot girl that I met tonight?

What is the contradiction? One turns into the other.

Edited August 5 by Leo Gura

[Greatnestwithin]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

This is where training and growing some balls comes in.

The reason women get horny for guys is because they crave leadership. When you fail to lead you make her vagina dry. Nothing is more pathetic than a man who cannot claim his vagina.

What is the contradiction? One turns into the other.

@Leo Gura he means both. Like he wants a long term partner and the ability to simply fuck anyone he wants.

[Leo Gura]

Just now, Greatnestwithin said:

@Leo Gura he means both. Like he wants a long term partner and the ability to simply fuck anyone he wants.

Well, in that case you are not ready for marriage, I would say. You need to get the fucking out of your system, burn through that karma.

[mr_engineer]

2 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

@Leo Gura What does 'be yourself' mean, when said to nice guys? 

Others can also weigh in. 

[Applegarden8]

29 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Others can also weigh in. 

Lower your standards, learn game, don't be creepy, learn to pass my tests or it can also really mean, learn to share your interests, be more polarizing and authentic, have a vision for your life, have/develop something in your life worth sharing.

[Nemra]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The reason women get horny for guys is because they crave leadership.

@Leo Gura 

I have been thinking about it, and I think that it can get problematic for me. I realized that I also crave leadership as a male. Do I need to change my mindset regardless of my craving?

[Leo Gura]

54 minutes ago, Nemra said:

I realized that I also crave leadership as a male.

I don't know.

Men these days are half women, so who knows what is right for whom.

[Raze]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The reason women get horny for guys is because they crave leadership. When you fail to lead you make her vagina dry. Nothing is more pathetic than a man who cannot claim his vagina.

Then why do they care about his looks? What does that have to do with leadership?

[Leo Gura]

21 minutes ago, Raze said:

Then why do they care about his looks? What does that have to do with leadership?

Of course there are other factors besides leadership. But looks actually do correlate to leadership in a loose way. A tall masculine-looking guy is more easily accepted as a leader by others.

Don't get hung up on this stuff. Just work on what you can improve.

Edited August 5 by Leo Gura

[MarkKol]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The reason women get horny for guys is because they crave leadership

I don’t understand what leadership has to do with attraction, there are various ways, and conditions guys end up in that result in female attraction.

I.e I attracted a girl in a bus, by making her laugh and being laid back/half asleep. What does this have to do with leadership? 

Not saying that it doesn’t work, I’m someone who probably lacks leadership, but you’re portraying it as this master skill in attracting women, while it’s clearly not, I’ve attracted girls simply by laughing at my friend’s jokes, point out the leadership there.

Edited August 5 by MarkKol

[Leo Gura]

@MarkKol Dude, I was giving that guy specific advice for his specific issue. Then you come in here and try to spin it out into some ultimate theory of female attraction.

Pay attention to the context of the conversation. That guy was having problems with leadership and I was trying to encourage him.

Edited August 5 by Leo Gura

[MarkKol]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@MarkKol Dude, I was giving that guy specific advice for his specific issue. Then you come in here and try to spin it out into some ultimate theory of female attraction.

Pay attention to the context of the conversation. That guy was having problems with leadership.

He’s asking about it because he currently struggles with female attraction himself (nothing wrong with that), given the larger context, which are the rest of his threads.

Whatevs…