The importance of being prepared

[Leo-Tzu]

Two days ago i was walking home while suddenly i saw two girls taking selfies near a graffiti art or something similar painted on a wall and i even changed a bit my path to notice them better since they were really pretty. While i got near them one of them said "hey can you take us some pictures" and i replied "with great pleasure". I took them like 10 11 and we had a bit of convo in the meantime. I asked them where they were from and they said Chile. (Btw i live in a small balkan country so were not really used to getting this many tourists). The soon she said chile i got a bit forzen since i always idolized and pedestalized latinas due to a various reasons, blabbering i asked some more question like where are they staying, are they enjoying the city and so on. I always talked with the girl that seemed more interested in talking since the other was meerly standing there. She said things like ye we re gonna stay for a bit, my friend here is traveling to another city tomorrow and im gonna be here for a month. A bit silence creeped in and i felt in a very not at ease cause im not used talkiing to people i dont know specially in english. A lack of practice, a bit of self doubt in the moment and the feeling of discomfort led me to say them just  "ok goodbye,have fun girls" while everything inside me was screamin (you idiot ask for her number and offer her a tour of the city a coffee and so on). I noticed her being a bit dissapointed and she said well ok then good luck to you. I didnt even ask for her name. Now i reherse that moment for two days, what i should have said, how should i had to move and smile and a lot of shit like that while in reality i just froze and walked away, and to make things even worse i listend a bit them going away while her friend told her "nooo porque, chico bonito" or something, now i'd like to say they were at least interested to get a coffee with me and i didn't act. I decided to share this first cause it shook me emotionally like i felt very bad after what i realised what i just did (or didnt do in this case), second : everthing we do matters so even if we try talking to strangers for no reason, we do cold approach and they show 0 interest still its worth, its preparation, because when moments and opportunities like this will come (be sure they will come) we need to be prepared, at least not blabber. Nevertheless i feel gratitude for that episode, it really woke me up that i should develop myself and practice everything i learned throughout the years in these situations. If i could take back the time i would because the worst case scenario she would say no im busy etc and this rejection was not going to be as bad as the regret i feel right now. 

Edited August 5, 2024 by Leo-Tzu

[Princess Arabia]

This is what happens sometimes when we are trained in a certain way to do things. If you were at a nightclub or bar or specifically went out to do some approaching, you might have took that opportunity to ask for a number or date etc., but because of all these modern techniques, and how it should be done, what's right and what's wrong and all these do's and don'ts, the mind doesn't see these spontaneous opportunities often; and it's not until one looks back that they realize they missed an opportunity. Life is spontaneously happening and the best approach in this field is to be open and ready for any situation to arise and not depend on how one thinks it should play out. 

This is why as I said before, most if not all my relationships in the past  started spontaneously where it wasn't planned nor neither one of us actually set out to try and find one.

[NoSelfSelf]

16 hours ago, Leo-Tzu said:

Two days ago i was walking home while suddenly i saw two girls taking selfies near a graffiti art or something similar painted on a wall and i even changed a bit my path to notice them better since they were really pretty. While i got near them one of them said "hey can you take us some pictures" and i replied "with great pleasure". I took them like 10 11 and we had a bit of convo in the meantime. I asked them where they were from and they said Chile. (Btw i live in a small balkan country so were not really used to getting this many tourists). The soon she said chile i got a bit forzen since i always idolized and pedestalized latinas due to a various reasons, blabbering i asked some more question like where are they staying, are they enjoying the city and so on. I always talked with the girl that seemed more interested in talking since the other was meerly standing there. She said things like ye we re gonna stay for a bit, my friend here is traveling to another city tomorrow and im gonna be here for a month. A bit silence creeped in and i felt in a very not at ease cause im not used talkiing to people i dont know specially in english. A lack of practice, a bit of self doubt in the moment and the feeling of discomfort led me to say them just  "ok goodbye,have fun girls" while everything inside me was screamin (you idiot ask for her number and offer her a tour of the city a coffee and so on). I noticed her being a bit dissapointed and she said well ok then good luck to you. I didnt even ask for her name. Now i reherse that moment for two days, what i should have said, how should i had to move and smile and a lot of shit like that while in reality i just froze and walked away, and to make things even worse i listend a bit them going away while her friend told her "nooo porque, chico bonito" or something, now i'd like to say they were at least interested to get a coffee with me and i didn't act. I decided to share this first cause it shook me emotionally like i felt very bad after what i realised what i just did (or didnt do in this case), second : everthing we do matters so even if we try talking to strangers for no reason, we do cold approach and they show 0 interest still its worth, its preparation, because when moments and opportunities like this will come (be sure they will come) we need to be prepared, at least not blabber. Nevertheless i feel gratitude for that episode, it really woke me up that i should develop myself and practice everything i learned throughout the years in these situations. If i could take back the time i would because the worst case scenario she would say no im busy etc and this rejection was not going to be as bad as the regret i feel right now. 

That's why you prepare all the moves and potential counter moves to put you in position of what you want it to happen.Because you are not coming with a plan and look how to impose it, then you let things go in a direction other person is dictating if its a woman 9/10 directing towards friendzone.You feel regret because you are focused on her, not knowing what you should be doing  before you even go outside the house.

[Keryo Koffa]

Preparation can lead to overthinking and regret streaks.

There's endless spontaneous opportunities, just go out more.

Free flow between them, why put so much weight on any?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Keryo Koffa Thats like saying why prepare for studying test when you can spontenouesly get an A,well only if you are a natural most arent.

[Keryo Koffa]

@NoSelfSelf It's actually saying: stop worrying and start doing, go out there, make mistakes, more mistakes, and learn.

Use the infinite resources available to you. Don't just get hung up on the way one teacher tried to teach you his method.

Visit Khan Academy, browse Google, YouTube, Wikipedia, books, articles, and related material, start writing, be creative.

Stop caring about the result and try things out, if it fails, go to the next, worry is useless. Mastery arises from practice.

You're at where you're at, conjecture is misleading, ideologies are delusions, and you gotta build experience first hand.

Trust your intuition, be yourself, make experiences, stop caring how people perceive you. Stop caring about approval.

And end this stupid mind game, that you're trying to manipulate others into. Stop treating life like a zero sum game.

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Keryo Koffa Good advice but

https://youtu.be/TcJQcKZcI4Y?si=bLDQGqp2JSwoqeE7

[Keryo Koffa]

@NoSelfSelf I agree that your side also carries weight, yet also:

 

Edited August 5, 2024 by Keryo Koffa

[Princess Arabia]

4 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Preparation can lead to overthinking and regret streaks.

There's endless spontaneous opportunities, just go out more.

Free flow between them, why put so much weight on any?

👍

[Leo-Tzu]

6 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

This is what happens sometimes when we are trained in a certain way to do things. If you were at a nightclub or bar or specifically went out to do some approaching, you might have took that opportunity to ask for a number or date etc., but because of all these modern techniques, and how it should be done, what's right and what's wrong and all these do's and don'ts, the mind doesn't see these spontaneous opportunities often; and it's not until one looks back that they realize they missed an opportunity. Life is spontaneously happening and the best approach in this field is to be open and ready for any situation to arise and not depend on how one thinks it should play out. 

Exactly,

What I mean by prepared tends more to a sense of readyness or surrender to the fact that while on taking a walk anything can happen, surrender to life itself. In my mind i was going from point A to B (home in this case) and they kinda catched me offguard in the moment i was feeling tired, thirsty and on the way to my safe place. So my emotions were contradicting themselves just like saying "here you have what you wanted, now go for it" and "but you met her in a horrible state, just came out from the beach with messy hair, burned out, dehydrated tired while theyre on dinner dresses, make up and so on, she will never go out with you" and the second won.

Of course i withdrew because a lack of experience being prepared enough to catch a flying opportunity, a lack of energy or even the overwhelming fact i had what i wanted right in front of my eyes and i wasn't feeling "perfect" for it. I know perfection in doing thing dont exist yet still that emotion sabotaged my outcome.

I don't know if it would have lead to a relationship, date, ons, or even a nice coffee and just showing her off my fav part of the city which i really enjoy doing with tourists if chances arise but this not knowing and this regret is way worse than a potential refuse which i feared in that moment. Thats the main thing you guys need to remember from this.

At least now i walk conscious that i could bump on the love of my life, a future friend, a job or business opportunity anytime and im not walking on self made rails. 

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, Leo-Tzu said:

Exactly,

What I mean by prepared tends more to a sense of readyness or surrender to the fact that while on taking a walk anything can happen, surrender to life itself. In my mind i was going from point A to B (home in this case) and they kinda catched me offguard in the moment i was feeling tired, thirsty and on the way to my safe place. So my emotions were contradicting themselves just like saying "here you have what you wanted, now go for it" and "but you met her in a horrible state, just came out from the beach with messy hair, burned out, dehydrated tired while theyre on dinner dresses, make up and so on, she will never go out with you" and the second won.

Of course i withdrew because a lack of experience being prepared enough to catch a flying opportunity, a lack of energy or even the overwhelming fact i had what i wanted right in front of my eyes and i wasn't feeling "perfect" for it. I know perfection in doing thing dont exist yet still that emotion sabotaged my outcome.

I don't know if it would have lead to a relationship, date, ons, or even a nice coffee and just showing her off my fav part of the city which i really enjoy doing with tourists if chances arise but this not knowing and this regret is way worse than a potential refuse which i feared in that moment. Thats the main thing you guys need to remember from this.

At least now i walk conscious that i could bump on the love of my life, a future friend, a job or business opportunity anytime and im not walking on self made rails. 

We live and learn. Now you know. If the girls were smiling and talking to you and allowed you to take pictures and all that, that was a very good chance they might have took it further; no guarantee, but no better time than the situation you were in. This tells me that guys can just be insecure within themselves and not approach and also blame it on the women saying they weren't good enough without even trying. Like you said how you were thinking that you weren't at your best. Some guys don't even approach and are still angry at women for not approaching them; or some don't approach because of their own insecurities and nothing to do with how females view them only their own critiques about themselves. (Not saying you're one of them, just saying in general).

 

 

 

[Holymoly]

When this happens it’s a really good chance to practice not beating yourself up,  I don’t know if you have that tendency but I do and it’s actually incredible when you can stop doing that because part of the reason you a struggling to do things in these moments is because of the internal beating up that is going on effecting your self esteem like When your all like fuck I should have done somthing that’s beating yourself up. When u see it this way it’s a win win! If you talk to them and get a date awesome! If not you have a reallly and I mean really good chance to rewire your brain here I know the feeling and it sucks but your doing it to yourself if there were no girls on the walk you wouldn’t be like okay fuck I’m such a failure so yeah! I like to use the mantra “it’s okay, your fine” 

Edited August 7, 2024 by Holymoly

[Leo-Tzu]

@Holymoly Thanks, trying to stay optimistic as much as i can