Can't feel love after accident

[manuel bon]

Hi everyone. Two years ago my dad and brother had an accident, and front that moment on my life and the life of my family has drastically changed. My brother now is fine, but my dad has a serious brain injury. 

I feel I am taking good care of myself, and I have learned, and grew a lot thanks to this accident, even though it's still difficult every day if my life. 

Even though I am doing great with handling "negative" emotions, it's more difficult for me to live the "positive" ones. More specifically: I can be happy with no problem, but what I struggle the most I feeling love. I am a super emotional person, and every emotion I get, I can feel it in my body, but for some reason I can't feel the physical sensation I would get when  someone shares their love for me (it used to be a great, strong warm feeling in my chest). I don't have it when my mom, grandma, and my brother share their love. To some extent I am okay with that, but what bothers me is that I can't get that feeling with my girlfriend. 

Why is that? How can I change this?

I feel like I am super loving with my family and especially with my girlfriend, but I'm sure that if I would feel the sensation in my body I would be even more.

Pls help and thanks for reading ❤️

[Schizophonia]

Has it been psychologically hard ? Lot of stress ?

It's the elephant in the room.

Edited August 1 by Schizophonia

[manuel bon]

@Schizophonia yes it's still really tough and stressful. 

[Raze]

try metta meditation, Awakening the Spiritual Heart with Adyashanti, ifs therapy or mdma trauma release

 

[manuel bon]

@Raze do you have any guided meditations to recommend? Both for the metta and adyashanti i mean. I don't know much about these types of meditation, but I want to give it a try.

For the MDMA I would try, but also for that idk how I would lead the trip, how I can use the substance to help me instead of just tripping. Thank you for the help by the way!

[Basman]

Your probably just not over this incident quiet yet. There are a bunch of things you could try but I think it'll primarily get better with time.

Edited August 3 by Basman

[LordFall]

I would guess that your psyche has been traumatized from this and now withholds deep feeling of love due to fear of loss. I have something similar, not sure how to fix it but by understanding it should get better. 

[manuel bon]

@LordFall

@Basman yeah I definitely feel like I need to get over this trauma... The fact that my dad is seriously brain injured makes me and my family still hurt a lot, it's really difficult. Our lives are basically tied to taking care of him; actually for me it's easier cause I live in another country due to studies. But every time I come back (f.e. now that's summer) it's like a slap in the face. The problem is that even if the majority of the year I stay abroad, I can't get over it somehow.

[Basman]

2 hours ago, manuel bon said:

@LordFall

@Basman yeah I definitely feel like I need to get over this trauma... The fact that my dad is seriously brain injured makes me and my family still hurt a lot, it's really difficult. Our lives are basically tied to taking care of him; actually for me it's easier cause I live in another country due to studies. But every time I come back (f.e. now that's summer) it's like a slap in the face. The problem is that even if the majority of the year I stay abroad, I can't get over it somehow.

Don't be in such a rush. Its normal to go through complicated emotions following a traumatic incident like this.

[LSD-Rumi]

@manuel bon Feeling unsafe can block the feeling of love. Your mind says life is dangerous, no place for love. Do you feel agitated or safe usually?

Edited August 3 by LSD-Rumi

[manuel bon]

@LSD-Rumi i am prone to be agitated when I'm with my family, here they are really chaotic and filled with stress; but still I try my best to be mindful and relaxed. I meditate every day and I believe I am a calm person in general. I am not agitated but I also don't feel safe specifically. After this accident I live in uncertainty, learning to accept what impermanence in life is.

 

@Basman yeah I shouldn't be in a rush. And in general I am not, but I know that if I would be able to feel love, I would be better with my family and in my relationship.

[DianaFr]

The moment the accident happened, your body learned that bad things can happen with people you love absolutely out of the blue, and it's all out of your control. Furthermore, they can change your life in ways you never wanted or asked for. So on one hand, it's about the risk of losing, in one way or another, people you love. On the other, it's also about your personal sense of safety, and stability, and the general trust in the order of your life. If it all gets messed up, of course, your body will signal what you've experienced. What can help restore the sensation of love is grief. That's the function of it, even though we don't like it. What I pick up from your text is that you have learned and grown after the accident, and that you continue to engage with your family and show love to them (without necessarily feeling it). I'm just wondering is that learning intellectual or was it emotional? I'm assuming the needs of your brother and father have been in the spotlight for some time now, but what about you? Have you had a chance to break down and let it all flush out of your system, so you can reconstruct your identity and relationships to feel love again? 

[manuel bon]

@DianaFr thank you for the nice message. 

6 hours ago, DianaFr said:

is that learning intellectual or was it emotional

To be honest I don't know precisely, but I think it's a mix of both.

 

6 hours ago, DianaFr said:

Have you had a chance to break down and let it all flush out of your system, so you can reconstruct your identity and relationships to feel love again? 

I do things to take these emotions out. I did a couple of times the Conscious Connected Breathwork, that helped me to cry a lot and release a lot. I should also definitely take care of myself a bit more, eating healthier for instance, or going on more walks in nature, etc.

What I don't like perhaps, is that when I go back to the Netherlands it's really easy for me to smoke weed, and it's not a good influence, especially when it becomes a daily thing. But when I try to quit, I start thinking that it's not that bad, and that I like it (which sometimes I do, but most of the times I regret smoking). Probably also the weed numbed the feelings that I have inside, so it's more difficult to feel my positive emotions.

Right now I'm in Italy with my family, and I haven't smoked since the end of June, and I hope that when I go back in October I will be strong enough to not do it.

[ICURBlessings]

There is a lot of good responses and advices in this thread. Now that these important things have been said, I will bring another angle.

Like a snake shedding its skin, or maybe like a caterpillar cocooning to metamorphose itself into a butterfly - Your experience of Love is going through a metamorphosis - and right now it is in the cocoon stage.

Human emotions range in qualities, and intensities. They seem to go from negative in one end - such as fear, guilt and anger to positive states of joy and love.

Also human emotions can be experienced as a mix of both positive and negative - like feeling excited but also anxious.

Now lets look at LOVE.

You seem to be on a path of spiritual learning - and all true spiritual paths must at one point involve a process of realizing True Love, what the sages of India called "Supreme Love".

You also heard that 'God is Love' - and that is a profoundly meaningful statement which says something about Love that points to something... far beyond the flickering human-love.

Human experience of love is variable, changing, fluctuating, shifting, and therefore can be inconsistent and unstable. This characteristic of human-love is fundamentally unlike the Love Which is God.

Part of the TRAUMA that you spoke of and also that has been discussed by others in this tread - not only can awake in the mind the sense of fragility of the human body, and the human vulnerability to all kinds of ...what can I say... "horrors" for a lack of a better word - can amount to an impact at a very foundational level. What I want to point here is like a deep realization of the 'impermanence' of our World - to use a Buddhist term. Another term is the 'ephemerality' of the human experience. However where I am going with this is the Realization - as a result of trauma - that this human-field that we call life may of been assess as "unworthy" of investing Love into it.

This trauma-caused assessment is often how seers of ancient time began their Realization of True Love.

The Love which is God is also your very essence and of course the essence of every living thing and every soul at any level - physical and non-physical.

That Love which is Your Essence is not shifty, but Changeless - It IS NOW and IT IS YOUR BEING - the Very " I AM" as YOU are NOW and will be for ever.

It is Changeless and at Peace...

FEEL IT! Find a way to feel it... Feel its Peace, observe how it can be profoundly comforting, and how it may make you feel STRONG - not physical strength but the Strength of the Soul.

Once you start to feel it, look for IT in others. Tell yourself that the image of their body is not really them - but that you can FEEL their ESSENCE - FEEL IT. Feel their eternal light which is your light...

Let the Love which is God be the only kind of Love you want ... Observe how you already have started to stop investing love in 'Form', the 'Changing', the Ephemeral, ... Trust that you are uncovering True Love - the Love that holds the Universe together...

[manuel bon]

On 8/12/2024 at 3:00 PM, ICURBlessings said:

There is a lot of good responses and advices in this thread. Now that these important things have been said, I will bring another angle.

Like a snake shedding its skin, or maybe like a caterpillar cocooning to metamorphose itself into a butterfly - Your experience of Love is going through a metamorphosis - and right now it is in the cocoon stage.

Human emotions range in qualities, and intensities. They seem to go from negative in one end - such as fear, guilt and anger to positive states of joy and love.

Also human emotions can be experienced as a mix of both positive and negative - like feeling excited but also anxious.

Now lets look at LOVE.

You seem to be on a path of spiritual learning - and all true spiritual paths must at one point involve a process of realizing True Love, what the sages of India called "Supreme Love".

You also heard that 'God is Love' - and that is a profoundly meaningful statement which says something about Love that points to something... far beyond the flickering human-love.

Human experience of love is variable, changing, fluctuating, shifting, and therefore can be inconsistent and unstable. This characteristic of human-love is fundamentally unlike the Love Which is God.

Part of the TRAUMA that you spoke of and also that has been discussed by others in this tread - not only can awake in the mind the sense of fragility of the human body, and the human vulnerability to all kinds of ...what can I say... "horrors" for a lack of a better word - can amount to an impact at a very foundational level. What I want to point here is like a deep realization of the 'impermanence' of our World - to use a Buddhist term. Another term is the 'ephemerality' of the human experience. However where I am going with this is the Realization - as a result of trauma - that this human-field that we call life may of been assess as "unworthy" of investing Love into it.

This trauma-caused assessment is often how seers of ancient time began their Realization of True Love.

The Love which is God is also your very essence and of course the essence of every living thing and every soul at any level - physical and non-physical.

That Love which is Your Essence is not shifty, but Changeless - It IS NOW and IT IS YOUR BEING - the Very " I AM" as YOU are NOW and will be for ever.

It is Changeless and at Peace...

FEEL IT! Find a way to feel it... Feel its Peace, observe how it can be profoundly comforting, and how it may make you feel STRONG - not physical strength but the Strength of the Soul.

Once you start to feel it, look for IT in others. Tell yourself that the image of their body is not really them - but that you can FEEL their ESSENCE - FEEL IT. Feel their eternal light which is your light...

Let the Love which is God be the only kind of Love you want ... Observe how you already have started to stop investing love in 'Form', the 'Changing', the Ephemeral, ... Trust that you are uncovering True Love - the Love that holds the Universe together...

I understand what you are saying, and thank you for the nice words. But how can I learn to apply this to my day-to-day life stuff? In general I try to live in the present moment, away from the mental chatter. But with tough situations is many times difficult. I allow myself to feel all the emotions I have, but how can I transform this state into the state of me feeling love in everything and everyone?