Demo for Song I am writing: Ocean Coast

[Thought Art]

Here is a demo recording of the song I am writing called Ocean Coast. Would love your feedback: 

Lyrics: 

Hear the waves break

Feel the sunny day 

See the people play

Smiles on their face 

The sun set it comes

It sets late this time of year

Feel her hand on your shoulder 

Hear her whisper in your ear

I, will always love you

and, I, will always stay true 

 

 

Song(11).mp3

Edited July 31 by Thought Art

[Javfly33]

cool and soothing, I like it 👆🤛

[Thought Art]

@Javfly33 Thanks man

[Spiritual Warfare]

It’s perfect

[Thought Art]

@MarioGabrielJ Thank you 

[Rigel]

My ocean obsessed ass thinks there’s a lot of potential. Thanks for sharing!

Are you open to having your singing technique critiqued? I think I could help a bit. I like the grit in it.

 

[Oppositionless]

Do you have a teacher ?

[Thought Art]

@Rigel yeah I am open. 
 

Also, the song isn’t what I would call completely refined. Definitely open to suggestions. If you have links to resources showing the techniques as well that could be an additional bonus.

However I should say I personally enjoy it. It’s not a perfect take. I don’t fully know the song yet. New friend. 
 

I also didn’t EQ this phone recording which could help.

I also haven’t fully worked out the breathing and I’m not convinced of the chorus 

but, I like the feeling a lot 

Edited August 1 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

@Oppositionless me? 
 

Not really. I studied different sources. 
 

loosley I’ve applied some principles from Holistic Song Writing. 

[Realms of Wonder]

I love that it is sung live, the guitar playing is consistent and solid, well done, I admire the effort you put into this.

for feedback, if I were to work on this song...

• I would create new lyrics to a similar or slightly different melody for the second and third verse.
• I would look up some song structures to get an idea of how to make it engaging and non-repetitive.
• The part "I, always love you, etc.." would be awesome leading into a bridge with different chords. it could be just the word "I" sung longer, more space to let the guitar stand out,
• if possible, find new strumming/picking styles for the chorus so it stands out more
• experiment with different levels of energy.
  • the beginning could be strummed chords and slower
  • the first chorus could break into a more upbeat picking pattern and a bit faster
  • continue picking pattern and speed for second chorus
  • etc.. make it dynamic.

overall, great job for creating and sharing, I am proud of you!

Warmly,

Paul

Edited August 1 by Realms of Wonder

[Thought Art]

Thanks! 
 

A big part of me is very satisfied with its repetitive nature. I’ll consider these points, and a bridge is a good idea.

the fact that it is repetitive is what I like about it. I’m unlikely to change any of the chords or add new lyrics to the verse. Normally I would, but I actually enjoy the repetitive and simple nature. I listened to it like a bunch of times yesterday and I’m satisfied. I will as a bridge for sure. 

 

Changing things up and making it too dynamic can be good for songs. But, not this one .

I personally find it engaging, but I guess it’s my own taste.  Playing it around camp I’ve had people come up to my looking for the song in Spotify so other people seem to think so too. 
 

But, you’ve got me thinking regardless. I love this song. I record it in a month or two. 
 

I recorded my song Mountaintops a month ago and will share it with you guys once it’s on streaming services. 
 

Biggest thing for me is getting the breathing down, and smoothing out the tempo, and adding the melody to the chorus. 
 

I am luckily a lot more relaxed with my song writing than years ago. I stressed myself out of it honestly. 

Edited August 1 by Thought Art

[Rigel]

My critique is not really a critique. It’ll come in the form of a game to play for fun.

Game:

Pretend you are yogi the bear(Or Elvis for that matter) & sing the whole song like this. It should feel like your pharynx is gigantic. Soft palate lifted high. Throat fully open. Keep your cheeks activated. Nasal passages open. Notice how different it feels. You should be able to sing every pitch like this. Never let the pharynx go up when you go up in pitch. Pitch is controlled by placing the vibration higher up in your mask. 

I am not saying you should sing like that when you are performing but I am sure you could gain some insights into the actual mechanics of the voice by doing this.

I can explain what to look for with your breathing too if you’d like.

I will recommend the best resource I know for technique. It’s called « your body, your voice » by Theodore Dimon. This book was a game changer for me when I read it. It explains in detail the actual biology of the voice in relation to our upright design. It is a must read if you are serious about your voice and keeping it healthy.

[Thought Art]

@Rigel All good points. I will read this book. I also have some other singing courses in mind as I know there is room for improvement.

 

this recording is by no means my best singing technique. But, I can improve in general. I was also singing in a shared space so I down played a lot. 

Edited August 1 by Thought Art

[Rigel]

4 hours ago, Thought Art said:

@Rigel All good points. I will read this book. I also have some other singing courses in mind as I know there is room for improvement.

 

this recording is by no means my best singing technique. But, I can improve in general. I was also singing in a shared space so I down played a lot. 

You sound good bro. I just think we could all be a little more pompous when using our voices ahah! Doesn’t need to be loud.

You didn’t ask for it but I’ll talk a bit about breathing for anyone interested.

It’s very counterintuitive. From what I can hear 95+% of people push the breath out when using their voice. Which is exactly the opposite of how it’s designed to work. Exhalation should be very slow. Barely letting any air out and placing the pharynx lower with a good mask activation is how opera singers get their high volume without hurting themselves. 
Rib cage should remain open at all times. In the front and the back. When exhaling the rib cage should not drop at all. Collapsing it makes the air come out way to fast.

I want to also mention that playing guitar at the same time tends to mess up proper posture. Special effort should be made to keep the shoulder blades back. Balance is key. It’s like doing a handstand. The moment you put yourself into balance the effort required to do the thing is divided by a hundred.

I love talking about that stuff.

I am curious. What kind of practice are you into when it comes to keeping your voice well & alive? Are you into humming? Humming is god sent, it places the voice so well. Makes your entire cranium vibrate. So fun.

[Thought Art]

@Rigel i have an app call 7 minute vocal warm up plus i sing a lot at work. I also use Yousician at times

 

Will look to apply these concepts 

Edited August 1 by Thought Art

[AncestorOfAisle6]

Not bad, sounds lovely. Some suggestions you could consider.

- Slow it down 5-10 bpm. I think that would make it more relax and easy going.

- Maybe transpose it a step or 2 to make it sound more bright and positive. You can use a capo for that.

- Don't hold back.

 

Edited August 2 by AncestorOfAisle6

[Thought Art]

@AncestorOfAisle6 Thanks, I’ll give it a try! 
 

It was on capo 3 in the recording. I’ll try slowing er down and 4 and 5th capo. 
 

I also think I may as someone suggested write new lyrics for second and third verse but I’m not sure 

[Ramanujan]

keep it up king

[LordFall]

I like it. If you're looking for feedback idk much about music but there was a voice crack in there and you could do some tuning on your voice and it will be a bit more refined. Keep it up though and post the next version, looking forward to it!