Lsd Trip Report: "herre Fucking Jävlar!!! Inget E På Riktigt!!!" (holy Fucking Shit! Nothing Is Real!)

[Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj]

So I had my first psychedelic experience with about 100-110µg LSD during easter. Unfortunately I didn't meet the easter bunny or Hitler riding a flying mat during my trip but this was by far the most mind blowing experience of my life, I have never ever gotten so much information in such a short time.

Set: I started my day by meditating for 90 minutes, I exercise a little bit and eating some fruits and having a cup of caffeine free coffee for breakfast. After that I take a short walk in nature, everything is okay and I wear a huge smile on my face because that's what I like to do. After that I meet up with a guy who was supposed to trip sit me but we decided that I am in this all alone the day before. We talk a little bit and he helps me set up a schedule for what to do during my trip. After a while I put my tab in my tongue and send him away. We hug each other and I start crying like hell, when he leaves I go back to my room and start to reflect on my life while crying like a little baby. After I am done crying I lay down on the floor and start dropping into a samadhi-like state. The LSD starts kicking in about 10 minutes later...

Setting: I am home alone inside my room. I have cleaned up all the stuff so It's all grey. In the middle of the room I have a place to meditate/lay down on the floor and I have a chair in front of my window which shows me the nature in my backyard and a bed to lay down in if I feel it. I have about 3 liters of water and a bowl of bananas, pears, clementines and dates.

The trip: About 30 minutes after I have taken the acid I start hearing this weird sound, it almost feels like I have tinnitus. It feels like I have been meditating like hell, like that time I lived in a Zen monastery and after a few minutes my visual field starts feeling a bit strange. At this point I walk over to my chair and I sit down to look at nature while getting used to the acid kicking in. After a while something starts feeling really really weird, it's something I have never really felt before. I start crying, can it be love? It was love... I start getting flashbacks from my early childhood, somewhere between the age of 5 and 10, the way my family brought me up and the way I was treated in school and everything just start clicking. I realize that I never got any real love, empathy and understanding from anyone growing up, not by my parents, not my my teachers and not by my classmates. It was just a game of masks and hats that they peer pressured me into. If you don't join you are the devil himself. I'm almost speechless... "LOVE! IT'S LOVE! HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S LOVE! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ACTUALLY LOVE!" At this point I get out of the chair to grab a pink blanket and I sit down on my bed and sweep the blanket over my self. As my body gets covered with the blanket I fully accept myself for the first time in my life. I cry tears of love, compassion and love for myself and all the shit I went trough as a child. "LOVE LOVE LOVE! SO FULL OF HATE... SO MUCH HATE..." I grab a piece of paper to write "LOVE! <3" to myself keep that note nearby for the rest of the trip. Everything was a fucking lie... All the shit that I was taught by my family and school was all bullshit. My family is not any different than all the weird cults that exists in the world. They broke down my individuality while providing me with food, clothes and all the physical stuff that you need to survive. If you start suspecting that something is off or stand up for your individuality the cult leader belittles you and threatens to remove the shit that the cult made you addicted to. No one loved me but at this point none of that doesn't matter because I love myself. All of this wasn't my fault after all, I wasn't crazy... I bask around in this overwhelming love for a while but after a while I get on with the trip. I lie down on the floor and everything seems to get more intense at this point, no crazy insights or anything like that. Everything just feels more intense and the visuals starts to take over the room more and more and I lie down for about and hour I think. I take a short break, eat some fruits, drink some water while preparing for some music.

I've basically worked trough all my childhood wounds at this part but little did I know that things are to get a whole hell of a lot stranger. I've prepared to listen to a combination of Aurora and Enya during this part of the trip. I sit down in my chair to stare at nature and I put on "Caribbean Blue" by Enya and as soon as I hear Enyas voice I'm hit by a storm of bliss. I start laughing out loud. Everything is so silly, everything is just a dream. Everything is gone... "NOTHING IS FOR REAL! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! NOTHING IS REAL! EVERYTHING IS JUST A DREAM!" Everything is fucking gone... Reality was just an illusion after all, all thoughts, all ideologies, all philosophies and all the stuff "out there" is nothing else than a hallucination. I can see all the roles I've played throughout my entire life and I just laugh at myself while facepalming over and over again. "THE OSCAR FOR THE BEST ACTOR GOES TO...ME!" I'm so fucking fake holy fucking shit. I've played so many roles just because I didn't want to seem weird in other peoples eyes. "IT'S ALL GONE! NONE OF THIS SHIT IS REAL! TIME, SPACE, OTHERS, PROBLEMS... NON OF THIS IS REAL! EVERYTHING IS JUST A DREAM!" During the rest of the trip I kept on yelling "HOLY FUCKING SHIT NOTHING IS REAL" at least once per minute...     I keep on doing like this for a while and when Auroras music starts playing I just give myself all the compassion, understanding and love I've wanted "others" to give me for the last 15 years.

Everyone is insane, me too, we are just a bunch of monkeys in suits who thinks that we understand the universe. None of this has any meaning in reality what so ever. Caring about what people thinks of me seems so absurd and I just keep facepalming myself for a while. This is where I start talking to three stones that lies on my desk about all my relationship problems, it goes pretty well and things get a lot clearer. I'm just an actor and all of my past relationships has been based on taking the actor seriously. I'M SOOOOOOO DELUSIONAL... After a while I start walking around in my house while reflecting about all the abuse that my parents has put me trough during the years. It's like I can watch my problems in a 3rd person perspective without any defenses. From this perspective I can see that my parents have been SOOOO fucking bad. Like WTF?!?! My dad fucking hit me for laughing once. This is crazy...He has beaten me so many times... And my mom just watched. "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?!?" My mom just broke down my self-esteem in awful ways instead of beating me. Loving myself and living here at the same time seems absurd. My family just filled my mind with crap. "EVERYTHING IS GONE! REALITY DOESN'T EXIST! MY PARENTS DOESN'T EXIST! EVERYTHING THEY MADE ME BELIVE ABOUT REALITY AND MYSELF WAS BULLSHIT! I CREATED THE WHOLE THING! THANK GOD! HURRAY!" I also met this snakelike woman, we stared into each others eyes and made some sort of silent agreement. The guy who helped me preparing fpr this trip told me that it as a sign of my first love(not the romantic one).

That's pretty much the best part of the trip but there isn't much more insightful and I just chill, sit down and contemplate stuff. After about 8 hours into the trip I take a walk in nature, the sun has set but there is still some light. I walked to a river I usually cross, I stare at the stars and then BAM! A WILD NORTHERN LIGHT APPEARS! Northern lights in LSD looks pretty damn cool but it's not that big and it disappears pretty fast and I start to walk home usually when I walk in nature during the evening/night I have a tendency to get scared of the dark, especially when there is just about 50 meters of dark forest left. I begin to panic a little bit but then I started to dance a little bit while singing some weird african like song and I manage to save myself from freaking out big time and I am able to walk to my house without any problems. After this part of the trip everything feels pretty much done, I've gotten by far more information than i expected. I basically start integrating the trip while tripping, I just sit and contemplate for about two hours about what this trip is going to change me. I feel a strange sound in my ear, almost like someone pulls out a plug from my ear and after than my trip is done, it lasted exactly twelve hours. I keep whispering "Herre fucking jävlar! Inget är på riktigt"(Holy fucking shit! Nothing is real!" in swedish). I had some problems with my femoral nerve and while sitting for such a long time my nerves hurt like hell. I never take painkillers but I had to do so to get some sleep.

Integration: I wake up in the morning feeling SOOOO FUCKING DONE. I walk around in my house a little bit and after a while I start crying tears of joy. I realize that my biggest wound is basically gone. "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!??! EVERYTHING IS FUCKING GONE?!?!!??!??" I start feeling a desire to help people recover from abusive relationships, I've felt it before but not as clearly. The day is spent doing nothing at all. It's like having a hangover from seeing that everything is meaningless. I stare at the meaninglessness of life. I feel like an emotional wreck. I have never felt anything so intensely like I did the day before so no wonder I'm so fucking done.

The results: I was able to see how insane I am and how sane I have been after all. I was able to see that my parents and the people at school treated me like shit and that I've hated myself for my entire life. I stared it all in the face...

-My self-esteem is not as depentendent on what I DO but how I AM

-My fear of conflict looks WAYYYY better. When I started meditating, quit video games, quit drinking and smoking and all of that stuff I was able to see how much better I felt and how much clearly you see reality while living consciously. I started to express my feelings and talking about how living consciously is so important and I ended up as a weird loner. I got brainwashed into believing that taking care of your body and mind is stupid and selfish and since I started to develop myself I have been ashamed of it at the same time. Expressing your feelings as a man in Sweden isn't always the norm so my family and friends didn't react really well to it. Now I can see that it was THEIR PROBLEM and not mine. The problem I HAD/HAVE was seeking approval from the "outer world". I even confronted my dad about the fact that he used to beat me when I was younger. I mean what the fuck? Once he hit me because I laughed at him dropping a dish brush. That's abuse and there is no need to deny that.

-I don't care as much about what others think about me. I'm not as reactive as I used to be.  Everyone is fucking stupid, me too... We are just a bunch of monkeys wearing a bunch of clothes and masks while thinking that we understand the universe. Why the fuck should your self worth depend on what a bunch of ideological chimps thinks of you?

-I don't take myself so seriously. I don't have a problem being silly with other people anymore. It's so fucking easy to connect with other people while not worrying about this "I AM GOOD ENOUGH" persona. I'm really fucking stupid and that is okay. It can be really hard to look at your flaws when you always have to be perfect. I feel more clown like and more naked at the same time.

-I feel more responsible for my life, I can see that I REALLY have to leave my home without ever looking back in a few months . It feels pretty harsh because everyone in my town seems to have a family to depend to after they quit school. I won't really have that anymore. I have to become 100% independent from them but that's fine to be honest.

-Meditating feels way smoother

-It feels like all of this cultural crap is gone, thank god...

-I can finally accept myself. I tend to sweep that pink blanket over myself at least once per day nowadays .

-I feel more drawn to monastic life again 

-I feel more drawn to connecting to people 

-LOADS OF EMPATHY!!! 

-Closure 

-ALL THE LADIES LOOK REALLY GOOD!

This is by far the best experience I've ever had. This idea that psychedelics used properly can be like 10 years of psychotherapy is not a joke. Discovering all of this shit by therapy and journaling would have taken my years. I can't believe how I managed to suppress so much shit during my lifetime. I've been a scared little baby for 15 years. It's really insane... 

INTERNET HUGS FOR EVERYONE! <3

 

 

 

Edited April 25, 2017 by Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj

[OBEler]

Wow, very interesting report. Thanks for showing us your close experience, I can really feel that your life was not easy. I have some questions, you said it was your first psychedelic experience - why did you choose lsd and not for example some mushrooms?

I have no drug experiences at all, but one day I will try psychedelics too. I just need to read a lot about this stuff

[philosogi]

Wow, this is wonderful!!!  

I have just one question: 

3 hours ago, Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj said:

If you don't join you are the devil himself.

Can you elaborate on this idea? Is the idea that if you don't join in the game with all the masks surrounding you, that you embody devil? 

[jjer94]

Good stuff, man. It really is amazing, isn't it? How one little tab can illuminate so much about yourself?

I also had the "chimp in the tuxedo" feeling on my trip. I couldn't stop laughing about the fact that we all wear clothing. 

I'm especially envious about this:

3 hours ago, Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj said:

-I can finally accept myself.

Even after doing the same thing in my trip, all of the ingrained non-acceptance came back. Goes to show how much more inner work I need to do.

Cheers.

[sgn]

51 minutes ago, jjer94 said:

I also had the "chimp in the tuxedo" feeling on my trip. I couldn't stop laughing about the fact that we all wear clothing. 

And what about people driving around in cars? It was the most ridiculous and comical thing I've ever seen.
Like a machine driving a machine.

Edited April 25, 2017 by sgn

[pluto]

and there you have it <3

[Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj]

14 hours ago, OBEler said:

Wow, very interesting report. Thanks for showing us your close experience, I can really feel that your life was not easy. I have some questions, you said it was your first psychedelic experience - why did you choose lsd and not for example some mushrooms?

I have no drug experiences at all, but one day I will try psychedelics too. I just need to read a lot about this stuff

Because I had access to LSD and not to mushrooms, I have read way more about LSD than shrooms and because LSD tends to be more psychoanalytical than mushrooms from what I've learned.

[Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj]

13 hours ago, philosogi said:

Wow, this is wonderful!!!  

I have just one question: 

Can you elaborate on this idea? Is the idea that if you don't join in the game with all the masks surrounding you, that you embody devil? 

That's pretty much it... Imagine that you grew up in a cult with very close minded beliefs about how people "should" behave. The cult has certain ideals, rules and beliefs that you "should" live up to. If you don't live up to the ideals, rules and beliefs or even worse, you start questioning the collective bullshit the the cult lives under you will get "burned at the stake".

[Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj]

7 hours ago, Snick-The ThinkTank said:

You are brilliant! Ta mig fan den bästa rapport jag läst!

Wonderful transparent! I can relate to everything! 

In fact I can relate to your father as well when you put it like that! How unconscious we are! 

Many of us can't handle people laugh at us for a dropped dish brush. LOL

It was something with this sentence that was so funny! So harmless and everything but offensive. But the low conscious parts in me set of some kind of alarm! What the fu.ck, how disrespectful to laugh at a dropped dish brush! 

Crazy world indeed. Loved it. I also noticed people don't like when you take care of yourself. What's good is bad and vice versa! 

Take care buddy! 

I love Swedes, we are hilarious, I hope we can raise consciousness in our country again! 

How to Sweden: 

1. Behave like a fucking moron

2. Do it because it's normal and everyone around you does so

3. Be afraid of conflict.

4. Stay at east two meters away from the rest of the people waiting for the bus

5. SUPPRESS ALL THAT SHIT WITH A GOOD OLD FIKA!!!

6. REPEAT! 

[philosogi]

1 hour ago, Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj said:

How to Sweden: 

1. Behave like a fucking moron

2. Do it because it's normal and everyone around you does so

3. Be afraid of conflict.

4. Stay at east two meters away from the rest of the people waiting for the bus

5. SUPPRESS ALL THAT SHIT WITH A GOOD OLD FIKA!!!

6. REPEAT! 

Sounds like how to be a Canadian too, with some minor edits

1. but pretend you actually are very smart

7. be smug because we're not the US.

[Visionary]

5 hours ago, Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj said:

That's pretty much it... Imagine that you grew up in a cult with very close minded beliefs about how people "should" behave. The cult has certain ideals, rules and beliefs that you "should" live up to. If you don't live up to the ideals, rules and beliefs or even worse, you start questioning the collective bullshit the the cult lives under you will get "burned at the stake".

Culture isn't all that bad. Highly sophisticated languages and knowledge are byproducts of cultures. So even though they program us robots to act in a certain way, they've also provided us these tools to help us raise our consciousness and take this next step in evolution. Culture isn't our enemy. Our ego identifying with culture is.

 

Cool report btw. Enjoy the path and good luck (y).

[art]

Nu kjör vi jävlar! Bra mann!!

[Dodo]

Nothingness is real and is who I am

"Split wood, I am there. Lift up a rock, you will find me there."
- Jesus

Edited April 26, 2017 by Dodoster

[Loreena]

@Dodoster  This is Jesus Speaking (female version ok)  - So How did you find me? 

[Dodo]

14 minutes ago, Loreena said:

@Dodoster  This is Jesus Speaking (female version ok)  - So How did you find me? 

I found you becus you're freaking everywhere!! Go on a diet pls Jesus

[Leo Gura]

@Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj Good work. That was just a tiny preview of the things possible with this work.

[mp22]

On 25/04/2017 at 3:57 AM, jjer94 said:

 

I also had the "chimp in the tuxedo" feeling on my trip. I couldn't stop laughing about the fact that we all wear clothing. 

 

What about to keep warm? surely that has to make sense.

[Kazman]

Fint att läsa! Speciellt att hitta svenskar på detta forum.

Thank you for sharing this. It inspires and moves me to know there are other people in Sweden doing what I do.