Greetings, Since I took some time off my work, I had some quality time alone. Now I am back to the race and I have some insights. The aim of this post is a pep-talk on life and if you can spot, a method to change your life to attempt to change your life again and again. This is more for people that are not traditionally oriented and are seeking to build their own narrow and niche life purpose, even without a clear idea. So, how this solution may look, feel, be like? Please note that some of your problems vary from mine and you still have to find YOUR answers as I am searching for mine. After this sentence I am only talking about my life experience alone and it not life or medical advice. So I have some fundemental behaviours I want to change, because they are stealing energy for me. I can't settle for mediocrity. I rather die trying. I feel my existence is worth something more. I don't want to spend my time bragging, gossiping and policing others. I don't want to care how the other is doing. As long as they are good, completely don't give a shit. So where is that gray area for the invisible problem what you have to solve to change that habit or habits which destroys your life? These few habits or fears piled up with forgetfulness and the coping strategies masking these problems. What am I saying this this? My life experience shows me that you can solve the most basic delusions of your life, however you will be immediately cast out by people around you (meaning that you will endlessly argue about what you eat how you eat and what is the general direction of your life and people will project their isecurities about you) and it is very hard to achieve that. Not because it is hard by design but because of where we are as a society in this point of time. If you told people that you eat once a day for example in your workplace, especially because you have a health problem, you will be laughed at by your peers who acctually haven't tried any alternative models in the field of what to eat, when to eat and how to eat. But there are events in your calendar where you will overeat the worst things. And the worst thing is that this affects your quality of life to the extent you don't even know. So the actual solution something that you can work on every day like spending some hour or two after work and in your free time researching what are good models of a diet to eat permanently and this includes the dimension of fasting. So creating a solid foundation of knowledge that you have an OK idea of what acctually constitutes a good food, how much can it be stored, can it be cooked, what is the lowest water content it can have, is it sattvic etc. Is what will give you the most energy to live life and to create whatever other purposes you have. So this is like one of the basic problems. And mentally what you have to solve to stop over-eating. But if you do, it adds 30 years to your life and makes your life of a decent quality. That means you will miss most of the chronic ailments, never be fat and the odds are you will enjoy most of the life from not knowing to working on a solution to enjoying what you manifested. Then your only problem is arguing with people who think they know but have these ailments of a bad diet, because they never really put the hours of their time to research, test and implement that. There are other basic solutions like working with your mental and emotional scars and the potential of where meditation can take you, how to truly sit with yourself, how to stop consuming media and to really start discover what is life about. I strongly believe that you can and should work for it. And since I have a lifestyle where I can be alone, I can really use this time.  I am thinking of still doing full time work, doing some music on the side and literally spend most of my energy left in self-reflection, pursuit of health and spirituality. It acctually very practical. So what do I have to do? Choosing to live without something consistently and using those emotions for self-reflection and spiritual practice. Like not eating in certain frequency or not eating certain food or giving up some activities and changing them for active spiritual practice and seeing what happens. That means regular practice of basic yoga and some kind of self-accountability practice to mark whether and how much I have done. That means doing things one of a time in your personal life in a silent atmosphere without any medium of entertainment. Like if I am working I am only working. If I am eating, it is a separate and complete activity, I don't do eating together with another activity like watching a youtube video. If I watch a YouTube video, I only do that, if I talk with somebody I talk with somebody and if I want to do music, I stop talking and stop watching videos and only do music for that time. That means downgrading your life to fit your own expectations realistically in a non-spontaneous way and building intensity of action and only then building speed and multi-tasking if possible, because forgetfulness is the worst thing that happens for any self-development activity. That means projecting a vision and using manifestation and other desire related tantra based techniques daily with a defined method that I do exactly as I have written. That also means doing samyama or other tantric techniques like devi worship to increase the meaning of music, hearing, thinking or emotion related to music to reduce grudgery to basically 0 and trying to do it is a complete experience by itself even without sharing it to anybody yet. My aim acctually to do music is to have experience to be a creator or an artist in the first place. All of that I also to underestand and experiment with life how non-mechical, beautiful, intuitive, quiet but otherwise spectacular life I can build with doing seemingly normal things in the world with incredible infrastructure that you just can't see and can't take away from me. I see that trying to do it (healthy lifestyle and building up a vision and inner momentum) first for a year or even 5 years could solve most of your life's problems, because it's just mostly lack of health motivation, no direction, confusion, lack of growth and doing the wrong things in life due to delusion. But there are also fears of losing something which you can also do something about, at least internally. I am not saying I will solve all of that, but I will try my very best and the curiosity to know makes me want to do it. And then from that state doing something won't be very hard. And you will most likely will solve your life's purpose problem, the problem of death and the meaning of life problem for you. Otherwise I see I am one death away from enlightenment, even if I die right now, so why not try to live a bit more intense?