How To Make Friends ?

[Shin]

I think it's time for me to do this, because intuition blablabla

I guess it will be a bit more difficult now I am older (28 years), I can be very open and can socialize okish, I'm ok with my introversion and my lifestyle, so I don't have social anxiety or something like that.

I just don't know what is a friendship, how to create one and maintain one (obviously).

So, does someone here also never had friends for all his life, and had to learn how to be more social/how to bring friendship into existence ?

Do you have some common grounds, or it isn't even necessary ?

Thank you

[Afonso]

For me, the biggest transition was with the help of

1) Meditation

2) Exposure to a completely social environment for 1 week, every day 24 hours a day - always with people

 

The meditation part helps you focus on the present moment. Since I've detached myself from thoughts and the inner dialogue in my head, I can really focus on interactions and therefore I'm much more spontaneous. Spontaneity is key.

Second, I think that a completely social environment for a medium period of time helps as well, to remove those layers and filters that keep you from being spontaneous and genuine. It also helps if you have a relatively high level of awareness, so that way you can "watch" yourself interacting with people and be aware of all the tensions, thought patterns and emotional buttons that you have. That helped me a lot as well.

So I have never been really social or could easily connect with people, BUT, since last week was over (1-week vacation in Barcelona with ~3000 people my age) my social skills have boosted so much, I can't even describe to you. I can now so easily connect with people and it is just an automatic thing.

I say this as a previous introverted. For me, the key was massive social reference with lots of awareness. Now, I'm super social, weird huh? Anyways, I really like it because I can take out the joy of friendships and interactions.

 

EDIT:

Because, really, friendship, in my point of view, is just a synonym for a deep emotional intimacy that you build upon multiple social interactions.

Edited April 24, 2017 by Afonso

[Steph1988]

Go work at a place where u work with lots of different people that is where i got my newer friendships i made 2 new close friends in the last lets say 5 years out of working with lets say 200-300 people.

I work in the food industry and work with many young people so that improves the odds.

Be open to different personality's learn to appreciate them. And You build bonds by working with people on something.

People have a tendency to tell you to go out but in my experience that is the worst place to make true friends unless you go there with guys with a common goal and it involves some kind of shared hardship ( i guess only pickup because there is totally no other good reason to go to these disgusting places )

I don't believe in socializing for its own sake with strangers, there is either something important to do together or there is little reason to talk and after u bond through this important thing u can socialize for its own sake and let go, that feels to be the most natural way but that's my 2 cents.

Do you have work or a study where u can do this?

 

On the other hand i sympathize with you, this modern society breeds loneliness its not easy and you are not the only one i assure you and i totally get it.

 

[philosogi]

7 hours ago, Shin said:

I just don't know what is a friendship, how to create one and maintain one (obviously).

You can come up with your definition of what a friendship is, too! Different people have different definitions. Some definitions I've observed: 

• Using other people to not feel alone
• People with like-minded views
• All humans are friends!
• People who are in close proximity
• People who "validate" your existence
• People who are attractive
• People who are cool
• People to share ideas with
• People to share food with

But maybe the best way is to figure out what you think you want out of friendship, and then keep that in mind as you meet people in the world. To create a friendship, the first step is to initiate a dialogue. To maintain one, continue the dialogue.

[pluto]

Friends come and go but as long as you be friendly you will always have a friend

I was always alone and always felt alone growing up even with lots of friends and even some close friends but once i started to become friends with myself, i found every friend i ever needed. Once you connect to yourself the connected friends find you

[Shin]

Thank you for your answers

@Afonso Yeah, that's basically where I am, but I still can't socialize more than 2/3 hours without feeling burned out.

If you don't feel this, you never were a introvert, which is nice for you now

Edited April 25, 2017 by Shin

[Beau]

@Shin im introvert so i usually have only few friends. I had 4 close friends in high school and two close friends in college which i lost communication with. So i guess, we are on the same boat. Lets be  friends lol. ?. But for me, it usually when you and other people have something in common and both of you are being yourself and accept each other for whoever you are. ❤

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, Beau said:

@Shin im introvert so i usually have only few friends. I had 4 close friends in high school and two close friends in college which i lost communication with. So i guess, we are on the same boat. Lets be  friends lol. ?. But for me, it usually when you and other people have something in common and both of you are being yourself and accept each other for whoever you are. ❤

You didn't find new friends since then ? Why not ?
If you have some money you could do some spiritual retreat (if that's your thing), you'll find what you need there (personally I don't have the money).

Even if we lived in the same town, you seem way too cute for us to be friends  
 

[pluto]

If i could teleport id be your friend every day You know how hard it is to find people on the same or similar levels of understanding in person... Hopefully our children won't have that problem.

[Beau]

@Shin first of all, im not that cute lol. Well, ive gained some friends but i dont have deep connection with them. I just have really few friends like 3 ,but i lost contact with because i live far a way from them. So its kinda sad. ???

[Beau]

@pluto whos children? ??

[jse]

8 hours ago, pluto said:

Hopefully our children won't have that problem.

4 hours ago, Beau said:

@pluto whos children? ??

PlutoBeau children, of course. 

 

[Evilwave Heddy]

15 hours ago, Shin said:

Even if we lived in the same town, you seem way too cute for us to be friends  
 

What does this mean though? Does it mean that you're not worthy of her? Or does it mean that you will develop sexual feelings towards her, therefore removing the "friend" status?

Edited April 26, 2017 by Evilwave Heddy

[Beau]

@jse well? I hadnt have any luck in relationship.  Might end up alone. ??

[Beau]

@Evilwave Heddy haha. Whuttt? Im sure he's just being nice. ??

[Evilwave Heddy]

@Beau I need to get to the bottom of this ambiguity. lul

[jse]

1 hour ago, Beau said:

@jse well? I hadnt have any luck in relationship.  Might end up alone. ??

You appear young,@Beau .  Just give yourself some time to develop, and you'll be fine.  You'll see.
And we can always get married at my retirement home if things don't work out.

[Beau]

@jse im actually way older than i look. Lol. Okay, ill come visit your retirement home if things didnt work out the way i wanted to. ?❤

[jse]

Oki @Beau , we have a pact.  No matter what, we won't end up alone.
On your visit please bring some gummy bears with you, for my old teeth.

                            

[pluto]

hahaha sorry i should of put @Shin before my comment and i meant our children of the future