The biggest trap I have fallen into yet

[HMD]

I have been doing personal development ever since I can remember. I was very young when I was practicing the letting go technique and also doing various forms of self inquiry. But then I stumbled upon Leo’s work. 
 

Things were going pretty well initially, I was having insights left and right. I was having mystical experiences I can’t explain with words. 
 

But then I reached a point where I had to take care of my survival and couldn’t focus too much on personal development and spirituality. Ever since then I started using Leo’s teachings to fulfil my own desires and needs. If I was doing something that was wrong I would rationalise it away by saying something like “there is nothing wrong or right”. 
 

Slowly it all started adding up and I started justifying bad habits, addictions, and being an asshole to others around me. And only recently it hit me what have I really become. I was fully aware of this trap and yet I was knees deep in it. 
 

Because of all this, I had locked myself deeper in my addictions, become harsher to those around me, and strayed farther away from God than I was prior to following Leo’s work. 
 

I am writing this to humble myself and also as a warning to those around me. Perhaps you think you have gone very far in this work, but you’re actually just fooling yourself. I am still on my way to recovery, and it’s a painful path. 

Edited July 21 by HMD
Typo

[Spiritual Warrior]

You are aware of it now, that's the important thing. 

 

[Francis777]

Just don't turn into robin hood or any other kind of "noble figure". That's the next trap..

[HMD]

@Francis777Thanks for pointing that out. The sin of pride. I was hesitant to write that last paragraph because of this, but I didn't want what I wrote to just be a rant without purpose. 

 

@Spiritual Warrior Definitely, the first step was getting awareness over it. I have my trust in the principle that awareness alone is curative. 

[Paradoxed]

I feel this, you aren't alone. I just remind myself I don't know shit. I am not enlightened or awakened.

I want to also humble myself if that's okay.

I find myself being a Zen devil and it's worrisome. Spiritual understanding can be a massive trap.

For example, I would often look externally at the world and judge specific people in my life for their unawareness or "level of consciousness". I would judge them for their unwillingness to entertain/understand spiritual or philosophical topics, or work on themselves in this way. I judged certain behaviors. I judged specific things they'd do which they didn't realize were harmful, towards themselves and others. I judged them for being so judgemental, lol.. So much labeling as "low consciousness behavior" from people that I felt weren't "doing the work" in their lives. Internally I said to myself "I'm doing more work than others to understand the nature of reality" yadadada. Ha. What a bunch of crap. I mean really. What a sick, disgusting, gross narrative I was feeding myself. I felt more disconnected from other people than ever, very isolated. That is my spiritual ego and devilry. I was creating a bunch of divisions and separations of myself and others in my mind- while simultaneously knowing and understanding we are all one, and reality is non-dual through direct experience. But do you really understand this if you can't embody it?

If you aren't aware this can be a huge problem. I still fall for this trap but It's most important to turn inward- now when I catch myself judging someone, I notice it, forgive myself for the judgement, then turn that observation inwards, to acknowledge exactly how I am also guilty of behaving in that same way. I tell myself how could I possible judge them for this, when I do that same thing. It does take a level of mindfulness and awareness to catch yourself judging others, then redirect that on yourself. If you're judging others for something you feel you wouldn't do (often the case), you are lacking understanding. Acknowledge the multitude of factors at play in a person decision making without judgement (the level of awareness every individual has, the inherent self bias and survival mechanisms at play, the history and upbringing of this person and how that has affected their sense of self and worldview, etc). All of this has affected the individuals behavior and decision making. Most people have no idea the path they are on, and you aren't perfect either.

I still struggle with this. But my life has gotten a lot better with bringing awareness to the nature of these thoughts, catching myself and shifting inward. I just don't have these thoughts as often.

Good vs. evil are not real on an existential level. But the purpose of the understanding is to train yourself to not fall for the trap of running around trying to fight evils of the world, thinking you are the good guy. There is a paradoxical trap there. Trying to do good in the world can sometimes contribute to divisions. The lesson is not that going out and doing evil shit is okay, or just over indulgence in whatever habit is okay... it may not be evil in an eternal, existential sense, and it may not matter in an ultimate sense, but it is deeply out of alignment with you and your true nature. The worst part about traps is that sometimes you are aware of them, but still fall for them.

It's a pitfall of taking lessons from Leo (or other teachers) without coming to the conclusions naturally on your own. Sometimes you think you fully understand the lesson when you really don't.

Laziness is also a factor here. It's up to the listener to be introspective on whatever topic in their own time. Some of these are pretty deep understandings. You may know reality is non-dual. You may know whatever spiritual truth. But if you only know it because someone told it to you, it doesn't matter. No spiritual understanding matters unless you try to embody it every day and know it to your core.

And some things might be way more important than understanding the deepest spiritual truths- more basic practices. Just practical, basic self-help stuff is what is often needed most (exercise, eating healthy, dealing with emotions, self-confidence, self-forgiveness, mindfulness practice, developing a healthy yoga and meditation practice, and many many more)

The more I meditate, the better I am at being aware and fixing these tendencies, and not falling for traps. But I am often astonished by the nature of ego and its tricks. I wonder if I have some ego problem, or if this is just how most people are.

Basic healthy practices, practicing love, and being selfless is going to be more beneficial for me than incredibly deep understandings. This was a big realization for me. Sometimes we forget about the basic stuff as we spend a lot of time trying to put into words, conceptualize, and understand the ineffable.

Forgive yourself brother, we know you have good intentions.

Edited July 21 by Paradoxed

[Paradoxed]

In a sense, the trap was developing a spiritual pursuit in the first place.

[HMD]

@Paradoxed Thank you you for the detailed response. It really boils down to judgment doesn’t it? That’s one hell of a trap to escape. 

And the thing about blindly following gurus. Leo has warned against it several times and yet, we have a strong tendency to fall into that trap.

I have been forgiving myself now and honestly I feel a stronger connection because of it. Focusing on basic self help and ensuring the fundamentals is another thing that has helped me tons. 

[Ramanujan]

what is your job

[LSD-Rumi]

Yeah, nondual teaching can be corrupting if you apply the absolute into the relative. Another trap is using the notion of "Taking care of my survival" to engage in evil.

But the good thing is that although evil managed to bypass your first defense mechanism against devilary, you still got the ultimate barrier installed into your subconscious mind.

The devil cannot fool a good person for too long, it becomes too painful to ignore.

Edited July 24 by LSD-Rumi

[Yimpa]

On 7/21/2024 at 2:17 AM, Paradoxed said:

In a sense, the trap was developing a spiritual pursuit in the first place.

There are infinite traps, but not all of them are equal.

Leo’s ass is the biggest trap

[HMD]

@Ramanujan I am Dietician and I write Youtube scripts on the side. 

[HMD]

@YimpaI wonder what happened to people that got a glimpse of it. 

@LSD-Rumi This was comforting to read. Thanks for the powerful message, brother. I watched one of leo’s videos where he talked about how easy it is to bastardise spirituality, and that’s why advanced teachings are advanced; the ego will almost always corrupt it and make things worse for you. 

Edited July 24 by HMD

[jacknine119]

@HMD Do you remember which video it was?