High Level Advice

[Stardream]

So this is a bit of journey, to give context I think I need to explain the majority of the story.

When I was 11 I was visited by a being in a dream, who called itself god. It taught me to fly in the astral ( since then I could always fly in dreams). At the time I thought it was just a dream. A year or so later the being showed up consciously when I was upset and offered a contract. Basically offering to write off the life by working through 10'000 years of bad karma in one life time, in exchange I would get a 'second incarnation in one'. And they would help me make a life time dream come true.

This being visited me often throughout the years, but had no real lasting impact on my life for a while. I got into religion/spiritualty in my teens, and by 20 I was regularly meditating, while still partying etc on the weekends. I found a great meditation teacher, who said I couldnt attend because of my draw to substances. I reflected on it and to this day still agree that my path should not be dictated by anyone, not even a realized guru.

A year or so later, i took lsd a few times with the wrong person, I was spiritually naive. The person in question it turned out had already been taken over by an elemental or a being below the physical realm. There were a few people actually, who basically were using lsd to infiltrate peoples etheric and mental vehicles, in order to break them down enough that they would also be taken over by elementals or something. It very nearly worked, as the last experience I had with the guy, he shot a bolt of mental energy straight into my soul star, as the soul star reacted by sending the damage to the heart. I rushed home, and felt by body on fire the whole night while I was screaming in agony. Additionally, the ashram added the bad karma to the mix at the same time... I am also very conscious of the relationship or understanding that the guy had with the sun, and the suns role in enacting out this torture.

That was 16 years ago, after which ever thought was trying to kill me, i couldnt feel joy, love, surprise, happiness, laughter etc for about 10 years, which experientially felt like about 500. My casaul body was damaged beyond repair, my other mental bodies and emotional body were also severely damaged. Also about 40% of my awareness was under the control of the other person, I have been fighting to regain the awareness now for 16 years, and its still not complete.

I went back to the meditation teacher, who ended up being a realized person, and meditated under them for 6 years, following every suggestion perfectly. To begin with I completely quit all substances. After 6 years of this strange spiritual events happened around the topic of the 'dream come true', which eventually broke my heart chakra. The heart could no longer see how it could get to its dream, from where it was, so the heart gave up on life. Normally this means an end of incarnation, but my teacher offered an alternative... what he called a spiral. And also placed a device in my consciousness to help direct me on the path which was far beyond my spiritual position. He said I needed to explore the dream, go to France as I had karma here, and take a break from spirituality apart from some basic techniques which were given. He also made some very weird suggestions, about building consciousness.

The idea was simple, and not long after this was done the being known as god visited me in bed, as my soul and this being had an exchange. The personality was blocked from this conversation, as the soul constructed its future with the suns help. Unfortunately because of the damage that even meditating under a master for 6 years could not cure, it was done in what I would say in an unperfect way. Its like expecting a trauma victim to perfectly craft their way out of their trauma, its never going to be a perfect road. 

Since then, and since I was 12, I have seen almost every step of my life from start to finish. Psychics, other spiritual teachers and also my own feelings all confirmed this, as everything feels like deja vu, the concept of choicelessness that Krishnamurti spoke about, the fact that our entire lives are prewritten, and nothing you can do to change it. And they run exactly according to plan, there is no wavering because how consciousness is build revolves around constant communication from higher energies. As humans we are not often aware that every single though that we have is the divine, essentially anywhere our attention goes is divine. But I digress.

So since then, 10 years ago, which was the tip of the spiral. My teacher taught that how the spiral works was you learn lessons on a deeper level. So basically the divine took a snapshot of my causal, and then I am now trapped in how that reveals itself. That conversation seemed to be a precursor for the rest of my life, as apparently the soul wants to learn something different... whatever. My teacher also indicated that after 7 years, that the dream will start coming true.

So I waited for 7 years, I did some study etc, but I wasnt allowed to follow a spiritual path because as I found out later, I had to be put on a involution path for some time, in order to fix the damage. Essentially and even now, the goal is to lower the level of consciousness, not raise it, as you may work out why later. On the involution path nothing you do will be successful? Want to start a business? forget about it. Want to work? Nothing turns out. Want to create something? Nope. Want to study or learn? 10x more difficult than normal, so usually not possible. But the creative energies can be used to construct very complex and high mental concepts. And since my heart didnt work, my consciousness focused on mental conceptualisations and realisations. So my mind was in overdrive, but as karma dried up I was not allowed to create any new experiences in Australia were I was, so I sat on a computer, never left the house, wasnt allowed to make friends or long term connections because essentially I was going the opposite way to 99 percent of humanity. The reason for this is because as the damage was etheric in nature, its much easier to fix it from below, so I had to be lowered to a place underneath the physical energies in order to use them to repair the etheric.

So I waited 7 years for this dream to come true, sold my house, broke up with my fiance, gave away my dog, left my job, and moved city. In fact I have thrown away about 3 lifetimes worth of material gain for this dream. The hope of a single dream bypassed many time of suicidal adoration as I waited what seemed like eternity for one thing that could change and help my life. I could no longer rely on any spiritual path / religion for direction, in fact they were and still are discouraged. All I could do was put my focus on the one thing. So my mind became extremely one pointed, as I battled in total about 12 years of permanent flight or fight mode, every second was survival but the one dream managed to somehow get me through. Sometimes my heart caved in and the sun/god would come and isolate that part of the heart and put it to sleep. Much of my heart now is sleeping waiting for a better future.

So after the 7 years I went to France as my teacher suggested. I actually came here in 2018 as well, but when I tried to leave the being showed, without personality consent overtook my body, and under the promise of fulfilling the dream sent me to a forest near Versailles where I was there for 28 days without food, water or shelter, as I was stuck in a place. Luckily the support of the sun made it feel like about 5 days, but it was a major ordeal after which I returned to Australia feeling lied to and betrayed by the divine. But I waited and returned to France in 2021 expecting my teachers words to come true.

But nothing happened, as my saving drifted away. I tried leaving France on occasions but magical things would happen to keep me here. I couldnt leave, I cant earn money, I cant do much except survival. At one point I ran out of money, and I thought to myself there is no way that god would lead me to starve in a forest a second time.... but low and behold. Its why when I hear about Moses spending time on mount Senai, I think the lucky bastard only had to do it once. The second time I felt a similar energy so I prepared, and survived 55 days without shelter, on 200 calories a day and about 500ml of water. Until my family in Australia came to the rescue and they have been supporting me ever since on 50 euro per week. I have survived on that for 3 years, by doing volunteer work out of necessity. Most of the work I do I dont want to do, nor want to be at those places, but its a design so I have no choice and no opportunities ever present itself to change the situation. Any attempt by me to change the situation will be magically blocked by the most random of events. And by the way, those experiences are only the tip of the iceburg when it comes to things that have happened to me. You name it, on a spiritual level, ive probably had to do it in order to get the 'dream'. 

On that note, I noticed that the dream 10 years ago was just a carrot on a stick, dangling in front of the desperate personality in order to do what the soul wants it to do. But you can never reach the carrot. I have been completely aware for 10 years with everything that has happened, that they are using a lifetime wish against me, that its quite likely it will never happen, but I have no choice to continue it and the soul stokes the dream ever so often to keep it alight in order so I have the 'reason to experience life', the cornerstone of consciousness construction, and that in itself creates a massive amount of pain. A friend told me once its gods role to trick the consciousness into the desire for experience/life, and this is exactly whats happening.

Last year, I arrived at a community and after a few months there, strange spiritual things happened and basically I was given a new heart. I even experienced the moment when the awareness was transferred from the old consciousness to the new one. I watched in subsequent weeks how consciousness is built, how thought forms and emotional thought forms, frameworks for mental work, and how the heart is programmed. Obviously consciously I didnt pick up on everything, but a lot of stuff as well as how certain installations are made to direct the thought stream and filter it into though tree's in the heart, a key part of personal expression. I worked with beings on these tree's and adjusting them to the new paradigm. Most people think the heart is them, but its not really. The heart is a program, programmed by the soul. The heart is not necessarily correct, true, its just how your soul wants you to feel and experience in this life time, but its not the ultimate. Watching this left me also with the knowledge that the heart is as trustworthy as your emotions ultimately as its just a bunch of programming, and that programming comes from karma etc, but that means that its not the ultimate truth.

This project still continues as my task each second of every day is to balance the old consciousness with the new as things transfer over, mainly the mental and the causal. While this is happening I have been anchored in the causal, have been given necessary tools to build the mental body ( for example objective attention on the time line, being able to accurately depict feeling from mental snapshots etc ), but also with some limitations as a non-master on the causal the ego could get a hold of those experiences and generate an ego from it which is dangerous, also so hence the involution process. Even though I was not told a time frame for this project, it was under the understanding that it would not take long before things 'fall into place' and I can begin to live a new life so to speak. I spoke to god a few times since it started, and each time I have been lied to about the project ( even after it told me once it would never lie to me again), about where it is leading, and what to expect. God even uses threats now, manipulation and lies in the mental body to force the lowering of the level of consciousness. But from a personality level it feels like betrayal, and parts of the heart cannot cope sometimes with this, leading to regular breakdowns, depression, and consistent pain in the heart which then manifests itself as physical pain which can sometimes be debilitating.

Also on the point of karma I had to transfer my karma from an old allotment to a new allotment. I saw the new karma, I understand it. Its much better than the old one, but still I dislike many parts of it, and had no choice and was not consulted or consented to allow the karma to come in. And the way its been done also is under the construction process, as essentially I was told by my teacher that it takes 6 months to fix the emotional body, 3 years to fix the mental body and 3 years to fix a broken heart.... which was obviously a comment he said about this period of my life as I watch my soul rebuild my mental body from the new karma. Karma is weird in that there is technically no fixed time when it can come in, but must at some stage. Essentially they forced the new karma upon me, in order to fix the spiritual issues.

Normally when karma comes in for normal people, it comes in seamlessly through experience. But not for me, as segments of the karma have been forced upon me against my will, creating new massive amount of trauma, and creating major resistance to any potential healing. The main one is religion as I have never been religious but had respect for them, never had interest in joining one, never had dreams of being any religion. But imagine that a religion is being pushed or forced onto you by the universe, because my spiritual teacher told me in satsung many years ago 'you will need a religion' as still in the silence I walked to a poster and my attention directed to Gnostic Christianity. Now here it gets complicated, because essentially if ever god is true to its word, and the dream comes true ( which after 10 years now I highly doubt), potentially it would mean I could get two periods of time to experience something I always wanted to experience. But by pushing and forcing religion upon someone who does not believe it, has 0 connection to it, does not want it and is actually actively working against the karma now because of how its been done, unnaturally in my opinion, I am now forced to live basically the same experience twice tainted by stuff I dont want because of the way consciousness has been constructed, which has ruined many dreams I have had. One of the contractual essences that was given when I was 12 was that the sun/god would help me in my search for enlightenment eventually... But now because of the way the process has been done and that I absolutely know I will not get the experiences I want, I need to dream of new incarnations in order to get the experiences the heart wants, therefore the sun has already broken that promise by allowing this fiasco of consciousness building and causal training to wobble on as it has. 

So I am asking anyone who has any experience with the causal and consciousness and advice. Ultimately I want to reverse the spiral to the start, and redo the whole thing. I hate my new heart, because of the way the karma was introduced, and I actually like the old one better, as well as the old karma. I live day to day not being able to do anything I want, stuck in survival mode, waiting for a carrot on a stick which most likely will never come, all because the divine promised me a bunch of stuff of which none has come true ( except for some of the bad stuff, it seems bad stuff they are spot on with, but anything that seems like a step forward is just another carrot) as well as that they have programmed the mind, and forced it to keep going no matter what. So chasing a carrot that I cannot get, while getting whipped in the back.... all thanks to god. 

I am honestly at lost ends. I am apparently not allowed to ask the couple of realised people for help, and my energy will affect them negatively anyway while im on the involution. On times when I emailed my old teacher, I was mostly ignored. Apparently when the process is finished I will switch back to evolution, but start at a lower level. Its no problem for me ultimately, but the method of disintegrating realisations and lowering of consciousness again by itself is often excruciating. Adding in all the other details, as well as other spiritual experiences, I now have ptsd because of my spiritual path. 

I cannot really meditate or do any spiritual work, I cannot go see health professionals of which this stuff is far beyond most of them. Medication wont help, therapy cannot help because I know what the problem is but no one on this side of level 5 initiation can help. Involution path benefits from alcohol, fast foods, sleep etc... essentially all the tama's are kind of essential for someone on an involution path. Rajas are fine too, but I need to avoid any Satvic stuff because its counter productive to the process. 

Thanks for reading, I am putting this on the forum because I am completely lost in terms of support for this, especially support for the lower bodies who really need as much love as they can get through this time. Support that I cant get from the divine. 

 

 

 

 

[Breakingthewall]

In my humble opinion, you should reset your mind, forget absolutely everything. zero, clean, empty.  whatever it is. karma?. heart? where? Who cares?  Absolute zero. total void. nothing. 

[Princess Arabia]

13 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

In my humble opinion, you should reset your mind, forget absolutely everything. zero, clean, empty.  whatever it is. karma?. heart? where? Who cares?  Absolute zero. total void. nothing. 

What's saying that.....THE MIND.

[Stardream]

2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

In my humble opinion, you should reset your mind, forget absolutely everything. zero, clean, empty.  whatever it is. karma?. heart? where? Who cares?  Absolute zero. total void. nothing. 

I've tried that through various means. There seems to be a blocker not enabling me to do it. But I agree with the sentiment. It would require a new mental body, which I definitely need. But the higher self/ashram needs to support that and at the moment the concept of 'fixing' the mental body seems to be their prerogative.

Edited July 19 by Stardream

[Yimpa]

If you enable an ad-blocker for your mind, that would disable many useless ideas. So to speak, anyway.

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Stardream said:

There seems to be a blocker not enabling me to do it

Yeah because it's the mind that's trying to block the mind. 

[Princess Arabia]

5 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

If you enable an ad-blocker for your mind, that would disable many useless ideas. So to speak, anyway.

That's the mind saying that.

[Stardream]

1 hour ago, Yimpa said:

If you enable an ad-blocker for your mind, that would disable many useless ideas. So to speak, anyway.

Funny you should say this. When the framework for the mental body is constructed, there are things called filters. They filter out unwanted thoughts. By unwanted, I mean thoughts the soul doesnt want, not the personality. The personality can be suffering insanely due to the actions of the soul who may install such filters. The soul essentially doesnt care about the suffering of the lower bodies unless they get in the souls way.

[Breakingthewall]

4 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

What's saying that.....THE MIND.

The mind that knows what is it place 

3 hours ago, Stardream said:

I've tried that through various means. There seems to be a blocker not enabling me to do it. But I agree with the sentiment. It would require a new mental body, which I definitely need. But the higher self/ashram needs to support that and at the moment the concept of 'fixing' the mental body seems to be their prerogative.

I don't know what can work in your case, 5meo and meditation have worked for me. 5meo is very useful for breaking blockages. 

In the end what it comes down to is that your interior landscape is empty spaciousness by default. that's where the good life begins

[Stardream]

11 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

The mind that knows what is it place 

I don't know what can work in your case, 5meo and meditation have worked for me. 5meo is very useful for breaking blockages. 

In the end what it comes down to is that your interior landscape is empty spaciousness by default. that's where the good life begins

It works differently on an involution cycle. Meditation I can do, sometimes it helps, sometimes it triggers large heart based reactions which can last days as my body automatically counters the karma by placing alternative thought forms in the time stream. As far as substances, I have only just started being open to them again after 16 years of not using them. I had one good experience on lsd about 8 months ago store bought stuff from netherlands, but havnt taken it since, and its very hard to get in France from what I have been told. At this point I am open to psychedelics as a cure, but availability.....

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Stardream said:

It works differently on an involution cycle. Meditation I can do, sometimes it helps, sometimes it triggers large heart based reactions which can last days as my body automatically counters the karma by placing alternative thought forms in the time stream. As far as substances, I have only just started being open to them again after 16 years of not using them. I had one good experience on lsd about 8 months ago store bought stuff from netherlands, but havnt taken it since, and its very hard to get in France from what I have been told. At this point I am open to psychedelics as a cure, but availability.....

5meo is legal in France I think. It has the advantage of short duration. I think it could be very useful for you. 5meo DMT and 5meo malt, both have different qualities. 

[Stardream]

1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

5meo is legal in France I think. It has the advantage of short duration. I think it could be very useful for you. 5meo DMT and 5meo malt, both have different qualities. 

I will look around, thanks. If I can get it then I will try it to see if it has any positive effect.

[Breakingthewall]

32 minutes ago, Stardream said:

I will look around, thanks. If I can get it then I will try it to see if it has any positive effect.

I just had an epiphany on the subject of my karma. I still had the sticky tentacles of my family stuck in my being. a dissonant vibration that came and went, recurrently. something that tied me down. He's gone, my mind is flying right now. It is empty, clean. It is empty space of living vibration. clarity. Sons of bitches, they still had me. karma is persistent. How many around are free of their karma? But well, are karmas more or less comfortable I guess.

There is no 5meo or anything that could free yourself, only your will of freedom will free you, but the substances are a very good tool. 

[Stardream]

Yes everyone has karma except enlightened people, who may have some strands but basically its clear.