Owen Cook Transformed This Kid Through Bullying? (Mind-blown)

[Jayson G]

Owen cook helped transform this kid, 20 years old, 4 years ago through what appears to be bullying? I'm still debating if this is bullying to be honest because on one hand, it seems pretty obvious that this is a pretty strong form of bullying and harassment even, but on the other hand it's like a form of military training for his ego dissolution to become a self-transformed person, more confident, less scared in the world by exposing himself to harsh rejection. 

Just look at this transformation. 

This is him before, about 4 years ago. You don't have to watch the whole thing, although I did. You can skip around to the parts where Owen is talking to him (somewhat bullying him) 

He said he was watching Owen's videos for 5 years and only ever socialized with 1 person. Almost no action, just a theory junky - In the first video. 

And this is him about 1 year ago (3 year transformation)

I've even seen Owen in person treat his son with 30% of that same bullying that he did to this kid. I took my friend who isnt much into this form of personal development to see Owen and he didn't like Owen at all for how he treated his kid and how much he yells in general. But I also don't think he treated his kid right. 

Again you can skip around to the parts where he's making the people on stage do exercises. 

Now I've seen a lot of Owen videos, but this kid's story resonates with me a lot because I too have had a hard social journey, and still have so much to transform. I relate a lot to him. I also sense there's a powerful public speaker in me waiting to come out. 

I'm wondering, does this form of exposure therapy really work? I mean clearly it did on him, but I mean exposing yourself to very harsh circumstances, often very harsh rejection for serious transformation? Isn't that how the military is able to take weak men and make them into strong men? I've always taken the approach to kaizen, and mastery by george leonard as the path to personal growth, but I'm wondering if I could use some of what this kid got in his life, that is really challenging myself, facing harsher circumstances to make myself stronger, even very harsh rejection to grow myself socially as well? 

I mean in that first video he is literally getting bullied, having his self-esteem beaten down by Owen, how does that even help? And yet it did? So then is this a pretty solid path for personal development on top of the habits that you do? To challenge yourself each day to do something that really scares you, really challenging environments that scare the absolute crap out of you? Or can one coast by small iterations of exposure therapy. But how strong does that make you really if you don't truly dive into the absolute terror. 

This video literally has me questioning if I have been living too soft all my life, avoiding being rejected even though Ive socialized quite a bit, Id socialize in ways that are not polar, not truly myself so as not to be rejected so often or so harshly. But now Im questioning if people need to put themselves in much harsher environments more consistently to grow themselves truly. 

Edited July 18 by Jayson G

[kev014]

Define what you mean by 'bullying'? Is it bullying because Owen isn't being nice, soft, or 'compassionate' with him? Is it bullying to LIE to someone and tell them they are perfect just the way they are...or to give them honest feedback in a clear, direct way that helps them FULLY feel the pain of their situation? True compassion and empathy isn't always nice or friendly.

Owen explains in the video that he is trying to get the guy to associate a lot of pain with that old way of being. I'm not a teacher, so I can't say if this methodology is truly effective long term or not. BUT... most people won't ever really make a substantial change in their life until/unless they are in a LOT OF PAIN. This is why there's the memes about hitting the gym after a breakup or going and becoming rich (motivated by pain). Many of the most successful people in the world are deeply insecure, feel like they aren't good enough, and are motivated to try to 'overcome' this belief. Not a recipe to be happy or have self-esteem, but it clearly works for some - watch The Last Dance and look at Michael Jordan's psychology and upbringing.

I went to one of Owen's free tour events back in March or so of this year and went up and did these exercises in front of everyone. The main thing he's doing here is pushing people BEYOND their boundaries of self expression and vocal projection. We evolved to want to fit in to a tribe and get SAFETY first, so it's difficult to be loud, confident, assertive, and expressive if you don't feel SAFE in your body/environment. Much of what's happening on stage in these exercises is the person's body is realizing they are SAFE and beginning to naturally be more confident/dominant (aka attractive).

As for whether you should put yourself in harsher environments, do you think you would be stronger or weaker after? After facing rejections, would you be more or less confident? All of what Owen teaches is about being INTERNALLY VALIDATED. I love myself because I love myself, NOT because someone else says I'm a good little boy. If someone else doesn't like you, that's fine that's their loss...This is an emotional transformation that must occur internally to get to that place, not just something you can say. Getting to a place of being OKAY with rejection takes going through the rejections long enough until you eventually realize it really doesn't matter and is not a reflection of your self-worth.

[Jayson G]

@kev014 Regarding the "bullying" part, I also feel that Owen is more on the side of just being direct, rather than trying to be nice, but there are moments where he is up in his face yelling at him saying things that was clearly hurting him. I mean throughout the whole thing this guy is on the verge of tears and Owen just says he's going to keep hammering him. Now sure that still might not be bullying to you, but Im not so sure to be honest. 

He was much happier as he came on the stage, but Owen just kept hammering his self-esteem and didn't stop. 

I was looking to join some toastmasters organizations and on every club page it says in clear writing that there's no pressure to speak, and you speak if you want to speak. Contrast that to Owen yelling in his face, not giving him a choice, saying things like "look you can't even smile" "you can barely talk". Again, I don't know for sure, but thats what Im even wondering about in this thread, is if that is even bullying or is that a way to make him stronger. Maybe the intention makes all the difference. 

Regarding the "pain with the old way of being", that's a good point. I have been considering experimenting with that. I do see a lot of value in that, atleast in the early aspects of personal development for my life. 

And you also make a good point about being internally validated. From that POV I can see tremendous value here. But I wonder if being harshly rejected like that is healthy for the self-esteem. Like if you take another perspective, would you surround yourself with toxic people who put you down even if you're internally validated? Im not so sure that's a great idea, because we do get affected by our environment. This idea of being internally validated, of course to a high degree that matters, but Im wondering if making a strategy out of constantly being rejected is healthy. Perhaps it is, that's what the idea of failure is. Maybe it makes you tougher. Maybe it puts a scar or 2, some pain, but at the tradeoff of being very secure with yourself, and internally validated, I think thats worth it. 

Overall, appreciate the input a lot. After what you said, Im more on the side of incorporating some of these aspects into my life. I can see tremendous value here. I also don't mean to get too hung up on the definition of bullying either. From a bigger picture perspective, something in me is telling me I need to challenge myself much more, associate much more pain, face much more and much harsher rejections, etc.