She acts uninterested, but then goes on dates?

[Fabio]

Hi, I met a girl outside a bar. We talked for a minute or two and then we made out. Exchanged numbers, and left separately soon after. I texted her the following week and she often took a long time to reply, or had unexpected work shift come in the way of our plans. She has 3 jobs. After 2 weeks, we finally did meet up in the morning 10am because that's the only time she had available. Its clear over text that she was super unsure about me; asking for my Instagram and other things to confirm that its safe. Even when we met up, she was still expressing some concern but she did relax a bit. Even invited me to join her the next day for a photoshoot she was doing because she didn't know the people she was capturing. Anyway, we had a picnic by the water and shared our interests and we like a lot of the same music. After eating, we went to my campervan and after some mild resistance, she wanted to hook up and we did. I drove her home, all good.  

Next day, I asked if she needed me at the photoshoot after her not saying anything all day and it was almost time to be there. She said she was fine and didn't need me there in a roundabout unclear way in which I replied with a thumbs up emoji. And she "loved" the text.  

A week later, I texted her "Hey, how've you been busy girl? " .   12 hours later she replied "hey! I've been working and enjoying the weather haha wbu?" at 11 on a friday night . The next day (Saturday) 1pm, I say "Aw nice, me too. You free next week to do something?"  

The next day (Sunday) I hear nothing. Monday, I get a read receipt but no reply or acknowledgement. Finally tuesday 1am, she replies with

"i have a couple of hours tomorrow morning, Wednesday evening, or Thursday lunch"  so basically 3 days later she replies. Meanwhile, in the meantime I'm going out with friends, doing work, did a few approaches, got one pretty Korean girls number who lives 40 minutes away in a city I visit most weeks. Even with that all, I was feeling hurt that she was ignoring me and even with her reply, I feel like not acknowledging her taking 3 days and just accepting the date seems wrong somehow. Its like, almost everything about her texting indicates shes not interested, and most people would say so but then she makes plans and hooks up. Now some dating advice would say "take 2-3 days to reply back like she did so you don't seem more invested in her than her into you" and others say, that "even though its hypocritical, it'll piss her off if you do it back and could lose her" Im just kind of tired of suffering waiting for her texts even if there's some romance and sex for a few hours at the end of it. (Im already doing things like the Sedona method, meditation, etc to process my feelings around being ignored)

What do you think I should do next?  I have already told her before that I had to cancel a plan because it was too short notice after her taking so long to reply. Thanks

Edited July 17 by Fabio

[NoSelfSelf]

The more you  are focused on yourself the less you gonna focus(give a f what she does)on women.Its lack of game that's the problem, you so consired about her that she is the number one thing in your mind.No wonder you feel like that, because its a message that you pushed yourself back for a woman.

Edited July 17 by NoSelfSelf

[Leo Gura]

The proper solution is to completely not invest any emotional energy in her but still text with her just enough to set up a date.

And then go about talking to other girls in the meantime.

The only problem here is that you are investing time thinking about her.

Edited July 17 by Leo Gura

[hyruga]

Girl also has their own game. They will also act uninterested to get your attention. Welcome to 21st century.

[NoSelfSelf]

@hyrugaWhat you said is "playing games" which is manipulation. Manipulation is the lowest type of game almost  in category of no game,when spotted one should lose all interest,its like you get disgust from it .

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, hyruga said:

Girl also has their own game. They will also act uninterested to get your attention. Welcome to 21st century.

No, that's not what they are doing. Girls just take a lot time to get invested in you. Especially if you're not obviously high value.

In this case she's just not very attracted and she's distracted by her busy stupid life. Girls never think ahead about dating. They just follow their emotions and their habits. It's like you're trying to get the attention of a meth-addicted squirrel by clapping your hands. And you wonder what you did wrong.

Edited July 17 by Leo Gura

[petar8p]

11 hours ago, Fabio said:

Hi, I met a girl outside a bar. We talked for a minute or two and then we made out. Exchanged numbers, and left separately soon after. I texted her the following week and she often took a long time to reply, or had unexpected work shift come in the way of our plans. She has 3 jobs. After 2 weeks, we finally did meet up in the morning 10am because that's the only time she had available. Its clear over text that she was super unsure about me; asking for my Instagram and other things to confirm that its safe. Even when we met up, she was still expressing some concern but she did relax a bit. Even invited me to join her the next day for a photoshoot she was doing because she didn't know the people she was capturing. Anyway, we had a picnic by the water and shared our interests and we like a lot of the same music. After eating, we went to my campervan and after some mild resistance, she wanted to hook up and we did. I drove her home, all good.  

Next day, I asked if she needed me at the photoshoot after her not saying anything all day and it was almost time to be there. She said she was fine and didn't need me there in a roundabout unclear way in which I replied with a thumbs up emoji. And she "loved" the text.  

A week later, I texted her "Hey, how've you been busy girl? " .   12 hours later she replied "hey! I've been working and enjoying the weather haha wbu?" at 11 on a friday night . The next day (Saturday) 1pm, I say "Aw nice, me too. You free next week to do something?"  

The next day (Sunday) I hear nothing. Monday, I get a read receipt but no reply or acknowledgement. Finally tuesday 1am, she replies with

"i have a couple of hours tomorrow morning, Wednesday evening, or Thursday lunch"  so basically 3 days later she replies. Meanwhile, in the meantime I'm going out with friends, doing work, did a few approaches, got one pretty Korean girls number who lives 40 minutes away in a city I visit most weeks. Even with that all, I was feeling hurt that she was ignoring me and even with her reply, I feel like not acknowledging her taking 3 days and just accepting the date seems wrong somehow. Its like, almost everything about her texting indicates shes not interested, and most people would say so but then she makes plans and hooks up. Now some dating advice would say "take 2-3 days to reply back like she did so you don't seem more invested in her than her into you" and others say, that "even though its hypocritical, it'll piss her off if you do it back and could lose her" Im just kind of tired of suffering waiting for her texts even if there's some romance and sex for a few hours at the end of it. (Im already doing things like the Sedona method, meditation, etc to process my feelings around being ignored)

What do you think I should do next?  I have already told her before that I had to cancel a plan because it was too short notice after her taking so long to reply. Thanks

You barely know this girl, yet you are hurt with her not replying for a few days? It is a sign of scarcity, probably one more thing contributing to her not replying as much. You need her more than she needs you. She doesn't get turned on by that

 You're just another guy she fucks. Why do you even expect anything of a girl you made out with immediately?

 

Go find some other chicks, bond over values and build a cool vibe before going sexual ASAP.

[nerdspeak]

She doesn't know you so why would she reply promtly to you. Girls will make out with anyone decent-looking when they're drunk. 

The fact that you made out actually makes it harder for her to agree to go on a date with you. I get that it's a fun wild thing and if you're at a bar you don't have any guarantee to see her again. But in general you don't put things into an explicitly sexual context until you an do something about it. 

[Tistepiste]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The proper solution is to completely not invest any emotional energy in her but still text with her just enough to set up a date.

And then go about talking to other girls in the meantime.

The only problem here is that you are investing time thinking about her.

This is manipulative haha, so this becomes the basis of the interaction

Edited July 17 by Tistepiste

[Fabio]

8 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@hyrugaWhat you said is "playing games" which is manipulation. Manipulation is the lowest type of game almost  in category of no game,when spotted one should lose all interest,its like you get disgust from it .

@NoSelfSelfThat's exactly what Im experiencing.. Its like she has replied saying her 3 times she's available but after 3 days I feel like not taking her lmao

Edited July 17 by Fabio

[Fabio]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

No, that's not what they are doing. Girls just take a lot time to get invested in you. Especially if you're not obviously high value.

In this case she's just not very attracted and she's distracted by her busy stupid life. Girls never think ahead about dating. They just follow their emotions and their habits. It's like you're trying to get the attention of a meth-addicted squirrel by clapping your hands. And you wonder what you did wrong.

I like that meth addicted squirrel analogy. I think she was attracted in person, she was super wet before we hooked up on our first date.. but ya, she has like a couple thousand followers on IG, and I have like 300 something.. Im decent looking, artistic/musician type, but financially at the moment I am far from where I want to be , but working on it. 

The question is, you don't think I should mention that I feel less like going on dates when she takes 3 days to reply? I've been trying to invest less mentally in to her but I'm kind of attached of a fantasy that I want a woman to fill. But when Im ignored, it triggers pain.  If I go on a date with her and don't mention her taking long to reply, then Ill be suppressing my feelings, but sounds like its necessary. Wouldn't be the first time I suppress it. 

Ive been trying to keep my mind occupied, but after 24 hours ignored, it is in the back of my mind a lot. Not sure how to make it stop but I'll take all the advice in this thread into consideration. Yes, talking to other women does take my mind off of it temporarily but I need to make a decision whether to take her out tonight or tomorrow, and may say Im busy this week. Thanks guys 

Edited July 17 by Fabio

[NoSelfSelf]

@Fabio You dont value yourself and know your worth yet,if you did like i said you would be disgusted in a way where you be saying to yourself:im done with this.You are going to reward her with a date?!? you crazy either say i want you to buy me a dinner or meet me at my place, since she undecided,shes not worthy of a date 😅.

Also you bragging that she was turned on ,if you did things right in a bedroom she should be blowing up your phone not other way around.

 

Edited July 17 by NoSelfSelf

[Schizophonia]

She don't want see you, that's it.

Women are very sociably fragile so they will beating around the bush a lot for fear of simply having to say "no", and since you are quite desperate, you refused to see this possibility.

[Fabio]

17 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Fabio You dont value yourself and know your worth yet,if you did like i said you would be disgusted in a way where you be saying to yourself:im done with this.You are going to reward her with a date?!? you crazy either say i want you to buy me a dinner or meet me at my place, since she undecided,shes not worthy of a date 😅.

Also you bragging that she was turned on ,if you did things right in a bedroom she should be blowing up your phone not other way around.

 

she'd have to bus to come over to my place. And damn demanding dinner lol I might just tell her Im busy this week. I mean, it was a bit of a quickie, she had work in like half hour so ya not the best it could've been  

Edited July 17 by Fabio

[NoSelfSelf]

@Fabio Like i said from beggining since you dont have game ,you have perception that you must do things to get her,you must find some insight to turn this around .I hate it to break it to you,with doing that you are worshipping women.When you worship women you already lost.

Yes you demand things because your time is wasted, she either get on your lane or get out but you are thirsty,dont value yourself so you looking to fit into her narrative and not other way around.

Edited July 17 by NoSelfSelf

[Fabio]

@Schizophonia Im aware women do that... I was sure she was uninterested for a while ; but then she makes plans and hooks up. Thus part of the reason of this post, it seems unusual

Edited July 17 by Fabio

[petar8p]

@Fabio You don't tell her you're pissed for her not responding wtf. Sorry to break it to you but she will look at you like a sissy.  

 

Why do you put responsibility on this girl for your own emotions? What does that communicate about you from the start?

 

The fact that you caught feelings about a girl that randomly hook up with you tells her this: 

 

• You're really not on your shit (purpose & earning cash)
• She's probably one of the best you had in a while
• This dude doesn't even know me properly yet he impatiently wants to meet up again.

These are all things that put you down in her eyes. Nobody wants to keep seeing someone who thinks too much of them from the start. It is an image they know they cannot realistically maintain. You're subconsciously putting yourself below her. This is the main isssue. Ponder on this, do some shadow work with current emotions, focus on getting your finances and doing what you love with the people you absolutely adore. This will create an aura around you that is hard to resist. You will naturally be less reactive to female energy. You will lead forward and they will relax around you. Then these type of chicks will be boring to you which will be the exact reason why they will wanna keep seeing you. Think ab it.. 

[hyruga]

15 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@hyrugaWhat you said is "playing games" which is manipulation. Manipulation is the lowest type of game almost  in category of no game,when spotted one should lose all interest,its like you get disgust from it .

Girls also learn games from society or they also take classes. They may also exhibit games consciously or unconsciously without them knowing. 

If you are looking for a girl with zero game, then you have to go look for a farmer or a girl staying in the Amazon forest.

[Fabio]

4 hours ago, petar8p said:

@Fabio You don't tell her you're pissed for her not responding wtf. Sorry to break it to you but she will look at you like a sissy.  

 

Why do you put responsibility on this girl for your own emotions? What does that communicate about you from the start?

 

@NoSelfSelf I wouldnt say im pissed if I brought it up. Just that her taking 1-3 days to reply to text messages doesn't motivate me to date her in a calm tone. 

Even so, it could back lash.. but some advice Ive been hearing in the last few years is "tell her how it makes you feel without blaming her" . I never did that in the past, I always tried to hide things that bother me so as to not "fail her shit test". You guys are way more aware of how I feel about this then she does; I barely text her other than once a week to setup plans or to coordinate plans. 

Also, she replied today saying she "could meet tonight at 8:30" I said because of the forums advice "I’m pretty busy, unless you can meet in my city, let’s do another time"  which she replied "another time sounds good too!" . And I left it at that. Obviously, she doesn't care about me and I shouldn't either. But shes interested enough to meet up, and likely hook up as long as I don't mess it up. 

Anyway, going forward I won't contact her again and let her contact me first, if not, we won't ever speak. As far as everyone saying Im needy, obviously I need to dive deep into my self. Id think the same thing if a guy wrote on a forum saying what I did. But Im also more aware of myself as a whole than people can perceive through messages, and know I pass on a lot of girls that arent to my standards and also endure a lot of rejections in cold approach which I laugh off and continue with my night. Her not replying also happened in a particularly stressful time where other things in my life are stressing me out as well as Ive been sleeping like shit, so this is probably a wake up call to get myself together.  I don't think its that Im attached to her as much as Im not getting an emotional need met and Im fixating on her being the solution. This is something that has been an off and on problem my whole life and I need to learn how to weed it out, and I've done quite a bit of inner work already but this could take decades; I started inner work in 2013. 

Anyway, thanks to everybody support and hope ya'll got some entertainment from my mistakes lol. 

Edited July 18 by Fabio

[something_else]

This is a pretty standard experience when trying to date girls. It’s frustrating as hell but you have to become desensitised to it so it doesn’t bother you.

You kinda have two options. Either you play the game and don’t become too invested, you just play it cool and see how it goes. Or you decide that this kind of gamey behaviour is a deal breaker for you and politely move on to a girl who is more direct.