Random Writing

[Whitney Edwards]

@Marcel I'm your carrot. 

[Marcel]

Just now, Buck Edwards said:

@Marcel I'm your carrot. 

*pats my carrot and feels her smooth skin ❤️

[Marcel]

Im getting better and better at staying present throughout the day. 

[Marcel]

To my surprise my sleep schedule is very consistent nowadays. It used to be so all over a place. I had a Phase that looked like this 2-3 months ago, by far the most extreme one.  

2 hours of sleep for 7 days

10 hours of sleep for 3 days 

4 hours of sleep for 5 days

7 hours of sleep for 2 days 

I still don’t understand how I only managed to sleep 14 hours in an entire week back then. It would flip flop like this every couple of days. Am I glad this is finally resolved and I now sleep consistently and mostly well.

 

[Whitney Edwards]

2 hours ago, Marcel said:

To my surprise my sleep schedule is very consistent nowadays. It used to be so all over a place. I had a Phase that looked like this 2-3 months ago, by far the most extreme one.  

2 hours of sleep for 7 days

10 hours of sleep for 3 days 

4 hours of sleep for 5 days

7 hours of sleep for 2 days 

I still don’t understand how I only managed to sleep 14 hours in an entire week back then. It would flip flop like this every couple of days. Am I glad this is finally resolved and I now sleep consistently and mostly well.

 

Thanks to your carrot wifey! 

[Marcel]

54 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Thanks to your carrot wifey! 

+1 Definitely. Wifey effects are a blessing 

[Marcel]

May have a chance to see a bit of Stage red in action today. Just hope there won’t be too much work for us paramedics. 

[Marcel]

If you are given everything you can never truly appreciate it. You don’t know what you had until it’s lost is very much a true saying. 

The human mind is very quick to get used to things and conditions and taking things for granted. 

 

[Marcel]

Today is a good day. I’ve always found it incredibly odd when people go „ugh it’s Monday“. It screams to me that they need to rethink their entire life and how they approach it. 

Mondays are awesome. A new week of this dazzling adventure hurtling through this cosmos on our, in comparison, insignificantly small earthly spaceship. 

Everything is Exciting. Even Staring at a wall is exciting. I sometimes wonder how people can possibly become bored, you have a marvel of a mind that can create anything and out of all of it it creates boredom?! 

The timing lmfao Just as I write that my peeper went of and I’m off. 

This day will be exciting. Let’s goo

 

 

Edited January 20 by Marcel

[Marcel]

Well that was uneventful. What An unattended grill can cause. Moving so many cars and personal. Incredible 

[Marcel]

Did a 2h 30 Min meditation today. 

While doing so the phrase:

“Before enlightenment chop wood carry water. After enlightenment chop wood carry water.”

Echoed through my mind tying in with. “Be in the World, but not of the world” 

I feel right at the cusp of a mental breakthrough that I can’t quite put in words yet. Exciting 

 

[Marcel]

A randomly found a good concept for working on judgement of self and other today. 

Imagine a courtroom, but you are the judge, the jury, the person being judged even the defendant and at any point in time you can leave this room, leaving all judgment behind, since you have no obligation whatsoever to stay, let alone listen,  to the verbal onslaught there present, besides which has only the amount of meaning you give it, reflected in your response of optionally grace or anger / shame.

You are free to wander into any “room” of your choosing. Yet sometimes the court room draws you back in, often out of familiarity or guilt. Sooner or Later your visits will shorten and at once cease, leading to the disappearance of the entire courtroom to begin with. 

 

[Marcel]

After experimenting a bit I came to the conclusion that I meditate best laying on my back. Laying on my tummy puts me to sleep quite quickly, sitting in any sort of lotus position makes me oddly self conscious and feels generally uncomfortable.

 

[Whitney Edwards]

@Marcel you're doing great progress. Love it. 

 

Edited January 23 by Buck Edwards

[Marcel]

2 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

@Marcel you're doing great progress. Love it. 

Thank you 😊 

[Marcel]

Had a bit of hiccup this week. My rate of progress fluctuated between skyrocket- and plummeting. Intense spurts coupled with deserts of action. 

Still have a bit of “from one extreme to the next” behaviour in my endeavours, curious how this habit has stayed with me from early childhood till now.

From doing no meditation one day to 3 hours the next and everything in between throughout the last couple of weeks. Same with working out, from barely anything to hours and everything in between. 

I have some more work to do in regards to structured consistency. I find my self lost in thought more then I’d like to, it has its uses, but can also be a giant distraction at times.

I can see more and more that I used to escape into fantasy and unconsciousness in my teens because of my difficult family situation. It’s wild to look back at how I used to act, traverse through the world and think about it. 

Having worked out most past issues I feel a bit lost in which direction to go. There was a time I thought I had figured out my life purpose, worked very hard at it, only to realise years later it was an unworkable project, so to speak and i had to leave it behind, which was a monumental task in itself.

Well. Well. Interesting times ahead. A lot is going in the right direction, so I’m optimistic about the near and far future. 

[Marcel]

I always believed that if I was going to do anything right in life I would need an accurate, deep understanding of it. 

In a way I was correct all along and in other ways this very train of thought derailed my life quite a lot. 

Truth seeking is such a messy process. 

[Marcel]

I realised that in the past, for quite some time,  I did spiritually in a vacuum, almost disconnected from the world at large. 

In a way I’ve never been really part of a community for an extended period of time before. I always reverted back to me, myself and I. Am I glad those times are over. 

My tendency of avoidance and self-isolation was very crippling, stepping out of it was quite a challenge.

[Marcel]

I had a nice unintended almost 4 hour meditation today. I didn’t realise I could do that, really didn’t think I was capable of upholding it for that amount of time. 

It made me realise how much unrest there still was and is in my system. I usually don’t meditate on anything specific and let my mind do whatever it does, watching it observantly as it swerves between and sometimes gets stuck in one or the other past or future thing, circling between concepts or experience and at times settling in the oddest corners or specifics, that I have forgotten even existed in my mental space.

I still have work to do when it comes to staying in the present moment, but I can definitely say my capabilities have improved.

 

[Marcel]

Seems a new era has started. I never imagined my wife not to be on this forum. I suppose some things have to fall apart to fall into place. Exciting times ahead.