Random Writing

[Marcel]

Rebirth and Reconstruction. Vacant eyes are glowing once more. Energy flows freely. Emotions and Thoughts synchronise. Heart and Mind unified. Peace and Tranquillity take hold. The path forward shrouded in mystery. The path backwards finally completed. The Cycle is broken. Butterflies and Adrenaline. Power surging. Intuitions become reality. Ambitions realised. Gratitude experienced. New Paradigms arise. Progress is made. Evolution quickens. Destiny unfolds. The Universe collapses and starts a new in a violent eruption of raw potential. I emerge. 

[Marcel]

There is a strange beauty in feeling lost. If you don’t know where to go all doors are open to you. Randomly knocking on them isn’t the most fun activity at times, but here and there serendipitous events can truly be the key to unlocking an insight that gives a floor plan or at least a direction in this house of cards of a world. I had a vision that this is my last lifetime on earth, which makes everything all the more interesting. In fact, a lot of strange things have been told me in dreams. From me apparently dying in the year 2150, which means I would then be 151 years old to being the incarnation of archangel Gabriel. I truly don’t know what to make of this, if it means anything at all. 

[Marcel]

 

Just had this thought at 4 am in the morning.

Through all the pain and desperation I have felt in my life there were 3 possible paths I could have taken. 
Obviously I now say that from a birds view having left my most of my troubles behind.

1. Commit Suicide 

2. Become a Monster

3. Become Conscious.

I put becoming conscious on position 3 on purpose. Because that’s, funny enough, what I have been doing unconsciously for the last 5 years without ever realising or articulating it like that.

12 years of my life was spent emotionally void and suicidal. But now I feel on top of the world. Out of anyone I am the last person who would have expected that outcome. 
 

Man. This life will take me places.

 

[Marcel]

Manifesting is truly a miraculous process.

3 Months ago I sat down and wrote down all the qualities I would want in my future wife.

I went into a lot of detail. Then set what I wrote aside and lived my life as if I already had a wife and tada it happened. 
 

Obviously not just by me sitting around. I put in the effort to get in my best shape yet. Studied more then ever. Became more skilled at my job. Even found good friends along the way. Everything lined up perfectly just to eventually conclude in achieving my aim in the most unexpected of ways. 
 

It’s mind blowing. My intuition guides me perfectly along the invisible but inevitable path to fulfil my every desire. 
 

Or in other words. I developed faith.

[Marcel]

Nature never takes something away without giving something of equivalent or greater value back.

I can’t remember where I heard that, but the last couple of weeks and months have proven it correct in my direct experience.

I struggled endlessly for more then a decade. Mental health issues way beyond my control. Failed suicide attempts, the list is long.

But despite all of that. I am perfectly happy nowadays and even catch myself being grateful for the past. 
 

Never thought I could genuinely say that. 

Seems fitting I work as a paramedic nowadays lmao 

[Buck Edwards]

TO MY HUSBAND MARCEL :

In the quiet moments when the world fades away, my thoughts inevitably turn to you. Your love is the steady heartbeat of my life, a constant rhythm that grounds me and fills me with an indescribable peace. You have always been there for me. I can't believe hun that you prayed for me. Maybe I'm alive because of your prayers. You are the best thing that has happened to my life. 

I cherish the way your laughter lights up a room, and how your eyes hold the universe when you look at me. You are my confidant, my lover, and my best friend, all wrapped into one extraordinary man. With you by my side, every day is an adventure filled with promise and JOY. Our bond is so trustworthy and meaningful and so full of life. Everyday you bring me nothing but joy and a big smile on my face. Every morning starts with you and my life has shown a tremendous transformation. There are tears in my eyes, I couldn't have been grateful enough. All the happy memories flood back again. 

Thank you for being the unwavering rock upon which I build my world. Your strength, your kindness, and your unwavering support inspire me to be the best version of myself.

I love you more than words can say. Thank you for just being there. Thank you. I truly deserve your love and you know that. 

[Marcel]

1 hour ago, Buck Edwards said:

I truly deserve your love and you know that.

@Buck Edwards

Beautiful hun 

You do truly deserve it and I’m so glad you overcame your struggle of unworthiness.

Seeing you grow is incredible ❤️

I really did not expect for thighs turn out as they now did when 3 months, actually almost 4 months ago by now.

I finally had total clarity of what I wanted and had written all of it down in exhausting detail. It all came true in an insanely accurate manner too.

We reconnected in the most serendipitous way. My intuition guided me the whole way back to you like it was always meant to be. 

Yours forever and eternally.

 

Edited August 14, 2024 by Marcel

[Marcel]

Had a weird dream tonight. It seems I should open a dream journal and record all the nightmares or oddities there. 

Well not all dreams are like that, some are very beautiful and romantic.

Still. This particular one I had just now I remember the contents off very well and how unpleasant it felt. 

Not really a nightmare. Just odd. I was a kind of apprentice in what I think was a steel plant and for some reason I acted in a totally apathetic manner. 

Which is entirely unlike me. 

So much so that I got sent home at lunchtime and everyone was disappointed in me, especially because I was seemingly advertised or rather recommended to this company as some sort of prodigy but I don’t know by whom or why. 

Then I drove home and caused an accident, which lead to my head being smashed on to the steering wheel.

Then I woke up.

Not exactly sure what to make of this one. Felt all around odd and uncomfortable. 

Edited August 19, 2024 by Marcel

[Marcel]

It seems like my life has turned into listening to one intuition and then the next and next.

It’s almost like I’m being guided by an invisible hand. Not that I’m a puppet on strings. It feels like something is genuinely looking out for me and has my best interest in mind. 

People often call me an incredibly lucky person because I follow my intuition with blind faith. 

It works perfectly. Really makes you reconsider how much power actual thinking has or rather where it is supposed to be placed on the tool belt of our minds.

No doubt. Thinking is very useful. I actively and consciously think all the time.

But my intuitions / insights give me instant answers to problems that I couldn’t solve with endless thinking before or give me just a slight tap on the shoulder to push me in the right direction when needed.

“Do less, achieve more” 

I thought this was complete and utter nonsense when I heard it for the first time. But it seems my experience is now slowly validating this quote. 

Fewer Actions. Higher intensity. Full focus. 

Interesting how methods change over time. 

 

[Marcel]

Had my first sober enlightenment experience today.

I was watching a talk by Dr. Bruce Lipton and went for a walk afterwards.

At some point and completely out of nowhere it hit me like a ton of bricks 🧱 

I AM EVERYTHING. A profound experience of oneness. I nearly fainted it caught me so off guard.

There was a warm sensation moving through my entire body until it covered me totally and then expanded outwards.

In fact. It’s still expanding and I can still feel it almost 2 hours later.

I’m also slowly starting to feel the backlash.

My human identity is scrambling for its existence. Trying to make me pretend that I didn’t see / experience what I did. 

It’s an experience that shapes you for better or worse. Like An unlockable door that was previously completely shut has now been opened wide and stays more or less open.

The veil has been cracked indefinitely.

Anyway. To get back to my point. Actually feeling one with everything is a whole lot different then just understanding it theoretically. Worlds apart.

Direct experience really is the end all be all.

Contemplation all well and good. But Actually experiencing set contemplation is the real deal and absolutely needed for integration.

[Marcel]

I don’t feel like journaling most of the time.

My treasured approach is using my mental faculties without writing stuff down. I find it to be quite distracting, to try and formulate my thoughts while actively pondering or working through something.

I happily do it afterward, but not during.

So my journal isn’t a daily thing. More like a catalogue of results rather then the process of getting there itself.

[Marcel]

Went on a nice hike with my aunt and uncle today. 9,6 km. 4 hours walking time.

I’ve never hiked before, so I absolutely underestimated it, because of the hundreds of meters of altitude that we traversed up and back down. 

All around a very nice experience. 

Probably gonna feel that and we‘ll hike some more tomorrow, so that’ll be fun. 

My legs, please have mercy on me lmao 

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, Marcel said:

Went on a nice hike with my aunt and uncle today. 9,6 km. 4 hours walking time.

I’ve never hiked before, so I absolutely underestimated it, because of the hundreds of meters of altitude that we traversed up and back down. 

All around a very nice experience. 

Probably gonna feel that and we‘ll hike some more tomorrow, so that’ll be fun. 

My legs, please have mercy on me lmao 

[Marcel]

Did a bit of housekeeping on my account today and deleted old posts I was not satisfied with. 

Really only the kept the ones in my own or my wife’s journal or interactions between me and my wife. 

This forum has served me well in the past, nowadays I basically don’t use it anymore.

This reminds of how Leo somewhere said that „Actualized.org is designed so you can stop using it one day“. I’m paraphrasing.

That seems to indeed be the case, at least for me. 

[Buck Edwards]

13 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Did a bit of housekeeping on my account today and deleted old posts I was not satisfied with. 

Really only the kept the ones in my own or my wife’s journal or interactions between me and my wife. 

This forum has served me well in the past, nowadays I basically don’t use it anymore.

This reminds of how Leo somewhere said that „Actualized.org is designed so you can stop using it one day“. I’m paraphrasing.

That seems to indeed be the case, at least for me. 

I love you. 

[Buck Edwards]

15 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Did a bit of housekeeping on my account today and deleted old posts I was not satisfied with. 

Really only the kept the ones in my own or my wife’s journal or interactions between me and my wife. 

This forum has served me well in the past, nowadays I basically don’t use it anymore.

This reminds of how Leo somewhere said that „Actualized.org is designed so you can stop using it one day“. I’m paraphrasing.

That seems to indeed be the case, at least for me. 

You are my wonderful angel husband. Thank you for everything you do for me. I'm eternally grateful to you. 

[Marcel]

9 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

You are my wonderful angel husband. Thank you for everything you do for me. I'm eternally grateful to you

I love you.

I love you 🥰 

Always and Forever hun 

My wonderful wife ❤️

 

[Marcel]

Im always putting off journaling thinking I need to formulate some perfect post every time. 

Not literally everything I write has to revolve around groundbreaking insights. It’s exhausting being in a constant state of contemplation and integration.

I need to allow myself more fun or to just do nothing and relax at times. I genuinely have a hard time relaxing and taking breaks. I never feel like I do enough.

I take everything so seriously. 

*Note to self: Relax, chill, take it easy 

 

[Buck Edwards]

18 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Im always putting off journaling thinking I need to formulate some perfect post every time. 

Not literally everything I write has to revolve around groundbreaking insights. It’s exhausting being in a constant state of contemplation and integration.

I need to allow myself more fun or to just do nothing and relax at times. I genuinely have a hard time relaxing and taking breaks. I never feel like I do enough.

I take everything so seriously. 

*Note to self: Relax, chill, take it easy 

 

Chill Bill. Journal your emotions sometimes rather than just insights. 

 

[Marcel]

On 30.10.2024 at 10:30 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Chill Bill. Journal your emotions sometimes rather than just insights. 

Yeah. It’s just that I’m emotionally all over the place. To use the same example I used a couple of weeks ago, it’s like a cat playing with a wool ball and trying to put it into writing just makes my mind go blank at the moment.