Where does jealousy come from?

[creativepursuit]

What is being jealous?

Why does anyone get jealous?

What is the source of it? 

Is all jealousy the same? and have the same roots?

How can one work on it? How long does it take to eliminate it?

What practices should be followed to get rid of jealousy?

Jealousy feels weaker but inevitable feelings.

Please comment if you have successfully overcome your jealousy with situations and examples.

 

[trenton]

I rarely get jealous myself, but I do have a good example you are looking for. On rare occasions I do get jealous, I simply label the feeling and reflect on My mental state. Eventually the feeling subsides.

My sisters and brother were jealous of me because my relationship with my father. My father disowned my brother and never spent time with him over a DNA test showing he only had 96% match rather than 98 like me. Meanwhile my dad believed in a lot of dated gender ideologies like how the son is supposed to carry on the last name and the legacy of the family. This is why he neglected my sisters and showed favoritism toward me.

The most common reason people get jealous is because they believe they should be receiving love but someone else is receiving it instead of them. This hurts their self esteem and makes them feel unvalued. This is also common in romantic relationships when one partner murders the one who cheated on them.

It took years for my siblings to overcome this jealousy and it damaged my relationship with them for years. During this time I lived in a dysfunctional family situation. There were lots of crimes on both sides of the family and I felt I was forced to keep secrets between mom and dad to prevent everything from falling apart. This made my siblings even more angry with me when I decided to side with dad over mom, but I ultimately did this out of concern for the physical safety of my siblings.

After my mom's abusive boyfriend was evicted my dad later died of cancer. I felt that I was finally free to open up about everything I was holding back. I told my siblings about how dad was a drug dealer who jumped from job to job to avoid child support. He threatened to disown me if I turned him into mom or the police. My father was manipulating me so he could use me against mom.

My brother admitted that he was angry with dad for neglecting him after all this time, but after I told him the truth he realized that maybe he was better off without dad in his life. Meanwhile my sisters didn't understand how toxic my relationship with dad was until I told them. My grandma was disappointed I didn't tell them about my father's crimes sooner, and I was mad at myself for loving him too much to turn him into the police.

Sometimes my older sister still shows signs of jealousy when she is angry and wants revenge. For example, after telling my family about the bad relationship I had with dad, my sister later for into a fight with me in which she told me my cousin said dad was loving and caring to him like a father. She was intentionally trying to be cruel by somehow making me jealous of my cousin.

My older sister and I seem to have more emotional and psychological problems because we were the ones confronting our parents on their crimes out of concern for our younger siblings. My sister's anger management problems might be rooted in jealousy among other things. My depression might be rooted in the fact that I isolated myself out of distrust of my dysfunctional family. Either way both of our conditions are complicated, but my sister is unwilling to try therapy because it is too harmful to her self esteem. I'm the only one in the family willing to try, which ends up placing the burden of the emotional labor on me.

[Schizophonia]

The fear of losing someone or miss something.

Powerlessness.

[hyruga]

Jealously comes from comparison obviously.

You compare because you treat other people as separate from you.

[creativepursuit]

5 hours ago, trenton said:

The most common reason people get jealous is because they believe they should be receiving love but someone else is receiving it instead of them

So it's the false expectations that lead to hurt?

 

4 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

The fear of losing someone or miss something.

Powerlessness.

What would God do?

 

4 hours ago, hyruga said:

Jealously comes from comparison obviously.

You compare because you treat other people as separate from you.

Despite understanding non-duality, how can this be practiced in reality to never get jealous? 
 

[Princess Arabia]

3 hours ago, creativepursuit said:

Despite understanding non-duality, how can this be practiced in reality to never get jealous? 

Let jealousy be. If it arises it will subside. The very demand to not get jealous and to try to resist that energy will strength it. It's energy at play. It's alive. It's energy in motion. Let it pass through. Humans create problems where there is none. You don't have to do anything with it other than observe it in silence and allow for it to subside. The only problem is what the mind attaches to that energy. The thoughts that come with it. The stories. The identification with it. It's not you. It's minding it's own business, so should you. It will eventually go somewhere else where it is welcome and gets the attention it craves.

You say "despite understanding non-duality, how can this be practiced in reality to never get jealous". You're trying to manipulate reality. To be the boss, to ignore what is and maneuver reality your way. You think you're the boss, you think (the ego that is), is in charge. No matter how you try to say, well non duality is just spiritual mumbo jumbo, but let's get real and let's solve our own problems. Go ahead and see how that works for you. It will never end. Try to incorporate the two (duality/non-duality) because both are illusory and the two is how you will neutralize the energy and create balance. 

The jealousy is dual and the way you neutralize it should be non-dual as in see it as not for anyone, just energy coming and going just like everything else.

Edited July 12 by Princess Arabia

[Harman]

A lack of love 

[Salvijus]

For the feeling of jealousness to exist, you first need to be believe that the object/person/carrier you desire so much outside of you is what will bring you happyness. 

When you depend on outside objects to make you happy, any situation that reminds you of your lack is going to make you feel sadness at first and after that frustration and blame and will follow. 

If there is a person who is in possession of your desired object, often they will get perceived as an obstacle to your desired object and an interference to your happyness. And naturally you will direct your frustration at them. 

If you feel entitled, you may even feel a sense of unfairness that some "noob" is having more than you. That can feel very demoralizing to your ego, and then naturally frustration follows. 

A clue to understand jealousy is that if your sense of fulfillment is not dependent on the outside, you will never be frustrated that others are happy even if their happyness involves having what you wanted and you being left behind. 

Edited July 13 by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

18 hours ago, trenton said:

The most common reason people get jealous is because they believe they should be receiving love but someone else is receiving it instead of them. This hurts their self esteem and makes them feel unvalued

Also this. 

[Schizophonia]

14 hours ago, creativepursuit said:

 

What would God do?

What you would do

You are a manner for life to express itself.

[Jehovah increases]

On 7/12/2024 at 4:11 PM, creativepursuit said:

What is being jealous?

Why does anyone get jealous?

What is the source of it? 

Is all jealousy the same? and have the same roots?

How can one work on it? How long does it take to eliminate it?

What practices should be followed to get rid of jealousy?

Jealousy feels weaker but inevitable feelings.

Please comment if you have successfully overcome your jealousy with situations and examples.

 

Who do you think created emotions?

Edited July 13 by Jehovah increases

[Ramanujan]

from the ego

[Jehovah increases]

2 hours ago, Ramanujan said:

from the ego

And whence does the ego come?

[Ramanujan]

2 hours ago, Jehovah increases said:

And whence does the ego come?

 

From soul

 

 

2 hours ago, Jehovah increases said:

 

[Jehovah increases]

4 hours ago, Ramanujan said:

 

From soul

 

 

 Have fun!

Edited July 14 by Jehovah increases

[Chadders]

On 12/07/2024 at 9:11 AM, creativepursuit said:

What is being jealous?

You want what they have. There’s an element of resentment there - why me?Why has the universe not given me what I want but they have it all. There’s an assumption here as well that what they have will make you happy e.g. money, women etc

Why does anyone get jealous?

Because there’s a lack of connection with the divine

What is the source of it? 

A lack of love

Is all jealousy the same? and have the same roots?

Ultimately yes

How can one work on it? How long does it take to eliminate it?

Bring more love into your life. Connect with spirituality, focus on what you’re passionate about. What challenges will grow you as a person? All these things will make you feel better about your life situation 

What practices should be followed to get rid of jealousy?

Connect with the divine. Connect with your heart centre. The emotional side. What do you really want to do? What challenges do you have to overcome to actualise those things? Challenges are part of the journey and will grow you