Real Results Only Start Showing After You're 25

[faith]

Dear Actualized.org community, 

Was hoping this will shed light on why young people have so many insecurities and aren't able to fully take advantage of self development. There is a simple reason for that. The brain hasn't developed yet. The part the younger ones use the most is the amygdala - the emotion and fear centre. Adults use the prefrontal cortex. 

This makes a lot of sense because adults respond differently to fear. They may feel the same feelings, but the reaction will be different. More composed. Another good point is that younger people don't know who they are because they haven't got a good understanding of what really matters in life, in other words, values. What's really troubling are those cases that haven't figured out their values, and only prolonged it into adulthood, becoming man children. 

This point is relatable to my own self development. Before 24-25, I just couldn't feel like things were happening, or moving, or I was improving as a human being, and believe me, I have been reading material, self-inquiry, and practicing since I was 16, coming from a super low self-esteem, self-conscious, shy personality. However, since last year I have felt real tangible results. Things are not upsetting me. People are not upsetting me. I feel modesty and tranquility. And I have a better grip on what really matters. Best of all, most of the time I feel free, and free to express who I am. The old me was suffocating in pain. 

I found the article very insightful, here is the source:

https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051

 

[Evilwave Heddy]

This is why I feel like kids shouldn't go to college straight after school.  They need to experience the working life and life itself and to find out what they really want.

At 25, I feel like I've really only come into myself in the past year.  Looking back now I always feel like I've coasted through life for the last 23-24 years and I feel like I have control over it now. 

Maybe this doesn't apply for everyone though because I have seen some intelligent teens who look like they have control of their life.  Maybe I was just a waster who got fed up of being a waster.

Altough, It is quite nice to hear that since 16 you have been doing self inquiry and havn't had many results since recently. (As bad as that sounds lul) Makes me feel like I havn't missed out as I only started a year or two ago.

Edited April 23, 2017 by Evilwave Heddy
mistake

[LiakosN]

I am 25 and im in personal development since last year.. I can assure you after that much work i have done with myself i can see almost everyone having a 10 year old brain... 

[faith]

7 hours ago, Evilwave Heddy said:

This is why I feel like kids shouldn't go to college straight after school.  They need to experience the working life and life itself and to find out what they really want.

At 25, I feel like I've really only come into myself in the past year.  Looking back now I always feel like I've coasted through life for the last 23-24 years and I feel like I have control over it now. 

Maybe this doesn't apply for everyone though because I have seen some intelligent teens who look like they have control of their life.  Maybe I was just a waster who got fed up of being a waster.

Altough, It is quite nice to hear that since 16 you have been doing self inquiry and havn't had many results since recently. (As bad as that sounds lul) Makes me feel like I havn't missed out as I only started a year or two ago.

Yes, it's weird. I never even thought about it until I saw that article. Can you imagine 9 years of pain and only now something is showing. But in the same way when I look back at my younger self, all those things I was trying to internally oppose, now I see that they were me all along, or at least a part of me. I couldn't accept myself. 

I have seen some youngsters, like 18 year olds and such, that have a really good grip on life, and know who they are. It's amazing. It's also cruel that I wasn't granted the same opportunities. Because all I did was start on the same line as everyone else, and when the gun was fired, everyone started running, but I fell into a deep sleep. I am only waking up now, and I see how far everyone is already from the starting line. 

I wonder if I had a different childhood, and different experiences, would I still be going through the same mistakes in life? Maybe there are genes that make you weaker than others mentally. Makes me think of Darwin. 

Edited April 23, 2017 by ashashlov

[AlwaysBeNice]

I've been somewhat serious since I was 18, and got very serious 5 months ago: I am 21 years old, I meditate 4-7 hours a day and I making tons of progresss: emotional cleansing, sometimes deep experiences, more peace etc. 

I think there might be some correlation between an older body/brain and development but not ultimately in the slightest. 

Consciousness beyond space and time, a 10 year old could be much more aware than any of us, and these things are of course reflected also by the brain, the brain/body is ultimately nothing more than an idea and always a reflection of consciousness.

 

[The White Belt]

2 minutes ago, AlwaysBeNice said:

I meditate 4-7 hours a day and I making tons of progresss: emotional cleansing, sometimes deep experiences, more peace etc. 

4-7 hours? Jeeez, I wish I had that much time spare. Good job man! 

[AlwaysBeNice]

1 minute ago, BeginnerActualizer said:

4-7 hours? Jeeez, I wish I had that much time spare. Good job man! 

Usually it's 3-4 hours sitting, 1 hour in bed, 1 hour dancing alone consciously (to combat the sitting, and it's nice). 

Yeah, it's so worth it. I'd recommend anyone spends at least some years doing this, either by quitting your job and living cheaply or joining a monastery. Because this investment will make you an incredibly radiant and brilliant person that will be able to also make you succeed in any field you chose, and because you will be living consciously with God and riding the synchronicity.

[Revolutionary Think]

@ashashlov I have so much to say about this I don't know where to start. I think that no matter what happens in the begging years of our lives we're going to go through some damage (unless we're extremely lucky) whether it's physical, emotional or mental damage. Remember nobody has a say or a choice when it comes to when they are born (time period), where they are born (geographical location) and who they are born to (family, parents, culture etc.). These are all the default settings. As for young adults and kids who's brains aren't developed I tend to find it sad how I felt the opposite when I was younger. Anyway you read my other post of what I was going through when I was young so no need to repeat it here. To summarize it I saw older people around me who were supposed to know better and guide me through life actually doing the opposite and damaging me with the things that they did. The way I see young people treated sometimes these days is absolutely atrocious. Sometimes when young people are in a damaging situation with abusive parents or guardians and they bring attention to it with them all they get is more abuse. It's truly a hostage situation.

From what I see Today it's very sad we have a bunch of unenlightened children ruling the world and making up the rules. Basically we have the nuts running the nut house. It's really interesting how sometimes I see it as a chain my father resented his father and I resented my father (but, I'm getting over it). The funny thing is when you draw attention to the things that are wrong and not working (which in fact I did Today) and when you open yourself up all of a sudden people's ego mechanisms dash into hyper drive. They don't want you to talk about it and they try you to immediately change the subject. Then they say that you're victimizing yourself but, in reality what you're trying to do is get to the root of what's not working so you can bring people together to address it and work on it. The people though they DON'T want that they want to shove it under a rug close their minds and pretend it doesn't exist and the more you try to expose it and bring it out into the light the more insane the people become. The more they do things like try to censor you, silence you and point fingers at you as if you're some kind of crazy pariah while ironically they are the ones that are losing their cool and can't stand to be speaking about certain things. Have any of you ever noticed that? 

[electroBeam]

@ashashlov That's not true in my experience. 

Be careful with assuming that the reason why you didn't improve was purely because of your age.

There are plenty of 40 year olds who aren't enlightened who have been trying since 20. 

In the book of mastery it says that growth is exponential, you'll get big improvements, then it'll slow down, then increase again like a stair case. Its not because of your age, its because the fruits you were looking for were ripening, and you didn't realize it.

 

I started this journey around October last year(taking it seriously, knew about it since june last year) And I am so glad I started, because the state I was in, in october last year was hell, absolute hell compared to now.

I had social anxiety, I hated going to parties, I had a negative attitude about the human race, so much shit was in my brain. Satan had me by the balls big time.

And now I'm able to ask for girl's numbers off the streets with only little anxiety. The heightening of awareness I've experienced from practicing self inquiry 24/7 for last 3 months has produced benefits that are almost godly. Sometimes when I walk to university, and cross a natural landscape, it feels like I'm in the garden of eden. The planet is so bright, vibrant and shiny, when Satan disappears, and all there is, is the present moment, the love felt for all of reality is overwhelming.

And I'm turning 20 in a month. 

The problem isn't necessarily the age(maybe for some) but more so its the unawareness that things are actually changing, changing in amazing ways, but you're unaware of it until it slaps you across the face.

Things happened to you before you were 25, but you obviously didn't notice.

@BeginnerActualizer you have 12 hours a day do you not? When you are doing your work, when you are having a shower, when you are talking to your spouse, those are times when you should be meditating the most: 

Enlightenment is a lifestyle dude, not something you do, but something you act by. Its a commitment to being yourself, your actual self. If you don't submit yourself to god (definition of a muslim) there's a good chance you will keep in the hands of Satan. Start meditating 24/7 now, before you're on your death bed, wondering why you didn't earlier.

Edited April 24, 2017 by electroBeam

[Loreena]

Yes it's true. However self development should be encouraged in schools . It would make a big difference because kids are battling a lot of self esteem issues. 

[dude]

I can pseudo understand how spiritual growth can go faster when your sense of identity settles in the world. The moment you realize that your grown-up now and that there is really nothing more to it or something like that. And even physiological changes in the body and mind.

Also take into account that when you start personal development as a whole you first need a couple of years to really embody it and figure things out.

[blacksapp]

@AlwaysBeNice I have a question...I get distracted while I try to meditate. How do you get 3-4 hours doing it? lol

[AlwaysBeNice]

Just now, blacksapp said:

@AlwaysBeNice I have a question...I get distracted while I try to meditate. How do you get 3-4 hours doing it? lol

You just practice, and let the results motivate you further.

It took me 2 years of on and off practice before I really got into it, and at that point I was suicidally depressed, so I had to. The ego tendencies may be strong but they are so full of shit you have to realize that and just do it anyways, it's a billion times worth it despite all the cynicism that might say no.

Perhaps take glimps with psychedelics. Also, if you don't feel like doing your session, weed can be great but keep that to once or twice a week.

 

[WaterfallMachine]

Well, I disagree.

I started personal development at age 11 or 12. Mostly because I was going through a tough time and wanted to figure out a way out of it. I had some pretty intense mental health problems back then. So it became an early wake up call for me to change. My school was one of those schools that encouraged students to learn from their mistakes, that they can change and regularly showed examples of people who picked themselves up from the most horrible of situations. And while I was pretty hopeless back then, that left a hint of hope for me. 

Over the years, I spent time reading every life advice I could find to get out of this. I looked for every advice I could find to be happy. I tried confidence raises, CBT, mindfulness, read on the philosophy of life and wisdom, growth with personality typing,   gratitude, kindness and more.

Over the time, I'd learn how to make habits. I read every damn productivity tip I could find and try many of them. I read on grit, growth mindset, how to beat procrastination, concentration tips, behavioral psychology, organization and discipline. Pretty amazing for someone who was normally seen back then as intelligent but really lazy. 

I studied myself. I learned about my own personality, formed my own philosophy of life in depth questioning what my parents and teachers have said and learned about my own personal strengths and weaknesses. I would painstakingly take time to figure out my way of overthinking and develop my own problem solving skills by reading business guides on them. I would slowly figure out my way out of lack of empathy and start with some read up on social skills. I'd learn to figure out to get out of my own really over self reliant and secretive mindset and ask for help more, be comfortable more with being vulnerable.

Id study the science of learning. The Feynman technique. Mmemonics. Mind maps. Deliberate practice. Different kinds of note taking and more.

And now I'm in senior high school. And life's not perfect, but it's a lot better. A lot calmer.

Well, I guess it's possible. Maybe this is what happens when you grow up as the kid reading about wisdom for fun, reading books meant for older people and hanging out in forums full of older people. Like I'm doing now. Like I'm pretty much doing most of the time in my Internet life.

Edited April 26, 2017 by WaterfallMachine

[Orange]

On 23/04/2017 at 3:34 PM, LiakosN said:

I am 25 and im in personal development since last year.. I can assure you after that much work i have done with myself i can see almost everyone having a 10 year old brain... 

what do you mean ? 

I know some people who have never been in self development and yet they are very mature individuals 

Edited April 26, 2017 by Orange

[The White Belt]

On 4/24/2017 at 2:04 AM, electroBeam said:

 

@BeginnerActualizer you have 12 hours a day do you not? When you are doing your work, when you are having a shower, when you are talking to your spouse, those are times when you should be meditating the most: 

 

Thanks a lot for the video. To be honest I don't understand everything he is saying, but I like the bit about the movie not affecting the screen as a metaphor for our lives not affecting pure awareness. Can you tell me how I can stay mindful and not go unconscious in my hectic job?

[electroBeam]

@BeginnerActualizer when your life gets more demanding, it will take a bit of practice of course, but try and always remind yourself to gently focus on the present (on things that are real) rather than things that are false (thoughts). And if you do have to intellectualize something, what we tend to do is that when we think about something, we get sucked into that thing like its the only thing that exists, like how we get sucked into a movie. This is fine, as long as we understand that thing to be what it is, an illusion.

So for example, just say your boss is shouting at you, you will get sucked into the thought of how much of an a hole he is, without realizing its a thought. So try and remind yourself to focus on the present moment at all times, because then it becomes clear that its a thought rather than actual experience. 

You dont have to try and focus on all parts of the present moment though, that's just going to make you bad at your job and mentally tax you unecessarily, you just need to zoom out a bit from your thoughts. 

Thats what Rupert means about being at the heart of experience, its fine to be totally engrossed in a movie, just as long as you understand that its a movie. Its totally fine to not be aware of anything else other than the movie, as long as your aware that the movie you're watching are a bunch of pixels.

Eventually this will become a habit and you'll be meditating 24/7 from it.

To start off set a timer on your phone that goes off every 5 minutes saying something like AWARENESS if you feel you will forget.

[Leo Gura]

@ashashlov Just a limiting belief. I find it's actually easier to do all this work when you're between the ages of 6 to 25. After 25, your mind becomes rigid and set in its ways. Young people's mind still fresh, still open, still free of pet ideologies, and full of energy and curiosity of about life. Many great sages have become enlightened in their early 20s, before 25. Buddhist monks are trained from age 8 upwards very successfully.

I wish I had all this information back when I was 6 to 12. Changing 20 years of bad habits is really hard.

[Max_V]

@Leo Gura I'm doing self development as a 17 year old. Sometimes I feel quite lost though, like which books to read, what meditation technique, if I should work as hard as I can or just read a little and meditate. Maybe that's just part of the journey.

[The White Belt]

@Leo Gura Imagine a six year old on your YouTube channel though. 'Mummy, can you please buy me 10 grams of psilocybin mushrooms please?!'.