Virgin 27 Male - Suicidal Rage

[Jannes]

@Sandroew thanks for sharing. I interpret a lot of beauty in that, it sounds a bit poetic. 

[Jannes]

@Yeah Yeah If society wouldnt care about this kind of stuff. Virgin or not doesnt matter in the slightest. Would you still want sex?

[Yeah Yeah]

@Jannes I probably would; I'd dive into it dude - I'd exhaust my engine bro, and experience every which way until it's thoroughly out my system - It'd be a freaking celebration if I could have at my fantasies/desire which I cannot switch off desire because even that too is a desire - So I'm stuck with desire whether society talks about it or not - I cannot switch it off - I think it daily a 1000 different ways so it strings into painful yearning - and I feel powerless about it, I feel like I have no power over these unmet needs and yearning, and I'm alone with sometimes (Often times like I called beyond blue to help with suicidal emotions while at work I could have quit and just died) ... terrifying thoughts

Edited July 18 by Yeah Yeah

[Jannes]

@Yeah Yeah So what have you done and what are you currently doing to get laid?

Edited July 18 by Jannes

[Yeah Yeah]

@Jannes I persue my hobbies, I work a job now which I've gotten - I eat strictly healthy - I dance - I'm hygenic, clean house, clean clothes, healthy body - I do attract women but ... nothing really clicks - I never move beyond because I was first born to strictly Christian parents, and my father who I sort of look up to as a sort of God as children might do, homeschooled me, never allowed me to parties, and I don't drink for health reasons, I read a lot, never video games or movies, strictly educational content through YouTube addiction/music - But women don't wait for marriage like I do, they'd hook up with a string of men, and I will only attract a woman I am sexually attracted too since I think of myself atm sexually attractive but hopefully I don't decay so that I only attact single moms or party chicks with high body counts or exes now ready to settle down.

I'm stuck thinking sex is for having children, and you aught to have sex with a person you believe you can see yourself having children with

Honestly I believe people should wait till marriage, and people should value the marriage tradition - And I think the divorce should be equal, and then I'd be okay commiting - But if I divorce as a potentially successful man since I do take extroadanary care for myself as a high performer for my passions then I may lose it all to a woman - And I know people change over time too, I had a friend who I thought I knew, but as years progressed his background life was changing and the person was no longer the friend I made friends with, sadly he got into drugs, trapped in a mental ward and he worshiped the devil and had delusional conversation, and this was my best friend, and he financially abused me and was a narcissist and this has made me extrememly socially awkward where I continue telling myself I am sane -Covid didn't help either with socializing - I don't even know where to meet chicks bro - Or if anyone is already in a relathioship, or how to afford a date - Honestly if the American dream was still valid today for Wester societies I should be married bro by about now technically if the government actually gave a damn about their own people instead of spending trillions to overseas territories ... 

U.S. military spending/defense budget for 2022 was $876.94B, a 8.77% increase from 2021
World Food Programme (WFP): They estimate $40 billion annually is needed to achieve Zero Hunger by 2030.

 

Planet Earth with war, us eating meat animal slaughter especially fast food is almost satanic dude for all humans to mass populate and thus mass slaughter animals for our own benefit like wtf dude - Global warming - Hm what else about existence as a human is unnerving and almost as if created by a narsisstic god ... Oh plus big tech giant manipulating my internet addiction to make me angry for more engaement - They have my personal information and are creating SUPER AI gods bro - Like wtf - In five years Earth may freaking end dude - Super AI Quantum Gods Autonomous in 5 freaking years wtf bro - Who the fuck does that - Some people bro like wtf

Edited July 18 by Yeah Yeah

[Yeah Yeah]

@Jannes Sorry maybe you are female

[Jannes]

@Yeah Yeah I am a guy. 

Thanks for sharing all that now your situation makes a lot of sense. This could have been the start of your thread. 

There are two general options I think:

1) You adapt to your environment:

You seem to have some developmental blockages. Being raised with some strict stage blue values in a stage orange/green environment? Where do you live btw.? And you also had bad experiences with your friend. Most people are not that way. And you have quite a bad view of non traditional girls there because you might feel a bit like a looser when they had more sex then you and exploit you as their safe option? Or that it feels unbalanced that you give them all of that "pure" love when they can seem a little "used up" ?

I understand that it's not easy to get your foot into this kind of society. Maybe talk to a therapist about your problems. Starting here is a good start already. Maybe group therapy? What I can tell you is that there are many girls which dont fuck around for fun. They might had a few relationships which just didnt work out in the long run but if it was doable they would stay with their partner their whole lifes. Would such a girl be such a bad deal for you? And for finding these girls: What do you do as a hobby? Have you ever tried to go party and face your fears? Are you dancing in groups where there are other girls? (that's actually a very good option) Do you have friend groups with female friends?

 

2) You look for a different environment

There are many places in the world with more traditional values. You can go there if you like. 

[Salvijus]

6 hours ago, Yeah Yeah said:

@Jannes I persue my hobbies, I work a job now which I've gotten - I eat strictly healthy - I dance - I'm hygenic, clean house, clean clothes, healthy body - I do attract women but ... nothing really clicks - I never move beyond because I was first born to strictly Christian parents, and my father who I sort of look up to as a sort of God as children might do, homeschooled me, never allowed me to parties, and I don't drink for health reasons, I read a lot, never video games or movies, strictly educational content through YouTube addiction/music - But women don't wait for marriage like I do, they'd hook up with a string of men, and I will only attract a woman I am sexually attracted too since I think of myself atm sexually attractive but hopefully I don't decay so that I only attact single moms or party chicks with high body counts or exes now ready to settle down.

I'm stuck thinking sex is for having children, and you aught to have sex with a person you believe you can see yourself having children with

Honestly I believe people should wait till marriage, and people should value the marriage tradition - And I think the divorce should be equal, and then I'd be okay commiting - But if I divorce as a potentially successful man since I do take extroadanary care for myself as a high performer for my passions then I may lose it all to a woman - And I know people change over time too, I had a friend who I thought I knew, but as years progressed his background life was changing and the person was no longer the friend I made friends with, sadly he got into drugs, trapped in a mental ward and he worshiped the devil and had delusional conversation, and this was my best friend, and he financially abused me and was a narcissist and this has made me extrememly socially awkward where I continue telling myself I am sane -Covid didn't help either with socializing - I don't even know where to meet chicks bro - Or if anyone is already in a relathioship, or how to afford a date - Honestly if the American dream was still valid today for Wester societies I should be married bro by about now technically if the government actually gave a damn about their own people instead of spending trillions to overseas territories ... 

U.S. military spending/defense budget for 2022 was $876.94B, a 8.77% increase from 2021
World Food Programme (WFP): They estimate $40 billion annually is needed to achieve Zero Hunger by 2030.

 

Planet Earth with war, us eating meat animal slaughter especially fast food is almost satanic dude for all humans to mass populate and thus mass slaughter animals for our own benefit like wtf dude - Global warming - Hm what else about existence as a human is unnerving and almost as if created by a narsisstic god ... Oh plus big tech giant manipulating my internet addiction to make me angry for more engaement - They have my personal information and are creating SUPER AI gods bro - Like wtf - In five years Earth may freaking end dude - Super AI Quantum Gods Autonomous in 5 freaking years wtf bro - Who the fuck does that - Some people bro like wtf

Idk, you sound like a chick magnet to me. 

My belief is that if you follow your life purpose you're meant to follow, you will cross paths with someone who you're meant to be with and it will be the right person for you. I can't prove this but that's something I believe in. Aligning yourself with your true purpose in life is the trickiest part. Because there is so much push and pull to do random shit that society expects you to do but is not actually what you're supposed to be doing. That's how people end up chasing fool's gold all their life. 

Rather than worrying about getting laid, worry about your life purpose and whoever is supposed to accompany you on your journey will naturally be with you. 

I believe there is no alternative here even. Because if you invest time in being with someone you're not meant to be with, it's just the same suffering with extra steps. It's not going to bring the fulfillment you're looking for. 

Edited July 18 by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

On 2024-07-15 at 3:55 AM, Yeah Yeah said:

Yo there is the side of "Satan" if you will now in the comments - or in other words the left hand or reason has emerged

There are dark forces and the forces of light, and you are the battleground

This applies to everyone tho. But especially for you right now it seems. 

My advice would be just double down on what you truly want, on honesty, on willingness to follow God's will, on the angelic support and light and you'll make this process much easier for yourself. 

Edited July 18 by Salvijus

[Yeah Yeah]

I wish I felt otherwise though it is quite crippling - I'll be stuck dating older women like 24 above which aren't all that attractive imo - The younger the better; been that way throughout histroy; Ancient babylon the riches men bought the first woman on sale as the most beautiful, and then the poorest gets the ugglies - Richer you are the more likely your marriage will last - Throughout histry the rich and wealthy were priveledged to women and marriage. I think the gorvenment should offer services for assisted suicide if this crippling anxiety continues manifesting in the infinite Quantum field deeper levels of unwanted - I mean what if with this depression I kill myself and then I return as someone ugly - Like death is a LOA launchpad and your energy will manifest into something near to the energy you died at - Or as divine source energy do we get to come back as whatever we please; somewhat like Alan Watt's teachings, Abraham Hicks, David R Hawkins, Teal Swan ... probably a few other great teachers to list ... Leo, too ... - Because the latter I mean my mind can only handle so much and I'm okay giving in the flag and quitting this unnecessary pressure to survive with an insatiable tormenting immense lonliness sexual desire for nothing.@Jannes

 

Dude - I am 27 what is my dating range? I want 19 years olds dude who are virgins bro - That is what I want - 24 years above they should be married at that stage imo - I missed teen romance and now I'm probably creepy if to approach 19 year olds? Unless I was rich and clubbing - But idk - The moment it starts to get creepy and I have to date 30 year olds dude I am going to go fucking mad - I will go fucking crazy - Fuck that - Hence I ask Leo if suicde has what preprecussions???

 

I want an answer - Because I will go fucking mad - I will not fucking handle it or go fucking zen about or fucking mindful about I can not tell my sex energy to fucking stop - You are a fucking dude you know I am not making this up - You can agree with me about this on some level??

Edited July 19 by Yeah Yeah

[Yeah Yeah]

Everything I do technically yes it is for myself, but also for women dude - Obviously a level of self actualization if also for dating and women, getting a job, being hygenic, hobbies - Language learning - Ya know - I had money saved, a nice car, like ... not one fucking single fucking woman what the actual fuck

Edited July 19 by Yeah Yeah

[Yeah Yeah]

I am afraid i might go fucking crazy about this single subject - Especially if my mom passes away the only woman ever in my life and only person I connect to if at all a few times a month because she has her own busy life -  I feel like there is a point to be drawn in the sand as a human biological specimen which rezigns and gives in - There is a line to be drawn within myself where I say nope, Universe, I'm out - I disagree entirely with your set up and I want no more of it - I should be able to say that to the Universe and not be a part of its cruelty - I should have the freedom to opt out of a system I do not agree with and which does not support me at the finer levels of my existence

Edited July 19 by Yeah Yeah

[Yeah Yeah]

Also disclaimer I am not attracted to younger than 18 - I say 19 to be safest

Edited July 19 by Yeah Yeah

[Yeah Yeah]

Also I appreciate hearing from you @Jannes and I also read the other comments too, but too much internet responding to too many people my caveman tribal brain lags somewhat lol

[Salvijus]

~ Sigh ~... You would benefit from making your attitude straight in life first imo. So it would be more in alignment with God and truth. Otherwise all endeavor made from the false attitude can only bring more suffering, not less. 

 

A prayer I felt inspired to share for some reason. 

And if I shall happen to confront the darkness.. Which i'm sure by now, I will... let me have the power in me... to walk on through, to hold it still... don't, don't let me fall from grace... just to feel the wind, the wind upon my face... teach me that the peace... Is all a happy man would ever need... oh just keep me where... keep me where... keep me where... keep me where... the light is... oh where the light is.... keep me where the light is... oh let me sing this prayer...

 

 

Edited July 19 by Salvijus

[Princess Arabia]

52 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

~ Sigh ~... You would benefit from making your attitude straight in life first imo. So it would be more in alignment with God and truth. Otherwise all endeavor made from the false attitude can only bring more suffering, not less. 

 

A prayer I felt inspired to share for some reason. 

And if I shall happen to confront the darkness.. Which i'm sure by now, I will... let me have the power in me... to walk on through, to hold it still... don't, don't let me fall from grace... just to feel the wind, the wind upon my face... teach me that the peace... Is all a happy man would ever need... oh just keep me where... keep me where... keep me where... keep me where... the light is... oh where the light is.... keep me where the light is... oh let me sing this prayer...

 

 

Love this rendition.

[Princess Arabia]

7 hours ago, Yeah Yeah said:

Also disclaimer I am not attracted to younger than 18 - I say 19 to be safest

You're not fucking an age dude, get off the number bandwagon. 

[Salvijus]

37 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Love this rendition.

Hm ~ chuckles ~ not bad :] 

[Jannes]

@Yeah Yeah Of course I get you with everything you said. It's all highly human. 

But it doesnt feel like you accept reality. You are behind in game and want a magical 19 y.o. virgin to get even. Like you are holding on to some belief and would rather do suicide instead of dropping that belief. Which is all very understandable but won't get you to move forward. Your situation isnt all that bad. There are plenty of girls in their early twenties who would settle for a guy who is 27.  

Can you say what exactly went wrong in the situations you had with girls? You were very loose about that.

[tlowedajuicemayne]

Hey, I didn't bother reading a lot of these comments , I just don't have the time so I'm just gonna shoot from the hip here based off your initial post.

I didn't lose my v card till I was 26 lol. Once I did I realized it never actually mattered. For you, I think you have the same problem I had. You've placed sex and a relationships on a pedestal and you've formed a bunch of negative shaming ideas about why you haven't been able to succeed. Shame. That's your biggest enemy. 

The idea that something is wrong with you. That you need to do something to be lovable, be a certain way other than the way you are to be lovable. This inner problem is what needs to be resolved which is why therapy is probably needed for you. 

Before I met my now long term girlfriend I was on some self loathing, red pill, mgtow type stuff. I had a bunch of bad ideas about women and myself and every women I encountered could tell it. It's like they could sense the danger lurking within me. 

Now I understand that what I truly needed was someone to help me confront my feelings of being incomplete. My therapist and teacher helped me with this. Psychedelics helped with this as well. Ultimately getting a partner who was willing to let me climb out of my anxious attachment style was what helped the most but I never would have been able to land her without my therapist and psychedelics doing a lot of the pre game work. 

 

I hope you don't commit suicide dude. I hope you resolve your rage. There is hope though, I was just like you. It's got nothing to do with your looks or your weight or anything else anyone else but you can see. It's about what your intimacy. The parts of you that only you experience. That rage, that pain, that feeling of missing out on something. It's all within you. Bring it out to light so a therapist can help you heal it or take a psychedelic trip about it. 

Love ya bro!