Virgin 27 Male - Suicidal Rage

[gambler]

I'm 32 and a virgin. Though I do have Klienfelter syndrome. And while my physique looks much more masculine now thanks to weight lifting, and therefore no longer looks like the most extreme case of it (imagine a man with a 2007 Kim Kardashian-like physique), it still looks embarrassing. My testicles have never dropped and are the same size as when I was a child. My physique is some sort of male-female hybrid thing (mostly masculine now, but still looks off). I tried going to the doctor's to see how they could help me but they told me I would need to strip in front of a male doctor and I just don't have it in me to do that. Also some of my temperament is that of a female. For instance, I'm extremely neurotic. I have a need for having my feelings validated. And I want to talk about my feelings way more than I should.

Anyways, you're not alone.

Edited July 11 by gambler

[Yeah Yeah]

Thanks everyone for all your responses, (Many of the responses were real insightful and appreciated) as I've read them and contemplated them often these past few days for intergration ...

Edited July 13 by Yeah Yeah

[Hojo]

When I was in a bad spot in my life after a big change I could see I was in the wrong place and I could see God was trying to get me to move back home. Have you considered a change of life do you feel a pull in any direction that you are trying to not go too? Maybe back home or away from home? I was trying to get away from home so hard in my life and I failed and had to return home 4 seperate times across the country and I left again and had to come back again as a failure. The last time I went back I surrender to life awaken and stay at home and life has gotten way better.

I do not believe killing yourself is a good reason for not having sex for like 15 years. You did not want or even think about sex pre pubescent and probably werent that interested until awhile in so its not like you have been wanting for your entire 27 years of life its been like 10.  You have lost faith in the future and tommorow and you are super stuck in yesterday and not fucking a woman yesterday. This causes tension with women and is a self fulfilling prophecy you are almost creating your past and therefore creating your future with these thoughts. Feel good today and have faith for tommorow and anything can happen. Stop thinking about fucking women you know, make up women. Thinking about fucking women you know messes with your head when you interact with them in real life it mixes them together.  you might interact with these porno fantasy more than you actually interact with them. Stop thinking about talking to women and controlling conversations be yourself . Your awareness should be on you when you bring other people in it causes you to argue with yourself and suffering will happen.

Edited July 13 by Hojo

[r0ckyreed]

I am a 27 year old virgin as well. It honestly isn't worth losing your virginity just for the sake of losing your virginity. Do you see how toxic our culture is that it would lead to you want to kill herself because you haven't lost your virginity? There is nothing you have to lose. I will be honest that I would like to find a woman and have deep intimate passionate sex with, but at the same time, that is something that cannot be forced. Also, I have a fear of giving away my power and energy to another person. I hear people saying that once they do sex, it is like a drug, and that you will want to keep doing it. I would just give you the advice that I am trying to give myself after my own breakup of my first long-term relationship, and that is to focus on developing yourself into the greatest version of yourself. "The flower does not dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes." Good luck.

[Yeah Yeah]

@r0ckyreed Dude you tapped into some mysterical conciousness to talk about bees as this is a reoccuring theme in my experience of the Universe - Thank you for your wise words, like many of the other responses there is wisdom shared and worthy for contemplation, and your response for example has definitely further eased my heart. You're right about the culture being toxic, too, and another response said we're still sort of medieval in a technologically adancing society, and someone else was talking about how people are unable to really connect due to continual needing to survive. 

So I will  continue developing my best self and as Jesus says "Worry not about tomorrow" so this will be my practise too, and maybe changing me the world will change too.

Edited July 13 by Yeah Yeah

[Salvijus]

Awww. This is nice 

[Jannes]

I see this very differently than most of you. I was desperate for sex for many years so I tried a couple of things which didnt work. I had my first time with a girl I matched on tinder when I was 22 yo. We only had a decent connection, I want that attracted to her, the sex wasn't loving it was straight bdsm dominating style (she wanted me to dominate her which I did) and all in all it wasn't a moment I like to remember that much. And you know what it was still fucking worth it even in this unideal case. I got an insane confidence boost from that and basically felt like I finally was an adult. Yes I would have loved to have a loving first time with a girl that I actually was in love with but not for the price of waiting some years. Loving sex is something you can still catch up on. Yes our society is very toxic about sex. Although being toxic about it is more of a childish behavior, adults are more likely to be supportive about it. The reason why people would be toxic about it is because biologically it's a big deal. You cant bullshit yourself out of it. Sex is a need that needs to be satisfied and distracting yourself from it won't work. If you dont make plans to get sex right now you will become more depressed in the years to come. You can do it. You dont have to go into pickup if that's not your thing just be more social. Join social events, social groups with girls your age and you will meet someone at some point pretty much guaranteed. If you start implementing these changes you can feel better immediately and relax because you now that these implementations will get you laid. 

Edited July 14 by Jannes

[Schizophonia]

It's better to have a real relationship at 30 than a toxic relationship at 15/20.

[Jannes]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

It's better to have a real relationship at 30 than a toxic relationship at 15/20.

For that to work you need experience though. 

[Schizophonia]

12 minutes ago, Jannes said:

For that to work you need experience though. 

It's "natural" to be in a relationship, at least for me.

[Javfly33]

3 hours ago, Jannes said:

You cant bullshit yourself out of it. Sex is a need that needs to be satisfied and distracting yourself from it won't work. If you dont make plans to get sex right now you will become more depressed in the years to come. You can do it. You dont have to go into pickup if that's not your thing just be more social. Join social events, social groups with girls your age and you will meet someone at some point pretty much guaranteed. If you start implementing these changes you can feel better immediately and relax because you now that these implementations will get you laid. 

Speak for yourself. 

And don´t try to manipulate the narrative. Sex is not a biological need. Food, sleep and water is biological need. Not sex.

The obsession this culture has with sex is completely (cultural), the amount of Karmic entanglement is vomitic and horrendous. And don't count me in in your Slavement Endeavour. 

Nothing of this dream has a hold on me. Nothing. 

 

You guys are so weak...yeah, you deserve to be a rat in the dream, pursuing what the culture told you.

Go ahead, sell your Being for whatever they told you is important. Forget how much value you have.

 

Just do not count me in all of this Mess. I´m going somewhere else...somewhere Free from the chains you applaud and endorse. 

 

Edited July 14 by Javfly33

[Jannes]

 

13 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Speak for yourself. 

Whoa. I simply have a different opinion.

Look at maslows hierarchy of needs it at the very bottom. Does this not apply to you? I mean its just a model after all maybe your psyche is very different.

For me I know very well that sex is not what primarily makes a good life. I have big dreams of what my life can be and sex doesnt play a role there. But my lust for sex clouds my vision. Surpressing my sexuality doesnt work. I have to burn through some karma first then my mind is freed up to care about more meaningful things. 

[Husseinisdoingfine]

I used to be in this exact situation, but then I lost my virginity at 21 years old.

What I did was I paid to have a professional photoshoot done of me. I wore my best clothes and had some really high-quality photographs taken. Headshots, me standing next to some trees, etc...

Then I just uploaded those photographs to Tinder. 

[Majed]

i can empathize with your situation i advise you to watch leo's series titled: how to get laid. it helped me make progress in solving this problem. 

[Yeah Yeah]

Yo there is the side of "Satan" if you will now in the comments - or in other words the left hand or reason has emerged - with an opposing point that sex should be satisfied, or I'll become more depressed. I already feel the depressed rage and I continue practising hobbies and making money and what not, but still I could fucking blow up. Which is it guys, society is fucked, or I'm fucked?

Edited July 15 by Yeah Yeah

[Yeah Yeah]

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Edited July 15 by Yeah Yeah

[Yeah Yeah]

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Edited July 15 by Yeah Yeah

[Salvijus]

2 hours ago, Yeah Yeah said:

Yo there is the side of "Satan" if you will now in the comments - or in other words the left hand or reason has emerged

Funny how that works, isn't it. 

[Salvijus]

4 hours ago, Yeah Yeah said:

Which is it guys, society is fucked, or I'm fucked?

That's where meditation and spirituality comes into play in order to become aware of your true desires and true your true thoughts, your authentic self, your authentic path in life. And what is foreign to you like a mind virus floating around. Otherwise you'll be a victim of a virus your whole life. Even getting laid will not solve the root problem that is causing this confusion and pain. Sexuality is not even the only area where this virus is affecting your life in a negative way. Absolutely every part of your life can be hijacked by this virus and suffocate your soul into a deep dark pit. That's the main thing to be wary of imo. Everything else is not that important. Once you follow your true path and your authentic self. You can't escape but live the most magical and wonderful life God meant for you to have.

Edited July 15 by Salvijus

[Sandroew]

I felt suicidal before, but really counsciously contemplated suicide only once. When i was 17/18 my suffering was unbearable and i tought why not just end it ? My conclusion was purely pragmatic: Even if it is going to be only suffering my whole life, im going to live only this one time and then it is going to be over... so i should just let it happen and see the end of it. My next tought was i'll be breathing my whole life so im just going to focus on that and let everything else go.