I love the attention of women, maybe too much

[Ampresus]

Yesterday me and this girl from work I've been seeing for like 2 weeks, were planning to meet up before and after work. We're keeping our thing on the low for now. I had a great time with her. We made out a lot in my car. But something happened during work which I feel like I need to work on:

As I was serving tables, there was this big table with a good like 12 people. Among which a very pretty Turkish girl with light blue eyes. Now even if I see a pretty girl casually, I don't think that much of it and move on. But we kept making eye contact. Everytime I'd serve their table I'd notice she was looking straight at my eyes. Anyway, didn't think much of it. Maybe she was just looking at her food being served right? Later, as all of her friends have left she leaves for the bathroom. The bathroom is like all the way at the end of the restaurant, so she has to pass all the areas where we, the waiters, get the orders on the dining plates. Obviously she runs into me and looks. Now I keep making strong eye contact, again her eyes were beautiful. And I noticed she laughed as she passed me. So I looked behind me after she passed, to which later she looked back and smiled a lot. I called after her, asking her to come back, but I think her friend was pressuring her to move along. She stopped for a second and wanted to come, she was smiling and all, but her friend dragged her away.

You guys see my problem? Once a pretty girl gives me attention I get lost. Like it gives me a certain satisfaction I cannot explain. Especially given that colleagues could see it. I recognize this is a weird thing. Some sort of superiority complex, "look at me I can pull whatever I want, unlike you guys" to my male colleagues and "look, I have plenty of options" to my female colleagues. It sounds so stupid and dumb when typing it. The novelty and excitement made me happy.

At the end nothing happened, but how can I make sense of this and deal with this? I recognize this is dumb and can be dangerous. For both my relationship with the girl I'm seeing now and potential future relationship. I recognize this is very much my Red side showing. I don't hold the thoughts I just explained as "true" or morally good, not at all. I feel like I have an underlying issue of wanting attention from women. Perhaps self-esteem issues. 

Thanks for the responses in advance.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0Yw6wNNx7E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzeXRDUk1ds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vivGQWrXdqA

[Evelyna]

The way you focus your attention determines what comes into your awareness.

 I may be wrong but I think that catching woman’s attention feels good to you so you want more of it, it makes you feel confident, when your focus is on that feeling pretty woman who make you feel good will come to your awareness. , I’m guessing you are young ? Have you actually ever been in love with a woman who loved you back in the same way? I’m asking this because I remember being young and before I’ve met my husband I encountered many situations like the one you are describing, it also felt good to me. We have been together with my husband for the last 22 years, we love each other and are still in love with each other, I know that when you meet this kind of love , your missing piece of a puzzle , all the other man/woman become just not important and almost non existing, because our attention is on each other. I don’t know much about today’s interactions between young people but what I do know is that being in love gets rid of the need to be admired by many, you will only seek admiration from the one you are in love with and vice versa, in a romantic sense. Of course I can only speak for myself so this is from my own experiance.

Edited July 7 by Evelyna

[integral]

Something you think is very valuable is teasing you.

When you no longer value it you will no longer be controlled by it.

[universe]

On 06/07/2024 at 4:56 PM, Ampresus said:

You guys see my problem?

No.

Maybe because it's late or because of differences in culture.

Playing with the polarity of feminine and masculine is fun and natural.

[Ampresus]

On 07/07/2024 at 5:24 PM, Evelyna said:

The way you focus your attention determines what comes into your awareness.

 I may be wrong but I think that catching woman’s attention feels good to you so you want more of it, it makes you feel confident, when your focus is on that feeling pretty woman who make you feel good will come to your awareness. , I’m guessing you are young ?

@Evelyna Yes this is true and yes I'm young. I have experienced love before. My relationship prior to the girl I am currently seeing was like a year and three months. The reason that ended was because I committed infidelity. These same urges got to me before during a solid relationship. Now granted, I started losing feelings for my ex anyway, but that was no excuse to do what I did. Hence why I am posting this topic. 

[Ampresus]

4 hours ago, universe said:

Playing with the polarity of feminine and masculine is fun and natural.

@universe It definitely is and if I were single or not seeing somebody already I would have never posted this topic. But since I am seeing somebody, and as stated committed infidelity before in a relationship, I feel like it is a problem for me. 

[Ampresus]

On 08/07/2024 at 4:50 AM, integral said:

When you no longer value it you will no longer be controlled by it.

@integral How does one stop valuing one thing and start valuing another? How does one live for higher values than these? It's an idea my therapist already told me about but I have yet to grasp. Because deep in my heart I am just lusting over some girls and not at all thinking about higher values. Is it really just waking up one day and deciding girls are no longer a priority but Truth is? Or justice, peace, joy?