How do I correct impulsive oversharing? (please if someone knows)

[UpperMaster]

Hey everyone,

I need some advice on a personal challenge I've been facing. I have a tendency to impulsively overshare, often revealing things about myself (and sometimes others) that shouldn't be shared. This habit has landed me in trouble multiple times. Each time, I think the pain of the consequences would prevent me from making the same mistake again, but unfortunately, that's not the case.

Recently, I found myself in a situation where, under the slightest pressure, I overshared again. It only hit me afterward how bad my decision was, and I'm at a loss on how to handle this issue effectively. Despite being aware of the problem and deciding not to overshare, I end up doing it anyway.

This impulsive behavior not only affects me but also endangers others involved. I thought I had fixed it, but clearly, I haven't. I'm looking for any advice or strategies that could help me tackle this problem from different angles because mere awareness doesn't seem to be enough.

I have a feeling that I trust people too easily. I think maybe that is the root cause. or that also I realise that I like the attention that this specific incident that I overshare about gets me. 

Has anyone else faced a similar issue? How did you manage to overcome it? Any tips or techniques to curb this impulsive behavior would be greatly appreciated.

[Rafael Thundercat]

Make distinctions of Who you share stuff and why:

Who? is the person an Aquaintance? Intimate Partner? Trustfull listener? a Stranger? Is the sharing in a context? Is coming from what intention? 

There is A time to say stuff, a location, and a who. If you share perls to swine they will not even enjoy it 

[Yimpa]

Can you give specific examples of what you are over sharing? And to who? 

For example, is it about a traumatic event or your financial situation?

[UpperMaster]

26 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Can you give specific examples of what you are over sharing? And to who? 

For example, is it about a traumatic event or your financial situation?

 I rather not go into specifics, it's not a traumatic event. It's a social taboo. 

[Yimpa]

2 minutes ago, UpperMaster said:

 I rather not go into specifics, it's not a traumatic event. It's a social taboo. 

I am also into social taboos, but I surround myself with others who are into it as well.

Not everyone will understand, and that’s perfectly fine. The problem, perhaps, is you’re sharing passionately with those who have no idea or care about what you’re sharing. Then you feel shame and assume that something is wrong with you… when all along you’re just sharing with the wrong crowd.

[Princess Arabia]

3 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Can you give specific examples of what you are over sharing? And to who? 

For example, is it about a traumatic event or your financial situation?

Now you're asking him to overshare. 

Edited July 4 by Princess Arabia

[Yimpa]

What do you share that brings you joy? 

[UpperMaster]

I've been thinking about it a lot. There's defenitly several underlying issues here. 

I think also a huge problem for me now is trusting myself. 

 

The problem I face basically is parrelel to someone saying " I cheated on my partner several times, I made the commitment not to do it again but did it anyway" and now obviously I stop having the capability of trusting my self. 

 

Cheating was not the situation at hand here, but now I do somewhat understand people who have a problem cheating in the sense that for some reason it's very hard for them not to fold under pressure. 

There has to be an underlying reason, some root issue that can be fixed. I'm doing all I can to fix this. I can't let this happen. I have to get this under control. 

 

Maybe I have to fix the root cause of thrill seeking and giving into temptation.

 

Edited July 5 by UpperMaster

[UpperMaster]

14 hours ago, Yimpa said:

What do you share that brings you joy? 

I think it's the fact that there is a shock factor in the story. It's spicy asf. 

[UpperMaster]

14 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Now you're asking him to overshare. 

I really want to give people context but I can't repeat the mistake again ahahaha

[Lila9]

It happens to me sometimes. It's not a severe case as I am a private person in general, but sometimes I get impulsive and share too much personal stuff with people I barely know or don't trust enough, and I regret it...

I have found that the core issue in my unconscious, which lay under my persona and I didn't acknowledge, is that I want to be seen and that I don't feel really seen.

When I acknowledged this need of mine, I asked myself how I could meet it safely.

What I have found for myself is to keep a private journal, which is all about my feelings, experiences, and thoughts, and write everything as if I am telling it to someone, but then I am reading it and validating myself. Art also helped me a lot. I have a sketchbook in which I express myself through both illustrations that I draw, text, and poetry, and it is so helpful and healing. I can't express in words what it does to me, I go to a flow state, this is mystical.

Sometimes I find one person who is willing to listen to me and is mature enough to be soft and understanding, though this is my last option because I don't like to be a burden on others (might be related to my childhood, my negative emotions like sadness and anger weren't accepted and scared my parents).

As a conclusion, I think it would be good for you to identify the underlying issue and the need you are trying to meet by doing that and seek better ways to meet it.

Edited July 5 by Lila9

[UpperMaster]

2 hours ago, Lila9 said:

What I have found for myself is to keep a private journal, which is all about my feelings, experiences, and thoughts, and write everything as if I am telling it to someone, but then I am reading it and validating myself. Art also helped me a lot. I have a sketchbook in which I express myself through both illustrations that I draw, text, and poetry, and it is so helpful and healing. I can't express in words what it does to me, I go to a flow state, this is mystical.

 

I am trying journaling aswell, as of now I am doing Jordan Peterson's self authoring program. I think I'll be able to find and understand the problem in greater depth once I analyse my past and myself.

I will try to find a solution to the problem for sure. 

 

[UpperMaster]

2 hours ago, Lila9 said:

I get impulsive and share too much personal stuff with people I barely know or don't trust enough, and I regret it...

 

This sums up my problem. As I am thinking more about it, I think it's defenitly possible that people pleasing is also a possible root cause. I fold under pressure because maybe I feel as though me telling them a truth about a situation makes them like me more. I think this issue might be so deep that I am willing to endanger other peoples privacy to satisfy this need.

I am hypothesising here but it's possible. 

[mmKay]

@UpperMaster

The bottom line is that when you find yourself in certain situations,  you suddenly feel certain negative emotions ( or a lack of positive emotions ), and to get rid of them,  you feel the urge to take certain actions, in your case speaking and oversharing .

This is  seemingly against your own benefit, at least logically, but in actuallity oversharing is benefitial from your emotional POV, because it provides relief from those certain emotions that you are trying to get rid of when the get triggered , probably guilt, regret, and a cocktail of other emotions.

 

Practice observing the sequence: trigger ( interacting with people )  → emotion ( guilt , regret )  → urge to overshare ( for relief ) → action. ( oversharing )
This is just an example, since you haven't provided much detail this is as accurate as I can get. See how it applies to your case

Have you ever had other OCD tendencies or is this the first time you experience something like this ?

Let me know if this resonates with you. Feel free to send me a PM to get more detailed ( up to you )

Edited July 5 by mmKay

[UpperMaster]

4 hours ago, mmKay said:

Practice observing the sequence: trigger ( interacting with people )  → emotion ( guilt , regret )  → urge to overshare ( for relief ) → action. ( oversharing )

This is so true. I reflected on your message. I think the emotion I feel is also more that the person won't like me from telling them the truth + guilt and regret.

I've taken a personality test and have scored 95th percentile in Neuroticism, so yea I do have OCD tendencies. I'm not industrious at all though so not a perfectionist. 

I am interested in learning more and will PM you. 

[Kalki Avatar]

I have this same problem and have no idea how to fix it. I don’t even notice when I’m doing it and have very little control of it anyways because it’s just so automatic. It has gotten me into looots of trouble as well. I’m just as you.