What do you think about monk mode to pursue your life purpose?

[aymane]

I'm (24M) currently single, sometimes i feel like pursuing a relationship, meaning putting in the effort to find a woman who'd vibe with me.

But at the same time I feel like that would be much work from my part and I'd spend a lot of energy and time on it, while I really want to focus on my life purpose now.

What do you think? Do you have an experience with stopping relationships just to focus on your career goals? do you think it's a good idea?

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, aymane said:

I'm (24M) currently single, sometimes i feel like pursuing a relationship, meaning putting in the effort to find a woman who'd vibe with me.

But at the same time I feel like that would be much work from my part and I'd spend a lot of energy and time on it, while I really want to focus on my life purpose now.

What do you think? Do you have an experience with stopping relationships just to focus on your career goals? do you think it's a good idea?

My experience has been that having a relationship is helpful because it provides connection needs, which gives me energy and meaning and support. And I find that my productivity suffers if I feel like I'm disconnected.

Mind you, my experiences have been with relationship partners that I've co-habitated with. So, it's not like I have to go out of my way to see them. It's more like the relationship partner just becomes the soil. 

[aymane]

5 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Mind you, my experiences have been with relationship partners that I've co-habitated with. So, it's not like I have to go out of my way to see them. It's more like the relationship partner just becomes the soil. 

Thanks for mentioning this. 

In my country that's not possible. So I always need to put effort to meet my partner if i get one. Also I feel like the process of trying to find a woman is already exhausting and time consuming. Let alone the energy needed at the beginning of the relationship to build a stronger connection. I'm not saying it's not worth it or it's not supposed to be this way, I just think that maybe sacrificing this side of life for some years in order to focus on my life purpose may be worth it. 

I hope more people give their insights on this.

[Michael569]

Life purpose work can take you a whole decade, even more. I'm not sure I would completely abandon all social interactions and fall into something like a monk mode as you may turn into a hermit where the competence and productivity will become a curse rather than a blessing and you'll find yourself unable to relate to people anymore. 

You can combine it all perfectly well, just schedule work in your calendar so that tasks are separated and include both socialisation and LP work (as well as other things, I assume you still need to work for some basic income somewhere?) 

Most people can't dedicate all their time into a single venue but if you can and desire to, maybe you should. Just be mindful of potential fallout from that and how it may impact other neglected parts of your development., 

[CARDOZZO]

Monk mode is a trap.

Study deep work.

Do meaningful extreme focused work for 6 hours a day x 5 years.

That's enough.

Consistency is more important than sprints.

 

[Human Mint]

Deep study mode is far better

[Applegarden8]

Up to you, it's just pros and cons at the end of the day. I assume You can embrace and master either, but it requires different approaches and skills. 

[aymane]

7 hours ago, Applegarden8 said:

Up to you, it's just pros and cons at the end of the day. I assume You can embrace and master either, but it requires different approaches and skills. 

 

You're right. After analyzing the pros and cons I just concluded I must go for it for at least 2 or 3 years just focus on my career and building my skills. Then maybe start pursuing a relationship.

 

Just a note to other commentators, what im trying to really abstain from is the act of "pursuing" a relationship, as in approaching women, going to dates, etc. If something came by coincidence I wouldn't prevent it from happening. But the act of pursuing consumes a lot of precious energy that could be used somewhere else, I already don't have much time working a full time job, it's not doable to combine both at the moment.

 

Edited July 3 by aymane

[PsychedelicEagle]

On 7/2/2024 at 10:33 PM, CARDOZZO said:

Do meaningful extreme focused work for 6 hours a day x 5 years.

Wise.

On 7/1/2024 at 9:44 PM, aymane said:

meaning putting in the effort to find a woman who'd vibe with me.

Why not consistently taking small steps towards improving your social skills? IMO that's better than focusing directly on the outcome (woman) since you can more directly control your social skills. Then you can allocate a minimum amount of time every day or week that would't compromise your major life purpose goals.

On 7/4/2024 at 0:53 AM, aymane said:

I already don't have much time working a full time job, it's not doable to combine both at the moment.

Indeed. Sometimes you have to compromise one area for the others, and that's okay too. As long as it doesn't lead to major breakdowns/burnouts.

[Realms of Wonder]

I met my current girlfriend while exploring my life purpose.

I wasn't looking for it, I had basically decided I was done trying to date, and was just going to focus on my work, and we met, stayed friends long distance for a year, then she came to visit after a year of us deepening our connection, and I asked her to be my girlfriend, that was 1.8 years ago.

Its incredible having someone that supports and believe in me. in my vision, in my art, in my life purpose.