little vent

[Math]

Hello,

I want to know why is it important to know about infinity?
Isn't it more important to focus on the good? rather than the raw, neutral state of reality?

If I could un-know this I'd love to because I kinda ruined my life by now and, yes a lot of leos techings helped me a lot so Thank You Leo, but should't you be careful to go from simple Personal development stuff to hardcore truth stuff?

I mean, I always showed lots of emphathy, am very art-oriented so I believe what I needed was confidence and self-belief to do good in this world!

Why dig so deep? I'm literally paralized, it's been years now. I can't get my emotions right I'm in continuous depression and anxiety, I ruined my relationship, I'm causing trouble cause my family is worried about me but i don't want to tell them about infinity!! I will hold this fucking stone on my chest till i die but won't tell them this! It's too much leo for the common person who has trouble in life! And you created a channel for an Audience that is most cases desperate and has big trouble in life likely. 
I can't dig into spirituality now, i need money! Or "okay, my life isn't about survival" so should i let myself die for love? Seriously, I need years in business, my life is a disaster, I don't know if i will ever be able to dig so deep in consciousness like you. Maybe you had more time on your hand or you could get money before me and then dig into spiritality as well.

 

I just find my self so miserable cause I can't accept all the suffering of existence and it's me! I feel shit. God right now, If I'm god, am subconsciously very ashamed of myself. I find reality embarassing. I'd like to die but. That's useless cause my next life will probably be another shit life you know. So I will just enjoy my suffering right now. I just don't feel anything anymore except I cry when I think about my mom, about my ex girlfriend i loved much but i left her cause i couldn't find peace at the moment. I just went away from my sisters birthday cause there was too many people and my mental state is too fragile. How should I feel. How do I make my family feel? I miss my old dog... I just want to make music I'm starting a beat channel I just made 50k views all alone on a video still I ain't proud... I want to share love cause it's honestly embarassing what reality looks like. And it breaks my heart to know what I've endured and what I will have to endure. I feel so bad for how many times me and my loved ones have been going though hell. I was in war. Mankind always been in war and still is. I just have a hard time to be happy with that. Sorry.

I'm afraid to discourage people with my mindset. If Leo reads this I don't want to guilt you for this cause in the end reality would still be this. I just would like to un -know infinity sometimes and focus on my little beautiful life that isn't beautiful anymore. I feel like I only want to help other from now on. I have almost to interest in my own happiness I gave up on that. But it's hard to help others when you hate yourself deeply like me.
But leo I want to thank you because you helped me a lot with your teaching on many aspects of my life

[Math]

Actually yes I tried to kill myself. I cut my arm. that was stupid. It's not my intention to do that again exept if i go crazy. sometimes I punch around. Sometimes I want to do something bad to my dad or my ex boss or many other people that tried to stop me in my music career. I'm very angry and have many criminal thoughts lately because I can't fight and so when people disrespect me they make me want to use violence. I'm cultivating violence inside of me.  
All of this makes me feel shit for my loved ones. They have to deal with me and they love me. I don't, I actually hate myself like my dad teached me. And I see when I'm happy people don't respect me so i gotta stay angry in this world. Music is not even close to being a respectful job in 2024. I know I'm years ahead. Art is an advanced consciousness activity and I always had the intuition that was the way to go. I will try my best to make a career out of this but even more important is to make that happen for more and more people. Please less war and more music wtf